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Introduction: Understanding and accepting one’s own sexual orientation can be a complex and personal journey. As a friend, it is important to provide support and comprehend the experiences of those we care about. If you suspect that your best friend might be a lesbian, finding the right approach to address this delicate topic can be challenging. This article will guide you through some helpful indicators and insights to determine if your best friend is a lesbian while ensuring respect, empathy, and understanding. Remember, it is crucial to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect their privacy throughout the process.
This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
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In most cases, someone’s gender is their own business. Trying to “identify” just to satisfy your curiosity is unethical, and will even put your friend at risk of harassment. However, if the person has a crush on you or vice versa, you need to make it clear. Instead of trying to answer the question about the person’s character, you should clearly define your goal. Are you trying to defuse the situation and maintain the friendship? Or do you want to turn this friendship into some other kind of deeper affection? Either way, it requires careful handling to avoid ruining the friendship.
Steps
Unravel the feelings that may arise
- Never let anyone know you think your friend is gay. No matter how progressive your school or city is, someone could bully or harass her because of this rumor (even if it’s not true).
- Physical touching is common in female friendships, but only to an extent. If your friend holds your hand while walking down the street, gives you a massage, or hugs you for an unusually long time, she may have a secret crush on you. (Cultural boundaries will vary, so these examples won’t apply everywhere.)
- She contacts you often, and gets annoyed if you don’t respond quickly.
- She gets angry if you spend time with other friends instead of with her.
- “I really want you to be my good friend forever. Can we continue like this?”
- “I want to find a guy to date”.
- “I want the two of us to spend more time with other friends instead of just each other. Do you mind?”
- You could say, “I think we should stop (hug/sleep together/etc). I don’t want you to misunderstand”.
- Ask if she has feelings for you. Don’t force her to respond or argue with her answers.
- No matter how she responds, you should let her know that you’re not romantically involved with her.
- If you’re not gay, you can let her know. If you’re gay, or unsure, it’s best not to share this in the same conversation.
- If she’s angry or scared because you mentioned her gender, you should use de-escalating statements like “We don’t have to talk about it,” or “Don’t worry, this is a private matter.” yours, I just want you to open your heart.” Just make sure you cover the important part: that you don’t have feelings for her.
- If the person is questioning her sexuality, this will be a difficult time for her. You should let her know that there are LGBT resources and hotlines that she can find online to help herself. (Or if she clearly has feelings for you but won’t admit that she’s gay, you can let her know that there are resources “dedicated to what she’s going through.” “.)
- If she’s dealing with her gender negativity, you can still support her. Introduce her to other lesbians, ask her to seek help from a therapist, encourage positive self-awareness, and encourage her to embrace her sexuality as a part in her character; All of which can help bring about positive results. [2] X Research Source
Determine your feelings for that friend
- Attraction often gets in the way of friendships, and it won’t go away if you know your friend isn’t gay. Sometimes, being clear about it is what you need to do, no matter how the person feels.
- On the other hand, if the two of you don’t feel the same way (and often do), the friendship may end. If this is going to destroy you, and you don’t have a support system in place to help yourself (especially if you haven’t come out yet) then it’s not a good idea to continue. You should stay away from the person for at least a couple of weeks instead of trying, and defuse the situation and continue the friendship to a lesser extent.
- If you are unsure of your gender, or if you are not gay but have feelings for your friend, you should focus on yourself instead of her. Search for LGBT resources online or at an LGBT community center to help you define your identity.
- There’s no clear indication that someone is a lesbian, especially if she hasn’t come out yet. It won’t be possible to try to analyze the person in this way, especially when charisma is clouding your judgment.
- If the person is attracted to you, she may take the initiative in physical contact (for example, a long hug) or ask you frequently. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to distinguish this from intimate female friendships, especially if she’s responding to your own personal craving for intimate interaction.
- One way to address this is to mention that you are planning to attend the Gay and Heterosexual Alliance event, and it will only “reject” you as a heterosexual ally.
- Some adults in a homophobic environment will express a negative view of homosexuality even if they appear to be attracted to people of the same sex. If your friend seems conservative on the subject or is sending confusing signals, it may take her longer to determine her gender. This is not something you can do for her.
- “I think you’re very charming, but maintaining friendships is the most important thing to me.”
- “I have feelings for you. I just need a moment to stop thinking about it.”
- (jokingly) “I wish I could find a nice lover like you!”
Advice
- If a friend openly declares their gender identity to you, you can be supportive without major changes in the friendship. Her identity doesn’t affect your identity, or make you and your group of friends gay activists. You can show your support with a simple statement like “I think you two are a great match”, or “You look so much happier lately”, or “I have never seen you feel Be comfortable with yourself like this.”
- Remember that sexual orientation is part of personal identity. Your friend doesn’t aspire to change his disposition as much as you do. If she tells you about her sexual orientation, don’t doubt or question her, but you need to respect how she wants to be identified. A positive response will help her sense of well-being and personal growth. [3] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to Source
- If she’s gay, don’t assume she’s attracted to every woman. Thinking like this is foolish; She has her own hobby just like everyone else. Don’t start acting weird about something that’s absolutely none of your business, as it could ruin the friendship you already have.
- Avoid hate speech or offensive language. It’s pretty straightforward to mention her gender candidly without offending her. The phrase “lesbian” is a pretty good choice.
Warning
- Do not try to question or change the person’s disposition. “Conversion therapy” will not work and can cause serious emotional harm, including an increased risk of suicide. [4] X Sources of Research Non-heterosexuals are not mentally ill or have phobias about expected gender or sexual roles.
- Don’t rely on conventional stereotypes to determine her gender. Humans do not follow a particular pattern. Supporting that friend’s identity and relationships is important to maintaining her mental health. Avoid causing unnecessary stress or difficulties for people who are suffering from various forms of pressure in society.
- Avoid revealing other people’s true gender. This is the private affair of that friend, who knows his sexual preferences well. Publicly identifying someone as gay can often be quite dangerous, even in a free zone in a school. [5] X Research Sources Publicly disclosing one’s gender is often accompanied by negative professional or social complications, and you are not the one to impose them on your friends. [6] X Research Sources
This article was co-written by Kateri Berasi, PsyD. Kateri Berasi is a clinical psychologist in Brooklyn, New York. With over ten years of experience in the mental health field, Dr. Berasi specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community and the creative industries through individual therapy, counseling, group discussion therapy and site therapy. dress. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, art history, literature and French from George Washington University, and an MA and MEd in mental health counseling from the University of Cpumbia. Dr. Berasi also holds a PhD in clinical psychology from Long Island University.
This article has been viewed 56,656 times.
In most cases, someone’s gender is their own business. Trying to “identify” just to satisfy your curiosity is unethical, and will even put your friend at risk of harassment. However, if the person has a crush on you or vice versa, you need to make it clear. Instead of trying to answer the question about the person’s character, you should clearly define your goal. Are you trying to defuse the situation and maintain the friendship? Or do you want to turn this friendship into some other kind of deeper affection? Either way, it requires careful handling to avoid ruining the friendship.
In conclusion, determining someone’s sexual orientation is an intimate and personal aspect of their life that should be handled with care and respect. While it is natural to be curious about our loved ones and their identities, it is important to remember that one’s sexuality is ultimately their own truth to reveal. Engaging in open and non-judgmental conversations can create a safe space for individuals to express their thoughts and feelings, but it is crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity, empathy, and without making assumptions. Remember, it is ultimately up to our friends to share or not share their sexual orientation, and our primary role is to provide them with unwavering support and love, regardless of their identities.
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