What if you don’t tell your parents about your relationship

If your parents aren’t happy about your relationship, keeping your relationship private will make it easier for you to breathe, but at the same time you may feel guilty for keeping it a secret. What should you do in this dilemma? We are already here to assist you. We’ll help you figure out if there’s anything wrong with hiding it from your parents. In addition, we will also tell you how to keep it a secret if you believe this is the best option.

Table of Contents

Is it okay to hide your relationship from your parents?

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No problem. You can wait until you feel comfortable talking to your parents. You have the right to keep matters private, including love affairs. You have no obligation to tell your parents about your lover if you don’t want to. You can totally wait until you feel ready.

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Let your parents know when you’re comfortable. In general, hiding parents is only a temporary solution. Once your feelings for that person have grown closer, it is best to let your parents know. If you feel like you’ll stick around for a long time, consider introducing your partner to your parents.

You can let your parents know when you’ve been dating for about 4 months, when you already know a lot about your lover.
You don’t have to tell your parents if you’re afraid of their reaction. Safety first.

Reasons to hide the relationship

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Keep it a secret if you can put yourself in danger when your parents know. You deserve to be loved and respected by your parents, but sometimes your parents also have their own problems that make them behave badly. Perhaps you should hide this from your parents if you fear being hurt or kicked out of your home by telling them. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, you might not be able to tell your parents that you’re LGBTQ+ if you knew they were terrified of homosexuality. In this case, you can wait a while and only go public when you feel safe.
Similarly, you probably shouldn’t let your parents know if they’ve threatened to not support you financially or send you to a relative’s house.

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Keep your relationship private if your parents are very conservative. Your parents have the right to have their own opinion. Meanwhile, you also need space to choose your decisions. ^{[2] X Research Source} It’s only natural that you want to date and have fun. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a little secret.

Let’s say your parents don’t want you to date. Are your friends dating? If yes, then why can’t you date?

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Don’t tell your parents if they are biased and have been unhappy with your relationship. Regrettably, parents sometimes do not accept their children’s lovers because of race, national origin or religion. This is unacceptable, and don’t let your parents’ prejudices influence your way of life. It’s understandable if you want to hide your relationship for a while knowing that your parents will react the same way. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

In this case, you should be with your lover more. Make your lover understand how important they are to you.
In the meantime, talk to your parents, explaining why you don’t agree with their prejudices. You can start the conversation with something like, “What are you afraid will happen if you date someone who doesn’t share your religion?” or “Why do you think skin color is important?”

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Don’t be in a hurry to let your parents know if they urge you to get married. Your parents must always want the best for you and may have the misconception that that means you have to have a long-term partner. This can make you feel pressured to go on a date, as your parents want whoever you bring home to introduce to be “the one”. In this case, you can wait to let your parents know until you are sure that your relationship is serious.

This is where you can apply the 4-month rule. After 4 months of dating, you can arrange to introduce your lover to your parents.

Reasons not to hide your relationship

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This is a bad idea if you are being controlled or abused. You deserve a healthy and happy relationship. Because abusers are usually very kind in the beginning, it’s easy to fall into a toxic relationship. Your parents can help you get out of this situation, so be honest with them. ^{[4] X Research Sources} Here are some signs that your partner may be abusing you:

They curse you or criticize you.
They try to separate you from family and friends.
They check your phone and follow your social media.
They threaten you, make you feel guilty, or force you to do things you don’t want to.
They harm you in any way.

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Your lover can get hurt emotionally when you hide your relationship from them. Perhaps you love your partner and don’t want to hurt them, but if you keep your relationship a secret, your partner will question whether you’re serious. Be open and honest with your partner about your reasons, but understand if they’re upset about it. ^{[5] X Research Source} Try saying something like:

“I really love you and am proud to have a lover like you, but I have not told my parents because I am afraid they will be angry. Can we pretend we’re just friends in front of your parents?”
“I know you’re upset that I haven’t introduced you to my parents. But in the past, my parents kept pushing me to get married, so I wanted to wait until we were sure.”
“I am very sorry to have to keep our relationship a secret. I love you so much and don’t want to lose you. I don’t mind that we have different religions, but I know your parents will be disappointed. I just need some time to think about how to tell my parents.”

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If you lie, the relationship between you and your parents may be damaged. Trust is extremely important in any relationship, including that between parents and children. Over time, your lies can erode the trust of your parents, and it will take a long time to heal if you are found to be lying. ^{[6] X Research Source}

In some cases, lying will still help you gain more than you lose, but you need to be honest with yourself when weighing the consequences.

Tips for keeping a relationship secret

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Only disclose to people you truly trust. Keep it a secret from anyone who might tell your parents. In general, you should probably only tell close friends. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If you tell someone, ask them to cover you when you’re with your lover. For example, you could say that you go to that friend’s house instead of going out with your lover.

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Make it look like you have nothing to hide. Your parents may be suspicious if you keep sneaking around or hide your phone out of nowhere. Try to act like you have nothing to hide so your parents think everything is okay. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, if you always tell your parents when you go out and who you go with, then don’t be vague when you go to meet your lover to avoid suspicion. Instead, you could say, “I’m going to meet a classmate at the pizzeria,” or “I’m going to the park with some friends.”
Likewise, don’t cover your phone when your parents pass by, because that way they’ll know right away that something’s up.

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Talk to your parents about other aspects of your life. Your parents might feel strange if you don’t talk openly anymore. To put your parents at ease, find other things to talk about, such as work, school, your hobbies, or activities you do with friends. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, you could tell your parents about a new project you’re working on. You can also talk about a movie you just watched or a book you just finished reading.

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Be careful what you post on social media. Private pictures, status lines and messages on social media are all extremely dangerous for a secret relationship. ^{[10] X Research Sources} Your parents can see your posts, or worse, they can read your private messages. To be on the safe side, don’t post anything about your lover and remember to delete all messages.

Talk to your partner about what to post on social media. Tell them not to post pictures and statuses about you until you are ready.

Advice

Keeping a secret can make a relationship seem interesting at first, but it can be damaging over time. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Warning

Only hide the relationship if that’s what you want. If your partner forces you to keep secrets, they’re probably not the right person for you. You can confide in an objective person, such as a friend or a counselor, as they can help you figure out whether to keep it a secret.

Steps