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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 82,217 times.
Being taken advantage of by a friend can be extremely painful. When we are taken advantage of, we feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. Failure to anticipate that can lead to us becoming distrustful of those around us. [1] X Research Source Sometimes, friends act heartlessly and sometimes, they intentionally take advantage of you. There are a few ways to tell if you’re being taken advantage of, so you can decide if it’s the right time to say goodbye to your friend.
Steps
Rate Friend Behavior
- Does your “friend” ever call or text to inquire about your situation? Or do they only come to you when they need something? It could be a ride to the store, a few cigarettes, a place to spend the night, you’re the one who’s willing to put your head up when they need a quick solution.
- Consider whether this is a homogenous course of action. After all, helping each other is part of friendship and sometimes, we are unlucky and need help. However, if this is going on all the time or it’s the only part of your contact, there’s a good chance you’re being taken advantage of.
- Review their relationships with other friends. Is your friend betraying the trust of other friends or taking advantage of them? If so, that’s a sign that they’re probably taking advantage of you, too.
- Remember that friends don’t have to invite each other to every social activity they attend. However, if they never invite you to any events, or only contact you when they need something, you may be being taken advantage of.
- If your friend mentions a plan to other friends you know too but hasn’t asked you to join, try asking if you could join. Pay attention to the person’s reaction. If there’s no real logistical reason for your not being able to attend or your friend still hasn’t invited you or made up a silly excuse for your not being able to attend, you’re likely being taken advantage of and that’s not the case. must be a true friend.
- An example of a legitimate logistical concern might be that they plan to go camping but don’t have enough space in the car to invite you along.
- Here’s an example where a friend might be taking advantage of you: You invite this friend to dinner a few times because they’re upset. They promise to invite them back but never do and keep complaining about the problem you are helping them with. If this keeps happening, you are probably being taken advantage of.
- Ask yourself if the friend is grateful. Do they really appreciate your help? If so, the person is probably not taking advantage of you, but just really needs some well-meaning help. If they seem to take it for granted, it could be a sign of exploitation.
- Ask yourself if you would help your friend if she or he wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty or bad about the situation. If the answer is yes, then you are probably not being taken advantage of, but simply willing to help. [7] X Research Sources
- To assess whether the person is controlling you, consider the following: People who manipulate others are often prone to anger and use it to achieve their ends. They may also use other emotions like guilt or sadness to get you to do what they want. Watch out for signs of emotional control because it’s a clear sign that someone is being controlled. [9] X Research Source
- Maybe your friend will try to isolate you and, as a result, you lack outside support, making it easier to surrender and follow orders. She or he may try to do this by criticizing your family and other friends, causing you to spend less time with them. [10] X Research Source
- Evaluate your friend’s personality. Be completely honest with yourself and answer the question of whether it’s intrinsically a nice and caring person or if she or he just seems motivated by self-interested goals.
- Key personality traits can include levels of honesty, consistency, sincerity, and trustworthiness. Take a look at everything you know about the person, the relationship between that person and both you and others. Note not only how to behave in relation to the personality traits mentioned above but also the type of conversation through which she or he expresses these traits. [12] X Research Source
- For example, if your friend talks about how she or he talks in front of others one way and then another, there’s a good chance they’ll do the same to you and perhaps you’re being taken advantage of.
Ask a Friend Directly
- Remember that if a friend is really a good friend, they will not take advantage of them, but simply ignore them and are ready to change. Either way, when being taken advantage of and becoming depressed, saying goodbye to the person after this frank exchange will probably be the best outcome for you. [14] X Research Source
- Try chatting while walking in a lovely park.
- When someone criticizes you for something, you may be more willing to take that advice and change it. But if several people criticize at the same time, you may feel threatened and become hostile. In the end, it means those people have sat down and talked badly about you, leaving you frustrated and discouraged. [15] X Research Source
- Don’t give too trivial examples, though. Your friend may turn the tide and call you petty.
- Make sure you’re talking about their actions, not their personalities. By focusing on specific tasks, that friend will feel less frustrated. If you call them an exploiter, they can become annoyed and the conversation will quickly fall apart.
- For example, you could say something similar: “I gave you a lift when your car had to be repaired last month. However, this week, when my car broke down, you ignored the request for a ride. to my workplace. I realized that bridge was intentionally ignoring it when I asked for help.”
Advice
- Look your opponent straight in the eye when confronting.
- Don’t joke around when confronting. You need your partner to know that you’re serious.
- Look for classic signs of manipulation, like blaming or invoking guilt.
- Before accusing someone, make sure the problem really exists and that you’re not overdoing it.
- Realize if the person sees you as a dump and should only listen to their problems. You might notice it when you’ve been listening and giving a bunch of feedback, but when it’s your turn to confide, they change the subject or seem disinterested. They may even say outright that they don’t care or value how you feel. It is a sign of a lack of empathy and this can turn into emotional abuse in the long run.
- Some people have selective hearing loss. Not only will they ignore your problems, but they will also ignore everything they don’t care about. The conversation topic has to be about them or something that interests them in order to get them to react. Sometimes they attack every word and interrupt you.
- Review their contacts. When you move, they don’t call. Or maybe not very often. It shows they see you as a mere entertainment source because they don’t check to know what you’re doing.
- If every time they want to communicate clearly, they push everything towards you, that is a sign of betrayal. Be careful when your friend becomes defensive and play the role of a victim every time you are preoccupied, standing up for yourself.
- When in doubt, consult someone! You can talk to a close friend, family member or friend of someone you think is taking advantage of you. This will help you see if you’re overreacting or underreacting.
Warning
- Don’t let them upset you when the reason for disagreeing with your confrontation is because in their mind, they always think themselves above you. They live off of it and won’t care or laugh at you.
- If you’re not sure about being taken advantage of, don’t rush. Do not ask her or him right away, but consult others first because your suspicions may not be correct. False accusations can damage your friendship.
- Recognize when most of their “jokes” are meant to be mocking. Some fake friends may not only take advantage of what you have, but also crush your self-esteem to put them higher. If they use hurtful language and say it’s just a joke to get away with it, you’ll need to have a frank conversation with them.
- Check to see if they disrespect you. If they’re always talking bad about the people you care about, attacking, taking advantage of you, acting too immature, or constantly repeating themselves after apologizing, it’s time to say goodbye to them.
- Don’t drag another friend into the game or the accusation can take on an offensive tone. Make sure it’s a one-on-one conversation and that you’re in a comfortable situation.
- Beware of so-called friends who always “forget” what they said or did, which plays an important role in solving problems between you. This selective memory serves their purpose but clearly does nothing for you. Don’t let such people control you.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 82,217 times.
Being taken advantage of by a friend can be extremely painful. When we are taken advantage of, we feel lost, vulnerable, and confused. Failure to anticipate that can lead to us becoming distrustful of those around us. [1] X Research Source Sometimes, friends act heartlessly and sometimes, they intentionally take advantage of you. There are a few ways to tell if you’re being taken advantage of, so you can decide if it’s the right time to say goodbye to your friend.
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