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You are in a serious relationship with your boyfriend and ready to take it one step further. If you still don’t know how to express it to that person, check out this article.
Steps
Directly speaking
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Prepare the ideal space. If you think he will agree and want to have sex right away, prepare a romantic space. Light some candles and invite him to your house to watch movies, listen to music, or play games. Make sure there is enough time and private space for sex. [1] X Research Source
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Wait until the two of you are alone together. Normal discussions can be done in public, but when it comes to private matters like love, the two of you have to talk in a place where it’s just the two of you. [2] X Research Source
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Tell him you’re willing to go further. The signals you send out may be obvious to you, but he may not be able to catch up. In that case you need to build up your courage and talk about how you feel. [3] X Research Sources
- Ask him, “I’m ready to have sex with you, do you want that?” or “Do you want to be more intimate with me?”
- If you don’t like asking him to do it, say, “I’m ready for us to be close, but it’s fine if you need more time.” When you say so, he will have a chance to say no without making you both uncomfortable.
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Be respectful if he refuses. If your boyfriend says he’s not ready, be understanding and don’t force it. He may need a little more time. The willingness of both is very important before starting a new ladder. [4] X Research Sources[5] X Research Sources
Choose your approach
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Text or call to tell your boyfriend that you want to start having sex. If you’re too shy to tell him face-to-face about your first time together, texting or calling is a good option. [6] X Research Sources
- If you’re texting, get straight to the point like, “Do you want to have sex?” The text of the message is just enough to get his attention, and you can turn around that you were only joking if you got rejected.
- Or you can use hints, telling him what you’re wearing or asking “What are you wearing?” This can lead to messages or calls that spark interest. If it feels good, ask him to come over to you and see what happens.
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Show it instead of saying it. Next time you’re together, you should take the opportunity to show him that you’re ready to have sex. You have to make sure your boyfriend wants this too before you try to seduce him. If he refuses, don’t be proud. Give him more time and try again when he tells you he’s ready. [7] X Research Sources
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Send him a message. An email or handwritten letter is the perfect solution if you have trouble expressing your feelings. Write honestly about how you feel and keep the story light. [8] X Research Source You need to make sure he reads it in private and delete/store it in a safe place after reading it.
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Waiting for a special occasion. An upcoming special occasion like a birthday or anniversaries can be a good opportunity to express that you want to go further. The time before the date is when you are ready and it will become a memorable day.
Talk to your boyfriend
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Make sure you’re ready for sex. Before you even think about talking to your boyfriend, you need to make sure you’re willing to do so. If you want to move forward without having sex before, think about why you would want to be proactive about it. Consider things like your emotional readiness, your knowledge of contraception and safe sex, your feelings for your boyfriend, and your personal beliefs and values. [9] X Research Source
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Think about what you want. Whether you’ve had sex with other guys before or not, having sex with someone for the first time is still special. Think about how you want it to happen and make sure you really want to do this with the person. [10] X Research Source
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Protect yourself. Have a condom ready and keep it within reach at all times so you’re always ready for the first time you have sex. Stock up a few in your purse or nightstand. You should also talk to your boyfriend about birth control options so that both of you are responsible for your sexual health. [11] X Research Sources Keep in mind that birth control methods only prevent pregnancy, and condoms can protect you from STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and help prevent pregnancy. However, no method is 100% guaranteed. [12] X Research Source
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Don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend directly that you want sex. Even if he doesn’t mean it, he appreciates your sincerity. Just relax and make a plan to express your feelings to him. [13] X Research Source
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Talk about your hopes for the relationship. If you want to know the extent of his feelings for you, you should chat to assess how far the relationship will go. The conversation should take place before you both decide to get close. It’s easier to talk about your hopes and expectations for the relationship before you become partners. [14] X Research Source During the conversation, you also need to listen to his emotional expectations and respect that. You can start the story by: [15] X Research Source
- If you don’t want to sound like you’re trying to talk about a relationship, ask him, “So what are your plans for next year?” If you’re part of his future dreams, he may be looking for a long-term relationship.
- More directly you can ask, “How far do you think we’re going?”
- Or if you just want to know if he sees you as a lover, ask, “So how should I respond if my friends ask about us?” [16] X Research Source
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Don’t set unrealistic expectations. You should only make love to someone when you want and are ready. [17] X Research Source Don’t have sex with your boyfriend just because you think he’ll propose to you, ask you to move in, or treat you differently. Sex doesn’t fix a relationship, and it can even have a negative effect if one or both of you aren’t ready for it. [18] X Research Sources
Advice
- Sex is sometimes embarrassing the first time. Even if you’ve had sex before, it can take a few times together before you both feel a little more comfortable. Don’t be too disappointed if the first time doesn’t go as you imagined. It’s completely normal to not get along the first time, and that doesn’t mean you two aren’t compatible. [19] X Research Source
- Protect yourself from STIs (sexually transmitted infections) and STDs by having safe sex. Use condoms every time you have sex, oral or anal sex and get tested for STIs and STDs regularly. [20] X Research Source
- Protect yourself before making love to someone, even if it’s your boyfriend. Talk to your doctor about birth control and infection prevention methods.
- Surely that’s what you want. Before intercourse, use a condom to ensure safety.
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wikiHow is a “wiki” site, which means that many of the articles here are written by multiple authors. To create this article, 207 people, some of whom are anonymous, have edited and improved the article over time.
There are 20 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,481 times.
You are in a serious relationship with your boyfriend and ready to take it one step further. If you still don’t know how to express it to that person, check out this article.
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