How to Stop Clinging to the Past

Life is unpredictable and we all face many challenges and problems. Sometimes we ask about our past and think to ourselves what would have happened if things had turned out differently. These thoughts can haunt us and prevent us from making an effort in life. Clinging to the past risks anxiety and depression.

Table of Contents

Handling emotions

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Express pain. There are many causes of suffering in life. Perhaps you made a mistake, regretted a decision, and missed an opportunity, hurt someone, or got hurt by someone. Instead of remembering the past over and over again, release it. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Express yourself by journaling, chatting with a trusted friend or family member, or confiding in a counselor.
If your pain is related to someone, you can talk to that person about how you feel or write them a letter. If you don’t want to contact them, you can write a letter, but never send it to them.
Expressing feelings about the past can also help you understand how you really feel about a situation.

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Accept the decision. Whenever you make a decision, you agree to take one opportunity and decline another. It’s easy to sit down and wonder “what if,” however that only leads to disappointment. Visualizing scenarios will not change what has already happened. Instead of thinking about what might or might not have happened if you had made another choice, focus on the present and what can be done now. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Accept that the past happened and you may or may not feel proud of it. However, that’s part of the story for now.
Say to yourself, “I made that decision in the past. I understood what I was doing then. Now that I think about it, maybe it would have been better if I ____. However, I can’t predict it. results, but it will help me in the future if I encounter a similar situation.” ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Decide to let go of the past. Once you have expressed your pain, make the wise decision to let it go. While you can’t change the past, you can choose not to cling to it and move forward. When you choose to let go of the past, you actively move forward instead of becoming a victim of the trauma of the past. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

Say to yourself: “I accept myself and the past. I choose to come up from that very past”. Or “The past doesn’t define who I am. I choose to move forward”.
Decisions are your everyday choices. Maybe you need to talk to yourself about moving forward every morning until you really get over the past. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

READ More: How to Forget the Past

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Think about what you have learned. The past is an opportunity for you to learn and accumulate knowledge. Experiences can help you understand yourself, others, or life in general. Sit down and think about the positives and negatives you’ve learned, but just focus more on the useful lessons. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

It’s also normal if you have a hard time thinking of something positive you’ve learned.
It helps to create lists of positive and negative lessons learned.
For example, a failed relationship in the past may have shown you the character (like more patience, loveliness, etc.), that you expect from a future lover.

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Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. Past is past. It is not something that is happening or is guaranteed to happen in the future. Your self is more important than your past. Your past doesn’t define who you are. ^{[7] X Research Source} Forgive yourself and allow yourself to work tirelessly in life.

Write a letter to yourself detailing what happened, what you could have done differently, what influenced your decision at the time, and how you feel about yourself. End the letter by forgiving yourself and appreciating who you are right now.
Say to yourself: “I forgive myself”, “I love myself”, and “I accept myself”.

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Forgive others. Perhaps someone has hurt you in the past and continues to bring that painful situation back to life in your mind. You cannot change the way the person has treated you, but you can choose to forgive. Forgiveness is accepting what has happened to you and deciding to let go of the anger and pain so you can move on. Forgiveness is in you, not in the person who hurt you. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Check to see what role you played in the situation, if any. Practice empathy and consider the views and motives of others. This can help you understand the situation better.
You can only control yourself and your emotions. Make the choice to forgive someone. You can chat with them, write them a letter, or write a letter and never send it to them.
Forgiveness is a process that does not happen overnight.

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Stay away from negative relationships. There are many negative people in your life that prevent you from developing your capacity and progress. A person is considered negative if you feel threatened, bad or embarrassed around them, feel exhausted or frustrated after interacting with them, are negatively affected by personal drama their own, or constantly try to help them or fix them. What matters is that you choose to control or remove these relationships from your life. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you keep negative people in your life, set personal boundaries to protect yourself from their behavior.
Let them know how you feel about their behavior by saying, “When you ___, I feel ____. I need ____. I share your feelings with you because _____.”

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Seek expert advice. If you need help dealing with your past, a counselor or doctor can help you process your emotions. A trained professional to listen, help you solve problems, and provide tools to help you live a more positive life. Find a specialist who is authorized, comfortable, and has experience dealing with the problem. ^{[10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

If you have health insurance, contact your healthcare provider for a list of mental health professionals. You can also request a referral from your primary health insurance company.
For example, in the US, if you don’t have health insurance, you can contact the Partnership for Prescription Awareness Assistance to find a free or low-cost clinic near you. ^{[11] X Research Source}

Change your mind

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Adjust your thinking. Memories of the past will appear from time to time. The more you try not to think about the past, the more you will think about it. Instead of trying to fight your thoughts, acknowledge them and correct them. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Plan what you will say to yourself when that thought comes up. If you started thinking about the past, what would you do?
If thoughts about the past come up, say to yourself, “Okay. That’s the past, but now I need to focus on _______”. ^{[13] X Research Source}

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Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness will help you focus on the present and have better control over your thoughts. The ability to focus on thoughts at will helps to say goodbye to the past. Practice mindfulness exercises when you find yourself clinging to the past. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Focusing on the breath is one of the most popular mindfulness exercises. Pay attention to all the sensations in your body as you inhale and exhale. Do you see how air moves as you inhale and exhale through your nostrils? What about the lungs? Notice the raised chest.
Commit to practicing mindfulness every day. Regular practice can help improve mood and reduce negative thinking. ^{[15] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

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Set a time limit for thinking about the past. If you can’t stop thinking about the past, try to limit the time you spend on them. Choose a certain amount of time (like 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes) and hours of the day when you will allow yourself to think about the past. Choose a time of day when you usually feel good. ^{[16] X Research Source}

For example, let’s think about the past from 5:00 pm-5:20 pm every night.
If you think about the past outside of this time period, tell yourself that this is not the time and you will face it later.

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Challenge thinking about the past. When you cling to the past, you may have an irrational and distorted view of what really happened (like “it’s all my fault,”I’m a bad person,” etc.). you begin to accept those thoughts as true and true in reality.If you begin to challenge thoughts as they arise, you can develop a more objective perspective.Ask yourself: ^{[17] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Is there a more positive way to look at the situation?
Is there any proof that your thinking is correct? Or prove it wrong?
What would I say to my friends in this situation?
Are these thoughts helpful?
Does clinging to the past help or harm me?
Instead of saying to yourself, “This is too hard,” say “I can try,” or “Let me handle it differently.” ^{[18] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source}

Take part in healthy activities

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Distract yourself. When you actively participate in an activity you enjoy, you will not focus your thoughts on the past. ^{[19] X Trusted Source PubMed Central Go to source} Add more activities and people to your life to say goodbye to the past. Find a new hobby (like painting, crafts, sports, acting, etc.), spend time with family and friends, read a book, or watch a movie. Do whatever favorite activity makes you feel great about yourself.

Make fun activities a part of your life.
Activities that require your full attention (like cooking, crossword puzzles) or force you to focus on something more than yourself (like pet care, babysitting, etc.) in shifting focus.

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Do exercise. Exercise releases endorphins (which make you feel good) and stimulates the nervous system. Try to exercise for 30 minutes or so each day. Exercises that involve the arms and legs (like walking, running, swimming, dancing, etc.) are best. ^{[20] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source}

Focus on your body and how it moves when you exercise.
Listen to your favorite music while exercising.
Try going out with friends and see it as a social activity.

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Eliminate triggers in your life. You may find that certain things make you cling to the past. Listening to certain music, visiting certain landmarks, or watching certain genres of movies, etc. can make you think about the past. Changing some of these behaviors can help you move forward. ^{[21] X Research Source}

For example, if sad or slow-paced music makes you think about the past, change it up and listen to a different genre of music.
If you find that you tend to dwell on the past before you go to sleep, change the habit by reading a book or journaling before bed.
These changes may or may not be permanent. You will be able to do some of these things again once you stop thinking about the past too much.

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Create a plan for the future. If you keep looking to the future, you won’t have time to dwell on the past. Make a list of the things you are grateful for, the things you look forward to, and the things you want to do. Include planned events and create new plans. ^{[22] X Research Source}

Your future plans don’t have to be so high. It could be as simple as going out to dinner with a friend next week.
When creating a plan for the future, write down everything you need to achieve your goals.
Focus on your strengths and what you like about yourself.

Advice

Learning to let go is a process and takes time. There will be failures, but keep trying.

Steps

Handling emotions

Change your mind

Take part in healthy activities

Advice

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