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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy and www.kellimillertherapy.com.She received her Master of Arts degree. Sociology from the University of Pennsylvania and a bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,266 times.
Whether you’ve just broken up with a relationship or are looking to end a negative relationship, sometimes you just want to stop loving yourself. If those are the descriptions of your situation right now, you are probably struggling to find ways to control your emotions. You can do this by focusing on yourself for a while and implementing strategies to reduce your chances of falling in love with someone again. It may also be helpful to reconsider your reasons for avoiding relationships so that you can finally end past toxic relationship patterns.
Steps
Focus on yourself
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Show everyone that you like being single. If you want to discourage potential pursuers so they don’t get in the way of your plan, state your intentions directly. Tell your friends, family and everyone you know that you are not looking for love. [1] X Research Source
- For example, you can add the words “happy single” to your social media profiles so everyone knows what you mean. That way, they won’t pair you with anyone or encourage others to pursue you.
- If someone is really into you, you can remind them that you just want to be single or just see them as a friend.
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Focus on accomplishing your goals. Avoid developing romantic feelings by focusing exclusively on your career or other ambitions. Create a vision board and remove everything related to love in it. Make a clear plan to achieve the goals and put it first. [2] X Research Source
- Remember, over-prioritizing your goals can damage your social relationships if you don’t spend time with family and friends.
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Ask others to remind you so you don’t get lost. In fact, it is impossible to avoid all temptations. You can easily meet someone at work or when going out with friends. To avoid distractions, call your friends and family to ask them to help you control it. Tell them that you don’t want to be in a relationship right now and ask them to help you stay determined.
- For example, a co-worker might remind you of your goals every time they see you laugh out loud when they hear jokes from the new guy at the company. A close friend can help you dispel the charms of the bartender in the bar.
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Take care of yourself. This is essential for healing emotional wounds. Do what needs to be done to take care of yourself and put your health and happiness first. Even if one day you fall in love again, just keep maintaining the routine. [3] X Research Sources
- Taking care of yourself can include eating nutritious food, exercising for at least 30 minutes a day, getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night, and making time for your hobbies and passions.
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Love yourself instead of loving someone. A great way to reduce your chances of falling in love is to love yourself. Sometimes people rush into love because they feel unattractive and difficult to find a lover. When you cherish and love yourself, you won’t have to expect others to give it to you. [4] X Research Sources
- Remind yourself how amazing you are by listing your strengths every day. Take yourself to romantic restaurants, go to the movies or listen to concerts. Compliment yourself with compliments like loving couples give each other. And don’t forget to buy yourself special gifts.
- Furthermore, your self-determination and self-respect will show everyone how you want to be treated. At some point if you really love, your lover will know what to expect. Don’t hesitate to give yourself affection, kindness, and respect.
Dealing with the new heatstroke and the old flame of love
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Keep your distance from that person. The most important factor in controlling feelings for someone is reducing the time you spend around them, especially when no one else is around. Avoid that person as much as possible. If there’s no way to avoid it completely, try not to get yourself into situations where the two of you are alone. [5] X Research Sources
- For example, if your crush asks you out for a drink, offer to go with a group of friends to limit your private time to just the two of you.
- Instead, spend time with friends and family who are upbeat, cheerful, and make you feel good. People will understand your feelings and support you. In addition, they can also be a part of what you see, and understand that this is your own business and you can live as you want.
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Block that person on social networks. It’s hard to let your emotions rest if you’re still following that person on social media, so keep your distance from them online as well. Unfriend them on social media accounts. If you feel like that’s a bit too much, get an app to control all your social media activities – if you can’t access Facebook, you won’t be able to see the person’s page either.
- Make sure to disconnect during the times when you want to go online the most. Phone apps like Freedom and SelfContrp can be helpful. [6] X Research Sources
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Stop flirting and seducing. If possible, you also have to control the other person’s feelings. Don’t do anything to give that person hope. Compliments, touches, and seemingly innocuous glances can signal that you like someone, so avoid them.
- If you must interact with them, be polite but avoid being intimate, just say the usual greetings like “hello” or “goodbye”.
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Look at the person’s bad habits. If you love each other, the tubers are also round. When you have a crush on someone, you usually only see the good in them. To control your emotions, look at the person in a sober and realistic way. [7] X Research Sources
- No one in this world is perfect. List the points that show they are not exceptional. Review the list every time your mind starts to get jumbled up by that person.
- For example, if you’re trying to resist your feelings for your ex, you could talk about why you broke up with them, including reasons like “He lied like Cuoi” or “She doesn’t like it.” Take time for yourself first.”
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Remind yourself that the person is no longer free. Maybe you want to avoid getting emotionally involved with your partner because they lied about their relationship status. If the other person already has a lover, picture that person’s name or face every time you imagine them. This can keep you awake.
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Accept that the heart has its own reasons. Loving someone and acting on your emotions are two completely different things. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your heart just won’t stop beating for someone. Regardless, if you don’t want to stay in the relationship or aren’t ready for love, don’t act on your feelings. [8] X Research Sources
- Acknowledge that you like the person and are happy to be with them, but remind yourself that now is not the time to be in love.
- One way to do this is to review your core goals in life that you want to achieve before falling in love again. For example, maybe you want to get a degree or travel the world before entering a new relationship.
Handle your problems in love
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Consider your entanglements about love. It’s understandable that you want to push people away for fear of being hurt or disappointed, but by doing so, you’re missing out on your chance to find the one true person in your life. Try to get to the root of your emotions. You can journal or confide in a friend. [9] X Research Source
- For example, maybe you are afraid of being betrayed because this has happened in the past, or you are afraid that if you love someone you will have to give up on your dreams.
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Reflect on your dating habits. If the love affairs that pass through your life always leave wounds, then it’s not surprising that you don’t want to love anymore. However, if you look back at your typical dating and relationship experiences, maybe you’ll be luckier next time. [10] X Research Source
- Ask yourself questions like: What do I usually do in situations like this? Do I recognize any general rule that can influence the outcome?
- For example, in the course of contemplation, you may realize that you often jump into a new relationship before the wounds from the breakup with your ex have healed. With dates like this, you’re merely looking for someone to help you feel less lonely, but those people aren’t really the right fit for you.
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Change your dating habits. Change something to change your luck in love. For example, maybe you’re all about dating in bars, so try joining a club or going for a walk in the park to find a different partner that might lead to different results. [11] X Research Source
- There are also times when you push others away because you fear being left out; and when they left, that fear suddenly became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try changing and opening up to someone – maybe your relationship will be different.
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Choose a different type of person to date. Another reason you might want to stop falling in love is because you always choose one type of person to fall in love with. Maybe you often choose someone who already has someone else, who is a bad influence on you, or who doesn’t like to be tied down. Changing your dating type may give you different results. [12] X Research Source
- Think about what kind of people you usually have a crush on. When you’re ready to date again, find someone who is the complete opposite.
- For example, if you are usually attracted to “bad boys”, now look for more moderate guys. Maybe you tend to like people who are so spontaneous that they don’t care about responsibility in the moment of impulse, but you’ll probably be happier around someone more serious and trustworthy. Let’s try to change it.
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Do not rush. Are you the type to fall in love in just a week? If that’s the case, then your impulsiveness could be the source of your often unsuccessful love affairs. Before you dive into a new relationship, take things at a slower pace so you have more time to assess your potential mate’s personality and think if it’s compatible with you.
- Think about the pace in your relationship. If you usually meet someone new and spend your weekends with them, go on a date for now and wait a few days before seeing them again. If you’re usually close to your crush on the first date, wait a little longer before engaging in intimate actions. [13] X Research Source
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Put fear aside. If you are afraid of love or commitment, the only way to overcome your fear is to face it. Develop a plan and take small steps to repel the fear. [14] X Research Source
- For example, if you’re worried that you’ll have to give up your dreams for love, you probably value those dreams more than any potential lover. Also, don’t forget to prioritize those goals in the early stages of your relationship, when you’re most likely to lose focus. [15] X Research Source
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Find a therapist. Maybe your fear of love stems from an emotional trauma, such as abuse or rejection. Perhaps you are afraid to empower someone into your life, and so you keep your distance from others. Whatever the cause, a psychotherapist can identify and develop a plan to help you overcome those fears. [16] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source
- You can ask your general practitioner to recommend a psychotherapist in your area.
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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy and www.kellimillertherapy.com.She received her Master of Arts degree. Sociology from the University of Pennsylvania and a bachelor’s degree in sociology/health from the University of Florida.
There are 13 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 10,266 times.
Whether you’ve just broken up with a relationship or are looking to end a negative relationship, sometimes you just want to stop loving yourself. If those are descriptions of your situation right now, you’re probably struggling to find ways to get your emotions under control. You can do this by focusing on yourself for a while and implementing strategies to reduce your chances of falling in love with someone again. It may also be helpful to reconsider your reasons for avoiding relationships so that you can finally end past toxic relationship patterns.
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