How to Stop Being a Great Person

If you are a self-respecting person, you probably always put the interests of others before your own. Maybe you want to gain the approval of others or you have been taught since childhood to always live for others. It will take some time to adjust, but start by saying “no” to some things instead of agreeing to everything. Set limits, express your opinions, and above all take the time to take care of yourself.

Table of Contents

Say “no” effectively

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Understand that you have a choice. If someone asks or commands you to do something, you can accept, decline, or review. You don’t have to agree, even if you feel you need to. When asked to do something, pause for a moment and remember that it is up to you to decide the answer. ^{[1] X Research Source}

For example, when asked to stay in the office late on a project, tell yourself, “I have the choice to say yes and stay or say no and go home.”

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Learn to say “no”. If you often nod in agreement even when you don’t want to or when the situation is stressful, start saying “no”. It may take practice, but let people know when you can’t do what they want. You don’t have to make excuses or justify your decision. Just saying a simple “no way” or “no, thank you” is enough. ^{[2] X Research Source}

Start small by finding small things to say “no” to in a firm tone. For example, when you’re very tired and your wife tells you to take the dog for a walk, say, “No, I’m taking the dog for a walk today.”
You can also ask a friend to help you practice saying “no”. Ask your friend to ask you to do certain things, then respond “no” to each request. Pay attention to how you feel when you say no.

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Be assertive and empathetic. If the answer “no” seems too cold, show empathy but still be assertive. Show empathy for the person and their needs, but be firm when you say you can’t help. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say, “I know you really wanted a beautiful birthday cake at the party and it means a lot to you. I want to help you too, but right now I can’t.”

Set boundaries

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Take some time to think about what you’ve been asked to do. Boundaries will be based on the values you hold dear. They will help you determine what you can do comfortably and what you can’t. ^{[4] X Research Source} You don’t have to respond immediately when asked to do something. Say “Let me see,” then tell them again. That way, you’ll have time to think hard, ask yourself if you’re under pressure, and consider potential conflicts. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If the person needs an answer right away, say no. Once you nod, you’re stuck.
Don’t use this method to avoid saying no. If you want or need to say “no,” say it now and don’t keep the other person waiting.
If you’re not sure what your boundaries are, take time to reflect on your values and rights. These boundaries can include physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or spiritual. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

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Set priorities. You can rely on your priorities to choose what to accept, what to refuse. If you are hesitant about a decision, choose what you feel is more important, and why. If still unsure, you can list your needs (or options) and put them in order, the first being the most important. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, taking care of your sick dog might be more important than going to a friend’s party.

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Speak up about your wishes. There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, and that doesn’t mean you’re demanding. Reminding people that you too have your own desires is a big step forward. If you’ve been following the wishes of others for a long time instead of voicing your likes and dislikes, then it’s time to speak up for yourself.

For example, if your friends want to eat Italian but you like Korean food, next time say that you like Korean food.
Even if you still indulge in something, just say what you like. For example, “I’d rather watch another movie, but this one is also fun.”
Avoid being hostile. You need to voice your needs without being angry or critical. Try to stay assertive, calm, firm, and polite.

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Set a deadline. If you accept someone’s help, set a deadline. You don’t have to justify your limits or make excuses to explain why you have to leave. Set limits, and say nothing more. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

For example, if someone asks you to help them move house, say, “I can help you between 12 and 3.”

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Compromise when making decisions. Negotiating is a great way to voice your opinion, handle things within your limits, and find consensus. Listen to the other person’s wishes, then express what you want, and finally come to an agreement that pleases both parties. ^{[9] X Research Source}

For example, if your friend wants to go shopping but you want to go on a picnic, do one thing together, then the other.

Take care of yourself

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Build self-esteem. Your worth does not depend on what others think of you or on people’s approval. Your worth comes only from yourself, not from anyone else. Surround yourself with positive people and recognize when you feel inferior. Listen to what you tell yourself (such as thinking you’re unpopular or consistently failing) and stop beating yourself up over past mistakes. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Learn from your mistakes and treat yourself like a best friend. Be kind, understanding, and forgiving.
Note if you tend to please everyone. This is a sign that you have low self-esteem.

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Practice healthy habits. Ignoring your own needs is also a sign that you don’t love yourself. Taking care of yourself and taking care of your body is not selfish. If you often neglect yourself because you care about others, take some time each day to take care of your health. Eat healthy meals, exercise regularly, and enjoy what makes you feel good. Above all, you need to get enough sleep every night and feel healthy every day. ^{[11] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to source}

Try to get seven and a half to eight and a half hours of sleep each night. ^{[12] X Research Source}
When you know how to take care of yourself, you also have the ability to help others better.

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Take care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself will help you feel healthier and more prepared to deal with stress. Spend a good time with friends and family. Treat yourself to a little pampering every now and then: go for a massage, spa, and indulge in relaxing pleasures. ^{[13] X Research Source}

Participate in activities that you love. Listen to music, journal, volunteer or go for a walk every day.

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Understand that you cannot please everyone. You only need your own approval, not someone else’s. No matter how hard you try, some people are hard to please. You cannot change other people’s thoughts and feelings to make them like you or agree with you. This depends on them. ^{[14] X Research Source}

If you’re trying to win over a group of friends or want your grandma to see how good you are, it’s unlikely you’ll do it.

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Find specialist help. Fighting the habit of respect is not an easy task. If you’ve tried to change but are still stuck in the same place or getting worse, see a psychotherapist. They will help you develop new behaviors and stand up for yourself. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Find a psychotherapist by contacting your insurance company or mental health facilities. You can also ask a friend or doctor for a referral.

Advice

Ask yourself if you can tolerate what other people can’t. Learn to recognize and categorize the unacceptable behavior of others and set limits on their behavior when your boundaries are violated.
Be persistent. If respect is an inherent habit of yours, it will be very difficult to overcome. Always be conscious to recognize when you please people just because you are soft-hearted.
Helping others should be something you want to do, not something you feel you have to do.
Don’t worry about what others think of you.

Steps

Say “no” effectively

Set boundaries

Take care of yourself

Advice

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