How to Tell if someone is avoiding you

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It can be difficult to tell if a person is avoiding you. Maybe it’s just that the two of you haven’t seen each other much. However, there are a few signs that tell the truth: maybe you see them, but they don’t look at you. Sometimes you leave a message to him/her on Facebook 2 weeks ago but they don’t reply. Put yourself in that person’s shoes, and try to understand why they avoid you.

Table of Contents

Identify avoidance behavior

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Noticed a sudden disconnection. Pay attention when the person suddenly stops contacting you, even if only occasionally. That person may not even talk to you face-to-face: they only communicate via email, text, and social media. If you consider your relationship to be friends or romantically involved, this is a sign that your partner is avoiding you. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Consider the possibility that the person is just busy, and really wants to see you. They might send a text like, “Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you… I’ve been busy with school. Let’s see each other next week when I have more time.” However, if you keep receiving messages like this week after week—or even no text at all—it can be seen that they are trying to avoid you.

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Determine if the person has an excuse not to spend time with you. Maybe they’ll blame it on a busy work schedule, or a busy social life, or just something that “just keeps happening.” If a person is persistently looking for reasons to postpone meeting you, chances are they are just avoiding you.

Don’t be too harsh. Sometimes things really “just happen”, and the person may be overwhelmed by their schedule. Making excuses shows avoidance, but that doesn’t mean the person doesn’t want to spend time with you.

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Try to make eye contact. If you’re facing the person, try to look them in the eye. If they’re avoiding you, they won’t want to make eye contact. If so, just for a moment – or roll your eyes. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Send the person a few messages, and wait for a response. If they simply say “Yeah! What’s wrong?”, and they don’t respond after a few days, then they probably don’t want to talk to you. Try again, if you don’t hear them, don’t rush to accuse, just bring up a normal conversation. If they don’t reply to this second message, don’t push the issue either. Respect the reasons they avoid you, and don’t create more reasons for them to avoid you. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Some messaging platforms show you whether the recipient of the message has read it or not. Take advantage of this feature to see if you’re being ignored. If they’ve read all of your messages but never replied, this means that the person is at least not interested in talking. If your message doesn’t show “read”, “seen”, you can tell if the person is online based on the “Chat” toolbar or the time of their post.
Use your knowledge of the person’s technology usage habits. If you know this friend doesn’t regularly use Facebook, it makes sense for them not to read your messages. However, if this person regularly uses Facebook, but doesn’t reply to your messages, it’s likely they’re avoiding you.

READ More: How to Check Airpods Battery

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Listen for short, inattentive responses. If you were able to initiate a conversation with them, be aware of their short, monotonous responses. Maybe they’re just trying to deflect the question so that it’s easy to evade. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, say, “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while. How are you?” and they just say “Okay”, then disappear again. This may indicate that the friend is avoiding.

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Get to know how a person avoids you in a group. If the person is intentionally talking to everyone but you, they may be avoiding you. Avoidance doesn’t mean the person doesn’t want to spend time with you – it could just mean they don’t notice your presence. Try to say something directly to your friend, and see how they respond. If they respond quickly and curtly, then turn away – or don’t respond at all – there’s a good chance they’re avoiding you. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Compare this behavior in the group to when there were only two people left. Maybe they just “avoid” you when they’re in the group, or even if it’s just the two of them, they immediately leave. Try to guess if they do this to other people, or just you.
See if the person leaves the room every time you enter. If this happens frequently, it could indicate that this person doesn’t want to spend time with you.

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See if this person respects your opinion. If this person doesn’t consult you during friendly meetings or discussions, that’s a sign they’re ignoring you. Maybe she didn’t ask about your decision or how you feel about it; sometimes she doesn’t react when you make your point.

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Don’t put up with someone who doesn’t take you seriously. Consider whether you are a priority in their life. Someone who avoids you when they don’t want to spend time with you. Perhaps the person is uncomfortable with attachment, and wants you to be content with a “wherever you go” relationship. Look for details that show you don’t have to prioritize:

Relationships that don’t work out: the relationship wobbles with dramatic obstacles, or stagnates, or stands in your way.
This person is only really around when they need something from you, including money, attention, sex, or a place to vent. Think about how often you are taken advantage of like this.
They only plan at the last minute. He or she just shows up at your door or texts you late at night without making an appointment.

Understanding avoidance

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Ask yourself why the person is avoiding you. Perhaps the two of you had an argument or a back-and-forth; maybe you said something offensive to the person without knowing it; or you make people uncomfortable in some way. Think carefully about your behavior; and try to determine the cause.

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Find the rule. Review the scenarios where you feel “avoided”, and identify any common scenarios. Maybe this person avoids you at certain times, or when someone shows up; Maybe the problem is with you, sometimes with them. Put the pieces back together and try to understand why.

Does this person avoid you at certain times, when you do certain things? For example, maybe you’ve started trying drugs, and your friend doesn’t want to see you in that situation.
Does this person avoid when you are with someone? Maybe you’re not someone they avoid – or maybe they just don’t like the way you behave around certain groups of people. Maybe your friend is shy or introverted: they like two-person dialogue, but that disappears when you’re with a group of friends.
Does this person avoid you while trying to work or study? Maybe your friend enjoys spending time with you in their free time, but it can be difficult for them to get things done when you’re around.

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Think about how you would try to contact them. If you or your significant other is still present in your life but never responds to texts, they may just not like communicating via text. This can be true when they lead a busy or disciplined life – it can be difficult for them to find time for deep texting conversations when they are busy working, studying, training.

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Consider the aspect of change as an adult. Assess if the person has changed since they started avoiding you – and if so, how much they have changed. Maybe they’ve started hanging out with a new group of friends, perhaps they’re entwined with a new love; They are busy with a new sport or hobby that is not to your liking. The beautiful thing is when we are close to someone, but people change, and things fall apart. If you can see that the person has taken a different path, so should you.

Also think about changing yourself. This person may still behave the same way as usual, but you are much different. Perhaps you’ve started hanging out with a new group of friends, or have a new habit that annoys your friend, or you’re simply no longer around.
Separated because of growing up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back together. If you feel like you are changing and distancing yourself from someone, then this is your choice whether you want to let go of them or stay in the relationship. However, it should be remembered that this process must come from both sides.

Facing being dodged

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Face that person. If you feel like someone is avoiding you, consider bringing up the issue tactfully. You may want to know what you did wrong, or suspect the person is avoiding you because they are going through a difficult time. Be respectful and direct, and explain exactly what’s bothering you. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

If you’re not sure why a person is avoiding you, ask “I didn’t mean to bring this up – I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately. Did I do anything to upset you?”.
If you know why someone avoids you, don’t go around. Apologize for what you did, and try to calm the situation down. For example, say, “I felt a little awkward between us after our fight last week. I appreciate our friendship, and want to talk about it so we can both get over it. The fight. It’s not worth ruining this friendship.”
You can confront the person in private, or ask a counselor to monitor the conversation. Consider your comfort level, and choose the situation that you think will best solve the problem.

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Ask mutual friends for more understanding, but don’t talk bad behind your back. If you have mutual friends, ask someone you trust to assess the situation. Say “Do you know why X is upset with me? I feel like she’s been avoiding me lately”.

Don’t spread rumors about people avoiding you. If you value your relationship with this person, be careful what you say. If you say negative things behind their back, it’s likely that the words will reach their ears – which will only add fuel to the fire.

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Give that person his or her own space. Sometimes, a person needs to go through their own journey before reconnecting with everyone. In many cases, forcing this connection only pushes the person further away. Be patient, open-minded, and carry on with your daily life. If this person decides they need you in their life, you’ll know.

Clarify your intentions. Say, “Looks like you need some space right now, so I’ll leave you alone. If you want to talk, I’m available.”
Be open. It may be difficult for you to move on with your own life but leave a door open for someone to come back in. Take a step back to see the relationship better, remember the good memories, and let go of any resentments.

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Give up. It can be hard to leave someone, especially when you’ve invested time and energy in them. At some point, you need to accept that some things will never go back to the way they were. This is a matter of being emotionally healthy and mature: if you spend hours living in the past, wondering what was once and asking what-if questions, it will be difficult for you to learn and grow in the present. in. Let’s let go.

Letting go doesn’t mean forever. That doesn’t mean you can’t rekindle your friendship with that person. It’s just that you don’t have to spend your precious emotional energy on someone who can’t get it right now.

Advice

If the person keeps avoiding you for a long time, then it’s time to let go. If they don’t bother spending time with you, maybe they’re just not interested in you anymore.
If they’re uncomfortable around you, this could indicate they’re not open to your presence.
If you feel hurt by being avoided, ask a mutual friend to understand why he or she is upset with you.

Steps

Identify avoidance behavior

Understanding avoidance

Facing being dodged

Advice

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