What should you do when your girlfriend is lying?

You will not be comfortable when you find someone lying to you, especially someone you need to absolutely love and trust. If the girl you love is lying to you, you are probably confused about what to do next. In this article, we’ll tell you how to confront your girlfriend about this and what you can do to improve your relationship.

Table of Contents

Give her a chance.

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It’s best to let her talk about it herself. Instead of questioning or accusing her of anything, talk softly and give her a chance to admit she lied to you. If she admits it right away, that’s a good sign – it means she feels guilty about lying and probably won’t do it again. ^{[1] X Research Source}

You might say, “Hey, can we talk about where you went yesterday?” or “I wonder something about what you said yesterday.”
People who feel guilty about lying will often admit it right away, but people with compulsive lying will almost never admit it even when you corner them.

Ask a harmless question related to the lie.

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Give your girlfriend a chance to clarify by asking questions. Instead of jumping right into the issue she’s worried about, start by mentioning a small thing. You don’t have to push her, but you can make her think twice about continuing to lie to you. This is a good way to bring up the issue without making her feel like she’s being attacked. You can ask questions like: ^{[2] X Research Sources}

“So what time did you go to lunch yesterday?”
“Did you go out with Ngoc yesterday? How is she?”
“Did you have a good time shopping yesterday? Which stores do you go to?”

Question your girlfriend about a lie if she won’t admit it.

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Say you know she lied if she won’t admit it. If there is evidence, you can give; if not, just say you know the truth. Try not to sound too angry, just tell her the truth so she can’t deny it. The point here isn’t to argue or make her feel guilty – just say you know she’s not telling the truth. You can say: ^{[3] X Research Source}

“I won’t lie anymore. I already know what you did yesterday.”
“I know that’s not true.”

Ask why she feels the need to lie.

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Sometimes people lie because they are insecure about something. While lying is never a good option, you can probably understand why your girlfriend is doing it if she has a good reason. Ask her why she feels compelled to lie to you, then discuss why it’s still wrong. You can say: ^{[4] X Research Sources}

“Why do you feel compelled to lie to me? You think I’ll get mad when you go out alone with a guy?”
“I just don’t understand why you feel compelled to lie to me. You know I can tell you anything.”

Work on building trust if your relationship lacks trust.

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Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. If your girlfriend is lying, you probably don’t trust her anymore, and this is bad for anyone’s relationship. You can rebuild trust by asking her to speak clearly to you and not lie, even about small things. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

An effective way to rebuild trust is to be completely honest with your girlfriend about every little thing in life. If your girlfriend wants to regain your trust, let her be honest about everything, like parking tickets, embarrassing moments, and little things that happen during the day.
Rebuilding trust also means you’ll need to be tolerant of what happened. If you still harbor resentment towards your girlfriend because she lied, try to work this out with her first to see if you can move on from the past.

Reassure your girlfriend if she lied about something in the past.

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Sometimes people lie because they have had to lie in the past. Many times they’ve dated someone who can get mad or angry all the time over little things. It is also possible that your girlfriend has been cheated on before and this has left her with doubts until now. If so, sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. Tell her you’re not someone she’s dated in the past, and work with her to build trust to give her peace of mind. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Trauma from a past relationship is often difficult to overcome. You can ask your girlfriend to go see a psychologist for help.

Deal with jealousy issues if she lies out of fear.

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Your girlfriend may lie because she’s afraid you’ll be jealous. This often happens to people who have been in a relationship with a controlling or abusive person. Even if you’re not jealous or angry, she may think you are. You can talk to your girlfriend about past experiences and help her overcome her fears. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, she might lie about going out with a guy of the opposite sex because she thinks you’ll be angry.

Build trust if she lies out of embarrassment.

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Sometimes people lie to hide a bad habit. If your girlfriend lies about something she’s embarrassed about like smoking or drinking even after quitting, let her know she can tell you anything, no matter what. What. It might also help if you tell your girlfriend about some of your bad habits to let her know that you’re not perfect either. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

If you’ve only been dating for a short while, it’s easy to understand why your girlfriend might not be comfortable telling you the embarrassing truth. Maybe your girlfriend thinks you don’t want to be around her anymore.

Forgive your girlfriend if you want to move on with her.

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It may take a while, but you can forgive your girlfriend. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may want to take some time to see if you can move on from the past. If you can, forgive her and try to reconnect with her. The two of you may need to work through the underlying issues before deciding to forgive. ^{[9] X Research Source}

It sounds strange, but forgiveness is actually a choice. You can try to forgive someone by letting go of the past and letting go of your anger.
Forgiveness is a very personal process and does not have to be immediate. You can let your girlfriend know if you need time to think before you forgive.

Make sure she doesn’t keep lying to you.

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You can double-check her story or ask for proof if needed. Even if you’ve forgiven your girlfriend, you don’t have to forget it. If she lied about something big or put the relationship at risk, you need to double-check what she says. You don’t have to overdo it or ask for proof of anything, but you can keep your skepticism until she can convince you again. ^{[10] X Research Source}

For example, if she lied about money spent in the past, you could ask her to show her bank statements.

Consider ending the relationship if she continues to lie.

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Unfortunately, lying can be a barrier for many people. If your girlfriend continues to lie and you feel like you can’t trust her, it may be time to end the relationship. This is a big decision and doesn’t have to be made right away, but you also don’t have to stay with someone you can’t trust. ^{[11] X Research Source}

People with compulsive liars, i.e. people who lie all the time, often need help from a psychologist to overcome their lying. If your girlfriend falls into this category, she may need to see a therapist to stop lying.

Steps