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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,317 times.
Sex can be a pretty amazing thing, if you’re up for it. Otherwise, it can have serious consequences including emotional problems, sexually transmitted infections, and even unwanted pregnancy. There are many methods to help you determine if you are ready for sexual intercourse. If you decide you’re ready, you need to discuss your concerns and expectations with your loved one and develop a plan to protect yourself. This will help you ensure that your first sex will be safe and enjoyable.
Steps
Assess situation
- For example, if your belief is that sex should be reserved for marriage, how will premarital sex affect you? Or, if you’ve always thought that you want to have sex for the first time with someone you love, how would you feel if you had sex with someone you only felt a little bit fond of?
- Talk to an older person or adult you trust about your concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable asking others questions about sex, you can always search for answers online.
- Do you trust this person? You should feel confident that the person you love is basically a good person and won’t do anything to hurt or embarrass you. This can be difficult to gauge, but here’s a benchmark you can follow: If you don’t trust the person to talk about your thoughts or secrets, you probably won’t. want to have sex with them.
- Is your relationship mature enough to perform sexual acts? If most of your interaction is focused on the shallow, sex won’t be a good idea. On the other hand, if you feel that you and your crush can help each other grow and improve, you might consider getting involved with that person.
- Can you discuss sex with someone you love? You should think about whether you can talk about things like birth control, STIs, the human body, and other topics related to sex with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this with the person before you both “get close” to each other, you should consider whether your decision is the right one.
- Are you influencing that person’s beliefs? In addition to considering your own values and beliefs, you should also think about your partner’s beliefs. If the person you love is going to be shunned or punished for having sex with you, it’s best to wait.
- Do you feel embarrassed after having sex with this person? It sounds silly, but you should think a few years ahead. If you were no longer dating this person, would you be embarrassed to talk about them with your future spouse? If the answer is “yes” or “maybe”, you should consider finding someone else better.
- For example, in Vietnam, it is illegal for someone over the age of 18 to have sex with someone under the age of 16.
- “If you really love me, you should be “close” to me.”
- “Everybody has had sex before except us.”
- “I will be very gentle and I am sure you will like it”.
- “You will have to do this sooner or later. Then why not now?”
- “Are you still a virgin?!”
- “I’ve been having sex since I was 12.”
- “You won’t understand because you’ve never been in a relationship.”
- “Sex is the best thing. You’re really missing out on the fun.”
Chat about Sex
- Try to say something like “I think you are ready for sex.” What do you/I think?”
- Remember that even if you feel ready, the person you love may not feel the same way. If the person says they’re not ready, you should respect their decision.
- You can say something like, “I know it will be difficult for you to discuss this, but I would like to know more about your past relationships. . Have you had sex with anyone else in the past? If yes, with how many people? Have you ever had an STI?”
- For example, do you want to try out some specific positions or other elements of sex? Do you want to build a “monogamy” relationship with that person?
- For example, you need to decide whether you will only use condoms or if you want to take extra birth control pills.
- Be clear and try to say something like, “I’m thinking about having sex. Can you give me advice on this matter?”
- Research has shown that people who can talk freely about sex with their friends are more likely to discuss the topic with their loved ones. [14] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
Enjoy the “First Time”
- If the person you love opposes the use of condoms, you should not agree to have sex with them. Make it clear to the person that you don’t want to be “close” unless you are assured of your safety. [17] X Research Source
- You might consider getting vaccinated against HPV, which is the virus that causes genital warts or cervical cancer. You should talk to your doctor about getting an HPV vaccine such as Gardasil and Cervarix. [18] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source
- The contraceptive effectiveness of condoms is 82%, while that of birth control pills is 91%. So taking both at the same time can absolutely reduce your risk of unwanted pregnancy while also protecting you from getting an STI. [19] X Trusted Source Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source
Advice
- Loss of chastity should be part of a positive and satisfying relationship. You should make sure that you are of legal age to have sex and that the person is right for you.
- Never push others. You should think about how you would feel if someone pushed you.
- If you think you’re not ready to talk about this, you don’t have to force yourself. You don’t have to rush.
Warning
- No one is allowed to force you to have sex. If you are raped, phone emergency services, and go to the hospital or police station immediately!
- Know the legal age to have sex where you live. In Vietnam, legal sex is when both are over 16 years old. If one person is younger than this age, and the other is an older person, that person will be guilty of child rape.
- Never have sex while you are in an abusive relationship.
This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,317 times.
Sex can be a pretty amazing thing, if you’re up for it. Otherwise, it can have serious consequences including emotional problems, sexually transmitted infections, and even unwanted pregnancy. There are many methods to help you determine if you are ready for sexual intercourse. If you decide you’re ready, you need to discuss your concerns and expectations with your loved one and develop a plan to protect yourself. This will help you ensure that your first sex will be safe and enjoyable.
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