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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,211 times.
Everyone regrets something sometimes. Regret will make you more mature and developed, while constantly thinking about the past negatively affects your physical health and emotional state. You can take a variety of steps, from changing your mindset to changing your lifestyle, that will help you come to terms with what you regret and eventually let go of it.
Steps
Change of Mind
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Understand the psychology of regret. Regret is a powerful emotion. Learning to deal with what you regret means understanding the psychology of it.
- Regrets are feelings of guilt, sadness, or anger about past decisions. Everyone has regrets about something at some point in their life, especially young people, but this becomes a big problem when you keep thinking about past mistakes, when it makes you sad. you become indifferent to your life, career, and personal relationships. [1] X Research Source
- Counterfactual thinking leads to regret. This means that the easier it is to imagine a different ending, the more likely we are to regret that decision. Regret reaches its peak when you think you’re on the verge of success but let the opportunity slip away due to lack of planning and action. For example, when you choose a lottery number, the lottery ticket that you did not choose will have a winning number. [2] X Research Source
- Regret has negative emotional and physical effects. It can cause mental health problems like depression and anxiety or prolonged stress, leading to hormone imbalances and a weakened immune system. [3] X Research Sources
- The feeling of regret is completely different between men and women. Women who have been through past relationships often regret their romantic memories in the past. [4] X Research Sources
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Don’t try to force yourself. Taking on too much responsibility will only make you regret it quickly. Learn to relax more about personal expectations and accept that there are too many things in life that you can’t change, to prevent yourself from having regrets.
- When you find yourself regretting, and thinking about what you could have done differently, pull yourself out of the situation right away. Ask yourself, “If a friend or family member told me this, what would I say? Should I think it’s reasonable for me to be reprimanded like that?”.
- Consider the situation in this situation or a decision you are now regretting. There are many factors beyond your control that can affect your judgment. Are you under pressure to choose too hastily? Does extreme stress reduce the accuracy of your judgment?
- Let’s say you are responsible for managing a charity. For the person in charge of the fundraiser, you’ve booked a pretty popular hotel/restaurant bar. A week before the event, the owner of the hotel called to inform you that this weekend the guests were almost fully booked. Since the group of friends is the second to book, the boss gives priority to the first group. Too alarmed, you quickly find another way. You find another hotel restaurant/bar about a mile down the road and a theater that is empty on weekends. No more time to weigh the pros and cons, you’ve chosen the second hotel. At the event, the hotel staff had a rude attitude, the food was not well prepared, the rest was a space that was too narrow to arrange seats for guests to attend. In this scenario, you will probably regret your decision to choose this hotel and just want to make a quick trip to the theater. However, how much can you control? When being put in an awkward situation and having to make a quick decision. Even if things don’t go as expected, don’t blame yourself for it.
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Admit what you don’t know. Regrets, as I said, stem from counterfactual thinking. To stop regretting, we need to admit that this way of thinking is actually harmful. There are many things in this life that we do not know.
- Every action of each of us has a result. That is, the influence that comes from our choices cannot be calculated. Often the effects of those choices will be evident many years after your decision. While things may look bad now, we don’t know what the future will bring, and that regretful decision can make a small difference years later. [5] X Research Sources
- Remember, when you have to “assume”, you will often assume, the prospect will be too far away for you now. In fact, this is not something that you can know. Just imagine that that “suppose” scenario assumes your choice is better. Let’s take the lottery as an example. What if you play that week and win big? For example, if you quit your job, get bored, will you eventually turn to gambling, alcohol, or drugs just to get through the day? [6] X Research Sources
Become a Pioneer
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Learn from your own mistakes. Regret is like any other emotional state; also has a certain duration. Be open to the useful side of that regret to somewhat shorten the time it lasts.
- Regret is how we learn to examine our actions. We will not be able to grow and change positively without being forced to recognize which decisions will lead to bad consequences later. For example, people with addiction often rely on their own feelings of regret to give themselves the motivation to quit completely. [7] X Research Sources
- Reframe your thinking about a regretful situation or decision. See those mistakes as opportunities to grow and change yourself. Young people often deal with feelings of regret better, and this is true because they see it in a positive light. For them, regret is the key to growth and change. [8] X Research Sources
- Accept the reprimand. People often make excuses for their actions. This leads to making worse decisions, and as a result, more regrets. For example, say you were late for work because you stayed up late drinking last night. Maybe you make excuses that you’ve had a stressful week or are under pressure from friends and when you’re happy again you keep making those excuses. Instead, you think, “Staying up late was a bad decision, so I have to suffer the consequences”, you will avoid repeating such a situation in the future. You think you have more control over the situation than directing that control to outside influences. [9] X Research Source
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Allow yourself to be sad and disappointed. Sometimes, when the situation is especially unfavorable, we also need to be sad. Allow yourself to feel down for the right amount of time to lift yourself up afterwards. [10] X Research Source
- Sadness as well as regret; It’s a negative emotion, but it’s also very helpful to us. Feelings of sadness will sharpen your mind, allowing you to appreciate every problem and find a way to deal with life’s difficulties. [11] X Research Source
- It’s normal to react to bad situations with sadness. Avoiding those feelings will only prolong your feelings of regret and disappointment. After a major setback, take a week to grieve the loss and work through your disappointment. [12] X Research Source
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Consider relationships. Often our most regretful moments come from bad relationships with friends, loved ones, and other important people in your life.
- If you are going through a difficult time, this will lead to your sadness and regret, will your friends get through it with you? Who will comfort and help you and who will fade in your heart? [13] X Research Source
- Acknowledge them, who are not mentally supportive of you and who, in the past, have dragged you into a dilemma. The longer you continue to nurture those not-so-good personal relationships, the more you will end up with regrets. Cut ties with those who are not on your side and draw closer to those who do it for you. [14] X Research Source
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Decide how to act. Like I said, seeing regret as an opportunity to grow, means that you will be less likely to look back on past mistakes. However, you need to be prepared to take action. Find out what you need to do to get over your regrets.
- Was anyone hurt by the decision you made? Will the consequences of your actions affect your friends or family? Perhaps you will need to call or write a few letters. If necessary, take a moment to say sorry.
- Write down your feelings on paper. “I’m sad for X, Y, and Z”. “I’m angry at X, Y, and Z”. Then look back at your checklist once you’re done, and evaluate what led to your current mindset. What could you have done differently? What brings up all these emotions and how can you get rid of them? [15] X Research Source
Change the way of life
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Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the state of mind in which you are aware of the present moment. Right Mind-Behavior Therapy has been used quite successfully to treat depression caused by regret. [16] X Research Source
- Being mindful means monitoring your thoughts from afar. You can objectively evaluate your past and your mistakes, allowing you to realize that those feelings of regret have an impact on your life. [17] X Research Source
- Meditation can help with mindfulness. Focus on breathing deeply or paying attention to a word or phrase. Allow that stream of thoughts to enter your mind and avoid judgment during the experience. [18] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Pay attention to bodily sensations, such as itching and breathing. Take note of all of your senses, such as sight, smell, hearing, and taste. Try to be aware of your surroundings and how you feel. [19] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- Taste emotions without judgment. Allow yourself to experience sadness, fear, anger, and pain without trying to give up or suppress those feelings. [20] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- If successful, mindfulness will help you focus more on the present moment. This prevents you from looking back to the past and past decisions. Focusing on what you can control in the present will help you be less judgmental about your past decisions and memories. Mindfulness therapy is also particularly helpful for older patients who feel regret about their own lives. [21] X Research Source
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Strive for abstract goals. Disappointment and regret have repeatedly prevented us from achieving our goals. Changing the way we think about our goals and accomplishments can help us better deal with our regrets and accept the present.
- Try to achieve abstract achievements from long-term goals. Say “In 5 years, I want to be happy all the time” instead of saying “In 5 years, I want to reach the top of my career”. In this way, you realize that self-reflection helps you achieve the results you want, which is something you can control, not an aspect of your life that is always out of your control. [22] X Research Source
- Research shows that specific rewards often don’t make people as happy as the great achievements they achieve. Those who pursue money, fame, wealth, and a successful career are often not as happy as those who strive for abstract goals such as self-joy, good relationships, and more. The other thing is to use the mind. [23] X Research Sources
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Discuss it. What could be more priceless than having someone to support, in the face of a disappointment that causes self-pity. Talking about how you feel can help you better understand how you feel and be more aware from an outsider’s perspective.
- Talk to a friend or loved one when you’re feeling down. Letting yourself brood only makes the disappointment worse over time. Choose someone who has the same experience and understands you. [24] X Research Sources
- If you’re finding it difficult to get over your frustration, try therapy. A therapist can provide an unbiased third-person perspective on your case as well as offer advice to help you overcome a negative life attitude.
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Current rating. Regret comes from a choice you wanted but let go of. Appreciating the present, and appreciating the positives, can help reduce feelings of regret.
- Regret is often the result of an unbalanced way of thinking. Clinging to a particular decision, or a series of decisions, distorts the truth that has the power to judge our lives when the focus is on the negative side.
- Write down all the positive aspects of your life, like family, friends, work, and any successes you’ve had so far. In fact, each situation has its pros and cons. The problem is, when we regret it, we only see its downside. Appreciating the good things in the present is a great way to reduce feelings of regret.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 11 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 13,211 times.
Everyone regrets something sometimes. Regret will make you more mature and developed, while constantly thinking about the past negatively affects your physical health and emotional state. You can take a variety of steps, from changing your mindset to changing your lifestyle, that will help you come to terms with what you regret and eventually let go of it.
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