How to Stop Loving Someone

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This article was co-written by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a love & transformation coach and owner of JennJoyCoaching, which provides life coaching services in Miami, Florida, though Jennifer works with clients worldwide. Jennifer’s work revolves around motivating women who are going through a divorce or breakup. She has over 4 years of life coaching experience. She is also the host of the Deep Chats Podcast with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 of “Divorce and the Things You Can Handle”. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce and Divorced Girl Smiling magazines. She received a master’s degree in social work from New York University. She is also a health coach and expert in communication & life coaching.

There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

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The “perfect” lover thinks it’s best for the two of you to just be friends? Even if it feels like no one can be better than that person, there is always a way to help you through this pain. For each individual, forgetting someone is as special as falling in love with someone. Here are a few ways to help you remove an emotional connection with someone in a positive way.

Table of Contents

Accept that you are hurt

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Let you be sad for a while. Letting go of someone is the painful process of the breakup of a relationship. It is not uncommon to feel that pain deeply. If you try to act normal and pretend you’re not in pain, you’ll have greater emotional difficulties. The best way to start forgetting someone is to be sad for a moment. Give yourself time to process this feeling of loss. ^{[1] X Research Source}

If possible, take a few days off and do things that make you feel good (as long as they aren’t harmful). Watch a sad movie, sleep or eat ice cream. If the pain becomes unbearable, remember that one day, everything will get better. ^{[2] X Research Source}

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Think carefully about the relationship. To be able to let go completely, you need to acknowledge that there are always good and bad sides to loving someone (because they always are). Appreciate the positives and at the same time, don’t deny the negatives – you need to think about the new opportunities that are opening up in front of you.

In the midst of suffering, it is likely that you have romanticized that person and forgotten all their flaws and weaknesses. It’s important to keep both of these aspects in mind.
Try to appreciate the way that love has helped you to change and grow. At the same time, be aware of the areas in which it has prevented your growth or made you the person you didn’t want to be. They are lessons that can stay with you for the rest of your life. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Be alone for a while. Do not rush into another relationship or constantly gather with friends, participate in activities to temporarily forget the current pain. You need to deal with and cope if you want to work through the pain and let go of someone in a healthy way. Allocate time properly between thinking, pursuing what you want and what you need, and seeking emotional and social support from friends and family.

Of course, if you need to, you can still confide in your best friend. Find someone who understands, is willing to listen to your feelings and at the same time, honestly gives advice as an outsider. If receptive, a good piece of advice from a trusted friend can help you reassess your present loss and look to the future. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on the breakup, where things went wrong or what your ex wants. Instead, focus on yourself and how to get over it and move on. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

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Don’t suppress your emotions. An important part of the healing process is expressing emotions. Unless you really want to, you don’t have to share them with anyone else. But, at least, don’t suppress them. You will feel better. ^{[5] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

You can journal, write poetry or short stories, draw pictures, write or play music, recite poems. With these creative efforts, you can not only express pain, but at the same time, create something beautiful out of your own experience. ^{[6] X Research Sources}
If you don’t feel inspired or artistic, go to a museum, theater or concert. Sometimes, watching or listening to other artists describe the pain of a breakup will help you understand that it’s a common experience for everyone and that while it can be painful, they contribute to making life easier. This life has more meaning. ^{[7] X Research Source} After all, if you have never tasted pain, you will never understand what true love is.

Start over

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Keep what’s important. When trying to get over the pain and get back to the real world, it’s important not to overreact and dismiss everything that reminds you of the person. Keep a few mementos of the best in your relationship, like a shell you found on the beach or a photo you took at a year-end party. As a result, you will retain a positive and healthy feeling about the relationship.

Whatever it is you should do, maybe at the moment you’re not ready to see them. Keep everything somewhere and keep it out of sight. Take it out, if you want, when the wound has healed.
This includes electronic data. They can be saved and stored somewhere on your computer.

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Eliminate other things. Once you’ve chosen what to keep, get rid of everything else. To truly forget someone, you need to avoid constantly encountering reminders of that person in your daily life.

If there are loads of his or her belongings, return them. Remove your name from shared Facebook photos, delete photos from your own account that remind you of that person, and do the same with other electronic data (such as voicemail). According to research, withholding them prolongs the pain and makes the wound more difficult to heal. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

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Do not inquire about that person. In order to get over someone, it’s important to sever the connection, at least until it’s emotionally unaffected and can get you back (if you want to), is very important. Falling in love isn’t just an emotional state, it’s similar to addiction, it also leads to chemical changes in the brain. Every time you see or get something that reminds you of an ex, the satisfaction can be enough to increase that longing. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Don’t make coffee dates, call, text, or ask friends about the person. Stop thinking about them and start caring more about yourself. Experts recommend that in order to forget about a person, you need to give up all contact for at least 30-90 days. ^{[10] X Research Source}
Stop following/friending on social media. Keeping an eye on them, intentionally or unintentionally, is not good and will make you harder to forget. Cut off all contact on social media (at least for now) so you can focus on better things, like taking care of yourself.

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Avoid seeing mutual friends for a while. When trying to cut ties, hanging out with mutual friends too soon will make it harder for you emotionally.

Explain that you need to take a break and stay away from them for a while until you feel a little better. Good friends will always be sympathetic and understanding.
That can include mutual friends on Facebook, especially since these friends often post a lot of pictures of the person. Seeing or hearing any reminders of an old relationship is more likely to prolong your distress. If you can’t disconnect from your Facebook friends, temporarily block your newsletter or take a break from social media while you recover. ^{[11] X Research Source}

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Don’t rush to make friends back. If the relationship was really good and everything ended peacefully or even if you’ve always been just good friends, it might still take a while for the two of you to act like friends again. again. Spending time together instantly will make it hard for you to stop loving that person.

When a deep love is broken, many people need several years to be best friends again. It may not be until you’ve both fallen in love again and are married that you feel comfortable being friends again.
For others, being friends is impossible, especially if breaking up isn’t a decision on both sides.

Focus on yourself

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Discover yourseft. No longer being clouded by emotions, you will see yourself more clearly. Discover your own strengths and weaknesses. You may want to rethink your priorities and goals in life. Maybe when you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want one thing. Now you want something else.

In this case, friendship is a good thing for you to spend time caring for. You may find that when you’re in love, you’ve neglected some friends that you really don’t want to lose. This is a great time to make up for them.
Think back to the person you were before and find your independent self again. Maybe the person wasn’t interested in going to music but you did and maybe, he or she likes long hair but you don’t. You may have put off hobbies, friends, and a part of your personality when you were with that person, but now that you’re single again, you’re free to choose what you should keep from the person you were before. ^{[12] X Research Source}

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Become independent. Love often makes you extremely dependent. However, if you want to be happier and luckier in your future relationships, you need to improve your independence. To do that, be more confident and remind yourself that you are strong and can do it all on your own. For now, do it for yourself. You are free and don’t forget it. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do but never had time to do.

Try going out to eat or watch a movie alone. It’s even better to know that you’re enjoying food or a movie that person would hate.

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Try new activities. They not only bring joy, pull you out and enjoy new things, but also help you forget your old love and learn how to make yourself happy. It could be a new hobby, a volunteer activity, or a new skill. Or, you can learn something online. You will never know what you want to do next.

Travel as much as you can. It’s a surefire way to accumulate new memories and experiences, both positive and negative. Focus your mind on those experiences, and you will begin to forget (or at least think less) of the past.
Remember that you don’t have to fly to Europe, you can also travel within the country! The important thing is to go out, go to new places and do something you’ve never tried before.

Overcome

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Accept that it is not your destiny yet. This is an important part of getting over it and moving on. You have to understand that if the person can’t love you or the relationship makes one of you tired and can’t do anything to change that, in the end, it will only be painful for you. You deserve a relationship where he loves you as much as you love him or her and no one else can make you feel as complete and complete as you can.

Be grateful for the good things that come with the relationship, such as the opportunity to get to know your heart and know what you need in a partner. And then, when you feel lucky to have loved that person, you can really get over the pain – now you understand that everything has its own purpose. ^{[13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

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Meet new people. Unless you still want to be single, you have to go out and find someone more suitable. This takes time and you should not rush it. Don’t force it, only go out when you really want to and don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

You can meet new people by going to a bar or club, going to church or joining a group with similar interests, and volunteering. Also, be mindful of people you may have missed in the past at school, work, or in the community. Be friendly and open to new people.

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Dating again. Loving or at least realizing that there are other people you can fall in love with again is very important in helping you learn to leave behind a past relationship. You don’t have to take dating too seriously. In fact, it’s better to try and get to know each other for a while. Many people need time to regain their balance after a breakup and it’s best not to hurt someone else by not being able to engage yourself in a serious relationship.

You’ll realize when you’re ready to date again. That’s when you truly love and respect yourself. The truth is, we attract people who will treat us the way we do to ourselves. If you feel pity or self-doubt, you will not be able to attract someone who is willing to love for who you are. ^{[14] X Research Source}

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Understand that there is no need to force yourself to stop loving someone. While not having a definite end to love can be an incredibly painful experience, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving someone. If it’s true love, chances are you’ll never be able to do it. However, you can still overcome that love, live fully without depending on it and find yourself a new love.

Don’t fill your heart with hatred or other negative emotions. In any case, don’t try to get over the pain by making yourself hate the person you love. If they hurt you or harm you, you have every right to be angry. However, it is better to forgive, not for them but for yourself. Letting hatred take over your heart is extremely toxic and can stifle any joy in life and your ability to have good relationships in the future. ^{[15] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source}
Don’t look for other people’s faults. Obviously, don’t make a list of everything that’s not right about them. Don’t make yourself hate them. Don’t force yourself to think you’re better. They will only spark negative emotions without helping you open up to better experiences.

Advice

Don’t compare people to that person or think that no one will ever be able to match them. Don’t deny a person’s positive contributions by comparing them to someone else.
When trying to start a new hobby, make sure it doesn’t have any connection with the person you want to forget. Otherwise, it could be an extremely difficult challenge.
Make sure you don’t meet anyone else who is in a relationship with someone you don’t want to see.

Warning

If it’s an abusive or controlling relationship, a restraining order will help both of you curb your desire to have contact with the other.

Steps