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This article was co-written by Stefanie Barthmare, M.Ed., LPC. Stefanie Barthmare is a consultant with her own office in Houston, Texas. With 20 years of experience, Stefanie specializes in body-based trauma treatment and counseling on relationship issues, parenting skills and family difficulties, depression, anxiety and sadness . She holds a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Texas at Austin and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Stefanie is also an associate supervisor and coordinator for groups in the educational, spiritual, and business communities.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,371 times.
Sometimes feelings of low self-esteem make you feel that you don’t deserve anything good. It’s important to master your thoughts and try to change them as soon as you realize you have them. If feeling like you don’t deserve good comes up often or becomes overwhelming, you may need to seek help from a mental health professional.
Steps
Change mind
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Understand why you feel like you don’t deserve anything. Knowing the source of this emotion is the first step to creating change. Have you ever made a big mistake in your life? Do you feel you are constantly making mistakes? Do you feel like there’s something in your past that you just can’t let go of? Do you wish you were someone else yourself? [1] X Research Source
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Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws, even if they look perfect on the outside. And it is not excluded that even if you appear perfect in the eyes of others. [2] X Research Source
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Identify what spontaneous thinking is. Sometimes we have thoughts that haven’t been thought through and allow that thinking to frame our worldview. For example, you might think, “I don’t deserve a promotion, because I don’t work hard”. Continue to notice when you have thoughts like this.
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Review spontaneous thoughts. Is it true that you’re not working hard enough to deserve a promotion? Can you think of some of the things you’ve done to demonstrate competence at work recently? The expression of excellence and elite? [3] X Research Sources
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Adjust your thinking. When you find yourself having negative spontaneous thoughts, try to redirect your thoughts. For example, when you catch yourself thinking that you don’t deserve a promotion because you don’t work hard, say it clearly and firmly to yourself: “I deserve a promotion. I’m already an employee. Loyal member for 5 years. I have reached my target sales in the last 6 months”.
Reduce negative energy
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Limit spending time around negative people. Does your sister make you feel bad about your weight every time you see her? Have you been treated rudely at the laundromat? You may not be able to completely avoid these people, but try to reduce the amount of time you spend with them.
- If you feel that you are being scolded or bullied, consider reporting the perpetrator to the authorities. (For example, in the case of cyberbullying you may need to report the perpetrator to the webmaster. You may need to talk to your boss if you are threatened by a co-worker.) [4] X Trusted Source StopBullying.gov Go to Source
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Look for people who make you feel good about yourself. This means you need to consider interacting with people you wouldn’t normally communicate with.
- Is there a woman at the gym who always greets you and says hello? Maybe she wants to go out with you for a cup of coffee.
- Are there people who make you feel welcome in class every Sunday? Perhaps you should hold a meeting with this group of people outside of church.
- Have a colleague who always tells you interesting stories? Consider inviting that person to lunch with you in the foyer or go for a walk outside together.
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Reduce time spent on social media. Are you spending too much time on social media compared to others? People tend to present their ideal self on the internet. So if you’re comparing your life to the lives of your friends on Facebook, you may not be able to see the true picture to compare. [5] X Research Sources
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Instead, spend more time doing things that make you happy. Got an interesting museum, a beautiful library, a cozy cafe, or a sunny park that you can frequent? Try changing your surroundings to bring positive energy into your life. [6] X Research Source
Behavior change
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Say one positive thing about yourself every morning. You can say it out loud or whisper it in your head. And you can also repeat them more than once. Maybe you can’t afford to think about a different thing every day, especially in the early stages of this process. Oddly, once you start to feel more positive about yourself, you’ll find more and more good things to say. [7] X Research Sources
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Be a volunteer. Especially, if you are not satisfied with your work and personal life, you will need to feel like a helpful person when helping others. Many studies show that feeling like you’re making a difference can push you towards improving your self-worth and overall happiness in the long run. [8] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Consider volunteering that you think you’ll be successful in. [9] X Research Source
- If you enjoy playing with children, consider becoming a tutor.
- If you’re organized and efficient, consider working in a pantry or thrift store that works for charity.
- If you’re good at working with your hands or your hands, consider working for a housing organization like Habitat for Humanity.
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Accomplish small goals. Reaching small milestones each day makes you feel like you’re constantly winning and strengthens your feelings of self-worth.
- For example, “I want to lose 5 pounds before I put on my swimsuit” may not be a realistic goal, and it can make you feel like you’ve failed for not achieving it.
- On the contrary, “I want to eat a sugar-free breakfast every day this week” is a more realistic goal, and if you can stick to this goal, it will give you a daily opportunity to feel successful. . [10] X Research Source
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Find reasons to laugh. Laughing releases “feel-good” chemical compounds called endorphins. Laughing more often can improve your overall sense of well-being. Furthermore, taking a humorous look at a situation is likely to reduce threat or fear. [11] X Research Source Try some of the following
- Watch stand-up comedy on television or at a club,
- Watch a sitcom (Situation Comedy: Situation Comedy) associated with childhood years,
- Take a laughter yoga course,
- Read jokes,
- Play with young children or pets, or
- Attend a game night at a coffee shop near you (with games like Taboo (a word guessing game), Cranium (a puzzle game), or Catchphrase (a word guessing game) . 12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- You can even simulate the feeling of laughter by holding a pencil between your teeth for about 10 minutes. Your body will respond to the feelings of the muscles, and your mood will lift a little. [13] X Research Source
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Do exercise. Physical exercise has a positive effect on overall mental health and emotional self-worth. Exercises with light to moderate impact (like yoga, walking, or sex) tend to work best. [14] X Research Source
- If you don’t have time to go to the gym, create plenty of physical activity for your daily life. Close the office door and do 10 jumps every hour. Park at the end of the parking lot and take the stairs. Eat lunch while you practice walking.
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Have a healthy diet. Physical health is often associated with feelings of self-worth. In addition, vitamins, minerals and beneficial fats help lift the mood.
- Reduce foods high in sugar, caffeine, and alcohol.
- Eat foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids like salmon and mackerel to improve your mood.
- Eat foods rich in vitamin D, such as eggs and yogurt, to increase serotonin (a mood stabilizer) for the brain.
- Boost your vitamin B intake by eating spinach, broccoli, meat, eggs, and dairy products for improved energy. [15] X Research Source
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Full rest. Sleep has a huge impact on overall mental and emotional health. A good night’s sleep can completely change your view of the world around you. For better quality sleep, try the following
- Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day. This will help you establish a rhythm that your body can follow consistently every day.
- Take a nap only when absolutely necessary. Only take a nap for about 15-20 minutes at a time so you don’t have to have trouble falling asleep at night.
- Avoid facing any kind of screen (TV, phone, laptop, etc.) for 2 hours before going to bed. [16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
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Pray. If you have spiritual beliefs, prayer may be what you need to feel better about life. Praying in a religious community (such as in a church or temple) can make you feel more emotionally dominant and reverse feelings of worthlessness. Even praying alone can make you feel like you’re not alone. [17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
Get help
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Get support from friends and family. It is important to understand that you are not alone in the battle. For some people, the care of friends or family members can be the whole source of support needed to help overcome the feeling that you don’t deserve anything.
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Ask for praise from people you respect. Many recent studies have found that people who receive praise from their friends before completing a task perform better than those who receive no praise. “Lying” in praise is okay! Friends and family can remind you that you deserve the best of life. [18] X Research Sources
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Talk to your GP. It is possible that certain health factors make you feel low in self-worth. Your doctor can help you make decisions about supplements, develop an exercise regimen, or they can refer you to a specialist.
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Find a support group. You’re not the only one who feels as though you don’t deserve anything. Look for an online support group or group of people in your local community. Try searching on the following websites
- http://online.supportgroups.com/
- http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/find-support-groups
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Consider seeing a specialist. Some signs that you may need professional treatment include
- There are emotions that often overwhelm you,
- Experiencing severe psychological trauma,
- Frequent stomach pain or headaches, or other unexplained conditions, and
- Have a stressful relationship. [19] X Research Source
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Recognize depression. If the feeling of not being worthy of anything persists for a long time, you may have clinical depression. Depression exists differently depending on the sadness of each person. It is associated with long-term feelings of despair and feelings of worthlessness. Some signs that you may be depressed and should seek professional counseling include
- Losing interest in things or people you once cared about,
- Falling into a long-term coma,
- There are drastic changes in appetite and sleep,
- Inability to concentrate,
- There is a drastic change in mood (especially increased irritability),
- inability to focus on anything,
- Negative thinking persists and doesn’t seem likely to stop,
- Increased drug abuse,
- Suffering from unexplained aches and pains,
- Self-loathing, or feeling completely worthless. [20] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
Warning
- Seek professional help if the feeling you don’t deserve anything lasts for weeks or if you start to feel overwhelmed by this feeling.
- If the feeling you don’t deserve anything turns into a feeling you don’t deserve to live, get help right away. Talk to friends, family, a mental health professional, or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255 in the US or visit Visit website: Suicide.org for advice on immediate solutions. In Vietnam, you can call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP).
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This article was co-written by Stefanie Barthmare, M.Ed., LPC. Stefanie Barthmare is a consultant with her own office in Houston, Texas. With 20 years of experience, Stefanie specializes in body-based trauma treatment and counseling on relationship issues, parenting skills and family difficulties, depression, anxiety and sadness . She holds a bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Texas at Austin and a master’s degree in counseling psychology from the University of Houston. Stefanie is also an associate supervisor and coordinator for groups in the educational, spiritual, and business communities.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,371 times.
Sometimes feelings of low self-esteem make you feel that you don’t deserve anything good. It’s important to master your thoughts and try to change them as soon as you realize you have them. If feeling like you don’t deserve good comes up often or becomes overwhelming, you may need to seek help from a mental health professional.
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