How to Overcome Serious Regret

Everyone has had regrets and regrets in life. Regret is an emotion and thinking tendency in which people indulge or frequently revisit or reflect on an event, reaction, or other action they should have taken. Regrets can become a painful burden that interferes with present happiness, causes grief, and controls your future. ^{[1] X Research Resources} Unhelpful regret can also hold you back. If you’re trying to work through this, it’s a good idea to identify your feelings of regret, learn how to forgive yourself, and move on.

Table of Contents

Understand regret

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Find out what regret is. Regret is a serious way of thinking or feeling in which you blame yourself for what happened. Useful regrets can help you learn how to change behavior in the future. Unhelpful regret, when you blame yourself entirely, can cause chronic stress and a host of health problems.

Regrets can be about things you did or didn’t do. For example, you may regret acting a certain way during an argument, or you may regret not accepting a certain career opportunity.

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Identify your own feelings of regret. This emotion is different for everyone, but it usually includes: sadness, loss, regret, anger, shame, and anxiety. ^{[2] X Research Source} Identify the emotion associated with regret. For example, you may remember an action in the past and not stop thinking about it all day. This can leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. You may agonize over your actions or words, or about what you wish you had done differently to change the current situation.

Constant thinking and regret can lead to anxiety. This will make you worry about future decisions that you may regret later.

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Consider the source of regret. Think about why you feel regret. There are many reasons why people feel regret. Typical reasons for regret include: ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Lifestyle: Many people regret moving to another country or wish they hadn’t turned down that home. For example, you left Vietnam to go to America because you want a better life. But after only a few months, you find that it’s hard for you to find a job, that you have no street experience, and that you feel homesick every day. And you wish you hadn’t decided like this.
Work: People can feel regret for not following a different career path and pursuing the job they dreamed of. Or they may feel regret for turning down a job offer or promotion. For example, you are tired of going to work every day and often wish you hadn’t turned down the opportunity to be a co-owner in your own company.
Family: People may feel regret for not having resolved an estrangement with a loved one or friend, especially if that person has passed away. Or they may feel regret for not spending more time with an older family member. For example, you have to go abroad because of your husband/wife’s job. You will never be able to maintain contact with your grandmother through phone calls or visits. Now your grandmother has passed away, and you regret not making more of an effort to keep in touch with her.
Children: People can regret having children. For example, you have a baby because you want to fulfill your spouse’s dream. A year later, you are not happy with your parenthood and your relationship with your spouse is in trouble. That’s why you wish you had become the dog owner you always wanted to be. However, you should keep in mind that many parents also experience depression after childbirth. Seek professional help if you think you are having this problem.
Marriage: People may feel regret in choosing a marriage date or a life partner. Many people even regret getting married. For example, you marry your spouse because your family loves and approves of that person. After five years, you realize that you and your partner are not compatible. You often wonder what your life would be like if you married a longtime lover that your family doesn’t like.

Using cognitive-behavioral therapy to overcome regret

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Use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT will teach you how to change your habits and mindset. You can quickly begin to shift feelings of regret, shame, and anger. Instead, you’ll focus on healing any harmful, unhelpful thoughts that pop into your head.

CBT helps reduce and replace feelings of regret and anxiety instead of simply telling yourself to stop thinking about the past. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

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Write about your regrets. When it comes to regrets, people often wonder “why” they did or didn’t act the way they did, and they often get stuck in the process. ^{[5] X Research Resources} Make a list of your regrets and any other questions you keep asking yourself. For example, you might wonder why you did what you did. ^{[6] X Research Source} Reread the list and change the question “why” to “what happens next?”. This method will help you get over the feeling of being stuck.

Example: Instead of nagging “Why was I so upset with my kids last week?”, you can ask the question “What happens next?” to which you can answer. that after work, you don’t have much patience left. In the future, it may be a good idea to take a 5-minute break before interacting with your children.

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Lessons learned. Regret can be an important learning tool for the future. You should seek to learn the lessons in life and try to realize that they will make you wiser. For example, if you regret not respecting your spouse, you can learn that disrespecting your spouse will make you feel bad. This will make you a more experienced spouse and human being. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Apply lessons. What makes you feel regret may also be something you have learned about yourself and about others. This understanding will help you reduce the risk of doing the same thing again in the future. You should remember to apply the experience that you have learned.

For example, if you’ve learned that disrespecting your spouse makes your partner feel like they’re untrustworthy, you shouldn’t do this again in the future.

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Control the effect of regrets on your future. While you can’t change what happened in the past, you can still choose how the past affects your present and future.

For example, you can’t change how much and how often you drank in college, but you can choose not to allow this regret to make you feel guilty now or influence your choices in the future.

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Realize useless regret. Torturing yourself over things beyond your control can be seen as useless regret. But it can be turned into a positive factor if you take steps to improve yourself or act on the opportunities you have. Once you know that you’ve missed an opportunity, be it educational, financial, or emotional, you’ll easily be able to correct the mistake in the future. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If you find yourself conflicted about taking advantage of a new opportunity, you can ask yourself if you want to worry about the opportunity you’ve lost or try to take advantage of the new one. By doing something new, you are minimizing future regrets.

Overcome Regrets

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Build empathy with others. You are not the only one who feels regret about something. Consider problems that other people may also have. This action will force you to challenge your own preconceptions and truly listen to others. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

For example, if you regret that you over-drinking during your college years, you may have insight into your son’s feelings after he had a bad night.

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Turn regret into gratitude. You might reflect on your regrets with sentences like ^{[10] X Research Source} : “I should have…” “I could have…” “I don’t believe I…” “Why Why don’t I…”. Change them into expressions of gratitude. You will think differently about the past and begin to let go of the attitude of regret. When you use a statement expressing regret, you should replace it with a statement expressing gratitude. This practice can help you start thinking about the past in a more positive way.

For example, change the thought “I should have gone to college” to “I’m grateful because it wouldn’t be too late if I went to college now”. Or you can change the statement “I should have worked harder to stop drinking” to “I’m so grateful that I can now try to do better”.

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Practice self-forgiveness. Regret can make you resentful of yourself and others. ^{[11] X Research Resources} Instead, you should learn to forgive yourself. This method not only helps to reduce feelings of regret, but also improves self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is important to many areas of life, including relationships.

Don’t simply eliminate regret. Instead, you should admit your mistakes and feelings and allow yourself to move on. ^{[12] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}

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Write a letter to yourself. The method of writing to yourself will help you learn to forgive yourself. ^{[13] X Research Resources} This cognitive and emotional tool will begin to heal your feelings of regret. Write to yourself when you were younger or in the past in the same way you would if you were conversing with your children or close friends.

Remind your younger self that you deserve the best in life even if you’ve made mistakes, because you’re human and it’s completely normal to make mistakes.

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Affirm yourself every day. Affirmation means using positive statements that are encouraging, uplifting, and self-compassionate. ^{[14] X Source of Compassion Research} will make it easier to empathize with yourself and forgive people in your past. You can talk to yourself, write, or think about the affirmation. Some examples of affirmative statements include:

I’m a good person and I deserve the best regardless of my past.
I’m human and no human makes mistakes, this is normal.
I have learned a lot from my past, and I deserve a bright future.

Advice

You can’t change what happened in the past, but you can choose how it affects your present and future.
Remember that sometimes you are hard on yourself.
Visualize yourself taking action and doing new things as you move forward and leave regrets behind.
Seek out a support group or counselor to discover methods you can take to reduce regret.
Help others by volunteering or donating to charity so you can get out of your life for a short period of time.
Write about your feelings towards the person you hate, then crumple the piece of paper and hurl it.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes, you are not alone.

Warning

If, at some point, your regrets turn into a state of severe depression, causing you to withdraw, self-harm, or think about suicide, you should contact your doctor or psychologist. school, counselor, psychiatrist, youth hotline, mental health line or anyone you completely trust. You are not alone.
If you are feeling guilty about allowing someone else to sexually abuse or assault you, you should remember that it is not your fault. But you should remember to report the incident to the police (and tell your parents if you are young) so they can prevent the person from continuing to hurt you or other victims.

Steps

Understand regret

Using cognitive-behavioral therapy to overcome regret

Overcome Regrets

Advice

Warning

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