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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 17 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,139 times.
In most cases, the Internet is a great store of knowledge for us to learn, share, and connect with different people around the globe. However, many new opportunities also mean more risks that we must experience rejection, insult, and unwanted relationships with people with whom we can only try to limit our presence. their representation. Some aspects of dealing with vulnerability online are different from dealing with the same issue in real life – and others are the same. Here are a few ways to deal with the trauma of unfriending, social media defamation, and Internet violence (called Cyberbullying).
Steps
Facing online dating rejection and unfriending
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Acknowledge your feelings. Just because the rejection happened online, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel the deep sadness of the breakup, being ignored, or abandoned. Bottlenecks are inherently painful – when our basic need for possession and recognition is not being met. [1] X Research Source
- Understanding your feelings about rejection will help you begin to let go of them slowly, giving you the space needed to heal. The point here is just allow yourself to feel a little hurt—how rejection makes you feel—so you can see when you’ve gotten over the issue.
- Feeling the feeling in your heart will also help you recover. The next time you show interest in someone’s profile online and start dating, you will no longer harbor thoughts of resentment or a sense of defeat from a previous failure.
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Take a break, stay away from the situation. Staying out of trouble can help you better identify what happened. Take the time to evaluate your behavior that led to the rejection or unfriending. [2] X Research Source Going online constantly hurts you and doesn’t give you the necessary distance to acknowledge some of your online habits that make others uncomfortable, such as rude comments or excessive posting.
- For example, some people are very good in real life; they smile, joke, and maintain eye contact. However, those people may not know how to communicate well through online posts, making it seem cold and aloof. Spending time assessing your personality online can be very beneficial and becoming aware of your behavioral traits.
- Try taking a week off, not visiting any websites, or even turning off the Internet altogether to give yourself space for acceptance and reflection. Especially if the relationship is online only, give yourself time before making a new connection on the same dating site.
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Understanding individuality. The best thing about friends and followers online is that they are numerous—but you don’t have to be attached to any one person or website. [3] X Research Source Understand the fact that if someone unfriends, rejects, or ignores you online, there are many others. You even need to accept the incompatibility between you and your partner.
- Consider, but don’t get too attached to other people’s personalities, even if you find them unpleasant, in order to move forward. This way, you won’t be tempted to keep chasing the other person or question the rejection, and then you can move on comfortably.
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Resist the urge to think one-way. [4] X Research Sources When people reject you, it’s not for anything that you could or should have done better. It’s usually the person reacting against something you did that made them feel threatened. [5] X Research Sources Ruiz, Miguel, Janet Mills, and Miguel Ruiz. 2008. The four agreements. Thorndike, Me: Center Point Pub.
- For example, you were rejected on a dating site. That’s because most people lack a sense of role model in a relationship, they subconsciously look for someone who can match that pattern. [6] X Sources of Research In many cases, the main issue is the fit, not the gear you have for the relationship.
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Seek support from friends and family. If the cause of your suffering is online, it’s a good idea to shift your focus to your social life. [7] X Research Source Determined that you need to try to date and meet someone in person while working through online rejection. This way, you will realize that the person you talk to online is just one of the close and connected connections in your life.
- If possible, cut back on the time you spend online. If you take the time to share experiences and get out, you’ll be less inclined to brood over the situation. [8] X Source of Research This is tantamount to traveling when faced with a distressing issue that occurs close to home.
Handling defamation on social networks
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Take some time to think about your next step. Make sure you don’t give a public response to defamation unless you’ve taken a moment to calm down first. Take a deep breath. Because you can’t use voice and gestures to make your point, it’s best to think carefully about your wording before you post.
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Collect evidence. Assess the defamation, the person who insulted you, and the situation so that you can respond to (or ignore) the insult in order to restore your honor and dignity. Consider the following information:
- Is the person acting in a way that is intended to intimidate you?
- Will this defamation affect others in your online relationships—does it shed light on any real issues at the moment?
- Is it someone you’ve never met in person?
- How do you feel about continuing to be a member of that site or online community?
- Have you received a grumpy, extremely rude, and vengeful response to your activity on the site?
- Also consider your own role: Did you play the role of increasing the conflict with the person, intentionally or unintentionally?
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Decide to respond to or ignore defamation. Sometimes ignoring an insult is the best response. That is often the case where the insult is very minor and obvious due to a misinterpretation. A response is appropriate only if it is necessary to control the impact on your reputation, and not just to try to respond defensively. Remember that responding can provoke the person to insult you more, and the conflict can damage your online reputation more than the initial insult.
- For example, if the insult was in response to your comment about oil drilling in the areas around the Arctic, saying “**** you, you ******* whore. eccentric against society”, you can ignore it.
- If you do respond, keep it brief. Combat attention-grabbing defamation with a calm and cautious response that shows interest in what is being said and thereby shows their pettiness. You can try responding like, “I’m disappointed that my efforts to clarify social issues haven’t worked.”
- After giving a brief public response, you can choose whether you want to continue chatting with the person who offended you. [9] X Research Source Do you start saying “I can’t respond satisfactorily when I’m called out by my name in front of my friends. Why don’t we find another private way to talk to each other?” And then, from there you can proceed with the dialogue, depending on whether you want to repeat the offending content or not.
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Report Internet abuse and violence. There are always alarm buttons on Facebook and other social networks to block users from insulting others and to remove or make content private that you don’t want to be made public. Twitter also offers a form for you to report abusers online and provide information and their behavior.
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Choose the linking site wisely. Know that you can do a lot to protect yourself from future abuse. People tend to use insults and hurtful language when someone does that to them. [10] X Research Sources So, if you find an online community or post that contains a lot of rude or hateful comments, avoid participating.
- A good practice is to avoid over-linking to any one site. Forums, personal blogs, and websites are often great meeting places. However, insults can be exacerbated if you feel you have to commit to a site when it becomes a threat. Linking to multiple online communities will help you become less attached to a particular community and have more freedom to search for new sites to sign up for.
Dealing with Internet Bullies (Cyber-bullies)
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Assess the aggressor. Not sure if your experience is serious enough to be considered Internet violence (Cyberbullying)? If you have been hurt by someone constantly harassing you, contacting your friends, or writing bad things about you on a website or social media, then you are probably a victim of violence. Internet force.
- A clear case of Internet violence is receiving 5 or more messages a day from the same user. They include cursing or defamation of you based on your race or gender.
- The abuser could be someone you know well in real life. In this case, the harassment can come in the form of embarrassing you about your appearance, social presence, family, or status.
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Understand your feelings. The consequences of being threatened, humiliated, or harassed online can be as terrifying and frustrating as the experience of your home being hacked, burglarized, or repeatedly threatened. Just because the person isn’t in front of you or isn’t physically harming you doesn’t mean they stress you out any less than in real life. [11] X Research Sources Kowalski, Robin M., Susan P. Limber, and Patricia W. Agatston. Cyberbullying: Bullying in the digital age. John Wiley & Sons, 2012. Acknowledging the emotional factors involved in Internet violence will help you be better prepared to express yourself and seek help.
- Internet abusers tend to be less emotionally stable and more often aggressive than their peers without online violence. [12] X Research Source Most people who like to threaten through the Internet don’t even realize that they are affecting their victims. [13] X Research Sources If you’re inclined to think of the attack as being personally directed at you, remember that Internet violence is a poorly adapted way to claim rights and gain attention. There are many reasons why you shouldn’t take the insult directed at you.
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Ignore the aggressor. Choosing to ignore the aggressor is a difficult but effective strategy, just like staying away from a bully in real life. When you receive rude or harassing messages, try to distract yourself from what’s going on by doing something that doesn’t involve your phone or desktop.
- Remember there’s no shame in not responding to them––you really don’t have to acknowledge them or try to defend yourself. Giving back can make you feel strong and confident at the time, but it also provokes the perpetrator to continue their behavior – this time, revenge on a higher level.
- The most effective way to ignore cyberbullying is to block that user through the website. You can do it on most social networking sites.
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Report someone who repeatedly insults you. On the online community, these troublemakers are often blocked by network administrators or observant forum administrators. However, if you spot Internet abusers or are their direct victims, then raise the alarm to help yourself and other users. Network administrators usually will not intervene if they are not aware of the problem.
- If the offense goes beyond a certain website (i.e. they contact you via email), report the case to the authorities. Pay attention to the troublemaker’s Internet Service Provider (ISP), because they will be able to block the user’s access.
- If the problem is mainly with the online chat room, notify the server manager. Instant messaging services all have harassment policies that include information on what to do if something goes wrong between you and another user.
- If you are threatened, call the police. [14] X Research Source Make sure you document as many contacts as possible from the aggressor to use them as evidence. [15] X Research Source
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Learn about your legal rights. Internet violence is often the use of electronic communication technology to harass and intimidate school-age youth. Most countries have passed legislation in response to this issue. This list shows each country’s laws on Internet violence. Cyberstalking, and cyberharassment, is a troubling issue among adults outlawed in many countries [16] X Trusted Source National Conference of State Legislatures Go to the source This means you need to know how the law allows you to deal with being a victim of Internet violence.
- Reporting cases of Internet violence is encouraged whether or not your country specifically addresses electronic communications technology with its cyber harassment and attack laws.
- While Internet violence is often committed by someone the victim knows well in real life, the laws are different if that person lives somewhere else in the same country. Because Internet violent crimes raise difficult questions about the area within jurisdictions, solutions often have to be tailored to the underlying case. [17] X Research Source
- Whether or not you can sue an Internet abuser for defamation, this often changes because the definition of defamation isn’t always clear-cut. This website can help you determine if litigation is possible in your case.
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Pause network usage. Taking time to distract yourself with a variety of real-life events and actions can provide the comfort needed to work through the problem. Increased face-to-face social support has been shown to greatly help victims of Internet violence to help them deal with depressive symptoms rather than a “retaliatory” aggressive solution in the face of an attacker. cause trouble. [18] X Research Sources
- For useful vision, don’t try to ruminate on messages or posts that hurt you. Drag the messages away or delete the ones that hurt you right away so you’re not tempted to read them again. [19] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source If the messages are a real threat, be sure not to delete them, because they can be used as evidence in case you sue the perpetrator .
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Consider therapy. Internet violence often involves humiliation, libel, and violations of personal boundaries. [20] X Research Sources For these reasons, counseling can be a great way to deal with existing emotional pain and anxiety caused by long-term harassment or assault. Seeing a therapist is your chance to learn cognitive and behavioral strategies to find the root of the dangers of Internet violence.
Advice
- Spend more time cautiously visiting sites where the online community strives to maintain a friendly and supportive environment and away from threats or provocative behavior. Make the site where you are a member a place where people support other members and help create policies and guidelines accordingly.
X
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 17 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 3,139 times.
In most cases, the Internet is a great store of knowledge for us to learn, share, and connect with different people around the globe. However, many new opportunities also mean more risks that we must experience rejection, insult, and unwanted relationships with people with whom we can only try to limit our presence. their representation. Some aspects of dealing with vulnerability online are different from dealing with the same issue in real life – and others are the same. Here are a few ways to deal with the trauma of unfriending, social media defamation, and Internet violence (called Cyberbullying).
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