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How to Stop Criticism

January 25, 2024 by admin Category: How To

You are viewing the article How to Stop Criticism  at Tnhelearning.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.

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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 5,956 times.

Criticism is poison to healthy relationships. While it’s completely understandable to express disappointment when someone hurts you by their behavior, over time, being overly critical can put a strain on any relationship. [1] X Source of Research First, improve your own behavior to hold back before you start criticizing. Then, the effort to educate yourself and challenge every preconception has led you to become overly critical.

Table of Contents

  • Steps
    • Change Your Behavior
    • Communicate More Efficiently
    • Looking Forward

Steps

Change Your Behavior

Image titled Uncomfortable Nerdy Girl.png

Image titled Uncomfortable Nerdy Girl.png

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Think before you speak. Before criticizing, stop and consider whether you really need to say anything. When someone does something that upsets you, do you really need to point it out? Sometimes, ignoring the little inadvertent is the best thing to do. Try to take a deep breath and leave instead of criticizing. [2] X Research Source

  • It’s best not to criticize other people’s personalities. It is very difficult for us to control the individual features of our personality. If your roommate has a tendency to indulge in her own hobbies, it might be best to just smile and nod as she talks endlessly about her new favorite TV show. If this were simply part of who she was, criticism probably wouldn’t bring about any change in behavior. [3] X Research Sources
  • Avoid judging someone’s character by their actions. For example, with your boyfriend forgetting to pay his monthly phone bill on time. Say things like, “Why are you so absent-minded?” won’t make any significant changes. Perhaps it’s best to shut up now and later, when you’ve calmed down, discuss ways to effectively manage bill payments. It could be downloading mobile software that reminds you when your monthly bill is due. [4] X Research Sources
Image titled Young Person Weighs Pros and Cons.png

Image titled Young Person Weighs Pros and Cons.png

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Be realistic. Critics often have very high expectations of those around them. It is possible that your tendency to be critical stems from expecting too much from those around you. When you find yourself constantly getting upset or frustrated with others, it may be a good idea to adjust your own expectations. [5] X Research Sources

  • Remember the last time you criticized someone. What is the cause of this criticism? Is what you would expect in that situation realistic? For example, a situation that criticizes your girlfriend for being late in replying to texts whenever she gathers with friends. You blame it for making you feel unappreciated and she should respond immediately.
  • Let’s stop and evaluate those expectations. Can you really expect your girlfriend to hold her phone all the time when she’s socializing? It is possible that you have also sometimes missed messages or replied late when you were busy. In this case, perhaps you should adjust your own expectations. It may not be appropriate to expect an immediate response when knowing that she is seeing or talking to someone else.
Image titled Middle Aged Woman Accepts Feelings.png

Image titled Middle Aged Woman Accepts Feelings.png

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Avoid personalizing the actions of others. Usually, critics tend to personalize events around them. [6] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source This may lead to personalization of other people’s actions. When someone upsets you or makes your life difficult, you may feel the need to criticize them. However, remember that other people have separate lives and difficulties of their own. If someone does something that upsets you, in most cases it’s not directed at you.

  • For example, a friend with a habit of canceling appointments. Maybe you feel it’s a sign of disrespect and need to criticize the person for not taking your relationship seriously. However, in reality, it is possible that this friend’s actions were not personal at all.
  • Let’s look at the above situation from the outside. Is the person extremely busy? Or is she simply the uncertain type in general? Is your friend more introverted than usual? There are a multitude of factors that can cause a person to frequently cancel appointments. Chances are it’s not just happening to you. Criticism can add to their already stressful life.
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Image titled Jewish Guy Says No 2.png

Image titled Jewish Guy Says No 2.png

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Separate individuals from their actions. Critics often make screening errors. This means that you focus only on the negative aspects of a situation or person without seeing the good qualities that come with it. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source It may cause you to criticize others. If you find yourself making judgments about other people’s personalities, stop it. Try to separate the disappointing action from the person who performed it. We all behave badly at one time or another. However, a single action cannot describe a person’s character.

  • When you see someone jostling in line, do you immediately assume that person is rude? If so, stop for a few seconds and reconsider. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe they were so absorbed in their thoughts that they didn’t realize they had interrupted. You may resent the action. Squeezing in the queue is really annoying. However, try not to judge the character of someone you don’t know just by this act. [8] X Research Sources
  • When you learn to separate people from their actions, you will naturally be less likely to want to criticize. When you realize you can’t judge a person’s character based on a single choice or decision, you won’t be able to tell someone is rude or disrespectful.
Image titled Woman with Hearing Aid Thinking Positively.png

Image titled Woman with Hearing Aid Thinking Positively.png

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Focus on the positive things. Often, being critical stems from how you choose to view the situation. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. For the most part, though, faults are masked by good qualities. Try focusing on a person’s positive qualities instead of their negative.

  • A positive attitude can help you change your response to stress. Negative emotions activate the amygdala, which plays an important role in eliciting feelings that are deeply rooted in anxiety. Extreme agitation or stress can lead to negative interactions with others. Making an effort to build a positive attitude can help you stop criticizing. [9] X Research Source
  • Believe that everyone has some good nature in them. Although you may feel doubtful of this fact, try to put your trust in people. Go out and discover individuals who are acting nice in this world. Look out for people who say friendly greetings to cashiers in supermarkets. Notice the co-workers who smile at you every time you walk into the office. [10] X Research Source
  • Often, someone’s flaws are actually rooted in other positive qualities. For example, maybe your boyfriend is very slow when it comes to basic housework. Maybe he used 20 minutes more than usual to clean the dishes after washing.

Communicate More Efficiently

Image titled Young Woman Talks to Middle Aged Man.png

Image titled Young Woman Talks to Middle Aged Man.png

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Comment instead of criticizing. As mentioned, some people have problems that need to be addressed. Your friend who is frequently late on paying bills may need some guidance. The coworker who is consistently late for meetings may need to improve his time management skills. However, commenting is very different from criticizing. When it comes to problems, focus on suggestions that can help others improve. This is more effective than mere criticism. We often respond better to constructive statements. Give them feedback and encouragement instead of outright criticism. [11] X Research Source

  • Let’s go back to the example mentioned above. Boyfriend always forgets to pay his phone bill on time every month. This leads to unnecessary stress and starts to affect his credit score. You might want to say something like, “Why can’t you pay more attention to paying your bills?” or “Why don’t you remember their expiration date?”. This probably won’t help. Your boyfriend understands himself that he needs to be more conscious, but for some reason, it’s still difficult to do so.
  • Instead, make suggestions on a supportive basis and work towards finding a solution. Say something like, “I’m glad you’re trying to be more responsible. Why don’t we go to the store and get a big calendar back? Every time the bill comes in, you can write it down. put the expiration date on it”. You can also offer to help in any way you can. For example: “Every month, I will remind you to note the due date for paying bills”.
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Image titled Young Man Talks to Older Woman.png

Image titled Young Man Talks to Older Woman.png

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Make your request candidly. Ineffective communication often leads to heavy criticism. Without being explicit, you cannot expect others to know for themselves what you want. Make sure you always express your wishes directly and respectfully. This eliminates the need for future criticism. [12] X Research Source

  • Let’s say your boyfriend always forgets to wash the dishes after using them. Instead of repressing anger, which can lead to criticism later, clarify the issue right away. [13] X Research Source
  • Communicate respectfully. Don’t say: “Stop putting dirty dishes in the sink. It drives me crazy. You wash them.” Instead, try saying things like, “Can you try to clean all the dishes after you use them? I feel like my kitchen utensils are piled up a lot.” [14] X Research Source
Image titled Girl Talks About Feelings.png

Image titled Girl Talks About Feelings.png

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Use the “I” statement. The reality is that difficult situations exist in any relationship. When someone hurts your feelings or upsets you, this needs to be communicated clearly. Instead of criticizing, state the problem using an “I” statement. “I” statements are sentences arranged to emphasize your personal feelings rather than objective accusations or judgments.

  • An “I” statement has a three-part structure. It starts with “I see that” and is immediately followed by how you feel. Next, you explain the action that gave that feeling. Finally, explain why you feel that way. [15] X Research Source
  • For example, consider the case of being annoyed by your boyfriend spending most of the weekend with his friends instead of you. Don’t say: “It hurts when you spend all your time with your friends and don’t even bother to invite me. You’re always pushed aside.”
  • Rephrase the above feeling using the statement “I”. You can say something like, “I feel left out when you meet up with friends and don’t ask me out because I feel like you don’t spend any free time with me.” [16] X Research Source
Image titled People Make Eye Contact.png

Image titled People Make Eye Contact.png

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Consider the other side’s point of view. Judgment and criticism always go together. By criticizing others too often, you may be dismissing their point of view. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes before criticizing. Really make an effort to see things through their point of view.

  • Think about the criticism you are going to say. How would you feel if you were the recipient of that criticism? Even if there’s some truth to what you’re about to say, is it worded to be easily receptive? For example, when your boyfriend is constantly late for appointments, you might want to say, “You’re so disrespectful to me for being so late all the time.” The truth is, it’s possible that your boyfriend didn’t mean to disrespect you at all and he might feel assailed by criticism expressed that way. How do you feel when someone yells at you like that? [17] X Research Source
  • At the same time, try to consider external factors that can influence a person’s behavior. Suppose your best friend has become more detached lately. Maybe she’s slow to respond to messages or doesn’t even respond to them at all. Was something going on in her life affecting her behavior? For example, maybe she is stressed with work or school. Maybe she just went through a difficult breakup. They may affect her ability or desire to socialize and integrate. Try to understand that and don’t be too quick to judge.
Image titled Teens Chat at Sleepover.png

Image titled Teens Chat at Sleepover.png

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Seek solutions that bring benefits to multilaterals. After all, finding solutions to problems you have with others is a good way to reduce criticism. Ideally, criticism should aim at an effective response to a negative situation. Mere criticism won’t help. [18] X Research Sources

  • Let others know the change you want in them. Let’s go back to the example with the boyfriend. Maybe you want your boyfriend to have better control of your time. Let him know ways he can get ready faster. Let him know a time frame in which you feel comfortable. If you desperately want to arrive a little earlier than your scheduled time, make that clear so he tries to leave a little earlier.
  • You should also be willing to compromise. For example, arriving 30 minutes early before the party starts can be a bit overwhelming. Instead, perhaps from now on, you can agree to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early.
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Looking Forward

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Image titled Man Speaks Positively to Woman.png

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Challenge your perception of others. We are always making judgments about others. Making too many statements too often can make you overly critical. Throughout the day, reconsider each time you find yourself becoming critical.

  • You may think that well-dressed or well-made people are materialistic people. The truth is, they may not have a sense of security. The way they dress may have contributed to making them feel better. Maybe to you only the lazy or the uninitiated can’t graduate from high school. However, it is possible that special family circumstances have interrupted their education. [19] X Research Source
  • Remember that everyone makes mistakes. When someone stumbles, remember your own mistake. For example, when judging someone for jostling at an intersection, remind yourself of your passing error. [20] X Research Source
Image titled Guy in Nerdy T Shirt Takes a Walk.png

Image titled Guy in Nerdy T Shirt Takes a Walk.png

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Strive to improve yourself. Are you having difficulties in life and venting your frustrations on those around you? When you’re unhappy with your job, relationship, social life, or other aspect of your life, make an effort to address them. Indulging in a negative attitude can affect your overall happiness and health, leaving you out of control of your stress. [21] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source It can lead to bad social interactions. As you become more positive step by step, you will interact better with the people around you. You can deal with conflict more effectively.
Image titled Cute Girl Reading 1.png

Image titled Cute Girl Reading 1.png

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Educate yourself. Many people have hidden disabilities. Before judging or criticizing someone, stop and consider the possibility that the person is facing a problem that you cannot see easily.

  • A coworker who seems rude when he doesn’t join the conversation may have social anxiety. Your friend who talks too much about herself may have high functioning autism. The student who repeatedly asks the same questions in your algebra class may have a learning disability.
  • Spend some time learning about hidden disabilities online. Before making any judgments about someone’s personality, remind yourself that many people are struggling with illnesses that are not easily seen by others. [22] X Research Source
  • Image titled Man Comforts Crying Man.png

    Image titled Man Comforts Crying Man.png

    {“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/2/21/Man-Comforts-Crying-Man.png/728px-Man-Comforts-Crying-Man.png”,”bigUrl” :”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/2/21/Man-Comforts-Crying-Man.png/728px-Man-Comforts-Crying-Man.png”,”smallWidth”:460,” smallHeight”:306,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:485,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser-output”></div>”}
    Seek out a psychologist when needed. If you find that your critical habit stems from your own unhappiness, you may need the help of a psychologist. Conditions like depression can cause you to vent your anger on others. [23] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source A psychologist can help you manage your emotions better and be less critical.

    • When you feel you need a psychologist, you can seek a referral from your regular doctor. You can also find a list of clinics or hospitals through your insurance provider.
    • If you’re a college student, you can sign up for a free counseling service through the school.
  • X

    This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

    There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

    This article has been viewed 5,956 times.

    Criticism is poison to healthy relationships. While it’s completely understandable to express disappointment when someone hurts you by their behavior, over time, being overly critical can put a strain on any relationship. [1] X Source of Research First, improve your own behavior to hold back before you start criticizing. Then, the effort to educate yourself and challenge every preconception has led you to become overly critical.

    Thank you for reading this post How to Stop Criticism at Tnhelearning.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.

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