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How to Stop being jealous of your lover’s ex

November 8, 2023 by admin Category: How To

You are viewing the article How to Stop being jealous of your lover’s ex  at Tnhelearning.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.

Jealousy is a complex and oftentimes frustrating emotion that can arise in romantic relationships. It can become particularly challenging when it comes to dealing with your partner’s past, particularly their ex-partner. We’ve all been there – feeling that pang of envy, insecurity, and comparison that can make us question our own worth and jeopardize the relationship. However, it is essential to recognize that jealousy is not healthy for our emotional well-being or our connection with our partner. In this article, we will explore practical ways to overcome jealousy and build a stronger, more secure bond with your lover, free from the lingering shadows of their ex. By understanding the root causes of jealousy, learning to communicate effectively, and cultivating self-confidence, you can transform your relationship into a safe and nurturing space that thrives on trust and understanding.

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This article was co-written by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Therapy Center Baltimore, LLC. With over ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples and guide couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, etc. Raffi holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Machine Science. from Brown University and a Master of Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 4,327 times.

Jealousy is completely normal for couples in love, but it can still be a painful experience – especially when you’re jealous of your lover’s ex. When you see pictures and updates about the other person’s life, you can forget how talented and amazing you are, too. Remember that it is not by chance that you are chosen! Luckily, we can help you dispel your jealous feelings and enjoy love! Read this list of ways to stop being jealous of your ex’s ex.

Table of Contents

  • Steps
    • Stop comparing yourself to the other person.
    • Unfollow or block the other person’s social media profiles.
    • List your strengths to improve confidence.
    • Take time to calm down before taking action.
    • Talk to someone you trust to release your feelings.
    • Identify the cause of your jealousy.
    • Talk to your partner about how you feel.
    • Find out why your lover’s old relationship ended.
    • Spend more time with your lover to strengthen the bond.
    • Be honest with yourself about how you feel.
    • Talk to a therapist if you can’t stop being jealous.
  • Advice

Steps

Stop comparing yourself to the other person.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 8

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 8

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Comparisons always make you feel bad about yourself. You only see the highlights in the other person, not the big picture of them. The past is the past, don’t wonder why your lover used to love them. Focus on yourself and your current relationship, and you won’t be so jealous anymore. [1] X Research Source

  • People often look at their lover’s ex and notice all of the other’s best qualities without seeing their flaws. Besides, people are also easy to criticize themselves. That’s a way of looking at which can easily lead to disaster! You need to get out of this vicious cycle.

Unfollow or block the other person’s social media profiles.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 7

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 7

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This step will prevent you from seeing things that might make you jealous. The ex’s social media isn’t worth your time, so stop following their posts. [2] X Research Sources When you feel the urge to see what’s new, go to your account. Remind yourself of the wonderful things you have and look at the new photos you took with your lover.

  • If your lover’s account still has old photos, don’t scroll down too far. Let it all be in the past.
  • You can ask a friend for support if you find it hard to resist the temptation to visit the other person’s site. That way, you can text your friend at times like this so they can talk to you about it.
  • If you can’t stop following the other person’s profile, stop using social media so you don’t get tempted. Plan fun activities with friends or find a pastime to take a break from social media.
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List your strengths to improve confidence.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 9

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 9

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Now is the time to remember how amazing you are. [3] X Sources of Research List every aspect that you love about yourself and your accomplishments. Stand in front of a mirror and point out your most attractive features, or look at your favorite photographs. [4] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to Source Remember you’re cool!

  • Ask your friends or loved ones what they like about you. Jot down those points so you remember how adorable you are.
  • Let your lover tell you why they love you. You can ask “What do you like about me?” or “Why do you love me?”

Take time to calm down before taking action.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 2

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 2

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This step could save your relationship! Jealousy can cause people to make bad decisions, so slow down to let the emotions subside and regain your composure. Try to refrain from confronting your partner or engaging in sneaky behaviors like stalking your partner online or checking your partner’s phone. Wait until you feel calm before talking. [5] X Research Sources

  • You can also distract yourself by spending time doing activities you enjoy or talking to someone.
  • Feeling jealous will make you miserable, and you don’t deserve it. Fortunately, this feeling will pass.

Talk to someone you trust to release your feelings.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 3

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 3

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Let go of feelings of jealousy and seek support from a friend. Choose someone you know who will listen without judgment and will make you stronger. Say you need their support and tell them how you feel, then listen to their comments. [6] X Research Sources

  • You might say, “I can’t stop thinking about Mr. Son’s ex-girlfriend. She is so attractive and talented. I’m afraid I can’t be like her.”
  • Or “Last night I saw in Suong’s phone a picture of her ex-lover. Now I worry that Suong regrets breaking up with him.”

Identify the cause of your jealousy.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 4

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 4

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It’s easier to deal with feelings of jealousy when you know the source. Start by reflecting on the past to see if you have ever been cheated on or ignored by someone in the past that made you feel insecure. Then, look at your current relationship to find out what causes you to feel anxious. [7] X Research Sources Here are some of the reasons why you might be jealous:

  • You are afraid of your lover getting back with his ex.
  • You have been cheated on by your ex, so you worry that your current lover will be the same.
  • You don’t have confidence in yourself, so you worry your partner won’t see you as valuable.
  • Your lover cheated on your ex because of you, so you worry that they might do the same to you.

Talk to your partner about how you feel.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 5

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 5

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This can give you peace of mind if you are feeling insecure. Let’s say you’re worried about their old relationship. Use a sentence with the subject in the first person so your partner doesn’t feel defensive, then listen to what they have to say. Trust your partner when they tell you that they really want a serious relationship with you. [8] X Research Sources

  • You could say, “I’m glad to see you and happy to be with you, but lately I’ve been worrying about your ex. I know you don’t see that person anymore, but I wanted to talk to you about why you broke up with her.”
  • If your partner does something that makes you suspicious, be specific about it. You could say, “I feel like you talk to your ex a lot these days. He is worried about his relationship. Is there something I need to talk to him about?”
  • If your partner is acting in a way that confuses you, speak up. You can say something like, “I see you talking to your ex every day. I thought you two were over. So should I be worried?” Sometimes it’s best to review your current relationship if the other person isn’t fully committed to you.
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Find out why your lover’s old relationship ended.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 6

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 6

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You will feel more secure knowing why they broke up. They are no longer together, there must be a reason! Ask your lover what happened between them and listen to them. Believe that your lover is telling the truth. Whenever jealousy strikes, remind yourself that they have a reason to break up. [9] X Research Source

  • Say, “We never talked about why you broke up with your ex. What happened?” or “I know you and your ex agreed to break up, but for what?”
  • Ask about your partner’s past relationships only once, and try to keep questions to a minimum. You might ask, “Why did you break up with your ex?” Try to ask questions so that the other person doesn’t feel like you’re being interrogated to avoid damaging your relationship. [10] X Research Source

Spend more time with your lover to strengthen the bond.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 10

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 10

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You will feel more secure when the relationship between you and your lover is closer. You deserve a committed and happy relationship. Create a common practice with your partner to see each other more often and enjoy date nights. Try new activities together to make good memories. Focus on your shared future and don’t dwell on the past. [11] X Research Source

  • For example, the two of you could go on a date every Friday night.
  • Remember to keep in touch with your lover outside of dating. Send each other memes, ask questions, and chat to create an intimate bond. You can ask questions like “If you could bring 5 things to a deserted island, what would it be?” “How do you imagine your dream vacation?” or “What holiday do you remember having the most fun?”

Be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 1

Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 1

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When you accept your feelings, you can think less about your lover’s past. Don’t blame yourself for being jealous of your lover’s ex because that’s completely normal, and allow yourself to feel that way. [12] X Research Source Say loving words to yourself while processing your emotions.

  • Speak positive monologues. You might say to yourself, “Even if I’m jealous right now, it’s okay. This feeling will gradually pass,” or “Everybody feels insecure at times. My feelings are completely normal.”

Talk to a therapist if you can’t stop being jealous.

  • Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 11

    Image titled Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Ex Step 11

    {“smallUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images_en/thumb/7/72/Stop-Being-Jealous-of-Your-Partner%27s-Ex-Step-11.jpg/v4-728px- Stop-Being-Jealous-of-Your-Partner%27s-Ex-Step-11.jpg”,”bigUrl”:”https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/7/72/Stop-Being- Jealous-of-Your-Partner%27s-Ex-Step-11.jpg/v4-728px-Stop-Being-Jealous-of-Your-Partner%27s-Ex-Step-11.jpg”,”smallWidth”:460 ,”smallHeight”:345,”bigWidth”:728,”bigHeight”:546,”licensing”:”<div class=”mw-parser-output”></div>”}
    Psychotherapy can help you deal with the overwhelming jealousy that won’t let go. Sometimes you can’t get over your jealousy on your own, but that’s okay. If feelings of jealousy keep you from enjoying happiness, make an appointment with a psychotherapist for help. They can help you change your way of thinking. [13] X Research Source

    • You can find a psychotherapist online.
    • If you have health insurance, contact them for a list of therapists in your area.
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  • Advice

    • If your partner does something that makes you jealous, like clicking like on an ex’s photo, tell them not to.
    • Build confidence so that you no longer have to be jealous. Focus on your great points!
    X

    This article was co-written by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C. Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Therapy Center Baltimore, LLC. With over ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples and guide couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, etc. Raffi holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Machine Science. from Brown University and a Master of Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

    There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

    This article has been viewed 4,327 times.

    Jealousy is completely normal for couples in love, but it can still be a painful experience – especially when you’re jealous of your lover’s ex. When you see pictures and updates about the other person’s life, you can forget how talented and amazing you are, too. Remember that you are not the chosen one by accident! Luckily, we can help you dispel your jealous feelings and enjoy love! Read this list of ways to stop being jealous of your ex’s ex.

    In conclusion, it is important to recognize and address the feelings of jealousy that may arise when it comes to our lover’s ex. While jealousy is a common emotion, it can be destructive to our relationships if left unchecked. The first step towards overcoming jealousy is acknowledging and understanding the root causes of these feelings, which may stem from insecurities or comparisons. Open and honest communication with our partner is crucial in building trust and establishing boundaries. Additionally, focusing on self-growth and self-confidence can help alleviate feelings of jealousy. Cultivating a positive mindset, practicing self-care, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can also contribute to a sense of security within oneself and the relationship. Finally, it is essential to remember that everyone has a past, and our partner’s exes are a part of that history. Accepting this fact and choosing to focus on the present and future can greatly help in stopping jealousy and building a healthy and strong relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect.

    Thank you for reading this post How to Stop being jealous of your lover’s ex at Tnhelearning.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.

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