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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,191 times.
Are you afraid of love? Does the thought of someone loving you scare you? Heartbreaks can keep you from wanting to love because you fear that you might get hurt again. If you’re experiencing “fear of love,” there are many steps you can take to deal with your fear. You need to identify the source of your fear, address negative thoughts, and confide your concerns to a friend or lover. Sometimes the fear of love becomes so severe that you need the help of a counselor to get over it, but first, try to face some of your fears on your own. own fear.
Steps
Understanding Fear
- Examine your own feelings and try to figure out what your main concern is. What are you afraid will happen when you allow yourself to love and be loved?
- Try to write down your feelings to explore them more closely. Writing about your fear of love can help you get to the root of it, and writing can also help you process some of your feelings.
- What difficulties did you face in that romantic relationship? What do you argue about with your lover? If you broke up, what caused this? How did you contribute to the problem in the relationship? What thought made you react in such a way?
- When you were a child, did your family members often quarrel with each other? Have you ever felt like you were rejected or unloved by your parents? How did this experience make you feel?
- Fear of getting hurt If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, you’re well aware of this pain and want to protect yourself from getting hurt again. As a result, you will try to prevent yourself from falling in love to avoid experiencing this emotion.
- Fear of Hurting Others Perhaps you have hurt someone in a previous relationship, and this makes you feel guilty. As a result, you want to avoid entering another romantic relationship so you can’t hurt your partner.
- Fear of Commitment Perhaps the thought of making a lifelong commitment to only one person scares you, so you don’t want to allow yourself to be attached to someone else.
- Fear of Loss of Identity Many people think that falling in love means that they will have to give up some part of their personality, and this can be quite scary and make some people unwilling to fall in love.
“Love from ourselves and from others can help us feel valued. Deep down inside, we all want to be loved.”
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage and family therapist
Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
Marriage and family therapist
Coping with fear
- For example, if you’re worried about rejection, you might think, “She’s completely out of my reach. She will “kick” me. Or if you feel that you don’t deserve to be loved, you will think, “I’m so ugly that no one wants to love me, so I shouldn’t even try.”
- Thinking like that will damage your self-esteem and your ability to feel love. If you are dealing with negative thoughts, you need to find ways to soothe and change them.
- The next time you have a negative thought, stop and change your mind. If you think “She is out of my reach. She will kick me, you should turn it into something more positive such as “She is a beautiful woman. I’m excited to see where this relationship goes.”
- “I deserve to be loved.”
- “One day, I will have a complete love relationship.”
- “Love is a wonderful thing.”
- Identify the defensive action you use to prevent yourself from becoming weak. What are they? How can you lower them and start allowing yourself to become weaker?
- In your next relationship, look beyond that – use the memory of past happiness as a guarantee for the future or recall the initial commitment and promise you both made. together.
- If you don’t have a boyfriend right now or aren’t willing to talk to your partner about your feelings, you can talk to a friend you trust.
- Try saying something like, “I think the problem I had in my previous/current relationship was because I was afraid of falling in love. I’m trying to work through those feelings to solve the problem. Are you willing to talk about this with me?”
Advice
- Be patient and persistent. It may take some time for you to deal with your fear of falling in love. You should keep trying and get help if you’re not making the progress you’re looking for.
- Love is wonderful. You will probably get hurt, but you will always be able to love again.
Warning
- If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help that can release you. You can call the hotline 18001567, this is the phone number for counseling and support services for children and women experiencing violence. [12] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to the source If you’ve been abused in the past, it can be difficult to deal with your fear of love alone.
This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 9 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,191 times.
Are you afraid of love? Does the thought of someone loving you scare you? Heartbreaks can keep you from wanting to love because you fear that you might get hurt again. If you’re experiencing “fear of love,” there are many steps you can take to deal with your fear. You need to identify the source of your fear, address negative thoughts, and confide your concerns to a friend or lover. Sometimes the fear of love becomes so severe that you need the help of a counselor to get over it, but first, try to face some of your fears on your own. own fear.
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