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This article was co-written by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a love & transformation coach and owner of JennJoyCoaching, which provides life coaching services in Miami, Florida, though Jennifer works with clients worldwide. Jennifer’s work revolves around motivating women who are going through a divorce or breakup. She has over 4 years of life coaching experience. She is also the host of the Deep Chats Podcast with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 of “Divorce and the Things You Can Handle”. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce and Divorced Girl Smiling magazines. She received a master’s degree in social work from New York University. She is also a health coach and expert in communication & life coaching.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,264 times.
Have you ever stopped wondering why you feel embarrassed? Some people are self-conscious about certain physical features; Others worry about status, intelligence or money. If you feel judged, you need to understand that it’s not good to allow others to judge you. On a deeper level, one of the biggest causes of self-doubt is introspection and insecurity in one’s ability to express or interact. [1] X Source of Research Learn to suppress your inner criticism and find effective ways to reduce feelings of embarrassment. Now is the time to start your life again!
Steps
Identify the Cause of the Shyness
- When negative thoughts pop into your head, don’t fight back, just accept it. Treat the thought as something funny, like, “You’re a flying unicorn,” something you don’t believe to be true and don’t believe is bad. [5] X Research Source Imagine yourself shrugging and talking. “Oh, whatever, it’s just in the head.”
- Remember that the criticism that is speaking to you negatively is neither believable nor rational. It is not the voice of truth that many timid people believe in. [6] X Research Sources
Reality check
- Practice the concepts outlined in this article to start building your confidence and reducing your shyness.
Control Your Reactions
- Even if you don’t feel that way at first, at least you act like there’s nothing to worry about. Gradually you will feel like it really is.
- Your greatest power lies between the stimulus and your response, so try to keep it under control. [12] X Research Source
- Always act like you know you look good and feel good in front of others, but don’t think about it too much because it’s already natural.
- Spot times when you underestimate yourself or compare yourself to others. [13] X Research Source Don’t blame yourself; just take note and tell yourself it’s time to stop and find a more positive way of thinking about yourself.
- For example, say to yourself, “Dare I step into a dilemma.” Or, “Go up to that girl/boy and talk to her/him, even though it doesn’t make much sense.” Remember not to blame and beat yourself up. And even if you fail in those challenges, you should still reward yourself for trying.
- For Criticism: Learn to distinguish helpful, constructive criticism from people who care about you and destructive, hateful criticism from people who lack empathy, envy, or hatred. You should learn from positive criticism, and ignore negative criticism. You don’t need haters in your life and don’t let their pettiness follow you.
- Practice responding to criticism. For petty criticisms, prepare a response in mind to skillfully respond to the situation without letting yourself be humiliated or hurt the other person. This way, you won’t get flustered and won’t be surprised. It’s thanks to a quick wit that you wouldn’t have thought while shocked by their rudeness. Think kindly and say things like:
- “I don’t understand why you need to say that. I don’t accept being told like that.”
- “I want you to know that I do not agree with such harsh criticism. I have tried my best and I do not accept your interpretation.
Do Good Things Inside
- To achieve this, write down your goals and milestones. This will keep you motivated to work towards those goals. [14] X Research Source
- Tell people that you are moving towards your goal. This gives you the motivation to step forward and let the people you love continue to support your efforts. But you should be careful – don’t share with people who might hinder your progress – if you meet someone who doesn’t understand, don’t get involved with them.
- Prove your achievements. Celebrate every time something good comes; Go out to dinner, call a friend, go on a picnic or buy yourself an online album. Acknowledge the good on a regular basis instead of brooding over the failures.
- For example, if you want to treat your anxiety, you have to “own it” and really accept that you have a phobia problem. Then you can try to cure it.
- That means, you have a responsibility to be the best human being for yourself and for others. Please continue to share with everyone your good nature. That will help you and help the whole community.
- Judy Garland once said, “Be the original you instead of a copy of someone else.” Do your best to make it happen.
- Read some self-help books; Ask your favorite teacher about the topic, Google it, go to the library, and finally go to the bookstore if you’re eager to read.
- If you feel awkward talking to people, turn your attention to listening to them. Focus on what they’re saying instead of on your form or on what you’re about to say, and you’ll see results.
Doing Some Things Outside
- You can start affirming yourself with statements like: “I am a good person and I deserve love and respect”, “I am stronger than my insecurities”, “I did my best, and I I did all I could.”
- Associate with people who make you happy. You will be pulled down if you are often around negative people. This may not be new, but compare how you feel around positive people versus negative people. Those are the two extremes and you know what you like. [16] X Research Source
Warning
- Stop seeking approval from others. If your life depends entirely on the approval of others, you will never be free from your shyness.
- Don’t be like that all the time. Be ready to admit when you’re wrong because it’s not a disaster. Everyone has mistakes. Go ahead and admit the mistake. Then keep moving forward.
- Sometimes people intentionally bully you if they feel you are vulnerable in some way (this is how bullies work – find weaknesses to exploit). In this case, walk away or just don’t get involved. You should never waste time trying to impress them or justify their behavior because of anger and insecurity within them.
- Your worst critic is you. Understand that no one judges you more harshly than you judge yourself.
This article was co-written by Jennifer Butler, MSW. Jennifer Butler is a love & transformation coach and owner of JennJoyCoaching, which provides life coaching services in Miami, Florida, though Jennifer works with clients worldwide. Jennifer’s work revolves around motivating women who are going through a divorce or breakup. She has over 4 years of life coaching experience. She is also the host of the Deep Chats Podcast with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 of “Divorce and the Things You Can Handle”. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce and Divorced Girl Smiling magazines. She received a master’s degree in social work from New York University. She is also a health coach and expert in communication & life coaching.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 4,264 times.
Have you ever stopped wondering why you feel embarrassed? Some people are self-conscious about certain physical features; Others worry about status, intelligence or money. If you feel judged, you need to understand that it’s not good to allow others to judge you. On a deeper level, one of the biggest causes of self-doubt is introspection and insecurity in one’s ability to express or interact. [1] X Source of Research Learn to suppress your inner criticism and find effective ways to reduce feelings of embarrassment. Now is the time to start your life again!
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