How To What Should You Do When Your Boyfriend Says He Needs Some Space?

Your boyfriend says he needs some space, how do you respond if you don’t understand what he means? Whether the two of you are new to dating or have been in a relationship for a long time, the fact that he says he needs some space will give you quite a headache. However, you can still fulfill this wish without making him leave you. Read on to find out how you should respond to him and what you can do to give him space.

This article is based on an interview with clinical psychologist Lena Dicken.

Table of Contents

Avoid jumping to conclusions

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Boyfriends need their own space while being in love is normal. Just because he says he needs space doesn’t mean he wants to break up or leave you. Unless you find him sad or unhappy, it could simply mean that your relationship is moving too fast and doesn’t have enough time for himself. Think positively because this is not necessarily going to make the sky fall. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Space alone when in love allows you to develop other relationships, have time for personal goals, and appreciate the time you spend together.

Ask him how much he needs his own space

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Knowing exactly what he wants will keep you from pushing his boundaries. Many people may want to cut off contact completely, but maybe he just wants to spend more time with himself or with friends. Ask him what he wants so he knows what he needs to do.

“How much privacy do you need?”
“What do you want me to do best?”
“Do you want me to keep in touch often?”

Express your feelings and needs

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Your feelings and needs are just as important as his. Even if he’s the one who says he needs space first, you need to let him know what you need to be satisfied in this relationship. Use the first person when expressing your feelings so that he doesn’t feel that you are accusing. This way of expressing feelings will make him receptive and keep him closer to you. ^{[2] X Research Source}

“I’m a bit confused because I cherish our time together, I don’t want to lose it.”
“I want to talk to you every day, so if I can’t contact you often, I’ll be sad.”
“If we were to be apart, I would be very lonely. How do I know we’re okay?”

Say you will always support him

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He’ll appreciate your support if that’s what he needs. Even if you can’t help, you can still be there if he needs encouragement. You don’t have to force yourself to help him, but let him know he can always find you.

“I know you need some space, but if you need to talk just give me a call.”
“When you’re ready to talk, give me a call.”
“I’m always here, if you need help just let me know.”

Negotiate a time if he wants to be away for a longer time

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Choosing a time to end the separation will help you not have to wait. If your boyfriend wants you to be apart for a while, agree on a specific time to continue meeting and talking. It could be a week, it could be a month or two, depending on how much time he needs to decide what he wants. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

“Can you text me after a week and let me know how you are?”
“I’ll talk to you again in a couple of weeks.”
“Is one month enough time? I’ll text you in a month.”
If he doesn’t want to choose an end date, he may want to leave you forever. Remember that you deserve someone who respects your time and wants to be with you.

Give him the space he needs

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Respect his wishes so he doesn’t push you further. Do what he wants, whether you agree or not. If he wants you to stop communicating and cut off contact completely, then try to do the same. He’ll appreciate it when you listen and let him handle his own problems. ^{[4] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Clinging to your boyfriend when he wants his own space can push him further away from you.

Don’t blame yourself

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Blaming yourself only makes you think more negatively. Maybe your boyfriend needs space because he feels like he’s missing something, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. If you are too stressed about this suggestion of his, then relax by walking or taking deep breaths to relax yourself. Talk to yourself in a positive way to boost your confidence and dispel negative thoughts in your head.

Determine what you can give in the relationship

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Listening to positive qualities will strengthen you. Instead of thinking about the things you lack, think about the things that make you special and great. Focus on your unique personality traits and what you value in yourself. Then, take a few seconds to think about what you did for your boyfriend to make him feel loved and supported. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Make time for your own hobbies

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Doing what you enjoy will make you think less and become more attractive. One of the ways to make your boyfriend realize what he’s missing is to always be an interesting person. Spend your free time doing things you love or building relationships with those around you. If he sees that in addition to him, you also have a life of your own, he’ll probably realize what he’s missing.

Don’t rush when he wants to reconnect

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Rushing back to the way it was at first can be overwhelming after a temporary separation. After a period of separation, you will probably have a lot to share with him, however, talking too much right away can push him away again. Cherish your quality time together and live in the moment so you don’t inadvertently make him feel distant. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Steps