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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 1,901 times.
Telling someone that you are self-harming can be a very scary thing, but it’s courage you can be proud of. You may not get the response you hoped for at first, but talking about self-harm is an important step towards your recovery. Sharing feelings and problems becomes easier if you take the time to think about them first.
Steps
Choose the right person
- A friend who was with you before is probably not with you now. Sometimes, that friend will be so shocked that they don’t have the sympathetic response you’d expect from them.
- Understand that they have been with you in the past, however if they don’t react the way you hoped it could be because they were shocked.
- However, you should know that just because that friend kept your secret in the past doesn’t mean they will do it now. People often panic when they hear a friend is torturing themselves and they may feel the need to tell someone about it because they want to help you.
- If you’re a teen, you’ll first need to consider talking to an older person you trust before you tell your friends. Try talking to a parent, school counselor, or teacher. This way, you will get the proper support before you tell your friends.
- If you’ve been treated for something, talk to a specialist first. They can work with you to find the best way to chat with your friends and family. If you are not getting treatment, now is the time to seek help as the best thing to do is go through this process with someone professional and experienced in dealing with self-abuse.
- You may be struggling with some faith issues, so you might want to talk to a priest or pastor.
- Before you talk to your doctor, think about some of the services your doctor might offer you to decide what you want: accepting referrals to therapy groups or individual consultations, having a nurse come to your home, or talk about certain medications if you are depressed or anxious.
- If your performance at school is being impacted, you may choose to talk to your school guidance counselor or teacher.
- If you are not yet of marriageable age and you are talking to a professional or staff member at school, you may need to know in advance that it is their job to report your self-injury. You just need to first ask them the rules about them sharing any information that you would tell them. [4] X Research Sources
Choose the right time, the right place and the right method
- Practicing at home can also help you mentally map out what you plan to say, and you can practice responding to potential reactions. Think about how your friends might react and prepare how to respond.
- Live chat with someone can be very empowering.
- The initial reaction may not be what you had hoped for, so be prepared for anger, sadness, and agitation.
- After sending a letter or email, make sure you call or chat in person because the person reading the letter will worry about you. Waiting to hear from you again can make them very nervous. End the letter with a plan to call them in 2 days or email you when they’re ready to chat. [9] X Research Source
- You won’t get any benefit from non-verbal communication, so be careful to avoid misunderstandings.
- If you are talking to someone who is far away, they may feel powerless to help you. Try to suggest ways that they can support you even when they are far away.
- Calling a counseling service is a great way to start talking to people and can give you the strength, courage, and confidence to talk to people you know.
- Try to get them to focus on the meaning behind the behavior right away, rather than focusing on the scar itself.
- Even if your feelings stem from an interpersonal problem you are having with them, cutting yourself or hurting yourself is always your choice, so blaming someone when angry won’t. what to do for you.
- If they ask a question you’re not ready to answer, just say no. Don’t feel pressured to answer all of their questions.
- Questions that may arise are: Why are you doing it; do you want to commit suicide; how it helps you; Is it because I did something, and why don’t you stop?
Chat with someone
- Be as open as possible about how you feel and why you cut yourself. Gaining the understanding of others will ensure you have the support you need in the long run.
- You may need to learn more about self-harm habits if you’re talking to a doctor or therapist. These professionals will need this insight to help you cope better.
- Perhaps you have an upcoming vacation or want to get close to someone but are afraid to show your scar the first time around.
- Maybe someone found out and threatened to tell your parents, so you want to tell them first.
- Perhaps you didn’t tell them before because you were afraid of being labeled or devalued your approach.
- Don’t apologize. You don’t speak up to upset them, and you don’t abuse yourself to make them upset.
- First reactions are not always a sign that someone will support you. Your friend may react upset but this is not a criticism of you but rather their own coping skills and emotions.
- Understand that the person you confide in will take time to process this information.
- They may threaten to stop being your friend or lover, or say they won’t talk to you, until you stop. Your friend may completely sever the relationship with you or they may even resort to intimidation.
- Tell them that their request is unhelpful and puts more pressure on you. Instead, ask them to show support by being by your side as you go through this journey.
- Explain to a friend or family member that this is not an overnight thing, that healing and coping takes time and that you need their support throughout the process. Remind them that while they are learning this information about you, you are also learning about yourself.
- If you are seeing a doctor or therapist, tell your friend. This can reassure them that you are being taken care of.
- Friends may also assume that you cut yourself or hurt yourself as part of the trend.
- Be patient and understand your friends’ confusion and share resources with them to help them understand self-abuse.
- Explain self-harm not as suicide, but as a coping mechanism you are using.
- Tell them you don’t want attention. In fact, most people choose to hide their abuse for a long time before deciding to talk about it.
- Understand that it can be difficult for them to listen to you, but gently remind them that you need to talk about your feelings right now.
- Let them know you’re talking to them because you trust them, not because you want to blame them.
- Maybe you feel lighter and happier now that you’ve shared your secret. This feeling of comfort can be an incentive to talk more about your self-abuse syndrome with a counselor or doctor. You won’t always feel comfortable talking about it, but it’s an important step towards treatment.
- You may be angry and frustrated if your friend didn’t react the way you wanted. If they react upset, remember that this is a reflection of their emotional problems and coping skills. If they react negatively and it affects you negatively, this will cause you to repeat the offense and aggravate self-harm. Instead, remember that friends have received shocking information and they need time to adjust. People often regret their first reaction to unexpected news.
- If you still haven’t gotten professional help, now is the time to seek it. Sharing this information with someone close to you is a great place to start. However, you have a lot of emotional issues to express and deal with, and this sharing is best done with someone with experience and training in the field.
Warning
- Although self-harm is not a sign of suicidal behavior, if you feel suicidal or as if you want to seriously harm yourself, contact emergency services or call 911. If you live in the United States, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). In Vietnam, you can call 1900599930 to contact the Psychological Crisis Prevention Center (PCP).
- Self-harm can do more harm than intended, leading to complications or even death.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
This article has been viewed 1,901 times.
Telling someone that you are self-harming can be a very scary thing, but it’s courage you can be proud of. You may not get the response you hoped for at first, but talking about self-harm is an important step towards your recovery. Sharing feelings and problems becomes easier if you take the time to think about them first.
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