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Breaking up is never easy, but sometimes life has a way of throwing us curveballs and bringing us face-to-face with our past. Whether it’s due to shared responsibilities, working in the same office, or simply an attempt to maintain a cordial relationship, working with an ex-partner can be a challenging and emotionally charged experience. The dynamics of this situation are undoubtedly complex, as the mix of lingering emotions, shared history, and professional obligations can create a whirlwind of uncertainty and discomfort. However, in order to navigate this delicate situation successfully, it is crucial to develop strategies and adopt a mindset that allows for effective communication, professional behavior, and personal growth. In this guide, we will explore various techniques and tips on how to work with an ex, providing you with valuable insights to ensure a more amicable and productive working relationship, while also preserving your emotional well-being.
This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,289 times.
Working with an ex can be a difficult and messy situation. Breaking up is not easy even if you won’t see your partner often at work. However, you can deal with this situation and build a normal relationship with your ex. With candor and clear focus, you can even turn potential stress into motivation to better take care of yourself and serve your work-related goal.
Steps
Get over (and sustain) the breakup
- Is this job easy to replace or just temporary? Several factors may indicate that working with an ex does more harm than good, leaving you feeling pain and chaos that isn’t worth the sacrifices you make for the job.
- The less you resist the fact that your ex is still present in your life, the better. Working together means you need to accept the person’s presence as well as the inevitable feeling you have to see them often. You should allow these feelings to fade naturally rather than forcing yourself to stop thinking about them. Trying to get rid of these thoughts will build up negative, moody aggression, and your feelings will come back heavier than ever at a time when you didn’t expect it.
- Just because you allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings about your ex does NOT mean you need to share them at work. You can keep a diary, and if you want to discuss your problem, you should talk to a friend or relative who doesn’t work with you.
- Continuing to allow your ex to take a place in your life will make you more attached to that person than is necessary in building a successful working relationship. This will make you feel as if you depend on the person’s presence, in the company or elsewhere. The trick is that you need to be able to deal with your ex, but still remember that they don’t serve you the same purpose as when you were in a relationship. Therefore, you should entrust this role (person to whom I can vent, friend who can help me with a technical problem my ex once solved) that will help you stay strong and healthy. support in times of stress or excitement.
- Constantly remind yourself that things have changed between the two of you by focusing on what’s going on in your current interaction. Is the person giving a presentation in a meeting? Acknowledge that your attention is shifting from work to your ex’s beautiful eyes and old memories. Then, return to the task at hand without judging yourself for thinking aimlessly. You may want to work closely with a dedicated co-worker who will help you get back to being “highly focused” on the task at work.
Communicate effectively with your ex
- Communicate with colleagues.
- Join (or try to stay away from) working closely together to work on a certain project.
- Do not bring unhappy feelings to the workplace.
- Openly resolve issues outside of business hours, if any.
- However, the situation at work will require you to maintain flexibility when meeting your ex unexpectedly in the hallway. Some factors are completely within your control, like the boundaries between the two of you in your interactions at work, but you can’t control others. You won’t be able to control how often you see that person.
- For example, a coworker invites you out for a drink after work and you know that your ex was invited as well. Instead of taking this opportunity to let people know that you don’t want to be around the person for another second, you should kindly tell them that you want to go out because you need some space. Remind yourself that your social dislike won’t last forever.
- For example, you are discussing a work-related matter with your partner. You may find out that you don’t look them in the eye or that you start to move your arm. Both of these actions send signals that you are uncomfortable with the situation. At this point, you can “pretend” and adjust your body language to the comfort of yourself and the other person.
- If you’re aware that your body language frequently sends signals of anxiety or discomfort, you should spend more time re-examining your feelings. [8] X Research Sources Editing body language during interactions is a great way to get around it, but in the end it can lead you to a deeper problem that can be solved overtime work.
- Before communicating with each other, you should think carefully about whether this is a problem that you cannot solve on your own. The basic rule is to only discuss the issue when you want to present the request clearly and logically. [10] X Rosenberg Research Source , Marshall B. Nonviolent Communication: The Language of Empathy. Encinitas, CA: PuddleDancer Publishing, 1999. If you want to ask your ex to respect your personal space and not walk into your office without warning, it means your need to keep your distance. you are not responding and you have the right to speak about it. If you can’t make a reasonable offer (which isn’t asking the person to “stop being such a jerk”), chances are you’re just trying to vent your bad feelings.
- If you decide to discuss an issue with your partner, be sure to be professional, intentional, and realistic about your role in the matter.
- You probably won’t like this, but identifying the root of the problem will let your ex know that there are plenty of ways to let them vent their resentments than treating you badly. Since the person who needs this is the person and not you, you should be willing to acknowledge elements that you don’t normally do. The goal here is to end the vandalism at work, not to express how deeply you feel.
- Discussing money issues at the company can be quite awkward. So, if the person starts talking to you (or is about to discuss) about a raise or bonus, don’t get involved by keeping quiet or acting like you’re not interested. this topic. You should avoid providing your partner with satisfaction in an attempt to “get over” you.
Maintain professionalism
- To assess whether your immediate actions are triggering excessive negativity between you and your ex, you should think about how you feel when you put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Wouldn’t you want to see your ex leave the company with a coworker they fell in love with? You should avoid doing the same thing given the sensitivity of the situation and longing for everything to go smoothly.
- What about riding the same elevator with your ex? Not every friendly conversation starts with your beautiful life outside of work. You should discuss work-related difficulties or joke about co-workers that you can both share.
- For example, your ex is making coffee for everyone and bringing you coffee in exactly the way you like it. Just smile politely, thank them, and let them know you’re not looking for special treatment. While this is a kind gesture, you should avoid repeating the same old ways when you were together.
- This doesn’t mean you need to keep your past secret, just that you should avoid making it an “open” topic. If you feel you need to talk about the fact that you once had a lover, be sure to make it clear that the relationship is over and that you don’t want to discuss the details. Let people know you want to be left alone and that this is not a topic of conversation.
- It’s best to stay away from sensitive topics. Because it can be difficult to know what triggers the various emotions surrounding a breakup, it’s a good idea to distance yourself from the sensitive subject. At least in the beginning, you should avoid discussing relationships, breakups, or experiences you both have had.
Advice
- Please be patient. It takes longer than you think to change your feelings about someone you care about. You should pay attention to how your feelings change, and listen to people’s opinions on how to manage yourself at work.
This article was co-written by Julia Yacoob, PhD. Julia Yacoob is a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City. She specializes in providing cognitive behavioral therapy to adults experiencing stress in their lives. Yacoob holds a master’s and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rutgers University, has studied intensively at Weill Cornell Medical College, and trained at New York Church Hospital, Memorial Sloan Cancer Center- Kettering, Institute of Behavioral Therapy and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Women’s Mental Health League, the NYC Cognitive Behavior Therapy Association, and the Cognitive and Behavioral Therapy Association.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,289 times.
Working with an ex can be a difficult and messy situation. Breaking up is not easy even if you won’t see your partner often at work. However, you can deal with this situation and build a normal relationship with your ex. With candor and clear focus, you can even turn potential stress into motivation to better take care of yourself and serve your work-related goal.
In conclusion, working with an ex can be a challenging feat, but it is not impossible. By following a few key strategies, individuals can navigate this delicate situation and maintain professionalism and productivity in the workplace. It is important to set clear boundaries, communicate effectively, and prioritize the well-being of both parties involved. Additionally, seeking support from colleagues, friends, or even professional counseling may be beneficial in managing any lingering emotions or difficulties. Ultimately, the success of working with an ex depends on mutual respect, maturity, and a commitment to maintaining a positive and professional work environment.
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