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This article was co-written by Nicpette Tura, MA. Nicpette Tura is a mental & physical health expert, founder of The Illuminated Body, a physical, mental and emotional wellness counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicpette is a 500-hour yoga teacher with expertise in Psychology & Mindfulness, a National Institute of Sports Medicine certified Restorative Exercise Specialist, and a balanced lifestyle expert. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in sociology from SJSU .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,741 times.
If you are a self-respecting person, you probably always put the interests of others before your own. Maybe you want to gain the approval of others or you have been taught since childhood to always live for others. It will take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of agreeing to everything. Set limits, express your opinions, and above all take the time to take care of yourself.
Steps
Say “no” effectively
- For example, when asked to stay in the office late on a project, tell yourself, “I have the choice to say yes and stay or say no and go home.”
- Start small by finding small things to say “no” to in a firm tone. For example, when you’re very tired and your wife tells you to take the dog for a walk, say, “No, I’m taking the dog for a walk today.”
- You can also ask a friend to help you practice saying “no”. Ask your friend to ask you to do certain things, then respond “no” to each request. Pay attention to how you feel when you say no.
- For example, you could say, “I know you really wanted a beautiful birthday cake at the party and it means a lot to you. I want to help you too, but right now I can’t.”
Set boundaries
- If the person needs an answer right away, say no. Once you nod, you’re stuck.
- Don’t use this method to avoid saying no. If you want or need to say “no,” say it now and don’t keep the other person waiting.
- If you’re not sure what your boundaries are, take time to reflect on your values and rights. These boundaries can include physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or spiritual. [6] X Research Sources
- For example, taking care of your sick dog might be more important than going to a friend’s party.
- For example, if your friends want to eat Italian but you like Korean food, next time say that you like Korean food.
- Even if you still indulge in something, just say what you like. For example, “I’d rather watch another movie, but this one is also fun.”
- Avoid being hostile. You need to voice your needs without being angry or critical. Try to stay assertive, calm, firm, and polite.
- For example, if someone asks you to help them move house, say, “I can help you between 12 and 3.”
- For example, if your friend wants to go shopping but you want to go on a picnic, do one thing together, then the other.
Take care of yourself
- Learn from your mistakes and treat yourself like a best friend. Be kind, understanding, and forgiving.
- Note if you tend to please everyone. This is a sign that you have low self-esteem.
- Try to get seven and a half to eight and a half hours of sleep each night. [12] X Research Source
- When you know how to take care of yourself, you also have the ability to help others better.
- Participate in activities that you love. Listen to music, journal, volunteer or go for a walk every day.
- If you’re trying to win over a group of friends or want your grandma to see how good you are, it’s unlikely you’ll do it.
- Find a psychotherapist by contacting your insurance company or mental health facilities. You can also ask a friend or doctor for a referral.
Advice
- Ask yourself if you can tolerate what other people can’t. Learn to recognize and categorize the unacceptable behavior of others and set limits on their behavior when your boundaries are violated.
- Be persistent. If respect is an inherent habit of yours, it will be very difficult to overcome. Always be conscious to recognize when you please people just because you are soft-hearted.
- Helping others should be something you want to do, not something you feel you have to do.
- Don’t worry about what others think of you.
This article was co-written by Nicpette Tura, MA. Nicpette Tura is a mental & physical health expert, founder of The Illuminated Body, a physical, mental and emotional wellness counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicpette is a 500-hour yoga teacher with expertise in Psychology & Mindfulness, a National Institute of Sports Medicine certified Restorative Exercise Specialist, and a balanced lifestyle expert. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sociology from the University of California, Berkeley, and a master’s degree in sociology from SJSU .
There are 10 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 31,741 times.
If you are a self-respecting person, you probably always put the interests of others before your own. Maybe you want to gain the approval of others or you have been taught since childhood to always live for others. It will take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of agreeing to everything. Set limits, express your opinions, and above all take the time to take care of yourself.
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