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This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,525 times.
When you’re so enamored and dependent on someone, you feel like you always have to stick to or ‘hold on’ to that person, regardless of the immediate consequences. This can happen in both love and friendship. In these relationships, you may feel as if you’ve given your partner everything but received little in return. If you’re looking for a way out of this unhealthy attachment, you can start by analyzing the relationship, then take a few steps to break your infatuation.
Steps
Recognizing an Overly Infatuated Relationship
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Make a list. In one column, write down the positive things you got from the relationship, and in the other, write the negative things about the relationship. Dig deep into every aspect of your life to see if those connections are beneficial socially, mentally, emotionally, or professionally. [1] X Sources of Research Here are some aspects of a healthy relationship for you to consider: [2] X Sources of Research
- Communicate openly and honestly. Both sides: can express feelings and opinions without fear of being harmed or looked down upon; use polite and caring language to express feelings and do not disparage or blame the other person; make no excuses for their actions; know how to recognize the feelings of others.
- Fairness and agreement. Both sides are willing to compromise and compromise to find good solutions. No one gives up or gives up. Both try to see the problem from the other’s point of view. No one is trying to “compete to win” with the other.
- Share responsibility and power. No one has to make every decision. If only one person regularly makes decisions, it’s because both are comfortable with it.
- Respect. Both sides feel their values are respected; show respect for the other. Even when angry or hurt, they remain respectful and do not use violent, hurtful words or actions.
- Trust and support. The two always support each other. They always want the best for each other. Both feel they can rely on each other. They feel safe sharing their feelings, desires, and needs without fear of judgment.
- Friendly. Maybe this is physical intimacy. It is also possible that this is a respect for each other’s limits or privacy. In truly close relationships, two people do not seek to control or manipulate each other’s behavior.
- To be myself. Both people feel their own individuality in the relationship. They are all independent and can maintain their own values, feelings, and beliefs. Both are responsible for their words and actions.
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Review past relationships. Many people become overly attached to others after experiencing unbalanced family relationships. Their family members may be unreliable or fail to meet basic needs such as food, shelter, or emotional support. [3] X Research Sources
- If the person you are passionately and dependent on reminds you of a loved one or a past relationship, you may be seeking compensation for a failed relationship through this relationship. You need to separate your feelings from the two different relationships and move on.
- A typical sign of a person with codependency is being very attracted to unstable people. [4] X Research Sources You may always make friends or start relationships with cold people. Let’s review previous relationships to verify.
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Relationship notes. Write regularly about how you feel about your relationship and what behaviors, hopes and dreams are hidden within you. Daily relationship notes can help you avoid highlighting bad moments and pretending that everything is fine. [5] X Research Sources
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Record how you communicate and interact. In overly passionate relationships, two people are often unable to discuss issues that could cause a rift and often don’t tell the truth when it comes to certain topics. If you find that you and your partner rarely have truly intimate conversations about secret fears or dreams, you may be suffering from this type of relationship. [6] X Research Sources
- Healthy and close relationships will involve conversations about topics that you wouldn’t normally share with the masses. This cohesion also includes giving and receiving from both sides, as well as the mutual benefits of cohesion. [7] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Unhealthy relationships and codependency are often superficial and there are few close conversations. Maybe you always pretend to be happy around that person, but inside, you feel sad or confused. You can only feel relaxed and happy when the other person feels the same way. You are afraid of what might happen when you tell your true feelings to your friends or lovers. [8] X Research Sources
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Accept that a relationship is not healthy if you see signs of obsession, control, or abuse. [9] X Research Source If your relationship with another person causes you to lose your personality and other relationships, and you feel like you can’t do anything without the other person, that’s a sign of an overly dependent relationship. You need to get out before the situation gets worse.
- Signs of an obsessive relationship include: a tendency to delusion in which your partner or friend exaggerates all your interactions with other people. That person may think your smile at a stranger means something else. They may want to check your phone or email to make sure your relationship is being prioritized. [10] X Research Source
- A controlling person can make you feel like you have lost your freedom. He or she may accuse you of how you spend your time, to the point where you no longer have time for your family or other friends.
- Most people think that an abusive relationship is tantamount to physical abuse. In fact, obsessions and controlling behaviors can lead to emotional abuse. If your partner or friend isolates you from others, acts possessive, tells you what to do, or puts you in a controlling position, you are in an abusive relationship. [11] X Research Source
Get rid of unhealthy attachments
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Figure out which part of this relationship is illusory and which part is real. In this relationship, it’s common for you to see the other person through rose-colored glasses. We tend to perpetuate the illusion of a person in the hope that one day the illusion will come true. We can also interpret those illusions when we tell others. [12] X Research Source
- Accept the truth about the person. Instead of saying, “He’s not that bad; he bought me a necklace for my birthday”, tell the truth about that person. “She pretends to be jealous of the people I go with so that I can only go with her,” or “she often won’t let me go see my family.” If that relationship – whether pure or romantic – makes you feel powerless or controlled, you need to admit it to yourself. Don’t pretend that everything is fine just to be with them.
- Exaggerating (overdoing) and taking things lightly is often a distortion of the truth and an unhealthy way of thinking that we can easily fall into. If you find yourself constantly making excuses or making excuses for things like “it’s not that bad,” you may be using distortions to find a way to stay in the relationship. [13] X Research Source
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Let go of all material ties to that person. Links can include finances, home or work. Understand that you need to give yourself more time to break those bonds. Plus, ask yourself if the relationship is based on the convenience of being with the person. [14] X Research Source
- Change the bank account number and get the money into the new account if you’re sharing funds with that person.
- Find a new place to rent or stay temporarily if that unhealthy attachment is a roommate.
- Cut out alcohol, drugs, food, or sex if that makes you want to stay in the relationship.
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Make plans with the positive people in your life. To combat the energy and negative feedback from an overly attached relationship, you need to replace it with positive feedback from other sources. Renew connections and surround yourself with passionate people who appreciate what you have. [15] X Research Source
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Set your own goals. If you’ve lost yourself because you’re so smitten with someone, try a new hobby, exercise, or work hard at work. As you begin to improve yourself, it will become clear to you how much you have withdrawn into the toxic relationship.
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Make your own wish list. Begin each bullet point with the phrase “I want…” or “I need…” so that you can separate your desires from the desires of the relationship. Those desires can range from visiting Italy to getting a haircut or coloring. Just focus on yourself during the break-up time. [16] X Research Source
Appreciate your independence
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Decide what to do if the person continues to contact you in the future. Come up with a plan or things to say if you run into the person. Remember: you should limit contact with the person if they lower your self-esteem and make you feel small or unlovable. [17] X Research Source
- For example, if the person wants to talk on the phone, ask for a specific date and time and go to a trusted friend’s house to answer the phone.
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Be ready to face the symptom of “withdrawal”. Instead of a state of euphoria, excitement, and passion, you may experience fear, self-doubt, loneliness, and panic following the end of a codependent relationship. Symptoms will be similar to those of withdrawal, such as inability to eat or sleep, cramps, tremors and dizziness. It’s normal to break an attachment that used to give you a positive feeling. Those symptoms will eventually go away. [18] X Research Sources
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Coping with feelings of loneliness or depression. If you are severely depressed, seek professional counseling services. Ending an overly attached relationship can leave you feeling empty and make you believe you can no longer find someone else to love. A counselor will help you understand the importance of improving yourself and ensuring your health. [19] X Research Source
- Remember that feelings of worthlessness cannot be controlled by relationships; You must process these feelings in order to fully love yourself or others. Deal with your self-esteem issues now before dating someone else.
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Join a support group that specializes in overindulgence or codependency. You may find the strength to fight by listening to the success stories of people who have been trapped in such relationships. In addition to seeing a counselor, attending peer-to-peer meetings can help you understand more about overly attached relationships and learn how to recognize such relationships in the future.
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Take care of yourself. It’s easy to self-harm when you feel upset about the end of a relationship with someone you care about. Take the time to eat and exercise in moderation, sleep well, and treat yourself well. Doing some self-care activities each week will also help you feel more like yourself, while also providing relaxation in a soapy bath, cutting and styling your hair, or heading to the spa to cool off- distant. Don’t mistreat yourself just because you feel sad. [20] X Research Source
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Learn how to set appropriate boundaries in relationships and friendships. [21] X Research Sources Limitations are essential for a healthy and peaceful life. Many people mistakenly believe that if they are extremely close to someone from the first meeting, it is a sign of a perfect couple. Remember, you need to have a life beyond your lover or best friend.
- The next time you meet someone new, be frank about your needs and limitations. In healthy relationships, both parties must talk about their desires. Don’t give up your power in a codependent relationship anymore.
- Move on, always remembering that your previous relationships and friendships were unreliable. Take it slow in your relationship with new people. Always pay attention to your needs and take good care of yourself. [22] X Research Source
- Finally, continue to seek support from a counselor or support group for the opportunity to learn and motivate as you form new relationships.
Things you need
- diary
Warning
- If you feel lonely after ending a codependent relationship, reach out to family or friends and create a support system of people who sincerely want to help you through this difficult time. .
- If you are in an abusive relationship, use self-defense measures when leaving. You may need to get a police escort or request a restraining order to stay safe when you break up with your partner.
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This article was co-written by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Samantha Fox is a marriage & family therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over ten years of experience, Samantha specializes in counseling on relationship, gender, identity and family conflict issues. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She has a master’s degree and a license in marriage and family therapy. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Psychodynamic Therapy (AEDP), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.
There are 21 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,525 times.
When you’re so enamored and dependent on someone, you feel like you always have to stick to or ‘hold on’ to that person, regardless of the immediate consequences. This can happen in both love and friendship. In these relationships, you may feel as if you’ve given your partner everything but received little in return. If you’re looking for a way out of this unhealthy attachment, you can start by analyzing the relationship, then take a few steps to break your infatuation.
Thank you for reading this post How to Stop Being Infatuated with Someone at Tnhelearning.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.
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