15 sincere messages to your boyfriend after a fight

You’ve just had an argument with your boyfriend, and instead of sitting around thinking about who’s to blame, you’ve made the wise decision to focus on making things right with him. You want to send him a text to open up, but what should you write? We have listed a series of messages tailored to real-life situations after a fight to help you. Plus, at the bottom of the list, there are tips for choosing the right texting style and timing.

Table of Contents

Admit your fault in an argument

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A sincere apology can heal hurt in many situations. When apologizing via text, it’s a good idea to be direct and take your share of the blame (perhaps a bit more). Be specific about what you’re apologizing for, but try to avoid negative words like “arguing” if possible. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If you know it’s mostly your fault: “I’m so sorry I messed up when you told me you lost your key. You made a big deal out of it just because of a mistake I didn’t mean to.”
If you feel it’s mostly your boyfriend’s fault: “I’m sorry I behaved badly this afternoon. I should have been out for a few minutes so it didn’t get so bad.”
If the fight happened because you weren’t listening: “I’m really sorry for ignoring you when you were going to tell me something important. I knew I had to learn to listen better.”
If you expect your boyfriend to forgive you: “I’m sorry. I know I messed things up. I hope you can forgive me.”

Tell him how much he means to you

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Try this if you’re afraid that he thinks you don’t love him anymore. When the argument is so intense, you can say something like, “I don’t know how I can stand you anymore” or “I hate you now.” If that’s the case, admit you’re overreacting and make it clear that you still love him.

“You are everything to me. I’m so sorry I made a big fuss last night.”
“Yesterday was crazy, but I love you more than anything in the world. I hope we can get along again.”
“I’m sorry for saying things that hurt you. I love you.”

Let him know that you regret what happened

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Provide an explanation if you have behaved differently from your usual self. Conflict is inevitable in life, but hopefully it’s not your habit. In this case, let him know how sorry you are for letting such an unusual thing happen. While you shouldn’t make excuses, you can explain why this unfortunate thing happened. ^{[2] X Research Source}

If there’s something that’s keeping you cool that doesn’t involve him: “I’m sorry for taking all the frustrations out on you at work.”
If you grew up in a family where quarrels were common: “I hate arguing because when I was a kid I used to listen to my parents arguing, so I’m sorry I let such a small thing happen.”
If you’ve lost your temper while trying to “fix” the relationship: “I’m a bit overzealous because I’m worried about our relationship, but I shouldn’t have turned it into an argument.”
If you say something hurtful or insensitive: “I don’t know how to express how sorry I am right now after I said something stupid to you. I have never regretted what I said like now.”

Please give me a chance to speak

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Try this method when you have a mistake and don’t want to find an excuse. If you go straight to explaining your behavior, it sounds like you’re looking for an excuse. Instead, you should ask him for a chance to explain why things turned out the way they did. (If possible, offer to speak to him in person or by phone. ^{[3] X Research Source} )

“I feel sorry for what I did. I find myself unreasonable. I would love to have a chance to explain why I’m so upset. Can I call you?”
“I’m so sorry for being so angry as I was last night. I have some family problems that I should have told you about sooner. Can you come over to my house to explain what’s going on?”

Offer to do something cute for him

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Show remorse by doing things to make him feel better. Kindness isn’t a substitute for a sincere apology, but it’s also a concrete way to show you’re sorry. Don’t let guilt make you do things you really don’t want to, but you should make reasonable suggestions that you know he’ll be touched by.

“I really wanted to say sorry to you… at your favorite steakhouse. Can you come see me there? Can I reserve a table for 7 o’clock tonight?”
“I am very sorry. Sorry how? I’ll be washing all the dishes next week – and you know how much I hate doing dishes.”
Send a picture of his car being washed and your friend standing next to you holding a sign that says “I’m sorry!”

Make it clear that you plan to change

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To make your apology more convincing, you can come up with a plan to improve yourself. If the fault is mainly yours, a sincere apology is not enough. State specific, realistic, and possible ways you plan to do it so he knows you’ll learn from what’s happened, improve, and make sure you don’t make the same mistake again. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

“I’m so sorry for not holding back when I was upset with you. I promise you I’ll stay calm next time.”
“I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. It’s really not good to drink so much. I will definitely drink less alcohol.”
“I can’t believe I’m being so harsh on you. I’m sorry. I knew I had to be restrained so I signed up for an anger management class.”

Acknowledge his feelings.

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Send this text when you know he’s still mad. Maybe your natural reaction is to want to ease his feelings with something like, “I know you’re upset, but you’ll get over it” or “It’s nothing serious.” However, regardless of whether he’s regretful, upset, or still angry, don’t try to control his emotions. Instead, ask what you can do to help him process his feelings.

“I’m available to talk whenever you want, but it’s okay if you need some quiet time.”
“Is there anything I can do to help you now? Today we argued like that, I feel so sad.”
“I know you are still angry and you have a right to be. Can you tell me what I can do now?”

Tell insider jokes to ease tension

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Use this method only if you know that he’s feeling the same way after an argument over a trivial matter. There are big fights that break out over some silly thing, and maybe both are looking for an excuse to laugh it off. If you’re sure he’s feeling the same way, give him some reassurance by sending him a funny text.

“What happened just now was crazy! This must have been the most heated argument we’ve had since the end of the TV dating show (and I’m not done with the show yet!)”
“Oh my God. I feel like we’re in a life insurance commercial, like two old people arguing for half an hour over something they can’t even remember.”
“What did you see redder last night – your shirt or your face? You must think I’m going to explode like a balloon.”

Suggest to ignore the quarrel

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This tactic works if both are equally at fault. Let’s say you two have a heated argument because of something too silly. Instead of worrying about how such a trivial matter turned into a big deal, ask him if you can both work on ways to improve the relationship through better communication.

“I can’t believe we’re arguing over a pair of pants! Can we forget about it and learn to share more openly with each other?”
“Let’s pretend we never quarreled, okay? I don’t think it’s worth repeating.”
“We have never argued like that and never wanted something like this to happen again. Do you agree to go with me to couple psychotherapy?”

Let your boyfriend know that you are willing to listen if he wants to talk

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Use this instead of asking your boyfriend to apologize if he’s the one at fault. If you ask your boyfriend please. mistakes, even if it’s just a gentle reminder, you might just make him react negatively. Instead, you can start with a brief, reasonable apology on your part, then open the door for him to apologize.

“I’m sorry for getting mad at you. If you want to talk about what happened, I’m willing to listen.”
“This is very unfortunate. I apologize for my part in it. I’ve calmed down now and will listen any time you want to talk.”
“I am very sorry about what happened. Talk to me when you feel comfortable. I really want us to find a way through this.”

Propose a compromise

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Take the initiative to reach out first if the two sides are stuck in a disagreement. The art of compromise is very important in any good relationship. So, if the argument is caused by disagreement, suggest a fair resolution and give him a chance to respond.

“Let’s stop arguing about where to go on vacation. Or should I choose a different kind of outing- like a camping trip?”
“Instead of arguing about who moved into whose house, why don’t we choose a different place together?”
“I know you don’t want to go to the year-end prom, but I really do. Can we go there but only stay for about 2 hours?”

Ask him to meet and talk

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Although the two of you often communicate via text message, perhaps talking face-to-face is better. Texting is better than silence after an argument, but it’s not the ideal way to apologize, solve problems, or listen to each other. Usually face-to-face is best because you can read each other’s body language, but calling is better than texting. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

“Can I meet you at the coffee shop to talk? I’m so sorry for misbehaving.”
“We started arguing over text messages, so I really wanted to meet you to sort it out. Come see me after school.”
“Can I call you to talk in detail? Texting doesn’t seem very convenient.”

Wait until you calm down before sending a message

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The situation can get worse if you send a thoughtless message. If the argument just ended, or if you’re still angry a few hours later, don’t text. Think twice before hitting the “send” button—otherwise, you could say something hurtful and rekindle the argument instead of snuffing it out.

If you’re still angry, try calming techniques like doing deep breathing exercises, going for a walk, visualizing a peaceful scene, or listening to soothing music.

Send a brief first message

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Focus on meeting face to face to deal with the problem instead of over a long text message. What you’re really aiming for is the conversation starter, so you should get straight to the point. If you send a long text message, your boyfriend may get tired and not want to talk to you.

In fact, there is no standard message length that you should follow. You just need to read the message carefully before pressing the “send” button to make sure to get straight to the point without rambling.
You can drop a few emojis like 😢, 🙏, or 😘, but don’t rely on those or cut out words to make the message shorter.

Try another method if he doesn’t respond

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Don’t send multiple messages in a row expecting a reply. If your boyfriend doesn’t reply to your texts, it’s most likely not because he hasn’t received your text yet, but maybe he’s still angry. You can wait a few hours to a day and resend the message or switch to another option like this:

Call.
Message him on social media.
Send an email; where you can go into more detail (but still shouldn’t be too verbose.)
Get a mutual friend to contact him.
Use the old-fashioned method of writing a message or a letter.

Advice

When talking after an argument, remember to actively listen to what he has to say. In addition, both parties should take turns expressing their feelings so that both feel heard.

Steps