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Love is a complex emotion that holds the power to uplift and fulfill us, but it can also leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed. However, what happens when the love we feel is no longer reciprocated, or when circumstances force us to let go? Letting go of someone we love can be one of the most challenging experiences we may face in life. Whether it’s due to a breakup, unrequited love, or simply realizing that the relationship is toxic, the process of stopping loving someone requires strength, self-reflection, and the willingness to embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. In this guide, we will explore various strategies, techniques, and advice on how to stop loving someone, enabling you to move forward towards a healthier, happier future.
This article was co-written by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a love & transformation coach and owner of JennJoyCoaching, which provides life coaching services in Miami, Florida, though Jennifer works with clients worldwide. Jennifer’s work revolves around motivating women who are going through a divorce or breakup. She has over 4 years of life coaching experience. She is also the host of the Deep Chats Podcast with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 of “Divorce and the Things You Can Handle”. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce and Divorced Girl Smiling magazines. She received a master’s degree in social work from New York University. She is also a health coach and expert in communication & life coaching.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 96,209 times.
The “perfect” lover thinks it’s best for the two of you to just be friends? Even if it feels like no one can be better than that person, there is always a way to help you through this pain. For each individual, forgetting someone is as special as falling in love with someone. Here are a few ways to help you remove an emotional connection with someone in a positive way.
Steps
Accept that you are hurt
- If possible, take a few days off and do things that make you feel good (as long as they aren’t harmful). Watch a sad movie, sleep or eat ice cream. If the pain becomes unbearable, remember that one day, everything will get better. [2] X Research Source
- In the midst of suffering, it is likely that you have romanticized that person and forgotten all their flaws and weaknesses. It’s important to keep both of these aspects in mind.
- Try to appreciate the way that love has helped you to change and grow. At the same time, be aware of the areas in which it has prevented your growth or made you the person you didn’t want to be. They are lessons that can stay with you for the rest of your life. [3] X Research Sources
- Of course, if you need to, you can still confide in your best friend. Find someone who understands, is willing to listen to your feelings and at the same time, honestly gives advice as an outsider. If receptive, a good piece of advice from a trusted friend can help you reassess your present loss and look to the future. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on the breakup, where things went wrong or what your ex wants. Instead, focus on yourself and how to get over it and move on. [4] X Research Sources
- You can journal, write poetry or short stories, draw pictures, write or play music, recite poems. With these creative efforts, you can not only express pain, but at the same time, create something beautiful out of your own experience. [6] X Research Sources
- If you don’t feel inspired or artistic, go to a museum, theater or concert. Sometimes, watching or listening to other artists describe the pain of a breakup will help you understand that it’s a common experience for everyone and that while it can be painful, they contribute to making life easier. This life has more meaning. [7] X Research Source After all, if you have never tasted pain, you will never understand what true love is.
Start over
- Whatever it is you should do, maybe at the moment you’re not ready to see them. Keep everything somewhere and keep it out of sight. Take it out, if you want, when the wound has healed.
- This includes electronic data. They can be saved and stored somewhere on your computer.
- If there are loads of his or her belongings, return them. Remove your name from shared Facebook photos, delete photos from your own account that remind you of that person, and do the same with other electronic data (such as voicemail). According to research, withholding them prolongs the pain and makes the wound more difficult to heal. [8] X Research Sources
- Don’t make coffee dates, call, text, or ask friends about the person. Stop thinking about them and start caring more about yourself. Experts recommend that in order to forget about a person, you need to give up all contact for at least 30-90 days. [10] X Research Source
- Stop following/friending on social media. Keeping an eye on them, intentionally or unintentionally, is not good and will make you harder to forget. Cut off all contact on social media (at least for now) so you can focus on better things, like taking care of yourself.
- Explain that you need to take a break and stay away from them for a while until you feel a little better. Good friends will always be sympathetic and understanding.
- That can include mutual friends on Facebook, especially since these friends often post a lot of pictures of the person. Seeing or hearing any reminders of an old relationship is more likely to prolong your distress. If you can’t disconnect from your Facebook friends, temporarily block your newsletter or take a break from social media while you recover. [11] X Research Source
- When a deep love is broken, many people need several years to be best friends again. It may not be until you’ve both fallen in love again and are married that you feel comfortable being friends again.
- For others, being friends is impossible, especially if breaking up isn’t a decision on both sides.
Focus on yourself
- In this case, friendship is a good thing for you to spend time caring for. You may find that when you’re in love, you’ve neglected some friends that you really don’t want to lose. This is a great time to make up for them.
- Think back to the person you were before and find your independent self again. Maybe the person wasn’t interested in going to music but you did and maybe, he or she likes long hair but you don’t. You may have put off hobbies, friends, and a part of your personality when you were with that person, but now that you’re single again, you’re free to choose what you should keep from the person you were before. [12] X Research Source
- Try going out to eat or watch a movie alone. It’s even better to know that you’re enjoying food or a movie that person would hate.
- Travel as much as you can. It’s a surefire way to accumulate new memories and experiences, both positive and negative. Focus your mind on those experiences, and you will begin to forget (or at least think less) of the past.
- Remember that you don’t have to fly to Europe, you can also travel within the country! The important thing is to go out, go to new places and do something you’ve never tried before.
Overcome
- Be grateful for the good things that come with the relationship, such as the opportunity to get to know your heart and know what you need in a partner. And then, when you feel lucky to have loved that person, you can really get over the pain – now you understand that everything has its own purpose. [13] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source
- You can meet new people by going to a bar or club, going to church or joining a group with similar interests, and volunteering. Also, be mindful of people you may have missed in the past at school, work, or in the community. Be friendly and open to new people.
- You’ll realize when you’re ready to date again. That’s when you truly love and respect yourself. The truth is, we attract people who will treat us the way we do to ourselves. If you feel pity or self-doubt, you will not be able to attract someone who is willing to love for who you are. [14] X Research Source
- Don’t fill your heart with hatred or other negative emotions. In any case, don’t try to get over the pain by making yourself hate the person you love. If they hurt you or harm you, you have every right to be angry. However, it is better to forgive, not for them but for yourself. Letting hatred take over your heart is extremely toxic and can stifle any joy in life and your ability to have good relationships in the future. [15] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to Source
- Don’t look for other people’s faults. Obviously, don’t make a list of everything that’s not right about them. Don’t make yourself hate them. Don’t force yourself to think you’re better. They will only spark negative emotions without helping you open up to better experiences.
- When you finally meet someone who loves you for who you are, don’t feel bad about flirting with someone else. Finding new love, you never betrayed or trampled on previous feelings. Even fairy tales have more than one story and the heart is a book of many pages.
- Having said that, it’s not unusual not to fall in love again for a long time. Some wounds take longer to heal. Just focus on doing what makes you happy.
Advice
- Don’t compare people to that person or think that no one will ever be able to match them. Don’t deny a person’s positive contributions by comparing them to someone else.
- When trying to start a new hobby, make sure it doesn’t have any connection with the person you want to forget. Otherwise, it could be an extremely difficult challenge.
- Make sure you don’t meet anyone else who is in a relationship with someone you don’t want to see.
Warning
- If it’s an abusive or controlling relationship, a restraining order will help both of you curb your desire to have contact with the other.
This article was co-written by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a love & transformation coach and owner of JennJoyCoaching, which offers life coaching in Miami, Florida, though Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work revolves around motivating women who are going through a divorce or breakup. She has over 4 years of life coaching experience. She is also the host of the Deep Chats Podcast with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 of “Divorce and the Things You Can Handle”. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce and Divorced Girl Smiling magazines. She received a master’s degree in social work from New York University. She is also a health coach and expert in communication & life coaching.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 96,209 times.
The “perfect” lover thinks it’s best for the two of you to just be friends? Even if it feels like no one can be better than that person, there is always a way to help you through this pain. For each individual, forgetting someone is as special as falling in love with someone. Here are a few ways to help you remove an emotional connection with someone in a positive way.
In conclusion, stopping to love someone is a difficult and complex process that requires time, patience, and self-reflection. It is important to remember that love is a powerful emotion, and letting go of it can be challenging. However, by acknowledging and accepting the reality of the situation, setting boundaries, focusing on personal growth and self-care, seeking support from loved ones or professionals, and allowing oneself to heal and move forward, it is possible to stop loving someone. It is essential to remember that healing is not linear, and everyone’s journey is unique. With time and perseverance, it is possible to find happiness and love again.
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