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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,024 times.
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, and this often makes you worry about your perfection in modern life. If you start to look at your achievements and accomplishments, you will raise the bar in your standards. Comparing yourself to others, and even envying them, is completely natural. But when you become obsessed with your own flaws, instead of focusing on what makes you superior to others, you are putting your focus in the wrong place. This can be debilitating, and even prevent you from participating in other aspects of your life. Constantly comparing yourself to others will tend to lower your self-esteem and make you feel worse. You can combat the urge to compare yourself to others by seeing yourself more accurately. You should set goals that can help you build your self-confidence and relearn behaviors that can help you improve your own thinking.
Steps
Identify the origin of comparative behavior
- Do you have a good opinion of yourself? Do you allow others to control how you feel about yourself? If you find that you often determine your self-esteem based on other people’s standards, this is a sign that you should improve your happiness.
- An example of positive comparison is when you compare yourself to someone you admire. Instead of just being jealous of the person for their good qualities (for example, he is a caring person).
- An example of negative comparison is when you compare yourself to someone who owns something you wish you had. For example, you feel jealous of someone’s new car.
- Think about how the comparison gives you. Write down on paper every thought and feeling that comes into your mind. For example, you feel frustrated because you are jealous that someone else has a new car, while you are still driving a 20-year-old car.
- For example, you might reminisce about your childhood before you started comparing yourself to your siblings. You will probably find that you start comparing yourself to them because you feel left out. You can now begin to uncover the cause of the comparison behavior you’re experiencing.
- One of the hardest things about comparison behavior is acknowledging that it has a negative effect on you. By tracking and acknowledging the emotions that comparison gives you, you will be able to change your negative behavior.
Appreciate what you have
- Spend a lot of time noticing the positives and good things in life. You will probably notice that you begin to pay more attention to these factors when you are not busy comparing yourself to others.
- By keeping a gratitude journal, you can increase your chances of success. However, being reluctant to do something is counterproductive. [4] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to the source You need to force yourself to acknowledge things you may have overlooked and express your appreciation for them. Make the decision to recognize your deep gratitude and enhance your life.
- Write in detail. Instead of just making a lengthy list, take the time to write a clear explanation of a few elements for which you are grateful.
- Write about a surprise or unexpected event. This will give you the opportunity to enjoy the good feeling you have experienced.
- You don’t have to write every day. In fact, journaling a few times a week is more beneficial than writing every day.
- It doesn’t matter what other people do or have. You are the only important person in your life.
Eliminate or replace comparative thinking
- Pre-contemplation : During this stage, the individual is not ready for change. Usually, the reason is because the person has not fully understood or lacked information about the problem.
- Intent : This phase includes considering making changes. Individuals begin to consider the positive aspects of change, even though they are well aware of the negative aspects of the change process.
- Preparation : During this stage, the person has made the decision to change, and has begun to plan how to proceed with the change.
- Action : In this stage, the individual is trying to change the behavior. This may include a reduction in certain activities, or an increase in others.
- Maintain : This phase involves maintaining a certain level of activity to ensure that the behavior has changed and will still change.
- Termination : During this phase, the behavior has been completely changed, so the person will not experience a relapse, even if they are under stress, depression, anxiety, or other emotional states. .
- For example, if you know someone who has a gift for writing, instead of being jealous of their talent, you can think about your gift. Tell yourself, “I may not be a great writer, but I draw very well. Also, if I want to improve my writing skills, I can try to work towards this goal instead of being jealous of other people’s talents.”
Achieve the goal
- If you want to run a marathon, you can make this a goal. You can estimate your ability right where you are (for example, find out how far you can run before you start training).
- Proceed according to your ability. Consider your unique situation when tracking your progress toward your goals. For example, if you need more time than your friends to get your diploma, you might think that in addition to studying, you have to work full-time, or raise a family, or take care of your family. elderly parents. Any person encounters some special situation that either accelerates or limits their progress.
- If you’re training for a marathon, you can track your improvement each week. Try to run further each week until you hit the 40km threshold. While you are increasing the distance, you can also increase your own speed. By charting your progress, you will become aware of how far you have come and how much more you need to try.
- It is important for you to understand that perfectionism is an ineffective way of thinking, perfectionists will use unrealistic ideas as the standard of achievement. You should understand that everyone’s situation is different. You can find ways to improve your abilities to make yourself happier.
- For example, you can look at photos of athletes and admire their proportions. Instead of feeling inferior and jealous, you can use them as motivation to make a change in your life. You may decide to change your eating habits and exercise more. And you can use that photo effectively rather than negatively.
- Start with small steps. This will help you build confidence in your own abilities.
- See yourself as a coach, pushing yourself closer to excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts. And you’ll be able to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself to increase your self-esteem, rather than ruin it.
Use media responsibly
- If you don’t want to disable or completely remove your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account, you can limit the time you spend checking your account each day, or each week. For example, you should only use them for 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a week, but be careful because even using them for a few short minutes can lead to negative comparative thinking. [8] X Research Sources Turner, S., Hamilton, H., Jacobs, M., Angood, L., & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on body satisfaction of college girls: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614.
- Even a few brief moments of media exposure using idealistic images is thought to negatively affect self-esteem and self-perception. [9] X Research Sources Turner, S., Hamilton, H., Jacobs, M., Angood, L., & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on body satisfaction of college girls: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614. This can even put you at risk for symptoms of depression and depression. [10] X Research Sources Feinstein, B., Hershenberg, R., Bhatia, V., Latack, J., Meuwly, N., & Davila, J. (2013). Comparing negative social on Facebook and symptoms of depression: Depression as a mechanism. The Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 2(3), 161-170.
- For example, if you envy a certain friend’s perfect relationship with their spouse, remember the difficult time that person had in the search for the right mate and think about it. think about any challenges the person may have faced. Sympathy will replace envy.
- If you see someone with the body, car, or life you desire, try to think about what you can do to help you get closer to this goal. write them down on paper.
Advice
- Don’t hesitate to put yourself first. Please take care of yourself. If you tend to condescend to others, you can refer to the article Stop being a great person and other articles in our category.
- Comparing yourself to others is a bad habit that many people have. It will take a long time for you to change. Don’t surrender.
Warning
- You should also not allow others to compare you to someone.
- Avoid becoming overly stressed or anxious as they can negatively affect your self-esteem.
This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,024 times.
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, and this often makes you worry about your perfection in modern life. If you start to look at your achievements and accomplishments, you will raise the bar in your standards. Comparing yourself to others, and even envying them, is completely natural. But when you become obsessed with your own flaws, instead of focusing on what makes you superior to others, you are putting your focus in the wrong place. This can be debilitating, and even prevent you from participating in other aspects of your life. Constantly comparing yourself to others will tend to lower your self-esteem and make you feel worse. You can combat the urge to compare yourself to others by seeing yourself more accurately. You should set goals that can help you build your self-confidence and relearn behaviors that can help you improve your own thinking.
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