How to make your ex come back to you

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This article was co-written by Lisa Shield. Lisa Shield is a Los Angeles-based marriage and love expert. She holds a master’s degree in psychiatry and is a life-relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times and Cosmoppitan have written about Lisa.

There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 407,650 times.

Getting your ex back to you may seem like an impossible task, but it’s not. To do this, you need to think about what is ruining your relationship in the first place, and then show your best self. At some point, you also need to talk to your ex about how you feel and what you want to do.

Table of Contents

Get ready to make your ex come back to you

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Keep distance. Whether you want to get back with that person or not, you should not contact them. Don’t reach out to them to work through your feelings, process the breakup, and prepare to move on. Even if you both want to get back together, you still need time to yourself, and so does your partner. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Tip: Don’t text your ex or reply to their texts until you feel like you’ve had enough time to process the breakup. This process can be quite difficult, but it is in the best interest.

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Find out if the person is still single. Before trying to determine if getting back with your ex is the right decision, you should find out if your ex is still single. If it’s been quite a while since you two broke up, your ex is probably meeting someone new. In this case, it’s best to look for a relationship with someone else.

Don’t try to reconnect with the person when they already have someone else. Follow your hobbies, meet new people, and be patient. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Consider why you want your ex back to you. While your relationship used to be great, sometimes it’s best to just let go of your ex. Before you start getting your lover back, you should consider why you want to do this. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Some good reasons to get back together include: you both knew each other at the wrong time, you need more time to get over your previous relationship, or you are starting to feel appreciated. Appreciate everything that person has given you. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
Some reasons that don’t fit include: you’re afraid to be alone (of course you’ll feel lonely after your relationship fails, but that doesn’t mean you should keep diving in). that love immediately); you miss the feeling of belonging (again, this is normal, but it doesn’t mean you two have to get back together); you are jealous of the person’s new relationship (this is also an acceptable feeling, but not the basis for trying to rebuild the relationship).
You should ask friends, family you trust, and a therapist to help you consider why you want to get back with your ex. They will help you eliminate a few silly excuses and get you through.

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Decide if the relationship is healthy and worth saving. In addition to considering why you want to be reunited with your ex, you should also consider your relationship as a whole to decide if it’s worth fixing. If you’re both breaking up because the relationship isn’t right for you both, you should spend more time pondering how worthwhile it is.

For example, if the two of you often argue and can’t enjoy your time together, the relationship isn’t worth fixing.

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Make a list of pros and cons if you’re not sure. If you have mixed feelings about why you want to get back together with your partner and whether your relationship is worth saving, you should create a pros and cons list to help you make a decision. . You need to be honest with yourself during the listing process and should not overlook anything that seems small or insignificant. List everything so you can see the big picture of your relationship and make a decision. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Make your ex come back to you

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Focus on yourself. Even if you’re 100% sure that you want the two of you back together, it’s important that you take the time to focus on yourself first. Use the time you have to improve yourself and the process of getting back with your ex will be easier. A few things you need to do to focus on yourself include: ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Pursue a new hobby.
Improve your own health through exercise and new diet.
Start journaling to record all your feelings and thoughts.
Spend more time with friends.

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Act naturally. If you want your partner to come back to you, don’t make yourself look like you’re desperate. Therefore, do not let the person know that you want the two of you back together. Doing this will freak your partner out and ruin your chances of saving the relationship. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Tip: Pause for a while before reconnecting with your ex. If you run into that person by accident, just act normally. Don’t show them that you want them back together.

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Re-establish communication lines. Send the person a message to get back in touch with them. Texting is a great way to go because it will seem more natural than calling or emailing. Messages are also rarely shared or discussed, so this is a more private method to communicate with your partner. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Keep the message light and natural. Don’t say something stressful like “I can’t live without you”. You can tell your crush a funny story that happened to you or something interesting that reminds you of that person. ^{[9] X Research Source}
Make sure you are fully awake when reconnecting with your ex. Texting or calling while intoxicated can create a disaster. ^{[10] X Research Source}

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Ask your crush out for coffee or lunch. The best time to meet is during the day because it will seem less serious than a meeting at night. You should ask if the person wants to go out for coffee or lunch with you. This will give you the opportunity to meet, break the air of apprehension, and decide if you want to continue pursuing reconciliation with your partner. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Don’t say anything about getting back together during the first meeting. Just have a nice, fun conversation with each other and stop here.
Make sure you look great on your first date. Trying to be your best self will help you feel more confident and will make your partner want to come back to you even more.

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Remind your ex-lover of good memories. Talking about good memories is a pretty good way to rekindle the old flame. By reminiscing about the happy times you both shared, you’ll help your partner see the good in your relationship and become more open to reconciliation. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Remember that at some point you need to talk about the bad parts of your relationship, but enjoy the process of talking about good memories at first.

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Show off your best traits. When trying to get your ex back, you need to consider the factors that attracted him in the first place and find ways to express them. For example, if your crush was once intrigued by your sense of humor, you should find a way to make them laugh. Or, if your partner has always admired your cooking, try to casually remind them of a dish you’ve recently prepared. ^{[13] X Research Source}

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Please be patient. Although it can be difficult, you need to be really patient when you start talking to your ex. If the person doesn’t respond to your first text, you shouldn’t keep texting just for him to reply. You need to wait to see if they respond. If not, you can try again in a few days. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Watch for signs of excitement. If the person doesn’t reply to any of your texts and/or looks cold when you talk to them, it’s best to assume that reunification won’t be a good option at this point. . But if your ex looks warm, friendly, and excited to hear from you, there’s a chance you still have a chance.

Just make sure you don’t set your expectations too high even if all the signs look pretty positive. It’s possible that the person is just trying to be nice to you.

Talking about getting back together

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Present your thoughts. At some point, you’ll have to tell your ex how you feel and what you want to do. Conversations about this subject can be awkward, but if the person doesn’t mention the possibility of you getting back together, you should take the initiative. You need to make sure that you show a willingness to improve things and are genuinely interested in getting the two of you back together. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Try saying something like, “Since we broke up, you’ve really grown up and I think you want our relationship to have a second chance. Are you interested in this?”.

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Get ready to talk about problems you two had during your past time together. Discussing why both of you broke up is inevitable. Your ex may have doubts about your maturity or willingness to change, so you need to reassure them. Remember to be prepared to talk about what you’ve done or will do to make sure your relationship doesn’t go downhill. ^{[16] X Research Source}

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Commit to change. If you say you’re going to try to improve something or commit to changing yourself in some way, you should be ready to deliver on your promise. If you don’t keep your promise, your relationship will end soon again. You need to make sure that you and your crush have a clear understanding of what both of you need to improve on and that you will do as you say. ^{[17] X Research Source}^{[18] X Research Source}

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Anticipate rejection. In many cases, getting back together will not be possible. If the person isn’t ready to try again, you should respect them by being honest with yourself and not forcing or annoying them to come back to you. Maybe you both need more time, or the relationship isn’t worth mending.

Advice

If you feel like you’re being too eager, you probably are. You just need to loosen up a bit and relax.

Warning

One thing that you need to remember when trying to get back with your ex is, if this doesn’t work or if the person doesn’t want to get back, don’t force it. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, you don’t have to go after someone who doesn’t want this!
Avoid trying to change yourself just for the sake of your partner.

Steps

Get ready to make your ex come back to you

Make your ex come back to you

Talking about getting back together

Advice

Warning

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