Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids

MADISON, WI—Shedding new light on the now-500-pound forest-dwelling antlered ungulant, zoologists at the University of Wisconsin–Madison announced the discovery of a new fastest land animal Friday after systematically subjecting a white-tailed deer to a regimen of specially tailored anabolic steroids. “Some cheetahs can temporarily reach a speed as high as 75 mph, which for much of history made them the fastest terrestrial mammal. Well, that was yesterday—we got an eight-point buck jacked to the gills on PEDs to blow those fucking kittycats right out of the water,” said wildlife biologist Dr. Richard McCann, whose 18-month research project and high-intensity fast-twitch-fiber-building synthetic hormone project has proven his theory that a deer whose testosterone output was increased by a factor of 30 could potentially break the national interstate speed limit. “The Odocoileus virginianus was never forced to evolve outright speed as a means of catching prey like the pronghorn or the wildebeest, so it maxed out around 30 mph. But once we got this little guy juicing, his hind legs alone gained over 40 pounds of pure muscle mass with less than 1 percent body fat. We got him leaving gazelles in the goddamn dust.” The white-tail easily broke the 85-mph goal set by McCann, reaching a top speed of 86.3 mph before developing several mood disorders, heart disease, testicular cancer, kidney failure, hypertension, and suffering frequent uncontrollable bouts of aggression and violence. MADISON, WI—Shedding new light on the now-500-pound forest-dwelling antlered ungulant, zoologists…

MADISON, WI—Shedding new light on the now-500-pound forest-dwelling antlered ungulant, zoologists at the University of Wisconsin–Madison announced the discovery of a new fastest land animal Friday after systematically subjecting a white-tailed deer to a regimen of specially tailored anabolic steroids. “Some cheetahs can temporarily reach a speed as high as 75 mph, which for much of history made them the fastest terrestrial mammal. Well, that was yesterday—we got an eight-point buck jacked to the gills on PEDs to blow those fucking kittycats right out of the water,” said wildlife biologist Dr.

Rivals.com – Three SEC programs in mix for four-star DB Jalyn Crawford

White tailed deer signs largest NFL contract to date A true flash in the pan. TheTierZoo Discover the new fattest land mammal, the human. While enlarging its brain for comfort it found a direct correlation to the size of its ass circumference. A great contender to the bear who ate 88 lbs of cocaine and became the most dangerous apex predator on the continent.

That’s cheetahing! Ok, who the fuck verified The Onion Update They accidentally Did this During Rutting Season! 6 local deer,4 hunting dogs killed By this Maniac and some dumb ass threw a bottle of viagra out and this damn thing found it on the side of the Highway WTF!!! All Hell is about to break out stay tuned for Update! 😵

BassProShots looks like the walrus finally has a run for his money Wait till they get a white nosed deer. They go really fast… Animals have so much potential, we just have to give them drugs, like Pokemon. Wait do people give drugs to Pokemon? They should.

Gal Gadot Introduces New Wonder Woman 1984 Trailer at Convention in BrazilOld loves and New Order get us pumped for next summer.

Steroids and blow. And they say science is useless. I DEMAND AN ASTERISK NEXT TO THEIR RECORD! Stop your transphobic propaganda, steroids don’t do anything Look out … rutting season ! ✔️😏 This must be a very Steriodic view Sounds like some Oilbuzz lately Onion, are you taking roids again? LMAO RazzJoey TheTierZoo

Decorated with butterflies, infant-sized coffins sent to measles-ravaged SamoaVolunteers in the New Zealand city of Rotorua are preparing two dozen white-line… All for a preventable disease. How tragic and unnecessary. So sad 😠😠Twitter Bans Fox News Host Pete Hegseth For Sharing Manifesto Of The Saudi Terrorist Who Attacked The FL Military Base Twitter let mainstream orgs share content that featured the manifestos of the New Zealand & El Paso terrorists to smear Trump

Jokes on them after I do the same with a cheetah. DrWildlife 🤣 Shhhhh! Now the Russian Olympic Committee has another bright idea!

Reuters Top News @ReutersLIVE: New Zealand emergency services, police hold news conference on White Island volcano eruption What Yeesh. So sad to hear that about New Zealand.😮😮

Factbox: Royal Caribbean cruise ship near New Zealand’s White IslandSome of the tourists on New Zealand’s White Island during Monday’s vol… Risk assessment fail Reuters more climate change propagada, the Globalist focal point now !!

New Zealand volcano webcam captures tourists in crater moments before eruptionA webcam set up on New Zealand’s White Island volcano shows at least one gr… this begs the question, why allow people anywhere near a volcano? Whoa As a 19 year old in 1968 I climbed Mt Tavurvur in Papua New Guinea, and down to the crater floor, no money involved just pure adventure. Tavurvur has erupted violently twice since then, in 1994 destroying Rabaul Town and again in 2014.

Reuters Top News @ReutersLIVE: New Zealand police hold news conference on White Island volcano eruption Please let me say: I love you! God bless NZ 🇲🇨 University of Faustin de Monaco Education: Police I have a lot of friends by the Police de Monaco. They allaways make a walking tour with me thrue Monaco and tell me where the border to ruined 🇫🇷France is? It’s true! You can📞call and ask!