How to Talk to Your Lover About Oral “Love”

Most men view oral sex as an intimate and pleasurable part of the lovemaking process, but not all women are open to giving or receiving. That’s why you should discuss it together to figure out your concerns and make your partner more comfortable. Starting a conversation about the subject is difficult because both you and your partner feel uncomfortable and awkward, but discussing this sensitive issue will help you build trust and attachment even if you don’t. She objected as soon as you mentioned it. The first step is to ask (there are many ways to do this), you need to choose the most open and respectful ways.

Table of Contents

Mention with caution

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Talk roughly about your sexual desires and fantasies. This can be a rather awkward conversation, but it can also be light and fun if you both agree not to judge each other. What ideas or postures do you like? What funny but provocative ideas get you excited? Do you share it with her? You should remember that, while this is not yet a deep and serious conversation, it does bring up intimate topics that can lead to the topic of oral “love”:

Make a list of the five places where you most want to have sex, even if some of them are weird or funny.
Buy books about sex or visit adult websites, research interesting or weird positions you want to try.
Share any odd thoughts or secret desires with each other. If you can find a way to make both of you happy, you’ll be closer to your goal. ^{[1] X Research Source}

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If oral sex seems a bit far-fetched, gradually upgrade your sexual explorations. If oral sex is what you want, but it makes things happen too quickly, start with smaller adventures. “Foreplay” is a safe and low-risk way to discover each other. Or you can talk a little mundane. Kiss the other person’s entire body, getting to know every inch of each other’s bodies. Once these thresholds are crossed, oral sex becomes more receptive and becomes the next inevitable step.

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Discuss your sex life regularly. If you are in a mutually binding relationship but can’t have a conversation about sex and never bring it up to discuss again. Why can so?! Whether you guys talk about sex or not, sharing about your sex lives is an important part of developing and building a relationship. What’s more, it will bring you closer to talking about oral sex once you’ve both discussed sex openly and honestly.

Once you’re more comfortable with each other, is there anything new you’d like to try (oral sex or something else)? Ask her the same question.
When it comes to sex, don’t hesitate to bring it up. “How’s our sex life these days?” It’s a great and endless topic to discuss. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Talk about how she feels

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State your wishes in simple, open words. When you’re talking about sex, don’t try to “suck around” or subtly make her bring oral sex in. You need to take the initiative first if you want her to do the same. Remember, your sex life is shared, not just you, and this is for both, not just her.

“I want to add the two of you to oral sex and see how it goes.”
“I think the two of us should start learning about oral sex, if you and I are comfortable.”
“I really want you both to get underneath each other, I want to try and make it an important part of our sex life.”

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Let her voice her opinion, listen to her opinion without comment. Listen fully even if it’s not what you want to hear. Pay attention to your partner’s thoughts and concerns, whether or not she has a lot to say and whether or not it resonates with you. You have to state your wishes so that if she doesn’t agree, at least she knows what you like. She’ll keep that in mind, and if you’re understanding, respectful, and understanding, she’ll probably feel more confident and I’m sure she’ll think about it on her own terms.

Remember, all you can do is talk about your desires – be honest about them and she will do the same for you.

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Sex life is something shared, not a negotiation. Comments or ideas like, “I’ll wash the dishes for a week if you’ll agree to come down to my bottom” don’t build trust and need for sex for a healthier sex life. The problems in the bedroom are public, not the services she has to do for you in return for a job done, whatever the job is. If you want her to feel comfortable and loved (plus being able to find common ground), don’t treat this like a transaction – treat it like a conference. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Consider why your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want oral sex. Oral sex can be intimidating for some women. They fear that their airways will be injured and as if they will choke or not be able to breathe. She’s in a vulnerable position and it’s important for you to understand that. Some women are afraid of doing it the wrong way or hurting their partner. These activities cause her feelings of anxiety, discomfort, and worthlessness without a complete belief in sex. If you ignore her concerns and focus only on your desires, you are giving her a hard time.

Ask her why she doesn’t like or dislike oral sex and be prepared to receive the answer. Remember that you yourself are not very comfortable with some other sexual activities.

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Ask her what you can do for her to make this experience more pleasant and comfortable for her. There are many things you can do to improve the situation. Maybe she enjoys cuddling more, walking around, or wants to take a shower together first to clean up. Maybe she also wants to talk about oral sex and wants you to consider doing it for her. Whatever those reasons or ideas, you never know without asking her. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Do you want to initiate the “rain storm” and then move on to something else? Oral sex is an intimate act that becomes more enjoyable if you appreciate and make time for your sex life. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

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Oral sex is not a one-way street. Men often move to the bottom of women, so if you want to bring oral sex into a relationship, you need to be comfortable with performing those techniques for her. This is a great way to not only make your partner comfortable, but also add something new to your sex life gradually so that she doesn’t feel overwhelmed.

Don’t ever assume that oral “falling in love” is a “reciprocal” — “I’ve done it for you, now it’s your turn.” This will not only disrespect her, but it will also make her uncomfortable to see oral sex with you as a permanent part of the relationship.

Get close to each other

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Try to keep the atmosphere light and fun instead of serious and strict. Don’t be obsessed with movies that vividly portray sex as a very serious act with soul-shaking power. In a more realistic way, especially when it comes to bonding relationships, sex is a natural, somewhat awkward but enjoyable flow that only the two of you share with each other. You may underestimate having a light-hearted, cheerful attitude, but if the initial awkwardness and problems can be resolved with a smile, people will dare to try new things. than.

If there’s a moment you’re enjoying, let her know right away! This is the best way to build comfort, trust and a great sex life.
If something “isn’t right,” just smile! In the event of an unexpected event like you falling out of bed in some way, don’t be afraid to laugh out loud – it doesn’t shake the emotions.
A fulfilling sex life is filled with calm and pleasant emotions, so there’s nothing easier than giving each other a smile. ^{[6] X Research Source}

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Once you’ve discussed oral sex, let her initiate it – don’t put pressure on her like “we talked.” Never demand , scowl, force, or demand “love” from her. you take it for granted, especially when things are tense. You’ve done your part, she’s expressed her opinion, and what both of you need is time. When she is ready, she will start on her own.

If you’ve discussed bringing oral sex into the relationship, and weeks or months have passed without a change, you should bring the conversation back into the relationship at some quiet and respectful time.

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Incorporate oral sex little by little into your sex life instead of making it the focus. Not all types of oral “love” apply to “climax”. A good way to make her feel at ease is to make love with your mouth during “foreplay,” then move into a position where both of you can naturally relax. This will help her find her comfort level, keep the fun alive, and move up to a high level of harmony.

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Let her take control of her body, the speed and style she wants. She needed to feel absolutely safe. Brainstorm with her that if you hold her head or hair while she’s “in love” with you orally, you’ll always maintain enough control over yourself to avoid you grabbing her head. during excitement. This is fine, even very erotic, you just have to keep her hair from falling out and put your hand on her head or shoulder, but you have to be gentle and reassure her.

If she feels uncomfortable and wants to end it soon, don’t worry. For a woman who doesn’t like oral sex, apply the first steps of this article to help her become more comfortable over time.

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Ask her if there’s anything that gets her excited or excited to try the next time you have sex. This isn’t a poll and you don’t have to ask repeatedly every time you sleep together (it gets boring, pretty soon), but feel free to talk to her about it. both sex lives. Just like when you guys are dating or cuddling, after sex, ask about what she likes. Find out if there’s something she can do out there, keeping things light and full of laughter. The two of you are lovers, and just as you both discuss what you cook after having a meal – there’s no reason why you can’t share your feelings after having sex together.

If she’s just starting to dig down, show her how much you enjoy it! Keeping quiet can make her feel it’s inappropriate or worse, she’ll think she’s not good at it and shouldn’t continue to explore. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

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These actions are highly intimate, so it takes time to get used to. Oral sex – if approached with love, trust, understanding and honesty – becomes mutual sharing and satisfying for both. Sex life is a living and constantly changing part of a relationship, and if you pay attention, it will grow and diversify every day. Maintain discussions, be sincere, and love each other and you will be happy.

Remember, if you’ve spoken honestly, you shouldn’t blame yourself. Her refusal or request not to come down to her bottom is not necessarily a sign that she “doesn’t love you.” Trust her feedback and find other ways to enjoy each other instead of panicking.
Disagreeing oral sex is not a good reason to break up with someone, but can lead to sexual incompatibility. Make sure you’re both willing to listen, compromise, and work together. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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Understand that your partner may never be interested or want to try oral sex. Different people are aroused by different sexual activities. Don’t just because you’ve talked, listened, and done all of the above with her, allow yourself to expect her to “accept” it after a while. You yourself too. If she suggests an activity you don’t like, you won’t want to participate no matter how subtle the way she mentions it. Please respect her decision. She doesn’t owe you oral sex or accept it just because you want to do it for her.

Satisfy her

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Try discussing the use of oral sex for her as well as talking about satisfying yourself. Oral sex isn’t just for you. Two lovers have an equal obligation to satisfy each other’s sex life, so you should ask questions about what to do and what she likes when it comes to oral sex:

“Do you like it when I move to your bottom?”
“What should we do to make sex more interesting than you?”
“I mean oral sex for both of us – what do you think?”

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Let her lead the discussion, putting her needs first. This is not the time to talk about your desires and expectations, but hers. Oral “falling in love” is something that one person does for the other, so they must be comfortable while you satisfy them. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have to feel good and comfortable (of course you will!), it does mean that you need to put her needs first, as long as you stay within your comfort zone. mine.

If she’s uncomfortable with oral sex, ask her why. In general, women often have the misconception that their vulva is “not clean” or “the most embarrassing place,” and no man wants to come here. Reassure her that you are not. ^{[9] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}
Does she know what she likes or doesn’t like?

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Be honest and proactive about your own desires, concerns, and/or discomforts. If you want her to talk about how you feel, you need to do the same. Not all men are completely comfortable with oral sex, and that’s why you need to talk about it. You also have to relax yourself to be able to “love” her orally in a harmonious way. Does that mean you have to admit, is there any part of oral sex that makes you unhappy, or on the other hand, do you really enjoy moving down on her more often now?

What is the “no-go zone” for you?
Is there anything you would like to try or add in the future?
What do you think about us trying oral sex together? ^{[10] X Trusted Source Go Ask Alice Go to Source}

Advice

Always dress neatly and keep the intimate area clean. If you regularly pick up and are not clean, your partner will be concerned about hygiene.
Remember that your girlfriend or wife is not a high school movie star. Adult movie stars are very professional and proficient at this, but the person you love is not. Never expect everything to turn out the way you see it in the movies.

Warning

Although oral sex is safer than other forms of intimacy, it can still spread sexually transmitted diseases if it comes in contact with a partner’s fluids.

Steps