How to Make Friends

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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 50,924 times.

It can be overwhelming at the thought of meeting new people and making friends, but with a little effort and determination to step out of your comfort zone, it’s easy to make new friends. Start by going out and finding places where you can connect with people, like a club or volunteer organization. Once you meet new people, take the time to get to know them and hang out with them.

Table of Contents

Find a place to make friends

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Step out into the outside world. If you want to make new friends, you need to go out and meet people first. ^{[1] X Source of Research} If you are just sitting there alone, people can still come to you, but the chances are not high. For example, if you are still in school, you should sit somewhere with other classmates. You don’t have to choose a crowded table, but try to pick one with at least two other people.

Don’t forget that it’s rare that someone suddenly knocks on your door to get acquainted when you’re just sitting at home holding your laptop.
If you have the opportunity to go out and meet people, don’t pass it up. For example, try getting involved in social activities at school or at work. If someone invites you to a party, don’t hesitate to accept!

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Join an organization or club to meet new people. This is a great way to find people with similar interests. You don’t have to have a lot of common interests with people to make friends with them. There are very close friendships between two people who don’t have much in common. However, if you like a topic, try to find places where you can meet people who also love it. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, you could join a school science club, marching band, knitting club, or other like-minded groups.
If you enjoy playing an instrument or singing, try joining a band or choir. Sports teams are also a good choice if you’re into sports or just want to try something new and challenging!
If you’re religious, you’ll find churches, temples, or other places of worship a great place to meet people, because you and the people who go there at least share the same religious beliefs. .

Tip: There are many resources online to help you find groups with similar interests. Try searching for a local Meetup.com group, or browse through Facebook groups and events in your area.

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Participate in volunteer activities for the cause you aim for. Volunteering is also a great way for people of all ages to meet. You will make connections while working with people. You can also meet people who are passionate about bringing about the change you also desire (who share the same goal). ^{[3] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

For example, you could volunteer your time to a nursing home, hospital, animal shelter, or nonprofit.
Search online or call local charities for volunteering opportunities.

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Try connecting with people you already know. Chances are you already know a few people who have the potential to be good friends. Try getting to know colleagues, classmates, even people on social media. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, if you are already a parent, you can find other parents whose children are in the same grade as your child. A playtime that you arrange for the kids will be a good opportunity to make new friends who share the same parenting role. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Take the first step

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Find opportunities to talk to people . You can join a club, go to school, go to a temple or church, but you still can’t make new friends without actually talking to people. Likewise, you don’t have to join an organization, but you can still interact with people. Every time you talk to someone is an opportunity for you to find a lasting friendship. There’s no need to say anything special – just start a conversation with something friendly (like “isn’t it nice today?” or “What a nice shirt!) and see where it takes you! ^{[6] X Research Source}

You can talk to anyone: the employee at the store you shop at, the person sitting next to you on public transit, or the person standing in front of you in line. Don’t be too picky.
Having a good attitude is always an advantage. You can start a conversation with people with a simple greeting like “Hi, how are you?” while passing them. When you say hello to people, you’ll appear more friendly, and people will usually be more than happy to respond. This is a great way to start communicating with people.

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Make eye contact and smile . If you don’t appear friendly and approachable, people will find it difficult to get to know you. Look the person in the eye while they’re talking to you (or when you’re talking to them) and give them a warm, friendly smile. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Don’t roll your eyes, look bored, frown, or be apathetic. Try to avoid closed body language, such as crossing your arms or sitting alone in a corner.

Do you know? Imitating other people’s body language is a great way to socialize with them. When you’re talking to someone, subtly mimic their gestures and expressions. For example, if they smile and lean forward before talking to you, you should do the same. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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Try using a variety of communication methods. When you meet someone you have feelings for and want to make friends with, take the initiative to start a conversation. This will help you connect with that person and start a friendship. ^{[9] X Research Sources} There are a number of different approaches you can try, such as:

Comment on what’s going on around. The weather is a classic: “At least it doesn’t rain like it did last week!”
Ask them for help: “Can you carry the boxes for me, if you’re not in a hurry?” or “Which of these do you think I should choose as a gift for mom?” Or, you can offer to help them, such as, “Do you need a hand in cleaning up?”
Say compliments like, “That’s a nice car” or “I like your shoes.” However, you should avoid compliments that are too personal, as they can be uncomfortable.
Follow up the compliment with a related question. For example, “Where did you buy these shoes? I also want to buy a pair like that.”

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Keep the conversation going with trivia. If the other person seems interested in continuing, keep the conversation going by asking questions and introducing yourself a little. You don’t have to talk about topics that are deep or too personal. It’s important to show that you are both a listener and able to contribute to the story. ^{[10] X Research Source}

People often like to talk about themselves and want to show how beautiful or talented they are. By listening more than you speak, you win people’s hearts.
Show that you’re listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and responding to what the other person has to say with questions or comments.
For example, if the other person talks about their profession, you might say something like, “Wow! How did you get into this profession?”

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Introduce yourself when the conversation is almost over. You can simply say something like, “Ah, by the way, my name is…” When you introduce yourself, the other person will usually do the same. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Another way is to introduce yourself at the beginning of the conversation. For example, you might approach a new colleague with the greeting, “Hi, my name is Xuan. Actually, we haven’t met yet, but my office is near your office!”
Remember the person’s name. If you show them you remember what the two of you talked about in the last meeting, the other person will know that you pay attention and really care about them.

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Invite them out for coffee or lunch. This will be a good opportunity for the two sides to talk and get to know each other more. Ask them out for a drink from time to time and give them your email address or phone number so they can contact you. The other person may or may not give you their information, but it doesn’t matter.

Try saying “I have to go, but if you ever want to join me for lunch or have a drink, let me give you my phone number/email address.”
Your chances of seeing that person again are higher if you suggest a specific time and place. For example, you could say, “It was so much fun talking to you today! Shall we go to X’s this Saturday for coffee and muffins?”
If it’s not convenient to meet the person in person, consider inviting them to an event with a group, such as a party or a movie.

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Pursue common interests. If you discover that the other person has the same interests as you, ask more about it, and if appropriate, ask if they are involved in any groups or clubs. If so, this would be a great opportunity to ask about joining. If you show genuine interest (ask about when, where, and who can join), chances are you’ll be invited.

If you’re a member of a club, band, or other active group that you think they’re interested in, take this opportunity to give them your phone number or email address and invite them to join.

Maintain friendship

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Loyal to friends. You’ve probably heard of friends who “clap your hands when you’re happy”. They are the people who are happy to be with you when things are going well, but disappear when you really need them. Be loyal to your friends, and you will attract people who value that quality. Prove that you’re not just talking to attract the friends you want in your life. ^{[12] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

One quality of a true friend is a willingness to sacrifice time and effort to help a friend in difficult times. Be nice to your friends.
Be there for your friends when they need help, or when they need someone to comfort them when they’re sad.

Tip: Being loyal to you doesn’t mean always having to please them or let your friends take advantage of you. Set reasonable limits and say no as often as necessary for your own well-being.

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Contribute to fostering friendships. A strong friendship requires a lot of work on both sides. If your friend is always checking in on you, arranging get-togethers, remembering your birthday, and asking you out for lunch, you should do the same whenever possible. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Once in a while, examine yourself to see if you’re the friend you want to have.
On the other hand, you should also ask yourself if the other friend is doing their part correctly. If not, you need to have a sincere conversation with them (but don’t accuse or blame them all if the friendship doesn’t turn out the way you want it to).

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Keep promise. When you make a promise to do something, you must keep it. Be someone people can trust. If you demonstrate this quality in your dealings with people, you will attract people who value your credibility and will return the same to you. ^{[14] X Research Source}

When you two have made an appointment to meet somewhere, don’t be late, and don’t miss your appointment.
If an unexpected event prevents you from arriving on time or arriving, call as soon as you know it. Apologize to them and reschedule the meeting.
Don’t make friends wait without warning; Obviously this is not a good way to start a friendship.

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Know how to listen . Many people think that a “great friend” has to be someone who is really interesting. Beyond that, however, is the ability to show people that you care about others. Listen to what people have to say, remember important details about them (their names, their likes and dislikes), ask questions about what interests them, and spend time learning more about them. Surname. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Don’t act like you’re always the one with more interesting stories than others, or suddenly change the subject instead of following the flow of the conversation.
When you talk, focus on what the other person is saying instead of worrying about what to say. Avoid interrupting and do not give advice unless asked.

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Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having best friends is that we always have someone to talk to about everything, even the most intimate. However, if you want people to feel free to open up to you, you need to build trust.. ^{[16] X Research Source}

The key to being a soul mate is the ability to keep secrets. Never tell anyone else about what you have been told by your trusted friend.
Don’t talk about your friends behind their backs or let them down when they trust you. You can also build trust by being honest and trustworthy.

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Show your good qualities. Show off your unique and good qualities. Show everyone what makes you stand out from the crowd. Talk about your interests and hobbies. Tell your new friends a little bit about your life. Everyone has interesting stories to tell – don’t hesitate to share yours. If you are unique, show it to everyone. ^{[17] X Research Source}

A little humor always keeps the conversation light and fun. Everyone wants to be around people who make them laugh.
Friendship is happiest when we are comfortable being ourselves. Cherish your best qualities and let them shine when you’re around your friends, but don’t try to be someone you’re not in order to please them or impress them.

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Stay in touch with friends. People often lose touch with friends because they are too busy or don’t value friends properly. When you lose touch with someone, your friendship fades, and when you try to reconnect it can be difficult to rekindle. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Even if you don’t have time to chat or see each other, let your friend know that you still miss them by texting or stopping by to say hello.
Maintaining friendships is not easy. You need to spend time with friends and share stories in your life. Respect their decisions and let them know yours too. Try to stay connected with your friends.

Advice

Always be kind and never judge others based on their appearance or because they are different from you. You could be missing out on great friendships if you don’t give everyone a chance.
Don’t worry about what people think. Usually people just think about other things. Don’t imagine things that have no basis.
If you’re not one to smile or make eye contact, don’t force yourself to smile awkwardly or look people in the eye if you don’t feel comfortable. Don’t force yourself to change or hide your nature, because not everyone can be extroverted. We each have a different way of expressing ourselves.
Think carefully before you speak. Your friends may get hurt or upset when you speak recklessly.
You don’t have to be a superstar to be a good friend. Try to be positive and friendly so that people feel comfortable and happy around you.
If someone doesn’t think of you as closely as you think of them, think for a moment. Don’t force someone to like you.
Get to know your new friend’s friends and family. This will open the door for you to make more friends!
Believe in yourself! People are drawn to confidence, and it’s easier to approach people if you don’t always doubt yourself.

Warning

Don’t be new and old. Good friendships are precious and hard to find, so try to stay in touch with old friends even as you make new friends.
Trust your intuition. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, there’s usually a reason. Don’t try to pursue friendships with people who make you uncomfortable.
When you get to know someone, sometimes there will be conflicts. If you have a disagreement with a friend, don’t blame them or throw a tantrum. Give the person space and apologize for your mistake in the argument.

Steps

Find a place to make friends

Take the first step

Maintain friendship

Advice

Warning

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