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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,741 times.
Sometimes the actions of others can hurt you. If a guy hurts you, you may be struggling with how to tell him how you feel. You can make that happen by spending time thinking about your distress and deciding to express your feelings. Then, plan to have a chat together. Follow a few key strategies to keep moving forward and reduce your vulnerability later.
Steps
Decide how to act
- It will be more effective if you keep a journal or freelance. Set a time of about 10 minutes and jot down what comes to mind about the situation.
- While it’s wise to delay until you get your emotions under control, it shouldn’t be so long that the other person remembers the offending situation. [1] X Research Source
- Regular journaling can help uncover vague problems in your relationship.
- Considering his attitude doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for his behavior. This is simply to help you understand the situation as fully as possible.
- This could include relaxing in the bath, enjoying nutritious food, journaling, spending time with friends, or simply lounging comfortably on the sofa at night.
- How do they view the situation? Do they have the same reaction as you? They can help you confirm whether you are being offended, or help you look at things in a new light.
- Consult with people who are not biased or opposed to the guy who is hurting you.
- For example, does he often play the role of the victim or deny that he pushes you to hurt you? Did he say sorry but not sincerely? Use what you know to set reasonable expectations for the upcoming confrontation.
- It’s really helpful to think about what you expect to get out of the confrontation. How you approach the conversation can change if you’re expecting an apology and a change in behavior. Set reasonable expectations about the outcome you want.
- Whether the effort is worth it depends on how important the relationship is to you. If the person who hurt you is a spouse, friend, or loved one, hiding your feelings is impossible. And if it’s just a casual acquaintance, instead of confronting him, just separate yourself from him later. [6] X Research Source
Chat
- It can be extremely helpful to tell him what you need or want to move forward.
- For example, you could say, “I was really upset when you forgot my birthday last week. It makes me feel like I’m nothing to you.”
- This expression allows you to control your emotions: “I was really upset when you forgot my birthday last week.”
- On the other hand, saying “I” is more likely to make others feel attacked: “I don’t care about you at all! It’s your birthday that I forgot!”
- For example, instead of saying, “I always let you solve your problems on your own,” say, “I’m not happy that you left me alone and let me deal with Binh this morning. You did the same thing. same thing last week.”
- Practice active listening, which means trying to understand what the other person is saying. What he says at this point will give insight into how you want to move forward.
- For example, he will say sorry and ask you for your opinion on how he can improve his behavior in the future. Or he may defend himself by offering a busy or stressful schedule as an excuse for him to forget your birthday.
- For example, you could say, “Every special event means something to me and I want you to respect that. From now on, I’d really appreciate it if you could save important birthdays and anniversaries in your calendar so you don’t forget them.”
- This is actually more effective than complaining about your feelings. Give examples of what you want him to do and how to do it.
Forward
- For example, if a guy hurts you because he won’t admit to being in another relationship, you can change the outcome by asking for information in advance, rather than thinking for yourself. acting (especially as open relationships become increasingly common).
- In the future, you can shed some light on your prospect by asking, “Are you single?” or “Have you flirted with any other girl besides me?”
- Make personal checklists and be sure to share them with everyone in your life.
- If this happens, don’t feel guilty and let that discourage you too. You deserve to stand up for yourself and your own emotional state.
- This step is really hard to do, but you need to do it to set your boundaries and maintain your self-esteem.
- Talk to a counselor if you’re having trouble letting go of someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,741 times.
Sometimes the actions of others can hurt you. If a guy hurts you, you may be struggling with how to tell him how you feel. You can make that happen by spending time thinking about your distress and deciding to express your feelings. Then, plan to have a chat together. Follow a few key strategies to keep moving forward and reduce your vulnerability later.
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