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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
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It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, and this often makes you worry about your perfection in modern life. If you start to look at your achievements and accomplishments, you will raise the bar in your standards. Comparing yourself to others, and even envying them, is completely natural. But when you become obsessed with your own flaws, instead of focusing on what makes you superior to others, you are putting your focus in the wrong place. This can be debilitating, and even prevent you from participating in other aspects of your life. Constantly comparing yourself to others will tend to lower your self-esteem and make you feel worse. You can combat the urge to compare yourself to others by seeing yourself more accurately. You should set goals that can help you build your self-confidence and relearn behaviors that can help you improve your own thinking.
Steps
Identify the origin of comparative behavior
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Pay attention to how you see yourself. The first step in changing the way you see yourself is to become clear about how you think about yourself. Without this awareness, you won’t be able to spot the underlying problem. After making the decision to take on the rather daunting task of breaking the mold, seek out someone who can support you through the process. However, once you’re clear about the behavior you want to change, it’s easier to break it down into small actionable goals.
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Assess your self-esteem. Self-esteem can be described as a positive or negative evaluation of oneself. We all have good days and bad days, and the way we feel about ourselves often changes each day to reflect the events we experienced that day. Self-esteem can be seen as the most stable personality you can develop over time. [1] X Research Sources Vogel, E., Rose, J., Roberts, L., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. The Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222.
- Do you have a good opinion of yourself? Do you allow others to control how you feel about yourself? If you find that you often determine your self-esteem based on other people’s standards, this is a sign that you should improve your happiness.
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Define your comparison behavior. Comparative behavior occurs when you compare yourself to others, whether they are higher or lower than you. Usually, you will compare the positive or negative characteristics of others with your own. Sometimes it can be helpful to compare yourself to others, but negative comparisons can destroy your self-esteem. [2] X Research Sources Vogel, E., Rose, J., Roberts, L., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. The Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222.
- An example of positive comparison is when you compare yourself to someone you admire. Instead of just being jealous of the person for their good qualities (for example, he is a caring person).
- An example of negative comparison is when you compare yourself to someone who owns something you wish you had. For example, you feel jealous of someone’s new car.
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Write down your comparative thoughts or feelings. Writing about attitudes is a direct result of comparing yourself to others. If possible, write them down as soon as a comparative thought occurs or when you recall a memory. This way you can keep your mind fresh and it will be easier for you to express.
- Think about how the comparison gives you. Write down on paper every thought and feeling that comes into your mind. For example, you feel frustrated because you are jealous that someone else has a new car, while you are still driving a 20-year-old car.
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Try to determine the starting point of the comparison behavior. Write about a time in your life when you didn’t compare yourself to others and start there. Finally, you can recall the origin of your comparative thinking.
- For example, you might reminisce about your childhood before you started comparing yourself to your siblings. You will probably find that you start comparing yourself to them because you feel left out. You can now begin to uncover the cause of the comparison behavior you’re experiencing.
- One of the hardest things about comparison behavior is acknowledging that it has a negative effect on you. By tracking and acknowledging the emotions that comparison gives you, you will be able to change your negative behavior.
Appreciate what you have
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Focus on what you have. Once you realize that comparing yourself to others won’t help you, you will find other ways to bring justice to yourself. If you begin to feel and express gratitude for what you have, you will shift the focus from others to yourself.
- Spend a lot of time noticing the positives and good things in life. You will probably notice that you begin to pay more attention to these factors when you are not busy comparing yourself to others.
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Write a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal is a way to remind yourself of the things you have. It will help you see what you don’t appreciate. Then you can express your gratitude to them. Think about your best memory. It could be the actions you’ve taken, the places you’ve been, the friends you’ve met, anything that makes you happiest. Focus on expressing gratitude for them. [3] X Research Sources
- By keeping a gratitude journal, you can increase your chances of success. However, being reluctant to do something is counterproductive. [4] X Trusted Source Greater Good Magazine Go to the source You need to force yourself to acknowledge things you may have overlooked and express your appreciation for them. Make the decision to recognize your deep gratitude and enhance your life.
- Write in detail. Instead of just making a lengthy list, take the time to write a clear explanation of a few elements for which you are grateful.
- Write about a surprise or unexpected event. This will give you the opportunity to enjoy the good feeling you have experienced.
- You don’t have to write every day. In fact, journaling a few times a week is more beneficial than writing every day.
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Be kind to yourself. By being kinder and less strict with yourself, you’ll encourage yourself to try harder.
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Understand that you are in control of your own life. It can be difficult to stop yourself from comparing yourself to others. But in the end, you are the one who can control your life. You are the one who makes the choice to lead your life along a particular path. You will make the best decision for yourself, not anyone else. [5] X Research Sources
- It doesn’t matter what other people do or have. You are the only important person in your life.
Eliminate or replace comparative thinking
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Understand the process of changing your behavior and thinking. The Transtheoretical Model of change [6] X Research has shown that we go through several stages leading to the realization of a situation. People go through a process where they can only end up accepting their new behavior. These stages include:
- Pre-contemplation : During this stage, the individual is not ready for change. Usually, the reason is because the person has not fully understood or lacked information about the problem.
- Intent : This phase includes considering making changes. Individuals begin to consider the positive aspects of change, even though they are well aware of the negative aspects of the change process.
- Preparation : During this stage, the person has made the decision to change, and has begun to plan how to proceed with the change.
- Action : In this stage, the individual is trying to change the behavior. This may include a reduction in certain activities, or an increase in others.
- Maintain : This phase involves maintaining a certain level of activity to ensure that the behavior has changed and will still change.
- Termination : During this phase, the behavior has been completely changed, so the person will not experience a relapse, even if they are under stress, depression, anxiety, or other emotional states. .
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Realize that idealizing someone is unrealistic. We focus on just a few aspects of the person we admire, and they become the grand illusion we create. We choose to look only at the traits we idealize, and reject those that are unattractive to us.
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Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. When you compare yourself to others, you may see yourself negatively. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, tell yourself to redirect your thoughts to the things that make you feel proud of yourself.
- For example, if you know someone who has a gift for writing, instead of being jealous of their talent, you can think about your gift. Tell yourself, “I may not be a great writer, but I draw very well. Also, if I want to improve my writing skills, I can try to work towards this goal instead of being jealous of other people’s talents.”
Achieve the goal
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Set your goals. Achieving your goals will help you strengthen your life and shape an experience that is different from the expectations of others. You can start by setting your goals.
- If you want to run a marathon, you can make this a goal. You can estimate your ability right where you are (for example, find out how far you can run before you start training).
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Monitor your own progress. When you set goals for yourself, you can track your progress to stay aware of your progress on the path to helping you accomplish your goals. This will help you focus on yourself and not on others.
- Proceed according to your ability. Consider your unique situation when tracking your progress toward your goals. For example, if you need more time than your friends to get your diploma, you might think that in addition to studying, you have to work full-time, or raise a family, or take care of your family. elderly parents. Any person encounters some special situation that either accelerates or limits their progress.
- If you’re training for a marathon, you can track your improvement each week. Try to run further each week until you hit the 40km threshold. While you are increasing the distance, you can also increase your own speed. By charting your progress, you will become aware of how far you have come and how much more you need to try.
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Try to improve your own abilities. If you find that you want to improve in an area, sign up for classes, seminars, or attend lessons to sharpen your skills and techniques. This will contribute to your confidence and help you define your position and worth.
- It is important for you to understand that perfectionism is an ineffective way of thinking, perfectionists will use unrealistic ideas as the standard of achievement. You should understand that everyone’s situation is different. You can find ways to improve your abilities to make yourself happier.
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Compete with yourself. Many famous athletes and actors have said that they enjoy competing against themselves. They often try to surpass themselves to the highest level that they have achieved. This is a pretty good way to boost your self-esteem as you see yourself moving towards higher goals. As athletes aim to be the best at their sport, they can set goals for themselves and try to run faster and sharpen their skills. [7] X Research Sources
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Judge yourself by your own standards. When you learn to use your own standards to judge yourself, you will stop comparing yourself to others. This action will help eliminate the feeling of comparison you may be feeling because the other person’s expectations are not your own. If you realize that you have the power to create the life you desire for yourself, you will be able to control its outcome. You should only judge yourself by your standards, not others’.
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Appreciate others instead of being jealous. Consider what other people can do for you. If you know people who are quite successful in life, their network will have quite a few people who can help you become successful in life. Instead of being jealous of their success, use it to your advantage.
- For example, you can look at photos of athletes and admire their proportions. Instead of feeling inferior and jealous, you can use them as motivation to make a change in your life. You may decide to change your eating habits and exercise more. And you can use that photo effectively rather than negatively.
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Take a risk every now and then. Once you’ve learned to judge yourself by your own standards, you’ll be able to feel more comfortable starting with small, incremental risks. These risks will allow you to raise your standards. Often, the thing that stops people from achieving their greatest achievements is their fear of taking risks. They become fearful and this prevents them from achieving beyond their imagination.
- Start with small steps. This will help you build confidence in your own abilities.
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Build a support network. As you surround yourself with people who support you, you will find that your view of yourself will improve.
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Become your own coach. Good coaches come in many forms. There are many coaches who often yell and shame their players. There are also people who insist on excellence, pushing their athletes to run faster, jump higher, swim a few more laps, but with love and support behind them. A coach who teaches with love is the one who will help form the most balanced student.
- See yourself as a coach, pushing yourself closer to excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts. And you’ll be able to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself to increase your self-esteem, rather than ruin it.
Use media responsibly
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Limit your exposure to mass media and social media. If you find that the ideal representative of the media is having a negative effect on your self-esteem, you should limit your exposure to them. Reduce your social media viewing time, or stop using it altogether. Delete or disable your social networking sites.
- If you don’t want to disable or completely remove your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account, you can limit the time you spend checking your account each day, or each week. For example, you should only use them for 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a week, but be careful because even using them for a few short minutes can lead to negative comparative thinking. [8] X Research Sources Turner, S., Hamilton, H., Jacobs, M., Angood, L., & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on body satisfaction of college girls: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614.
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Stay away from mass media containing idealistic images. You can limit this by staying away from magazines, reality TV shows, certain movies and music, etc. If you often compare yourself to a model or an athlete In that case, you should avoid reading magazines, watching television, or playing games that involve them.
- Even a few brief moments of media exposure using idealistic images is thought to negatively affect self-esteem and self-perception. [9] X Research Sources Turner, S., Hamilton, H., Jacobs, M., Angood, L., & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on body satisfaction of college girls: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614. This can even put you at risk for symptoms of depression and depression. [10] X Research Sources Feinstein, B., Hershenberg, R., Bhatia, V., Latack, J., Meuwly, N., & Davila, J. (2013). Comparing negative social on Facebook and symptoms of depression: Depression as a mechanism. The Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 2(3), 161-170.
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Start thinking realistically. You can’t completely avoid encountering the media ideal, so be careful if you’re comparing yourself to these stereotypes. You should think realistically about people or things that look perfect.
- For example, if you envy a certain friend’s perfect relationship with their spouse, remember the difficult time that person had in the search for the right mate and think about it. think about any challenges the person may have faced. Sympathy will replace envy.
- If you see someone with the body, car, or life you desire, try to think about what you can do to help you get closer to this goal. write them down on paper.
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Use social media in a positive way. Find ways to use them in a way that will enrich your life. You can follow (fplow) educational, informational, or inspirational pages. If you want to be successful, follow the accounts of famous traders. If you want to improve your physical well-being, you can follow the accounts of people involved in the brain and the psyche.
Advice
- Don’t hesitate to put yourself first. Please take care of yourself. If you tend to condescend to others, you can refer to the article Stop being a great person and other articles in our category.
- Comparing yourself to others is a bad habit that many people have. It will take a long time for you to change. Don’t surrender.
Warning
- You should also not allow others to compare you to someone.
- Avoid becoming overly stressed or anxious as they can negatively affect your self-esteem.
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This article was co-written by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a licensed professional counselor in Wisconsin. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,024 times.
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, and this often makes you worry about your perfection in modern life. If you start to look at your achievements and accomplishments, you will raise the bar in your standards. Comparing yourself to others, and even envying them, is completely natural. But when you become obsessed with your own flaws, instead of focusing on what makes you superior to others, you are putting your focus in the wrong place. This can be debilitating, and even prevent you from participating in other aspects of your life. Constantly comparing yourself to others will tend to lower your self-esteem and make you feel worse. You can combat the urge to compare yourself to others by seeing yourself more accurately. You should set goals that can help you build your self-confidence and relearn behaviors that can help you improve your own thinking.
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