Ways to Comfort Others With Words

Finding the right words to comfort someone who is going through a difficult time is not easy for many people. Depending on how close you are with your partner, you can say many words that show your sympathy and concern. Refer to the suggestions in this article and choose the right words to use when you want to comfort someone.

Table of Contents

Acknowledge the person’s pain.

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Let the person know that you feel their pain. Choose the right time and situation to let your partner know you understand what they’re going through. This will help the person feel free to express their feelings. ^{[1] X Research Source}

You don’t have to be specific if you don’t want to. You might say, “I know this is a difficult time for you and your family.”
Or, you might say, “I know you’re in a lot of pain right now.”

Say condolences to them.

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These are the right words to open words of comfort to others. If you don’t know how to comfort someone, say “My condolences to you.” Be more specific about what you would like to share with them if you feel comfortable and appropriate. ^{[2] X Research Source}

For example, if your loved one just had a miscarriage, you could say, “My condolences on the loss of your baby.”
Or, if a friend’s father recently passed away, you could say, “My condolences to your family.”

Try to distract the person if they don’t want to talk.

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Let them know that you are there by helping them stop thinking about their sadness. You can invite the person out to dinner or to a movie. Or, you would invite them over to your house to chat. Let them know that you are available whenever they want to meet and help them not think about the difficult time they are going through. ^{[3] X Trusted Sources American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

For example, when a friend recently lost a parent, you might say, “My condolences to your family. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Would you like to go somewhere for dinner with me?”
Or, if a coworker just broke up with a lover, you might say, “I’ve been through this too. If you want to go out for lunch, just let me know!”

Ask how they feel.

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Here’s how to help him or her open up to you. Don’t assume you know how they feel about what they’re going through. Instead, ask them and let them help you understand the pain. You can say: ^{[4] X Research Sources}

“I know you are going through a difficult time. How do you feel about today’s incident?”
“How do you feel about what just happened?”
“Why are you crying?”
“What made you feel this way?”

Talk about the person’s feelings.

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Find out more about what the person is going through. Hear what they have to say about a difficult time. Try to be honest about their feelings. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I know you’re upset and don’t understand why this is happening.”
Or, you might say, “I understand why you feel hurt and angry about what happened.”
Showing empathy is an effective way to comfort someone who is grieving.

Reassure them that they can cry.

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Many people hold back their feelings of sadness because they find it shameful to cry. You need to let someone who is going through a difficult time know that they can cry in front of you if needed. venting can really help someone recover mentally. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

For example, if a friend gets tough after a divorce and you know he’s hurting, say, “If you want to cry, cry. I know you’re suffering right now.”
Or, if a friend is sad about their dog’s death, say, “I’m here if you want someone to talk to. You don’t have to try to hold back the tears in front of you.”

Say you love them if appropriate.

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Words of love can truly comfort a close friend or loved one. When you see someone you care about going through a difficult time, gather the courage to say your love. This is when they need the most love. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, if your brother is grieving over the loss of his pet dog, say, “I just want you to know that I love you.”
Or, if your best friend just lost a parent and confides in you over the phone, say, “I love you” before you hang up.

Sincere and honest.

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You may empathize with their loss or don’t know what to say. If you don’t know how to comfort someone, let them know but still show concern. Or, if you empathize with their loss and pain, you should express your feelings to show understanding. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, you might say, “I’m sorry to hear about your dad. We had a wonderful childhood with him. I was really sad when I heard the news.”
Or, you could say, “I don’t know what to say right now, and my words probably won’t ease your sadness, but I just want you to know that I care and will always be there for you.”

Don’t give advice.

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People often don’t seek advice when they’re upset. Avoid giving your partner advice on what they should or shouldn’t do during a difficult time. Instead, focus on making sure they know you’re around and acknowledging their struggles. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, if the person is upset that the cat just left and hasn’t returned home, don’t say that they should have checked the windows before going out. Instead, say, “I’m sorry to hear about what just happened. I’ll help you find the cat.”
Or, if someone is upset because they just got fired, don’t say, “You should start looking for a new job now.” Instead, say, “That sucks. I’m very sorry. If you need help finding a new job, just let me know.”

Avoid further explaining or making excuses for the situation.

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Comments that you make with good intentions can upset your partner even more. Don’t tell someone who just lost a loved one that their loved one has gone to a better place or that it was God’s will. Avoid using clichés like “Things shouldn’t be this way” as an excuse for a breakup or job loss. ^{[10] X Research Source}

For example, if a friend’s father just passed away, you shouldn’t say, “He’s no longer in pain.” Instead, say, “My condolences to you. I know this is a difficult time for you.”
Or, if a friend just lost a job, don’t say, “Maybe this job isn’t right for you anymore.” Instead, say, “I know you’re confused right now, but I’ll be here to help you as much as I can.”

Steps