How to Tame Emotions

Life sometimes puts us in stressful and tumultuous emotional states: sadness, anger, jealousy, despair, suffering. It’s not always possible to control our emotions, even if it’s not always a good idea, because emotions can help us solve problems and improve our lives. ^{[1] X Research Source} However, strong emotions can be difficult for you, and you will need to temporarily numb your emotions to continue to cope with the situation. To do this, you must try to control the situation, pay attention to your emotions, calm your body, and deal with anxiety when it arises.

See “When should you try this?” to learn more about when you should control your emotions.

Table of Contents

Control the situation

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Understand that you also pay a price when it comes to controlling your emotions. Studies have shown that suppressing negative emotions can deplete mental energies, making it harder for you to handle stress and make informed decisions. ^{[2] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} This also means that numbing emotions can damage your ability to recover, even to retain memories. You should only manage your emotions if it is absolutely necessary to help you overcome obstacles in your daily life.

An effective alternative to managing emotions is to regulate negative emotions and focus on more positive emotions. ^{[3] X Trusted Source American Psychrogical Association Go to source} For example, maybe you just want to “freeze” from an embarrassing incident at work, but you can also try to treat it not something to be ashamed of but a joyful experience. This method is called cognitive reassessment , and while it’s not the same as emotional paralysis, it’s equally effective. ^{[4] X Research Sources}
Realize that complete or prolonged emotional paralysis can be a manifestation of a mental health disorder, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) ^{[5] X Source trusted HelpGuide Go to source} or pathological depression. ^{[6] X Source of Research} If you constantly feel lost, numb, and hopeless, you should see your doctor or therapist as soon as possible.

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Avoid people, situations, and events that you don’t like . The easiest way to tame an emotional response is to control the circumstances around you. Make sure you don’t arouse excessive emotions in the first place. ^{[7] X Research Resources} Do your best to avoid certain people, places, and activities that might make you feel bad if you already know it.

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Take control of situations you don’t like. Sometimes we still have to be around people we don’t like or have to do jobs we hate. If you can’t avoid situations that make you feel miserable, find ways to manage them. Don’t see yourself as a helpless victim: find agency in the situation. Just reminding yourself that you always have a choice can help you get through your most emotional moments with minimal trauma. ^{[8] X Research Source} Example:

If you’re nervous about studying for a test the night before, try studying two nights before. That way you can relax the night before the test.
If you hate partying because it’s too crowded, bring a few close friends with you. You can find them if you want to escape the crowd and have a private chat.

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Distract yourself. When you feel a surge of emotion, stop what you’re doing and move on to something else. Try to pick an activity that requires you to focus on it wholeheartedly. ^{[9] X Research Source} By distracting yourself, you’ll be able to process your emotions later, when you’re calmer and more rational. But for now, don’t worry about handling your emotions: just change your mood by changing your activity. Some suitable activities include:

Gaming
Watch a movie
Focus on hobbies
Go see music or do comedy
Do exercise

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Temporarily separate yourself from technology. The world of technology can make us more stressed: when you use technology, you are putting yourself under the added pressure of work, life and feelings of helplessness. You can help keep yourself calm and happy right now by getting off social media. ^{[10] X Research Sources} Control your mental life by limiting time spent on the internet. ^{[11] X Research Resources} To do this, you can:

Only check email at work – never at home
Turn off your phone at night
Turn off social media notifications
Remove your profile on social networks
Stop using the internet on weekends

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Be calm, even if you don’t feel that way. According to the “facial response” theory, you can change your emotional state just by changing facial expressions. In other words: by pretending to feel a certain way, you can actually start to feel it. ^{[12] X Research Source} If you want to numb your emotions, act as if your emotions have been numbed. This can be difficult to do at times of stress, but soon becomes natural with practice. Stay calm by:

Keep cool, motionless
Let your lips stay in a normal state, neither smiling nor pursed
Speak in low pitch and low volume
Use short sentences and get to the point
Maintain eye contact with a calm and blank look

Pay attention to your feelings

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Tell yourself that negative emotions are all in your head. Tell yourself that these feelings are not objective facts: you should never be forced to feel pain. Remember that feeling comes from your own mind. ^{[13] X Research Source} This also means that it is completely possible to overcome negative emotions such as fear, anxiety or anger. When a negative emotion is about to surface, simply banish it with a mantra: “This is only in my head.” This is an essential part of mindfulness.

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Rehearse situations that may cause you negative emotions in the future. In addition to protecting yourself from painful emotions in the present moment, you can also use mindfulness techniques to prepare for future coping. Think about upcoming events that might make you miserable, such as a stressful exam, a possible fight with your girlfriend, or a difficult assignment at work. Visualize a calm and emotionless response to each upcoming event, and practice overcoming those negative emotions. You will soon get used to such strong emotions and will be better prepared to stay calm. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Pay attention to your emotional state. Do a few “mental health checks” every day to determine your mental state during that time. Even if you don’t feel sad or upset, focusing on how you’re feeling and the reasons for it will help you understand your instinctive emotional reactions to everyday life. What is that. ^{[15] X Research Source} Over time, mindfulness will allow you to control your emotional responses more effectively. As you conduct your “mental health check,” ask yourself the following questions:

What do I feel in this moment? Do I just have one overwhelming feeling or many mixed emotions? Just by naming your emotions, you can see them more objectively. ^{[16] X Trusted Source Harvard Business Review Go to Source}
Why do I feel this way? Do my emotions come from internal factors (like my own fears) or external factors (like when someone screams at me)?
Do I like how I feel now? Maybe you are happy or grateful for life and want to nurture those feelings. It is also possible that you feel anxiety or fear and do not want to experience these feelings in the future.
What can I do to control my emotions in the future? Ask yourself if you can encourage positive emotions and prevent or even eliminate negative emotions. How can you arrange your life so that you can control your emotions without letting them control you?

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Don’t blame yourself for being emotional. Sometimes your “emotional shield” can break, and you find yourself revealing unwanted emotions. Maybe you burst into tears at work or couldn’t hide your grief at school. Remind yourself that this can happen to anyone, and try to learn from those experiences. ^{[17] X Research Sources} There are a few ways you can help yourself to forgive yourself:

Focus on the future instead of the present. Ask yourself if current failure can teach you any lessons about how to react in the future. Praise yourself for learning from a difficult situation. ^{[18] X Research Sources}
Tell ourselves that failure will make us more resilient. Emotional strength doesn’t come to you immediately: you’ll have to gradually practice over time. See it as one step on your journey to mastering your emotions. ^{[19] X Research Source}
Evaluate everything properly. Remember, the person who is actually most concerned about your emotional state is you. Colleagues, friends, and family will soon forget your little emotional outbursts. Remember that it’s not a disaster: it’s just a few small incidents in life. ^{[20] X Research Source}

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Pause for a moment before reacting. If something happens to make you angry, try to stay calm and still for a few minutes. Breathe deeply and count to ten. Once you get over your immediate emotions, you’ll be able to react to situations calmly and rationally instead of just acting on emotions. ^{[21] X Research Source}

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Log in. A great way to stop your emotions from taking over your life is to vent them on… the page. Release your emotions by journaling. This will help you forget your emotional state and move on with life. ^{[22] X Research Sources} Studies have shown that people who often confide their moods in a diary feel better in control of their emotions. ^{[23] X Research Sources} Try to keep a journal at certain times of the day or when you feel emotions are about to run high.

Pay particular attention to whether your emotional reactions are the same as those of normal people, or if they are overreactions. ^{[24] X Research Source}
Ask yourself if you’ve felt this way before. This will help you figure out the pattern of your emotional state.
If something happens to upset you, tell yourself that you will write it down in your journal later. This will help you avoid reacting emotionally.

Soothe the body

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Deep breath. Deep breathing exercises will help you stay calm. They’re also a great coping mechanism when you feel emotions running high. ^{[25] X Research Source} Inhale through the nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, then exhale through the mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat if necessary until you calm down. ^{[26] X Harvard Medical Schop Trusted Source Go to Source}

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Do 30 minutes of intense aerobic exercise. Physical activity can take you out of emotional pain and also help you become a calmer, more rational person. Choose to participate in a sport, exercise, or physical activity. Every time you start to feel emotional, slip on your sneakers and get your heart rate up with exercise. Soon you will forget your feelings. ^{[27] X Research Sources} Some physical activities suitable for stress relief include:

Run or walk briskly
Cycling
Swimming
Team sports like soccer or volleyball
Martial Arts
Kickboxing
Dance

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Avoid using stimulants. It may be tempting to use stimulants to numb your emotions. However, alcohol and stimulants also reduce your inhibitions, leading to even worse emotional reactions. Even caffeine can trigger a stress response. ^{[28] X Research Source} Maintain composure and composure by staying away from stimulants, alcohol and caffeine.

An exception to this is when you need medication for a mental health disorder. In this case, you should always follow your doctor’s instructions.

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Get a good night’s sleep every night. A lack of sleep can make it difficult to process your emotions calmly. Make sure to get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. Here’s what you need to do if you’re having trouble sleeping:

Make sure the bedroom is cool and well ventilated
Prepare a comfortable bed and mattress
Use a white sound generator to drown out ambient noise
Avoid alcohol, caffeine and large meals, especially in the evening

Coping with anxiety

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Maintain social networks. Sometimes feelings of anxiety or depression can cause you to withdraw. However, social relationships are one of the important factors for maintaining emotional balance. ^{[29] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source} Speak up to friends and family and ask them to help you process your emotions. While this in itself won’t paralyze your emotions, it will help you recover faster.

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Positive action. Sometimes you feel anxious about uncontrollable situations. Instead of worrying, decide to take action to improve the situation. Try to combat the avoidance response: that will only add to your stress for longer. ^{[30] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

For example, if you’re stressed about an upcoming exam, don’t try to forget it. Instead, assign yourself a 20-minute daily review task: this will help you overcome anxiety.

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Tell yourself that the stress is only temporary. You must remember that most stressful events will pass soon: they cannot last forever. Whether it’s a party you don’t want to go to, an exam you don’t want to go through, or a work project you absolutely hate, tell yourself that the situation will pass. Don’t act like your whole life is wrapped up in that stressful moment. ^{[31] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source}

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Rest. Sometimes you’ll be able to deal with stress more effectively after giving yourself time to recuperate. If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, take a 20-30 minute walk, chat with a friend, or listen to your favorite record. Return to the situation when you are calmer and ready to face it. ^{[32] X Research Source}

You’ll feel especially relaxed when you’re engaged in a social activity (like going out for coffee with friends) or out (like a walk by the lake). These activities can be more effective at calming you down than watching television. ^{[33] X Research Sources}

When should you try doing this?

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Try to control your emotions as you face challenges. Sometimes strong emotions can get in the way when you’re trying to handle a stressful situation. For example, if you’re about to give an important speech during a presentation, fear can make you lose your ability to think coherently and ruin your presentation. Knowing how to manage that feeling will help when you have to overcome challenges at work and at school.

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Temporarily put your emotions aside when you need to decide something. Emotions also play a role in decision making, but sometimes you need to put your emotions aside and evaluate other factors. For example, maybe you feel depressed after breaking up with your lover and just want to move to another city so that you don’t have to see your partner. But if you can get over your sadness and consider other factors, you probably won’t even think about leaving and leaving everything behind.

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Paralyze emotions when you are in an uncontrollable situation. Emotional paralysis can also be an effective defense mechanism. Maybe you ran into a bully at school, maybe you had to be with a nasty older sister at home. In situations that are unlikely to change, you can protect yourself by temporarily “freezing” your emotions to let them pass.

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Avoid numbing emotions too often. Emotions come to us not without reason. We need emotions to live in this world, and after all, emotions help keep our mental health intact. When you’re constantly numbing your emotions, you’re also separating yourself from the experiences your brain still needs. Fear, sadness, despair, and emotions that no one seems to want to experience are actually just as important as feeling happy and excited. If you don’t allow yourself to be sad, it becomes harder and harder for you to feel happy. Instead of controlling your emotions, learn to get in touch with them and take advantage of them.

Advice

Sometimes social media can help you deal with your emotions in a calm way. But there are times when you’ll be more emotional when you’re around other people. Do what you believe is best for you and always take care of yourself.
Emotional avoidance can sometimes make you more miserable. You should find healthy ways to deal with your emotions – not now, then another time.
Try to reach a state of calm and equanimity instead of completely numbing your emotions. Find ways to react calmly to difficult situations without closing in on your emotions.

Warning

Emotional paralysis can sometimes be a sign of a serious mental disorder. If you lose your ability to feel happiness, wonder or satisfaction, ask your doctor about treatment options. ^{[34] X Research Source}

Steps