How to Talk to Strangers

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This article was co-written by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Donna Novak is a licensed clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in the treatment of anxiety, emotional and sexual problems. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Alliant-Los Angeles International University. Novak uses a differentiated model of treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation and self-confidence.

There are 16 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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You’ve probably been taught not to talk to strangers, but communicating with people you don’t know can be a lot of fun. You may not know what to say at first, but there are ways to help you socialize with anyone you meet. We’ll start with some friendly body language advice, followed by topics you can come up with to start a conversation and encourage them to keep talking!

Table of Contents

Find someone who seems willing to chat

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Observe the person’s body language to see if they are friendly and open. Before approaching a stranger to talk, wait to see if they smile or make eye contact. If they’re already talking to someone, notice if they make hand gestures or listen to the other person. If they seem comfortable in conversation, they’re probably easy to talk to and wouldn’t mind if you wanted to strike up a conversation with them. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Someone who folds his arms over his chest or avoids people may not be in the mood to talk to anyone.
Only reach out to strangers if you feel safe around them. If you feel stressed or dangerous, trust your gut and stay away from the person.

Make eye contact and smile

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Even a friendly expression can help you feel like communicating. People are more likely to start a conversation with you if they feel you can be trusted. Take a quick glance in their direction and try to catch their eye, even for a second. You may feel a little scared, but try to put on a warm smile and wait to see how the other person reacts. ^{[2] X Research Source} If they smile back, it’s a good sign that they’re willing to stop and have a few words with you. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

Smiling also creates a positive atmosphere, keeping conversation light and fun.

Use open and engaging body language

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Adjust your posture to appear approachable. Don’t cross your arms to appear open and easy to talk to. Turn toward the person and lean forward slightly to show that you want to talk to them. If needed, you can imagine your partner as a likable friend to make it even easier to relax around them. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Practice body language in front of the mirror to see what you need to change.

Respect personal distance

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People may be uncomfortable if you get too close. Everyone has their own personal boundaries, so make sure you don’t cross their boundaries. Watch the person’s body language to see if they look away or often look away, as that could be a sign that they’re stressed. If people seem uncomfortable, step back and respect their response. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

Maybe the other person is just as stressed and scared as you are. By being friendly, you can help the other person relax more.
Respect for personal space must come from both sides, so don’t be afraid to speak up if someone makes you feel uncomfortable. For example, if someone approaches you to give you a hug, you could say, “Oh, thank you, but I’m not used to hugging.”

Say hello

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A simple hello can start a conversation. When you pass a group of people, try saying something brief to everyone you meet. It might be a little intimidating at first, but you can try saying “Hello,” or “Nice to meet you” to create a friendly atmosphere and indicate that you are available to talk to them. Even if you don’t have much time for a long conversation, saying hello is still a nice gesture and makes you appear friendlier. ^{[6] X Research Source}

Although some people are uncomfortable, many will greet you back and continue the conversation.
If you feel a little nervous about greeting others alone, ask a friend or acquaintance to come with you.

Introduce yourself

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Start a conversation with a short and friendly self-introduction. Since you don’t know each other, you don’t need to include your full background. You only need to provide personal information that you are comfortable with, even if it’s just a name. If it’s in a work environment, you can include your career title if relevant to the conversation. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “Hi. I am Lien. I work at XYZ publishing house.”
Pay attention to the social situation when you greet others. For example, if you meet someone at a parent-teacher conference at school, you might say, “Hi. I am Hoang. I have a daughter who is in 3rd grade.”
You can completely tell more about yourself if the conversation starts to deepen.

Learn and call the name of the person you are talking to

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Call out the name of the person you’re talking to to create a more intimate connection. People often like to hear their name sound, so you should ask the person’s name right away. When the time is right, call out their name a few times as you talk. Your partner will feel an intimate connection with you and will also be more friendly. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, you might say, “So what do you do for a living, Quan?”
Mentioning their name a few times is also a way to help you remember and not easily forget the next time you run into them again.

Mention the things around

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Choose a good or nearby event to start a conversation. If you don’t know the person at all, look around and talk about something you see. You’ve probably started socializing about the weather, but you can also talk about the owner of the party, the food, or the guests. When talking to someone you happen to meet on the street, you might mention a nearby store or traffic on the street. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, if you’re going to start a conversation with someone waiting for a green light to cross the street, you might say, “The road is terrible today. Have you ever seen traffic crammed like this?”
As another example, if you’re at the supermarket, you might ask, “Have you ever eaten this brand of pasta sauce? It looks tempting, but I’ve never tried it.”

Mentioning general topics

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Start some gossip about popular culture or current events. Breaking news or an event that everyone has shared is often a great starting point for conversation if the two parties are completely new to each other. If you’re a little apprehensive, don’t worry; you can bring up easy-to-talk topics like a TV show or movie you just watched, a book you just finished reading, or an online meme. When you feel a little more comfortable, you can probe by bringing up topics like family, work, and dating to see if they’re more open. ^{[10] X Research Source}

As another example, you could say “Do you watch the new episode of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”? There are some really hard questions.”
If the other person doesn’t seem very interested in the topic, move on.

Say compliments

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Compliments are a natural and lovely way to dispel the initial shyness. Mention something special that you like about that person so that the compliment seems sincere. ^{[11] X Research Source} You can talk about what the other person is wearing or what they wear or whatever you like. After the initial introduction, you can continue chatting to learn more about the person. ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, you could say something like, “I like your shoes! Where did you buy it?” or “You look great in this color!”
For another example, you might say, “Her argument is very convincing.”
Avoid commenting too much on the person’s appearance, as some people may be uncomfortable.

Ask open-ended questions

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Learn more about the other person so you can know more about them. People love to talk about themselves, so ask about their passions, what they want to do in life, and their life experiences. Try to ask open-ended questions so that the other person has to answer in more detail and the story continues. ^{[13] X Research Sources} Some familiarization questions you can ask include: ^{[14] X Research Sources}

What do you like to do for fun?
What’s the best thing that happened to you this year?
What are you looking forward to?
How familiar are you with the host of the party?

Share your story

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Your openness will also encourage the other person to talk. If the other person doesn’t share much at the start of the conversation, take this time to talk about stories in your life or things that interest you. You can talk about your job, hobbies, projects, or how you know the host. As you talk more, the other person may also feel more comfortable talking about themselves. ^{[15] X Research Source}

You may retain certain personal information. Only bring up topics that you feel comfortable sharing.

Talk about common interests

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Find some common ground to bring into the conversation. If the other person gets really excited when you mention a hobby, sports team, or other things you love, dig into the topic further. Tell them why you like it and ask them what they think. Don’t judge or criticize if they have a different opinion than yours. Be open-minded and receptive to their opinions. ^{[16] X Research Source}

For example, you could say, “I see you wearing the jerseys of a football team I’m a fan of. Did you watch the game last weekend?”
As another example, you might say, “Oh, I love scuba diving too! Where do you like to dive?”

Active listening

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Pay attention when talking so that the other person feels heard. Make eye contact with the other person and nod to what they say. Avoid looking at your phone or being distracted by other things so you don’t lose focus. Occasionally “um” or “ah” to show that you are listening. ^{[17] X Trusted Source Greater Good in Action Go to Source}

Pay attention to facial expressions, and be careful with gestures like frowning or looking disgusted, as this can turn the other person off.

End the conversation in 5-10 minutes

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Watch for signs that the other person wants to end the conversation. A casual conversation usually lasts only a few minutes before someone wants to leave. If you’ve talked for 5-10 minutes, the other person may want to stop talking and leave. If not, see if they wiggle, check their phone, or look at their watch. Tell that the conversation was fun, and it’s time for you to go. If you’re interested in chatting with the person, ask them if they’d like to stay in touch. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “It was fun talking to you today. Would you like to exchange phone numbers so we can talk later?”

Advice

Practice talking to the cashier or counter staff to build confidence and become more comfortable opening up to others. ^{[19] X Research Source}
Put your phone away so it’s easier to focus on interacting with people. ^{[20] X Research Sources}
Try setting a goal of talking to a few strangers each week.

Warning

If a stranger makes you uncomfortable or if you feel unsafe around them, avoid talking to that person. ^{[21] X Research Source}

Steps