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This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
This article has been viewed 15,895 times.
If you worry that you’re controlling things too much, you’re probably expecting everyone and everything in your life to behave to a certain standard. You can get annoyed when an important person, friend, or co-worker doesn’t do exactly what you want, or a meeting, a party, or a random Sunday afternoon doesn’t go exactly as planned. Determined. If you’ve always felt the need to manage every inch of everything to make sure it goes perfectly and the way you want it to, it’s time to relax, take a step back, and accept that you can’t. control everything. Once you’ve done that, you’ll find that it’s much easier not to try to control yourself than to try to get involved. See Step 1 to become less in control.
Steps
Change of Mind
- Think about it: if you’re afraid of people stopping by because your home isn’t perfect, they’ll mostly judge you don’t want people to come over, not because some pillows are misplaced.
- Perfectionism pulls people back. While it can be a good thing overall, it has bad consequences. Re-reading the report once to check for typos is a must, but reading it over and over two or three times is a waste of time.
- Talking to a therapist or close friend about your self-esteem issues, anxiety, or any other underlying cause for your controlling behavior can be of great help. You may be able to find the root of the problem that causes you to become too controlling.
- Of course, it can take a long time to get your anxiety under control. Yoga, meditation, cutting down on coffee consumption, taking time to find the root cause of the problem can also help. improve.
- Think about it: what’s the worst that can happen if you don’t know the answer to something? It still happens often to people. You may think that people will judge you or think you are inferior to a certain extent, but such things will not happen. In fact, they’ll think you’re wrong if you never admit you’re wrong.
- Another way to not think you’re always right is to be willing to get hurt. No one can say that this is a pleasant feeling, but it is a way to trust people and show that you are only human. You want people to be able to interact with you, right?
- Of course, improvement is initiated by people who can see the need for change and try to make it happen. But we’re not talking about being the hero. What we need is for you to stay calm with everything happening around you instead of trying to “fix” a problem that doesn’t really exist.
- Instead of putting pressure on yourself, you must learn to love working with others to achieve a common goal – or even let them work a little harder than you while you rest.
- Let’s start smart. You don’t have to take full responsibility for a major project at work as if it were your own. Instead, let a coworker choose a lunch spot for you. Is that still so difficult? If you feel comfortable, take it a step further to be able to accept giving up control and see how you feel.
Trust Others
- Think about it: if you were always telling your boyfriend, your best friend, or your roommate exactly what to do, how would they feel? They’ll feel you don’t trust them because you think they’re not as smart/cooperative/cool enough as you are. Is that what you want the people you care about most to feel?
- Of course, you need to be humble to ask for help, but you’ll get used to it. Everyone has to ask for help from others and you should not be the exception.
- Do not interrupt others. Let them say all that needs to be said and be ready to take the time to think carefully before giving their opinion.
- It is one thing to talk about things that need to be overcome and to help others become better. But trying to change them into someone else is a whole different story.
- Ask yourself why you feel jealous. Because of a past betrayal or because of a feeling of insecurity?
- If you want to have a healthy relationship that can benefit each other, you have to get rid of that feeling of jealousy.
Act
- For example, if you continue to scrutinize each of your employees, but the result is resistance and reduced productivity, then it’s time to stop. If your best friend is feeling desperate about losing her job, and you call her every day to see if she’s applied for a new job, and that only makes her more upset, then you should stop. .
- You can meet your friends weekly to talk to them about your progress. If you tell someone about your plans, you may feel more accountable to them and will be more motivated to change.
- If you always tell people that your “suggestions” are the best, you’ll be branded as “know-it-all”.
- Try to apply it in practice. Enjoy the weekend without pre-planning then just do the things you want to do. If you get a last-minute invitation to do something fun, you should accept it.
- While many people like to have a set schedule, make sure you have at least ten hours of free time during the week that doesn’t require a plan at all. Then gradually increase to fifteen or even twenty hours. You will relax and realize that everything is fine even though you don’t always know exactly what is going to happen.
- Next time you’re in a group, don’t speak up when you need to decide what to do. Let them decide. You will find that it is not as bad as you think!
- To be truly flexible, you have to realize that, above all, a few unexpected hours in the week or last-minute changes won’t have a huge impact on your life. Once you realize that, you will feel more free and open to the possibilities.
Advice
- Remember that life is wonderful. Be grateful for what you have been given. You will find less fear of loss and less control when you already have an attitude of gratitude.
- Life will be sweeter if you let it happen naturally. If someone pursues you and realizes that they love you passionately and you can’t help it, that’s an insanely great feeling! Learning to enjoy and love yourself has been a wonderful journey.
- Fight for yourself. Don’t try to appear out of control, do it for yourself. If you try to change your mind, you’re really still trying to control. Accept the fact that you cannot control any situation or person, only yourself.
- Tell everyone about the problem you’re having.
This article has been co-written by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and principal clinician of Astute Counseling Services, a privately held business in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and teaching experience in the mental health field, Rebecca specializes in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, trauma, and interpersonal counseling by providing combines cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and evidence-based treatments. Rebecca holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology and anthropology from DePauw University, a master’s degree in teaching methods from Dominican University, and a master’s degree in social work from the University of Chicago. Rebecca is a member of AmeriCorps and also a professor of psychology teaching at the university level. Rebecca is trained as a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), clinical trauma therapist (CCTP) and crisis counselor (CGCS). Rebecca is a member of the American Society of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and the National Association of Social Workers.
This article has been viewed 15,895 times.
If you worry that you’re controlling things too much, you’re probably expecting everyone and everything in your life to behave to a certain standard. You can get annoyed when an important person, friend, or co-worker doesn’t do exactly what you want, or a meeting, a party, or a random Sunday afternoon doesn’t go exactly as planned. Determined. If you’ve always felt the need to manage every inch of everything to make sure it goes perfectly and the way you want it to, it’s time to relax, take a step back, and accept that you can’t. control everything. Once you’ve done that, you’ll find that it’s much easier not to try to control yourself than to try to get involved. See Step 1 to become less in control.
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