How to Tell If Your Boyfriend is Gay

Maybe you’re a woman and your boyfriend shows signs that make you believe he’s gay or like men. Sexual orientation is a very complex and sensitive issue in which people often have many misconceptions that do not reflect a person’s true identity. You won’t be able to tell for sure unless he says it himself, but you can look for signs of interest to start a conversation. Read the detailed list below that shows your boyfriend could be gay.

Table of Contents

He is cold to you.

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Does he seem closed off, hiding or keeping his distance from you? There are many reasons why people act like this, so just this expression doesn’t mean he’s gay. However, if you notice this sign in conjunction with a variety of other behaviors, it is an important indicator. ^{[1] X Research Source}

He doesn’t seem to like sex with you.

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Is there a lack of physical intimacy between the two of you? Sure, it’s normal for sex to have its ups and downs, but if sex is sparse and never goes back up, or if he convinces you that every couple eventually loses interest maybe he’s hiding the truth about himself. ^{[2] X Research Sources} Other signs include:

He doesn’t seem interested in being around you
He doesn’t sound warm or mechanical when making love
You two don’t have foreplay
He criticizes you for being sexually indulgent when you express your normal needs

His “dirty” statements or sexual fantasies include other men.

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Are you present in his sexual fantasies, or are they all men? If this doesn’t happen often and he loses interest when you’re not around, it’s probably just a weird hobby or unusual lust in a certain scenario. However, if your boyfriend shows this desire on a regular basis, he’s probably attracted to other men. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Frequent urges to have sex with 2 men or a scenario in which you watch him have sex with another man is also a sign of possibility.
There are many reasons why a “straight” man dreams of these scenes, including a preference for watching other people have sex, even past sexual abuse. You should be tactful when it comes to this subject.

Note that he could be bisexual, bisexual, or another form of LGBTQ.

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If you believe your boyfriend loves and cares about you, but he’s “apparently gay,” be aware that he may be bisexual, bisexual, or gay. For example, if you’re bisexual (have an attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender), bisexual (have an attraction to two genders, usually a man and a woman), or sexually diverse (not heterosexual), maybe he loves you and is attracted to you but still likes men or has been in a relationship with men – it’s possible he’s also wondering about his sexual orientation.

There are many identities where people feel sexually attracted to more than one gender, so don’t think he’s “just gay”.
Don’t ask bluntly, “Are you bisexual?” This question is tactless and could take him by surprise. Instead, approach the problem by sitting down and asking him, “I wanted to ask you something, I was wondering if you like men?” If he says yes, then ask him if he finds you/women attractive?

He watches gay porn alone.

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Watching scenes where only men are seen from time to time isn’t necessarily a sign of alarm, especially if he’s watching with you. However, if you come across gay porn evidence in his personal computer or phone, it’s different. This alone isn’t an obvious sign, but it could be that he’s hiding his sexual orientation. ^{[4] X Research Source} Pay attention if:

He regularly clears his browser history
You see gay porn showing up on his computer or in the video files that are saved.
He staunchly denies having searched for or watched gay sex scenes.

He doesn’t look at other women.

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This sign is even more important if he openly looks at other men. When the two of you are in public or in a crowd, notice where his gaze is drawn. If he deliberately doesn’t look at anyone or often glances at other guys, it could mean that he’s hiding a secret. Your boyfriend may also be asexual or not interested in relationships if he doesn’t glance at anyone. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Often a “straight” guy will try not to look at other women in your presence to avoid making you uncomfortable. Look for subtle signs instead of overt gestures.
If he looks at both men and women, he may be bisexual.

He shows excessive affection towards other men.

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Does your boyfriend often compliment or touch other men? Observe how he behaves in social situations. If he’s gay, he may be interested in other men’s attention, frequently touching or hugging them, or making flirtatious comments to them (especially regarding looks). ^{[6] X Research Sources} Other possible signs are:

He brags about being liked or invited out by other men
He passionately tells you about other men’s bodies or personalities

He’s too close to his best friend.

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Do you feel like he wants more than just being friends with that person? Look for signs of intimacy that go beyond casual friendship. If you feel left out or like a third person when they meet, it could be that he has secret feelings for your other friend. ^{[7] X Research Source} Some other possible signs are:

He gives luxury gifts to his male friend
They discreetly glance at each other or whisper to each other when other people are around
You feel like you showed up at the wrong time when you see them next to each other

He has many friends who are LGBTQ.

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He may turn to gay friends to make up for his unmet need. Notice how often he hangs out with gay friends or hangs out with them at LGBTQ+ clubs or bars. Your boyfriend’s social circle may reflect his sexual orientation, even if he’s not well aware of it. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

He might as well hide this friend from you. There’s a chance he’ll go public if you catch the two of them together, or he might have a secret relationship with someone in the group. ^{[9] X Research Source}

He is homophobic.

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An LGBT person who doesn’t want to come out yet can do so to distract people’s suspicions. They think that if they act like they don’t like gays, no one will suspect they are gay. Watch for him to get annoyed when gay men are nearby, frequently make homophobic comments or jokes about them, or purposely never say anything at all. anything about this topic. ^{[10] X Research Source}

This expression is often referred to as homophobic self-stigmatization.
Another indicator is an obsession with knowing someone else’s sexual orientation, such as the “need” to know if someone is LGBTQ+, or identifying others based solely on their sexual orientation. . ^{[11] X Research Source}

His family is homophobic.

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A gay person who hasn’t come out yet may be in a heterosexual relationship to fool the family. If your boyfriend’s family and relatives are homophobic, he may feel unsafe or unacceptable coming out with them. He may also be struggling with self-stigmatization or self-hatred because he’s stuck between his own gender identity and his upbringing. ^{[12] X Research Sources} He may fear consequences such as:

Evicted from home or shunned
Loss of financial support
Experiencing physical abuse in more serious cases

He has a profile on a gay dating app.

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This is the most obvious sign that your boyfriend may be gay. You might see a popular LGBTQ dating app like Grindr or Scruff, or maybe he uses apps like Tinder or Hinge with options for men. Watch out for messages at unusual times. ^{[13] X Research Source}

He can use social media for dating or rain. Take a look at his profile for suspicious followers, see also the people he follows. ^{[14] X Research Source}
You shouldn’t bait your boyfriend on certain apps or sneakily check his phone, as this is an invasion of privacy.

He used to date other men.

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A previous gay relationship or affair can be a big sign. Notice where you know this from. If he’s telling you himself, he’s probably confident about his sexuality and just wants to share a past experience. If you found out about it through someone else or he revealed it while drunk, it could be a sign that he’s struggling with this and can’t openly discuss it. ^{[15] X Research Source}

If your boyfriend had a gay crush during his teens or college years, then he’s more likely to be gay or heterosexual than if it happened in his teens. later in life for which the reasons are often more complex. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Ask him.

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The best option is to have a calm conversation with him. If your suspicions are well-founded, a safe and good-faith conversation will quickly clear things up and give you peace of mind. Remember that sexual orientation is a very complex issue and doesn’t just include “gay” and “straight”. Your boyfriend may be bisexual, asexual, or slightly attracted to men but still prefer to have physical and emotional relationships with women. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Try to stay by your boyfriend’s side, listen and support if he’s struggling with himself or is confused.
It’s always better to ask for clarity than to speculate on someone’s sexual orientation.

Advice

Don’t rely on homophobic stereotypes such as feminine voice or gait, flashy or tight clothing, preferences for TV shows and music, or excessive cleanliness to determine trends. boyfriend’s sexual orientation. Many gay men don’t exhibit any of these traits, and many “straight guys” do.
You are not the cause of your boyfriend becoming gay or acting in secret. If your boyfriend is sneaking around looking for other men, remember that those actions are coming from your boyfriend and his unmet needs, not yours.
Don’t forget that he can also be classified as bisexual or bisexual.

Warning

To keep your boyfriend’s social, mental, and physical life safe, you shouldn’t discuss his sexual orientation with others or openly “strip” him. It is possible that your boyfriend is not fully aware of his sexual orientation or that he is hiding it out of concern for his safety. Your forcing him to go public can seriously damage his mental health and personal relationships.

Steps