Is it normal for couples to never argue?

If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship with constant arguments, you might find it odd if your current relationship isn’t conflict-free. You feel something is wrong or anxiously wonder if things will turn out that well. Rest assured, you probably have nothing to worry about. While it’s healthy to have occasional disagreements between couples, it’s also perfectly normal to calm down in the early stages of a relationship. Furthermore, there’s a chance that you and your partner actually have a disagreement – but it’s so well resolved that you don’t realize it! In any case, if you want to know to what extent is it normal for a couple to argue and if you have any problems, you’ve come to the right place.

Table of Contents

Is it normal for a couple to never argue?

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This is completely normal if two people have been together for less than a year. The “honeymoon” period is an early stage in a relationship when everything is fresh. Couples don’t usually argue during this period because the excitement and dynamics of love help to mask anything that could cause conflict. This phase usually lasts from 6 to 12 months, so don’t worry if you’re not arguing if you’ve been with your partner for less than a year! ^{[1] X Research Source}

If it’s been a year and the two of you still have nothing to argue about, then there’s nothing to worry about. Every couple is different, and your honeymoon period may be longer than average.
If you two start arguing after 6-12 months, don’t take it seriously. This is completely normal, and even if you feel frustrated right now, this is an important step in the development of the relationship.

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In a long-term relationship, it’s almost impossible not to have arguments. No one in this world is exactly the same, and it would be silly to expect two people in a committed relationship to never collide. Every couple has disagreements, and that’s okay. If you and your partner have started arguing and you’re worried it’s a warning sign, don’t stress. This is completely normal and healthy. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Think about how many things two people have to agree on to never argue when they’re together for a long time. From what to eat for dinner, where to rent your first apartment, when to get married, to what religion to raise your children – the two of you will have to get along on all of that. It’s unreal!

Is it sane if a couple never argues?

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Yes, if at least there are disagreements between the two. We often picture couples’ conflicts as angry verbal battles. In fact, it’s not just shouting that causes conflict. Peaceful conversations where two people disagree are also considered arguments. If you and the other person at least have conversations like this, don’t worry just because you two never raise your voice at each other. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

It’s also possible that the two of you are still arguing all the time but don’t feel it’s a conflict. If the two of you have disagreements, even though they are not loud, it is considered an argument. Lead is what you’ve done very well!

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This is not healthy if either of you tries to avoid unpleasant topics. There are also couples who never disagree or argue, just because one person deliberately avoids certain unhappy issues. This is actually not good, because negative emotions will build up over time, leading to frustration, resentment, and anger. If the two of you seem to be on the same page and this has been going on for years, maybe the two of you should sit down and talk to see if there’s a potential problem between the two of you. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Talk to your partner so they know you won’t be angry if they have something on their mind. That way, you can help them open up.
If you’re upset about something that’s long been avoided, consider jotting down how you feel and sending it to your partner. Often people are afraid to speak out loud, and many find it easier to process emotions on paper.

Is there any relationship without controversy?

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This usually happens when one person dominates the other. While many people get angry when they feel underpowered, some stay quiet – especially if they need something from their partner and have nowhere else to go. Arguments don’t usually happen in unhealthy relationships where one person has overwhelming power. ^{[5] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source}

For example, if a stay-at-home person has no income and is dependent on the other for support, then it is understandable that the stay-at-home person often has to be patient to avoid conflict.
Psychotherapy on love and marriage will be of great help to these couples. A deeply rooted unequal relationship can be very difficult to deal with without outside help.

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Every healthy relationship has (and should have) arguments. Arguing isn’t fun, of course, but it’s important for stability and health in a relationship. If you expect a perfect relationship where you and your lover never argue, you will be hard pressed to avoid disappointment. ^{[6] X Research Source} Find someone nice and treat you with respect. As long as they meet these two standards, the arguments between the two sides will not go too far. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

If you want to have a peaceful family life with less quarrels, find someone with similar beliefs and views. Similar views on politics, religion, and philosophy will help you avoid many violent arguments. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

What benefits does arguing bring to couples?

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It helps each person reaffirm their independence and set boundaries. Arguments show the boundaries of each person in the relationship. This is vital to a healthy relationship. If a person can’t stand piles of unwashed dishes and takes it very seriously, then the problem must be raised early. The arguments also remind the couple that each is a separate person. A self-sufficient couple is a happy couple! ^{[9] X Research Source}

Self-control is the ability to control yourself. Arguing is a way for people to tell the other person, “I want to control this aspect of the relationship.” This is at the heart of the couple’s power negotiation and mutual respect.

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It helps you practice handling serious disagreements that may arise in the future. Through petty quarrels, two people can learn to argue effectively. This may seem like a small thing, but arguing is also a skill, and it’s important to master this skill before it’s needed. One day, you and your partner may disagree about something big like marriage, having children, or money-related issues. Learning how to handle disagreements well at this point is essential. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Every couple has different conflicts, and recognizing what makes the other angry, what escalates, and what helps cool down will be an important skill at some point!

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The cycle of “fight and make up” will help strengthen the bond between the two sides. Collisions can bring people closer together, and this is especially true in romantic relationships. Conflicts over things that are important to both of you can be painful when they happen, but compromise and making up often bring two people closer. At this point, the conflict will make your relationship stronger! ^{[11] X Research Source}

One scenario that doesn’t fit the above statement is when you and your partner are arguing over and over again about the same issue. It’s often a sign that the two of you need to work through issues that you may not have identified.

How do I know that we’re not arguing?

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This is a matter of concern if someone’s needs are not being met. If either person is not getting the basics they need in a relationship, the absence of conflict is a sign that the relationship is not balanced. Both must feel comfortable expressing their wishes, and if someone isn’t doing so just to avoid conflict then this needs to be handled. ^{[12] X Research Source}

If you are someone with unmet needs, ask your partner to sit down and say, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a long time, but I’ve been hesitating, I want to…” Try to communicate in a calm and peaceful manner, and it’s okay if there’s a little friction! You will get over it.
If you feel the other person needs something and doesn’t say it, remind them often that you just want them to be happy and that you don’t mind if they have something to say. Some people need sympathy to freely express themselves.

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This is a potential problem if either person tries to avoid the conflict. If there is a conflict that you or your partner always want to avoid, the negative emotions will accumulate and accumulate more and more heavily. If you’re upset about something, say it! If you think the other person is upset, encourage them to open up. Even if it’s controversial now, you’ll find relief in the long run. ^{[13] X Research Source}

If you sometimes notice that your partner seems aloof and seems angry at you about something without saying anything, remind them that they can say what they’re thinking and don’t worry about your anger. If they open up, thank them for being frank – even if their reprimands may be frustrating at the time.
If you’re upset about something but really don’t want to argue, let your partner know! For example, “I don’t want to cause controversy because I care about your feelings, but I’m sad when you…”

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If you’re both happy and everything is fine, you don’t have to worry because you’re not arguing. Every couple has a different frequency and level of arguments. ^{[14] X Research Source} As long as you two love each other, feel happy and attached to each other, don’t worry too much just because there is no conflict between the two of you. It’s only when there’s a big potential problem between the two of you that it’s worth worrying about, so if you’re both still having fun, don’t overthink it! ^{[15] X Research Source}

How should I argue with my partner?

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Say something positive about them before criticizing, stay calm and in control. Take the initiative to say something nice and positive before moving on to complaining or criticizing. This will calm the negative feelings and keep the necessary composure. There’s no point in shouting at each other. Gentleness, honesty, and goodwill are essential to a good outcome of an argument. ^{[16] X Research Source}

For example, if you’re upset that your husband never gives you flowers, say, “I love you so much and I know you express your love to me in your own way, but I’m happy to ask you to give me flowers.” Sometimes I give you gifts.”

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Focus on talking about behavior instead of personality. Tell yourself that this is a “we vs trouble”, not “me vs you”. With this perspective, your focus should be on the other person’s actions, not on who they are. When you start criticizing the other person’s character, they may start to get defensive. ^{[17] X Research Source}

This is where sentences with the subject in the first person come in handy. Statements that begin with “I never…” or “You really are…” can make the other person feel attacked. Think of the difference between “You are so messy,” and “I see a lot of times when you don’t clean up after you’re done.”
As another example, you might get very angry when the other person doesn’t call or text back. Maybe you just want to spit out the reproach, “I care so little about you that I don’t even pick up the phone.” What will they hear here? “I don’t care about you…” Instead, you could say, “It would be great if you answer me as soon as you call or text me.”

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Schedule time for arguments and offer to take a break if things start to heat up. It sounds silly, but scheduling time to argue can help you defuse conflicts. It gives both of you time to cool off and process your emotions. In addition, the “pause” time also helps to keep the controversy from spiraling out of control. This will be very helpful if disagreements start to turn into loud verbal battles. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Contrary to popular belief, you can go to sleep angry. Sometimes, the same sleep alone can give one the time needed to cool off and work through the issues in their head. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Advice

If you and your partner are trying to figure out how to argue effectively, see a love, marriage, and family counselor. Expert advice can help the two of you handle thorny issues in a helpful way. ^{[20] X Research Sources}

Steps