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This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained at the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of consulting experience and is trained in harm reduction modeling.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 24,454 times.
A broken relationship is extremely painful, especially when your thoughts are constantly on your ex. Whether that relationship just ended or you’re still struggling with pain after months, you probably feel those thoughts are preventing you from moving forward. Fortunately, there are a few ways that can help you accept that the relationship is over and stop thinking about your ex.
Steps
Let the Pain Go
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Anguished. The end of a relationship is like the loss of a loved one from this world. Suffering before the loss of a breakup is inevitable. [1] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Pain is not something you can easily ignore. In fact, you’ll find that it’s easier to get over past hurts if you face your feelings without judgment. [2] X Research Source
- Trying to suppress the thought will only make it stronger. You may even start dreaming about your ex if you keep repressing your own thoughts and feelings. [3] X Research Sources
- Cry if you want. You’ll feel better if you let go of your feelings instead of keeping them inside.
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Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes, you need someone to listen to you rather than give advice. Even if you can’t figure out why things happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over. [4] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you love about the breakup, consider seeing a therapist or joining an online support group.
- Having an imaginary conversation with your ex about all of your pent-up pain can be helpful. It allows you to express your feelings without having to contact your ex and helps you feel more at ease. [5] X Research Sources
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Let the anger pass. If you keep obsessing over all the bad things your ex did to you, you’ll never be able to move on! No matter how angry you are, it is extremely important to stop these negative thoughts. [6] X Research Sources
- When dealing with repetitive thoughts in your mind, the best way is to face them directly. Think about why you think that way, how those thoughts might be distorted and untrue, and what negative effects that thought had on you at the time. The more aware you are of your own thoughts, the easier it is to dismiss them. [7] X Research Sources
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Be honest with yourself. After a breakup, people often lie to themselves about the relationship or about why it ended. It’s very important to consider carefully how happy you were in the relationship and what led to the breakup. It allows you to realize that it may not have been a great relationship in the first place. [8] X Research Sources
- Asking yourself about your own responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship can be very helpful because it helps you let go of your anger.
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Seek needed help. Breaking up with a relationship can have a serious impact on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find yourself still immersed in it after a long time. Broken love can weaken your immune system and increase your chances of getting sick. Even people who can’t get over the pain of a breakup within 16 weeks can experience structural brain changes that reduce motivation, concentration, and emotions. It is extremely important to seek medical help before your health has problems. [9] X Research Source
- A therapist can help by listening, encouraging you to come to terms with your feelings, and teaching you how to handle pain.
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Remind yourself to let it all go. There are many ways you can try to stop obsessive thoughts about your ex. All of these methods are based on your ability to recognize when thoughts of your ex come to mind and take some specific action to prevent the thought from coming back. Remember that these methods are for obsessive thoughts only! If you still haven’t worked through your feelings and taken time to grieve, you shouldn’t try to suppress your thoughts.
- You can wear an elastic band around your wrist and turn it on every time you miss your ex.
- You can write down any thoughts you have about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.
- You can try the visualization exercise. This exercise asks you to imagine a specific image whenever thoughts of your ex pop into your mind. For example, you can think of a stop sign to remind yourself that you need to stop what you’re doing. If you do this often, the linking becomes automatic.
Get rid of Things That Remind You Of Your Ex
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Avoid contacting your ex. Even if you think you want to be friends with that person, it’s extremely important to leave him or her for a while. You have to get over that relationship completely before you can start spending time with the other person again. [10] X Research Source
- If you don’t give yourself time to recover, you’ll probably continue to see your ex as your other half because your love relationship hasn’t gone away yet.
- Take some time to think about why you would want to be friends with your ex. If it’s because you’re afraid of living a life without your partner, you’re probably just using that as an excuse to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup.
- Most people won’t be able to become friends after a breakup. Don’t feel bad if things don’t go your way, even after you’ve had time to grieve.
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Get rid of things shared by the two of you. If you find yourself thinking about your ex every time you look at the watch he gave you for Christmas or the DVD collection you two bought together, it might be time to say goodbye to the old stuff. that object. [11] X Research Source
- If you don’t want to throw them away, consider donating them to charities.
- Throw away all the pictures of your ex.
- If the two of you live together and you can’t get rid of all the things you both have in common, revitalizing your home by changing the color of the walls or rearranging the furniture can be overwhelming. useful. This will help you feel like it’s your own place instead of the place you and your partner used to live together.
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Avoid following your ex’s news. You’ll never be able to stop thinking about your ex if you keep updating him or her on your phone all the time. Even if your relationship ends amicably, it’s a good idea to unfriend your ex on social media. Similarly, you should also stop driving past your ex’s house on your way to work or ask mutual friends about the other’s situation. [12] X Research Source
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Change your daily habits. People often form a daily routine with the people who matter to them, and continuing like this after a breakup can make you more lonely and trigger thoughts about your ex. Create a new habit for yourself. Instead of making your own breakfast every Saturday, go for a walk and sample a new cup of coffee.
Focus on New Activity
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Actively communicate. Being with friends and loved ones will help you focus your mind on the positive aspects of your life and stop thinking about your ex. It’s also important to pursue hobbies and activities that interest you, especially if your ex was the reason you couldn’t do them. [13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- If your social life revolves around your ex, it’s extremely important to get out there and make new friends. Try joining a club or volunteering to meet new people.
- If you rely on your ex for emotional support, try relying on someone other than your partner, like a friend or loved one. You will be amazed to find out how much support you are getting! [14] X Research Source
- Keeping yourself busy will help you get through it faster. If you find yourself thinking too much about your ex when you’re home alone, find something to do, whether it’s having dinner with friends, visiting a museum, or going for a walk. [15] X Research Source
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Thinking about the future. You’ve probably planned a future with your ex, and if you really did, it’s completely understandable that you feel like everything is so murky right now. Try to focus on the positives by reminding yourself of the good you can and will achieve in the future without the other person. [16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- Try to enjoy the present life. While you’ll probably want to be in a new relationship, being single will also bring you a lot of benefits, so enjoy it.
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Focus on taking care of yourself. To improve your mood, it is extremely important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get enough sleep. A healthy lifestyle probably won’t make you feel better, but it can get you out of your mind of your ex. [17] X Research Source
- Meditation will help you regain your confidence and relieve the stress that comes with a breakup.
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Find a new love when you’re ready. There aren’t any rules for when you should start dating again after a breakup, so do so when you feel ready. Avoid rushing into a new relationship just because you don’t want to be alone, but don’t be too scared to move on either! [18] X Research Sources
- Some people continue to think about their ex even though they are already in a new relationship. If you are in this situation, you should not suppress your thoughts. Instead, replace it with a memory or a moment when you felt so deeply in love with your current partner. Love is an incredibly powerful emotion and it can help you resist the urge to reconnect with your ex. [19] X Research Source
Advice
- Recovery from a breakup takes a while, so be patient.
Warning
- While the feelings after a breakup can be incredibly strong, never threaten your ex, either verbally or physically, or threaten to hurt yourself to make them feel guilty. error.
- If feeling hurt and angry after a breakup is too much for you to handle and makes you think about suicide, talk to someone or seek help from a psychologist or professional. immediate consultation. The suicide hotline is open 24 hours a day. [20] X Trusted Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Go to Source
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This article was co-written by Elvina Lui, MFT. Elvina Lui is a licensed family and marriage therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master’s degree in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained at the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of consulting experience and is trained in harm reduction modeling.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 24,454 times.
A broken relationship is extremely painful, especially when your thoughts are constantly on your ex. Whether that relationship just ended or you’re still struggling with pain after months, you probably feel those thoughts are preventing you from moving forward. Fortunately, there are a few ways that can help you accept that the relationship is over and stop thinking about your ex.
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