How to Stop Being Afraid of Homosexuality

Homophobia is the discrimination, fear, or hatred of homosexuals, which manifests itself in many forms such as violent behavior, feelings of hate, or gestures of fear. ^{[1] X Research Source} Homophobia can be present in individuals as well as in groups and lead to hostile situations. Fortunately, you have the choice not to dread homosexuality. It may take some time for you to change your view of the world, and it must have taken a lot of work, too. However, you will learn how to be generous to build a happier and safer world.

Table of Contents

Think about your beliefs

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Write about your feelings. If you’re making a conscious decision to stop being homophobic, you’ve probably noticed some emotion or action that bothers you and others. Make a note of emotions or actions that trigger your homophobia. ^{[2] X Research Source} Example:

I feel uncomfortable and angry when I see a same-sex couple kissing.
I think it’s wrong for my sister to like other women.
I find it unusual for two men to like each other.

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Study your feelings. After you’ve written down all of the specific feelings that trigger your fear of homosexuality, it’s time to analyze why you feel that way. This is a necessary step to start making changes. Try asking yourself: ^{[3] X Research Sources}

“Why do I feel angry in [x] situation? Who or what influenced this feeling? Is there any particular reason why I feel that way?”
“Do I think that feeling is reasonable? What steps do I need to take to stop feeling that way?”
“Is there anyone I can talk to about these feelings to determine why I feel this way?”

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Identify your beliefs. Often, our beliefs come from our parents or mentors. As you reflect on your feelings, consider the source of your fear of homosexuality. Ask myself:

“Were my parents averse to homosexuality and did their views influence me?”
“Is there someone in my life who makes me feel so negative?”
“Did my education/religion/research make me feel this way? Why?”

Consider your habits

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List your bad habits. Once you’re aware of how you’re feeling and the causes of those feelings, make a list of specific bad habits you’d like to change. This approach will make you ashamed of your past actions, but being honest with yourself is always the best thing you can do to move on. Try to include all possible consequences. ^{[4] X Research Source} Be as specific as possible:

“I have a habit of using the word ‘gay’ (Vietnamese means ‘gay’) to describe everything around me. I think that habit would offend gay people.”
“I teased [x] in high school and called him gay. That must have hurt his feelings.”
“I behaved very badly with my sister when she admitted to her family that she was gay. I ruined an important relationship in my life because of my hatred.”

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List the things you most specifically want to change. Once you’ve identified your bad habits and negative emotions, it’s time to consider the positives. Make a list of the goals you want to achieve. ^{[5] X Research Source} Example:

“I want to stop using the word ‘gay.’
“I want to ask the people I made fun of to forgive me.”
“I want to reconnect with my sister and ask for her forgiveness.”

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Know that you need time to change. You should realize that it takes time to change bad habits into good ones. Experts say it will take you about a month to create a new habit. ^{[6] X Research Sources} You can make mistakes. You may end up reverting to some of your previous bad manners. A good tip is to keep going and keep trying.

Action for change

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Speak out against homophobia. You may have heard other people say it or even said, “He’s gay!” This statement shows insensitivity and hurts the LGBT community (the community of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transsexuals) because of its offensiveness. When you hear anyone say that, try responding like this to discourage them from continuing:

“Do you know what that means?”
“Why do you say that?”
“Don’t you think your words will hurt others?”

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Reacting to affirmations that express homophobia. Unfortunately, detractors expressing homophobia are noted everywhere, especially in schools and in the school sector in general. ^{[7] X Sources of Research} When you hear a homophobic slur or claim, make sure you respond with appropriate and respectful attitudes. When you hear negative things like “gays go against God’s plan” or “all gays are pedophiles,” apply a few techniques to successfully deal with those words:

Mental behavior. When you let emotions mix into your voice, it’s easy for others to take you for granted. Present real events in a calm manner to increase the likelihood that your message will be heard.
Explain why what they say is offensive. Sometimes people talk without realizing that their sentences also make sense. When explaining why a person’s words are offensive, he or she may realize his or her mistake.
Assert that there is nothing wrong with being gay or lesbian. That positive attitude shows that you support the people of this community.

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Stand up for others. Bullying is a serious problem. If you see/hear hate speech, statements or actions against a person (whether gay or straight!), protect that person with supportive messages. Be confident and say things like:

“I really don’t like what you’re saying about [x]; Your actions will cause severe damage!”
“Why do you say that or do that? How would you feel if other people did the same to you?”
“I don’t think we can be friends if you keep talking like that.”

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Learn from past injustices. 76 countries around the world have now enacted laws to mistreat gay or lesbian couples. ^{[8] X Trusted Source United Nations Go to Source} History has revealed many acts of discrimination and hatred towards the LGBT community. Take the time to understand those injustices to get a clearer picture of the challenges this community faces.

Most periods of history record homophobia. For example, during World War II, the Nazis locked gay people in concentration camps. Learning these facts will help you come to terms with homophobia and learn how to be more tolerant.
You can learn about history in a variety of ways, such as documentaries, podcasts, textbooks, and the Internet.

Expand your limits

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Chat with a gay person. Once you feel comfortable with your emotions, it’s time to push yourself to change. Try chatting and conversing with a gay person. Be respectful and kind to them, don’t ask questions that poke fun at their sexual orientation.

Just have a casual conversation and keep yourself open to the people you’re talking to.
Try neutral etiquette questions like, “Can you tell me about your work?” or “What kind of movies do you like to watch?” or “Which restaurant do you like best?”

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Go to a meeting in support of the LGBTQ community (the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and heterosexual community). It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand how they’ve been mistreated.

To broaden your horizons, try going to meetings, conferences, seminars, or lectures that advocate for gay/lesbian rights. Again, respecting others is important, regardless of your personal views.
To find locations for such meetings, read the flyers at the nearby university district. In general, universities have a more diverse community and often organize meetings/lectures/thematic seminars.

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Motivate yourself to make friends. Once you’ve broadened your understanding and practiced good habits, try making friends with gay people. Chat with people who share your interests and hobbies, and be yourself!

Making friends with gay people is similar to making friends with heterosexuals. Find someone who shares similar interests with you and let that friendship grow naturally.

Advice

It’s okay if you can’t change overnight. The change process will take a long time. Try to keep doing that.

Steps

Think about your beliefs

Consider your habits

Action for change

Expand your limits

Advice

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