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This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 30 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,920 times.
Relationships can turn violent in many ways, but ultimately it boils down to a quest for power and control. An abusive relationship is when one person uses any type of violence, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological, to influence or control the other person. [1] X Trusted Source United States Department of Justice Go to Source[2] X Research Source Although, victims of violence are often women, men can experience the same thing. Violence is quite common in same-sex relationships as well as in heterosexual relationships. [3] X Credible Sources Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to the source If you believe you are being abused, you should seek emergency help, such as calling 113 for prompt intervention. time. You can also learn how to identify the warning signs of an abusive relationship.
Steps
Perception of abusive personality
- Abusers often want people, especially their loved ones, to conform to their unrealistic and unfair standards. They may say things like “I am the only person you need in life”, and expect you to fulfill all their requests. [6] X Research Sources
- They often get unreasonably angry over petty difficulties, like traffic jams or when their children’s test scores are bad.
- Perfectionists are not necessarily abusive. But the above behaviors can be “warning” signs.
- The person may hold back his or her emotions until they erupt. Or, they will become passive-aggressive and try to make you feel guilty in some way. Outbursts and sentimentality are warning signs of an emotionally unhealthy person.
- In many cases, emotional instability can be caused by a mental or behavioral disorder. For this condition, your lover needs to conduct treatment and counseling. You shouldn’t live with an abuser just because they need help. [8] X Research Sources
- For example, the person might say something like, “You upset me because you contradict me and I can’t control myself.” This saying is to blame individual actions on others.
- Abusers will blame others for the breakdown of their past relationships. You’d be hard pressed to take this as a warning sign, especially when they speak better of you than the other person. For example, the person may blame you for the failure of their previous relationship by saying, “You’re so nice, not like the psychopath I used to date.”
- If you don’t feel like your crush listens to you or cares about your thoughts and needs, this is a sign that the relationship is unhealthy.
- You need to feel comfortable talking to your partner about difficult topics, even if you don’t agree with them. Although, even in a healthy relationship, compromise is not easy, both parties need to feel that they are heard and respected.
- The average person who tries to be the “right” person at all costs will not pay attention to your needs and desires.
- For someone who cares about you, jealousy will mean something else. It is not an expression of love, but an element that shows that your partner does not trust you. [13] X Research Source
- Abusers will be cruel or disrespectful to others, especially someone they see as someone “inferior” to them. If the person you love mistreats or belittles someone who is weaker or less powerful than them, this is a sign that they will probably do the same to you.
Identify abuse
- The person asks you to “report” your location to them at all times.
- He or she tries to control what you wear, where you go, and who you meet.
- They monitor your internet, mobile, or social media usage, or ask you for your account password.
- You can hardly use money or transportation.
- Your lover isolates you from your friends and family.
- They forbid you from seeing other people unless they’re with them, or get angry at you when you spend time alone with friends.
- Do you feel as if your partner is “draining your lifeline”? Is spending time with them emotionally as well as physically exhausting?
- Do you feel bad about yourself around that person?
- Is the person you love trying to make you feel responsible or guilty for their feelings and actions?
- Do you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or belittled around your partner?
- Do you feel that there is a standard difference between your behavior and that of your partner?
- Does he often criticize or poke you?
- Does the person you love call you by a bad name or insult you?
- Are they saying that you “deserve” insults?
- Did the person continue to do something after you told them they hurt you?
- Do you think of yourself as being ignored, dismissed, or disrespected?
- Does your partner yell or scream at you?
- Do you feel bad for yourself when your crush talks to you?
- Violence isn’t just about punching, kicking, or slapping. Physical abuse also includes destroying property, harming pets, opposing your basic needs, locking you up, or leaving you in an unfamiliar or dangerous place. [22] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to Source[23] X Research Source
- You have the right to agree to some sexual acts and to refuse others. There’s no such thing as a love “contract” that requires you to perform sexual activity you don’t want. Even if you’ve had sex with your crush many times before, you’re always allowed to say “no” and your partner must respect it.
- Pressure or coercion is also abuse. If the person you love tries to force you to engage in verbal sex acts like “If I really loved you, I would do this”, you are in a relationship that is not working. healthy.
- You must also have control over your contraceptive use and/or STI (sexually transmitted disease) prevention. Your partner must respect your decision, and must not pressure or force you to have sex without using the protection you requested.
Get out of an abusive relationship
- This applies to all types of abuse. Everyone is responsible for their own actions.
- The more support you have, the more likely you will be to get out of an abusive relationship and lead a healthier, happier life.
- In Vietnam, you can call (04) 3775 9339, Hotline for counseling people experiencing domestic violence.
- You can consult the HotPeachPages website to find data on domestic violence agencies. [29] X Research Sources
- You will also feel pressured by your community, family, or tradition to “forgive” that person. You should remember that true forgiveness must be done for your benefit, not the other person’s. You can choose to remove the burden or anger without allowing the abuse to continue.
- It will be hard to stop completely unless you really remove that person from your life.
- Many agencies, hospitals, doctors, and shelters for abused women will refer you to a trained counselor or therapist.
- Look for a therapist who uses an “evidence-based” treatment, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), cognitive therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure therapy (PE), or physical therapy. Eye movement desensitization and reperception (EMDR). EMDR is a common treatment for PTSD. [33] X Research Sources
- Make friend. People who have been in an abusive relationship often feel isolated from friends and family. Making new friends will help you become stronger and more confident. [36] X Research Source
- Join a club or association. Connecting with like-minded people or people with similar interests will help you feel like you are part of a larger community. [37] X Trusted Source National Domestic Vipence Hotline Go to source
- Be open to someone you trust. Some people may judge you, and this is both wrong and unfair. However, many others will be happy to be with you. Talking about your experiences with someone you trust will help you process them and move on.
Advice
- You should remember that being alone is better than being with the wrong lover and having the wrong relationship.
- You always deserve respect. Don’t forgive anyone who doesn’t treat you this way.
Warning
- Violence won’t “get better”. Actually, it gets worse over time. Don’t suffer just because you hope that your “love” will change the person you love. The only person who can change them is themselves.
- If you are in an emergency, call 113 or another emergency service right away.
This article was co-written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Moshe Ratson is the CEO of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a training and therapy clinic in New York City. He received his Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona University and has been in therapy for over 10 years.
There are 30 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,920 times.
Relationships can turn violent in many ways, but ultimately it boils down to a quest for power and control. An abusive relationship is when one person uses any type of violence, whether physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological, to influence or control the other person. [1] X Trusted Source United States Department of Justice Go to Source[2] X Research Source Although, victims of violence are often women, men can experience the same thing. Violence is quite common in same-sex relationships as well as in heterosexual relationships. [3] X Credible Sources Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to the source If you believe you are being abused, you should seek emergency help, such as calling 113 for prompt intervention. time. You can also learn how to identify the warning signs of an abusive relationship.
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