When is texting considered cheating?

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’ve probably also noticed your partner’s or lover’s daily texting habits. If they start texting a lot more than usual, or just texting that special someone, you might feel a little suspicious (doubt is right). We’ve answered your questions about texting habits in your relationship so you can tell when the other person has gone too far.

Table of Contents

Is texting someone else considered cheating?

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Possibly, especially when this develops into a relationship. Texting a friend or colleague a few times a day is probably normal – it just shows that the relationship between the two parties is close and there is nothing shady about it. On the other hand, it can become a problem when people text most of the day and start putting their affections on the texting object instead of their partner or lover. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, if you see a message like “Only you can understand me”, “You look hot today” or “I love you” then this is off limits.
Or, you might catch your lover texting sex with another person.

What if your lover texts someone else?

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Ask your lover about their relationship. Just because you’re texting someone else doesn’t mean your partner is cheating – it could mean that they’re just texting a friend or acquaintance. However, if they’re acting suspicious or don’t want you to see the conversation, you’re probably facing a problem. ^{[2] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}

Note that everyone has a right to privacy, and you can’t expect to check your lover’s phone all the time. However, you can ask them to show the chat for peace of mind.

Can texting destroy a relationship?

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Possibly, although not certain. Unfortunately, texting back is a vehicle for deception. Instead of sneaking out of the house or staying late at work at work, people just sit comfortably at home and text each other on the phone. Texting isn’t always a bad thing, but it can certainly open the door to infidelity. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Some people argue that texting or an emotional affair is not as bad as a physical affair. However, both of these behaviors are hurtful, and you don’t have to tolerate any kind of emotional deception.

What is considered cheating?

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This is up to you and your lover to decide. Everyone’s relationship is different, and the limits you set may be different from others. Some people don’t care if their partner flirts with other people, as long as they don’t have a sexual relationship. For others, even flirting is considered cheating. Sit down and talk to your partner about what’s acceptable and what’s not to define the boundaries of the relationship and make sure you’re both happy. ^{[4] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}

For many people, texting someone once or twice a day is fine, but chatting back and forth throughout the day is another story.

What is considered adultery?

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That’s when there’s emotional attachment outside of the formal relationship. This bond means that you and the other person are more than just friendship, even if the two of you have never done anything sexually. You’re having an emotional affair if you don’t hesitate to confide in your partner about all your feelings or tell them things you’ve never told your partner. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Ideological infidelity is when a person gives a third person feelings beyond friendship. In addition to love, people also need friends (and that’s a good thing!), so if you or your partner have close friends, that’s perfectly fine. That relationship only entered the realm of deception when it became a deep emotional attachment almost like love. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, you could text a friend once or twice a week and hang out with them a few times a month.
When you’re having an emotional affair, you’re probably texting them every day, so you can find every opportunity to be with them, even if it means you have little time to spend with your partner.

What are the signs that your lover is cheating?

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They always hide the phone. Maybe your lover recently set a phone password, or they get nervous every time you borrow the phone. If your partner is suddenly becoming too careful with their phone or computer, there’s probably something in there that they don’t want you to see. It’s not definitive proof, but it’s a red flag. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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Sometimes you can’t contact them. Your partner may make excuses that their phone is dead or that they are in a meeting, but you know that’s not true. If there are times when you have no way of contacting your lover, it could be that they are doing something sneaky. This is even more true if it happens frequently, such as a few times a week. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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They are less intimate with you. This can include both emotional and physical. If you feel like you and your partner talk less or have less sex, then it’s possible that your other half has been satisfied somewhere. While this is not always the case, (sometimes the change has other reasons), it is still a warning sign. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Depression also often causes people to close off or to have low libido. If you only notice these signs in your partner, check to see if they are okay before accusing them of cheating.

Advice

If you suspect your partner or lover is having an affair, sit down and have a frank talk with them about it. That way everything will be clear and you can decide what to do next.

Steps