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This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,500 times.
Sexual desire is a very normal part of being human. However, these feelings sometimes affect life and relationships in a negative way. Finding ways to control your libido can improve your quality of life and increase your productivity, but you may not know where to start. Don’t worry – there’s wikiHow to find the information for you! We provide the most trusted advice, including advice from the Mayo Clinic and the American Psychological Association.
Steps
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Exit the current environment. Try to stay away from any environment that makes it hard to control your desires. For example, if you’re at home and feel like masturbating, go out for a quick walk to your local supermarket. If you can’t get out of your current environment (like at work), try talking to a colleague or taking a break.
- It’s also helpful to find someone to help hold you accountable, such as a best friend or therapist.
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Carry a to-do list with you. Write down all the tasks or chores around the house that you need to do today. If you feel your sex drive is driving you, look at that list and find another activity to distract yourself.
- If you think you can’t do something productive when you have a strong sexual desire, have something ready to distract you, such as a good book or a difficult puzzle.
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Postpone the urge to another time. Delaying an impulse makes you think about the behavior before you do it. This is a way to help you overcome feelings of discomfort and stress. [1] X Research Source
- Set time goals for yourself. Tell yourself, “I’ll be watching porn in an hour,” or whatever length of time you can put off. You may only delay this behavior for a minute. That’s okay, you can give yourself a minute.
- After this time has elapsed, you can continue to delay if you wish, or will do so. However, you should choose to delay whenever possible, even if it’s just for one more minute.
- After a while, you can extend this period without feeling the need to engage in the behavior.
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Make a list of all the negative consequences of your behavior. Writing down all the risks and negative consequences associated with such behavior can also help stave off sexual desire. Write down all the risks and potential consequences of doing a certain behavior. Always carry that list with you and open it up when you feel the urge.
Avoid lust-inducing situations
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Identify factors that trigger sexual desire. Spend some time thinking about your behavior and what makes you sexually desirable. Think about the triggers, what time of day, and what circumstances lead to those desires. Evaluate if any patterns are prominent in your behavior.
- If you spot a pattern, find ways to break the cycle with new behaviors or lifestyle changes. For example, you may find that you have the strongest sex drive in the evenings and weekends — when you’re not at work and have nothing to do. Maybe you should find a new hobby to take your mind off sex.
- Perhaps you are inspired by factors in your environment. If you are often aroused by steamy love scenes in movies, it is best to watch non-romantic films until you can control your desires well.
- Consider keeping a journal of the actions and behaviors that led to the desire. Journaling helps you identify triggers and general patterns of desire.
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Avoid watching pornographic movies. The porn industry is now in billions of dollars, and people are accepting it more and more. For that reason it is very difficult to ignore pornography, but because it brings sexual desire, it is best to avoid watching it if it is easy to indulge in troublesome desires. [2] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- You should install extensions or parental control applications on your computer to make it difficult to access pornography. You can even ask a friend or lover to install it and not tell you the password.
- Throw away all pornographic magazines, books or movies on the subject.
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Consider avoiding masturbation. You should avoid masturbation for a certain period of time to help control libido. For some people, avoiding masturbation may be more important than others. You should seek recommendations from a therapist to see what is right for you. [3] X Research Sources
- For example, if you find yourself unable to quit masturbating, make a determination to abstain from masturbation for a certain period of time. You should also do this if you are addicted to watching porn.
- For others, masturbation can enhance intimacy and improve sexual health. [4] X Research Sources
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Avoid using drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol make you lose your inhibitions, including your ability to suppress your sex drive. Stay away from parties or situations that could get you into trouble.
- When you use drugs and/or alcohol, you are more likely to be drawn into risky sexual activities. [5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
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Find effective methods to control thoughts. Find thinking techniques to help “change your mind” in your brain, and apply them when you start to feel sexually aroused. You should talk to a therapist about ways to manage your obsessive thoughts. Some of the techniques are:
- Get rid of all thoughts with meditation or mindfulness techniques. Don’t give up if you have a lot of trouble at first! Everyone has a hard time at first, but it gets easier over time. If you follow a certain religion, you can pray to focus your mind and find spiritual support.
- Turn your attention back to the current task. You need to acknowledge your sexual desires by telling yourself, “These are just thoughts. Now they don’t do me any good, they just hurt me.” Then you take a few deep breaths and return your focus to the present activity. [6] X Research Sources
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Minimize stress. Sometimes obsessive thoughts tend to creep into your mind when you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed. If you experience this every time you have sex, find ways to live a less stressful life. [7] X Research Sources
- For example, you may find yourself thinking too much about sex on late work days. Try waking up earlier or spending more time commuting to work to see if your thinking changes.
- Make a list of different tasks and see if they can be eliminated or delegated to others. Try to work smarter, not harder.
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Keep life busy. Keep your mind busy so you have to focus on things other than sex. Find a new hobby or join activities with friends. [8] X Research Sources
- Bring sexual energy into a creative project. Overcoming difficult emotions with imagination is a form of sublimation, or transforming “negative” or unwanted emotions into something positive or helpful. [9] X Research Source
- Find a hobby to keep you away from triggers. For example, if you have a tendency to watch porn when you’re home alone, find a hobby where you have to get out of the house to meet other people so you don’t live in a stimulating environment.
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Do exercise. Physical activity is one of the healthiest ways to control and manage a range of emotions, including the desire to have sex. Exercise regularly to counter the sexual energy, or head to the nearest park or gym as soon as you start to have this feeling. [10] X Research Source
- Consider setting health goals to work towards. For example, you might decide to lose weight, lift a certain weight, or train for a race or bike ride. When you’re not exercising, you can spend time learning how to achieve your health goals, instead of being distracted by your sex drive.
Talk to people who can help you
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See you doctor. Consider seeing a doctor to rule out health problems as a cause of libido. Sometimes illness can disrupt normal hormone levels and increase sex drive. [11] X Research Source
- Your doctor may ask you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist for an evaluation for a mood disorder. For example, a high sex drive is a symptom of bipolar disorder. [12] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Be honest with your doctor about your sexual desires and talk about your concerns. Estimate the number of times you think about sex or perform sexual desires. For example, say, “I watch porn and masturbate four times a day.” Your doctor will help you assess whether the behavior is really a problem, or is within normal limits.
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Talk to your partner about how you feel. If you are in a relationship, talk to them about your sexual desires. If you’re not sexually satisfied in that relationship, be honest and discuss how you can both make sex more of a priority.
- You could say, “I don’t know if I’ve had a lot of sex lately because we haven’t had sex. What do you think? Are you satisfied with our sex life?”
- Understand that you and your partner may have different levels of sexual desire. Maybe you want more sex than they do. This doesn’t mean either of you is right or wrong, it’s simply a personality trait of each person. Be honest with yourself and with each other about whether this can be worked out, or this will be the end of the relationship.
- Talk to them if you feel compelled to have an affair. Be honest, even if the conversation is difficult. You might say, “I know it’s hard to say this, but I’m having a crush on other people. I’m letting you know because I don’t want to lie and I’m trying so hard.” [13] X Research Source
- Consider seeing a love marriage counselor who specializes in treating sex addiction or sexual problems to help you navigate your relationship. [14] X Research Source
- Talking to a close friend is also a good idea. They will be the ones to hold you accountable for your goals, listen when you need relief, and respond objectively.
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Think about sexual desire from a religious perspective. If you want to control your sexual desires because of your religious beliefs, you should seek the advice of a spiritual leader in your faith community. Consider talking to a chaplain, priest, or congregation leader where you live. [15] X Research Source
- Shouldn’t be ashamed. Most likely spiritual leaders in your faith community have heard of this issue before, and know how to deal with it. You may be apprehensive about asking to speak to them; for example, “I’m battling an embarrassing personal issue. Do you have time for me to talk alone for a while?”
- Ask them about strategies that can help you understand your struggles from a religious perspective.
Get help for reluctant sexual behaviors
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Watch out for the warning signs of sex addiction. You have sex addiction (i.e. reluctance to engage in sexual acts) when sexual desires begin to take a toll on your life. When you start to feel stifled by your sex drive, you should seek out a counselor to help plan your treatment. Some warning signs to look out for are:
- Spending a lot of money on things to satisfy a sexual need (eg buying porn, going to a nude club, buying sex) [16] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- Feeling a strong urge to perform sex but not being satisfied once done [17] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Harms relationships with others, including relationships with sexual partners [18] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- Felt more apologetic for his behavior.
- Engaging in unsafe sex practices that can pose health and interpersonal problems (for example, sex without a condom, or sex with an employee) [19] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Spending a lot of time looking for sexual favors, and/or losing work productivity by wasting time on it [20] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
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Find advice. Consider seeing a counselor with expertise in treating sex addiction. To find a therapist, you should ask your doctor, contact your company’s Employee Assistance Program, get a referral from your local health department, or search online yourself.
- If you live in the US, you should find a counselor with an S-PSB (Problem Sexual Behavior Specialist) or CSAT (Sexual Addiction Therapist) certification. These certifications show that they have been trained in the causes and treatments of sexual behavior. [21] X Research Source
- Therapists are trained to be open-minded, non-judgmental, and accepting of other people’s problems. You shouldn’t feel ashamed that you need professional help. They are also subject to privacy laws and will protect your privacy, as long as you don’t risk harming yourself or others, or show signs of abuse. [22] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
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Join a support group. In the US there are many sex addiction support groups, and all use the same 12-step program template (similar to the program of the Alcohpics Anonymous group). Group meetings can help, hold you accountable during your recovery, and provide a goal for you to work towards. To find a support group near you, visit their websites at: [23] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source
- Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/
- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/
- Sexahpics Anonymous: https://www.sa.org/
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This article was co-written by Paul Chernyak, LPC. Paul Chernyak is a licensed professional counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.
There are 14 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 11,500 times.
Sexual desire is a very normal part of being human. However, these feelings sometimes affect life and relationships in a negative way. Finding ways to control your libido can improve your quality of life and increase your productivity, but you may not know where to start. Don’t worry – there’s wikiHow to find the information for you! We provide the most trusted advice, including advice from the Mayo Clinic and the American Psychological Association.
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