How To Not Cling To Others

Have you ever been called clingy or tough as a leech? Do you often get too excited when you have a new friend or relationship and make you constantly notice them, as a result that person becomes even more alienated from you? If you call, text, or email more times than your partner does, you’ll probably realize that this over-excited exuberance will make the other person lose interest. Refer to Step 1 to learn what causes such an overreaction, and how to gain confidence to stop yourself.

Table of Contents

Seeking Balance

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Reduce speed. Every relationship develops at its own pace, so you don’t have to burn through stages or rush ahead to be “soulmate” or “best friend,” just for the sake of everything. great stuff. Cherish the newness and the euphoria of owning it, simply because it won’t be new any time soon. The feeling of not knowing where this relationship is going is always frustratingly curious, but at the same time amazing! Be patient and learn to nibble on that excitement, and don’t push the relationship to the wrong pace. Otherwise you will lose the fun and only add more stress.

If you’re having a great night out with your new girlfriend on Friday night, you’ll definitely be eager to see her again as soon as possible. However, instead of calling her right away on Saturday morning to make plans, you should wait a few more days. Enjoy your time, and give her the same chance as you. The next time you meet, both of you are looking forward to seeing each other again, and that’s when it’s time to make your time together the sweetest.

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Don’t see everything in pink. Part of the reason people sometimes get overly excited is because we tend to idealize the other person early in our acquaintance. When you meet someone for the first time and you already have a feeling for them, it’s easy to get paranoid about a great relationship. And paranoia often accompanies exaggerated expectations, and sometimes these expectations are unrealistic. Right now you may think you’re going to spend your life choosing her, but that’s how you pave the way for later disappointments.

Remember to remind yourself that this newcomer is just a normal human being, and so they’re “imperfect”. They also make mistakes and you have to be willing to forgive, don’t be disappointed because they are not as perfect as you think.

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Implement a “reciprocal” strategy. Imagine the two of you are playing in a tennis or volleyball match. Every time you ask for a meeting, you hit the ball towards their court, then you have to wait for them to hit the ball again. You won’t hit another ball, because you want to know if they’re still interested in playing. If the person waiting is you, then you will certainly be worried. If so, take a deep breath and wait a little longer. Once you have tried to contact someone (email, call, text) there is no need to contact them again. If you really feel the need to send another signal to them, the following are likely to happen:

They have not received your message.
They are too busy to respond. If you trust this person, you should assume they are in this situation.
They don’t want to date you yet at this point.

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Remember to keep your space private. No matter how close your relationship is, spending too much time together becomes stifling. Even if that person really loves you, they don’t want to follow you every step of the way. If you find yourself unable to be away from that person for just a few minutes, you will be disappointed sooner or later. It might be hard for you, but try to step back and give them some privacy. Spend a few nights apart and do things you enjoy, don’t call or text for a while. Surely your relationship will progress well, because there is a saying “the further away, the more you remember”.

Boost Confidence

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Make yourself busier by finding something else to do. Busy people often do not have time to pursue; Their schedule is always full, so guess what happens? It is that schedule that makes them attractive friends or romantic lovers. If you have nothing else to do but sit back and wait for the person to call or write an email to reply, then you will probably get bored (you know what people say? If you’re bored, then yourself. you also become boring). So what do you expect?

Expand relationship. Get involved in volunteer work, take dance lessons, have a running competition, take painting lessons, or join a club. Reach out to find joy! All anxiety will go away, and if the person contacts again it will be a wonderful surprise, not a sigh of relief.

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Occasional phone calls to other relationships. Centering your life around someone is not good for your mental health or your self-esteem. So you should call in from time to time to check on the rest of your friends, don’t put all your energy into one person! Let’s go to the movies or have dinner together, don’t always worry about “that person”. You should enjoy all the different relationships in your life, because you have a lot of friends, not just one.

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Remember that it’s okay to live alone. Many people still live alone and are perfectly happy with that life. They are free to play, and there are many people who feel as happy as those who are married. Relationships are really just our desires, not a necessity. The problem only exists when you believe it’s a need and you can’t live without it.

Practice doing this: when a clinging thought pops into your head, repeat this mantra over and over, “I am strong, I have everything I need”. You can repeat the same sentences to make yourself feel perfect and don’t need anyone to survive.
Listening to music or watching movies about freedom and willpower can also help.

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Revisit your self-esteem. The paradox is that if you are having to overcome your desire to cling to others, you may also find yourself a little lacking in self-esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel more complete, but it is you who can improve yourself. You should not put your happiness in the hands of others. It’s perfectly fine if someone makes you happy, but if that’s the only source of happiness you have, one day without them, you will become angry or sad. But then you are asking the person too much! They will feel guilty, obligated to you, and ultimately angry with you.

One way to get rid of clinginess is to prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone, by doing everything on your own, or by being alone for long periods of time until you feel confident. Act as if you “want” to have a friend or lover, but absolutely don’t need them.
Don’t look for another relationship until you’re sure you won’t be in the same situation.

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Learn to trust. Once you understand your problem, you can deal with anything related to relationships. Pursuit is often associated with a lack of trust, and sometimes with a fear of abandonment. When you feel doubting your partner’s feelings for you, or doubting their loyalty, you should ask yourself why you don’t trust them? Is it because they do something suspicious? Or because the ex hurt you, now you think the new one will do the same to you?

If it is the last cause, you should remember that it is unreasonable to judge one person by the actions of the other. Is it?
If you really care about someone and they already trust you, you have to trust them again.

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The benefits of freedom. Steadfastness and not chasing anyone make you more attractive. It’s like a little trick: you’re more attractive when you’re really solid and aren’t chasing anyone. Once you are completely free, you can manage all your relationships without worrying too much about what other people think. You will value your private time as much as the time you spend with your partner.

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Demanding is human nature. We have a rather hyperactive brain, it always wants to do this or get that, and when it has free time, it generates demands. It is difficult to give up this way of thinking because it seems that all the activities in the world will fade from our thoughts when we get bored. The brain is very pragmatic, it will find another activity that interests you more. So finding new activities or pursuing other passions can cure the clingy, demanding habit of others, but only temporarily. People who don’t seem to be clingy to you are actually their brains active and creative in other areas of their lives. Or they are satisfying their desires through someone else. So when you meet them, they don’t appear to be pursuing and become attractive, in fact their desire is being temporarily satisfied by an activity or another person.

Example: People with good friends don’t seem to be clingy, especially when it comes to making new friends, because their desires in that respect have been fulfilled. Or those who love their current jobs, too, don’t follow other people especially while working, because that aspect of life is already satisfying. Similarly, if a guy is in a good relationship with his girlfriend, he won’t feel the need to pursue other girls, since he already has his “wants” satisfied by the other girl. So in front of those girls, he didn’t seem to pursue and made the girls find him more attractive. It is a proven fact that men who are dating are more attractive to women. ^{[1] X Research Sources} .
What do all of the above have in common? All these are transient external factors. So if we remove that ‘external factor’ our mind becomes demanding again. For example: moving to another city far away from friends, losing job, breaking up with girlfriend etc.
That said, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do anything, not go out with friends or date guys and girls, etc. Actually, all of these things will help you become truly independent in life.
True independence will come to you when you no longer look for outside factors to satisfy you. You continue to pursue your passions, hang out with friends, date your lover, because you like them but you won’t find satisfaction in them because you already have your own “true satisfaction”. You become humble and simple as the ocean, as in a book Lao Tzu once wrote, “All currents are directed to the sea because the sea is lower than them, it is humility that makes the sea strong”.

Advice

Give others space, respect their boundaries.
Spend time apart and do things you enjoy, in general keep yourself busy.
Being too clingy will only get you rejected. From there, your self-esteem is lowered and you feel more alone.
Do whatever makes you feel good. Avoid being alone too much, go out and meet with friends, the more hobbies and interests you have, the more attractive you become.
If you love the person you live with, show them that but at least, don’t force them to notice you, because they may push you away.
Get used to living alone first. Then you will appreciate your time more, and be able to see relationships with more objective eyes.
Being too hasty in the early stages will make the opponent lose interest, so you should learn to adjust the tempo, always taking small steps when you get used to it.
Love and respect yourself, show confidence.
The habit of chasing will waste your time, learn to control yourself.
Recognize bad people. Maybe the cause is not in you, but the problem themselves. If so, go find another friend.
Love will come to you before you know it, be patient and optimistic.

Warning

Clinging can get you into a vicious circle. You too want others to notice you, scare them and push you away, from which you become frustrated with yourself and continue to pursue more intensely when you meet new people. You have to recognize this vicious circle and change yourself.
Clinging can also be the cause of your depression, and we all know depression has a very harmful side effect. So the best way is to find yourself other hobbies to redirect your focus to them.
If you are not persistent enough, you will start imagining things that are not true. Stay calm and focus on the things you love.

Steps

Seeking Balance

Boost Confidence

Advice

Warning

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