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This article was co-written by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD in clinical psychology and has a private practice in New York City. Chloe received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York. She teaches undergraduate courses at Long Island University and is an adjunct professor at New York University. She specializes in relationship issues, stress management, and career counseling. Chloe has also taught at Long Island University and was an adjunct faculty member at the City University of New York. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nerve Energy: Harnessing the Power of Anxiety.”
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Do you often get angry? Have you ever yelled, kicked a basket and cursed when you felt helpless with the people around you? Is there a time when your blood boils when you’re stuck in traffic, when you receive an unimportant piece of bad news, or simply when you hear something you don’t want to hear? If so, then you need to learn to control it before anger takes over your life. It is not easy to master the deeply ingrained anger nature in each person, so it is necessary to have a method to control yourself now and in the future.
Steps
Stay Calm When It Happens
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Take a walk. Try to get out of the situation that is making you angry. This will help you stay calm and think clearly. If it’s a nice day, go outside and enjoy the beautiful natural surroundings. [1] X Research Sources . Or just get up and walk around a bit to burn off negative energy and get rid of the problem that’s been bugging you. [2] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source If you’re in the middle of a heated argument, it’s okay to say, “I’m going out for a bit”.
- Remember that in most cases, you don’t need to respond right away. So you can leave the room or building and give yourself time to calm down before replying to someone. [3] X Research Sources
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Get your initial “hot flashes” under control. If you get angry easily, your first course of action will often not be positive. You might want to kick a car, punch a wall, or scream at someone. Instead of this initial impulse, ask yourself what you need to do to get good results. Take a minute to think about how you should react and consider what would normally calm you down. [4] X Research Sources
- Your first reaction is often violent, destructive, and completely absurd. Don’t let these negative emotions take over and overwhelm you, making you worse off.
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Dance to a tune. You may think this is the last thing you want to do when you’re angry, but this is exactly why you should. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anger, turn on your favorite music, dance and sing along. This will make you forget your anger and feel better. [5] X Research Sources
- If this method really works for you, you can even bring your favorite music with you to turn on whenever you feel really angry.
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Practice deep breathing. Sit up straight in the chair. Inhale deeply through your nose, count to 6. Then exhale slowly, counting to 8 or 9. Pause and repeat 10 times. [6] X Research Sources
- Try to focus only on your breath, clearing your mind of anything that is disturbing your mind.
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Countdown from fifty. By counting silently or out loud, you can calm down in less than a minute. While counting, try to focus only on the numbers and stay calm. Focusing on counting will help keep you from being overwhelmed by anger and make you face the problem with a “cold” head.
- If you are still angry, repeat the exercise above, or maybe count down from 100.
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Meditation. Meditation can help you regulate your emotions. [7] X Research Source So if you’re feeling like you’re about to lose control, relax your mind by meditating. You should get out of the situation that makes you angry before you start meditating. For example, you can go outside, take the stairs, or even go to the bathroom to get out of a situation that makes you angry. [8] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- Breathe slowly and deeply. Maintaining this breath will bring down your racing heart rate. The breath should be deep until you feel your stomach emptying the “inside” breath.
- Imagine a yellow-white light filling your body as you inhale, relaxing your mind. As you exhale, imagine the breath taking away the dark colors in your body.
- Make it a habit to meditate every morning, even when you’re not angry. Daily practice of meditation will help you become calmer.
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Imagine a peaceful scene. Close your eyes and imagine your favorite place, like the beach where you used to vacation as a child or the beautiful lake you remember from your teenage days. It can also be a place you have never been to, a field of flowers, or a beautiful scene. Pick a place that makes you instantly feel calm and peaceful, and you’ll find your breathing returning to normal. [9] X Research Source
- Focus on the smallest detail. The more details you see, the more you can push the anger away.
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Listening to music. Listening to the music of your favorite singer will bring you back to normal. Listening to music is proven to help you relive good memories and stabilize your mood. Listening to music also calms people who are angry or agitated, even if they are not aware of the source of the agitation. [10] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source Classical and jazz music is often particularly helpful in calming people’s anger, but you can also find music that works for you.
Think in a positive way. You can calm your anger by trying to focus on positive thoughts. Close your eyes, push away the negative thoughts that come to you, and think of at least 3 positive things. [11] X Source of Research Positive thoughts can be about the positive aspects of a situation you’re worried about, something else you’re working toward, or something that makes you happy.
- Positive thoughts can be positive aspects of a situation that is making you anxious, or thoughts about what you expect, or things that make you happy.
- Some examples of positive thoughts include:
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- I’m strong enough to handle this.
- Difficult situations are also opportunities for growth.
- I won’t feel angry for long; This is only a temporary feeling.
Change Your Perspective
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Change the way you see things. Change your perception, this will help you see things in a positive light, help you become calm. [12] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source If you get too caught up in things that make you angry, you’ll start to believe in negative things, as if everything in your life is bad. Changing your perception encourages you to use rational and positive thinking to take a more positive view of what’s going on in your life.
- For example, you might think “everything that’s happened to me is terrible”. However, if you think rationally about the things that happen, you can realize that it is a combination of good and bad: in 1 day you can have a punctured tire, pick up 100,000 , got into trouble at work, and received an unexpected gift from a friend. This is a combination of good and bad, if you spend more time focusing on the good things, you will feel your life more beautiful.
- Another example, instead of a negative thought like, “This happens all the time, I can’t take it anymore!” think positively: “This has happened many times, and I’ve dealt with it successfully; I’ll get over it.”
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Keep a diary of your anger. Write in detail about your angry feelings. If something happens that makes you feel out of control, write it down in your diary. You need to record exactly how you feel, what makes you angry, where you are, with whom, how you react and how you feel afterwards. [13] X Research Source
- Once you’ve been using this diary for a while, you need to start learning similarities from the people, places, and things that make you angry.
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Find out what makes you angry. In addition to learning how to calm down when angry, you need to work to understand the source of your anger by identifying the factors involved and trying to reduce your angry reactions. You may find that by identifying the sources of your anger, you will be able to moderate your emotional reactions. [14] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
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Positive communication. You can make yourself even more angry if you speak without thinking carefully – this also makes the other person angry and makes the matter more serious than the real problem. When something makes you angry, take a minute to think about its cause and then say what you really feel. [15] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- One of the forms of positive communication is “anger assertiveness”. [16] X Source of Research Instead of expressing yourself passively (angry without saying anything) or hyperactive (exaggerating relative to stressors), try communicate actively. [17] X Research Source To do this, refer to the essence of the matter (not overpowered by emotions) in order to communicate the needs (but not the needs) of others in a more effective way. respect. For example, you could say, “I’m angry because you never told me you’d be home late.”
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Know when to ask for help. Many people are able to deal with anger issues on their own at home. However, you may need to seek professional help to deal with your anger, if you experience the following: [18] X Research Source
- Even the little things make you angry.
- When you are angry, you display aggressive behaviors, including shouting, screaming, or smashing.
- When tantrums happen over and over again, you may have a “chronic anger” condition.
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Join an anger management program. Anger management programs have proven to be very successful. [19] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source Programs are effective in helping you understand the sources of anger, develop short-term strategies for dealing with anger, and build Build your emotional control skills. There are many suitable programs for you to choose from. [20] X Research Sources .
- Individual programs where you live are specific to specific age groups, occupations, or circumstances.
- To find an anger management program that’s right for you, try searching online for “anger management class” plus (+) with the name of the city or area you live in. You can also search with terms like “for teens” or “for PTSD” to find a group that’s right for your particular situation.
- You can also search for suitable programs by consulting a doctor or therapist, or seek advice from self-improvement courses at community centers.
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Find a suitable therapist. The best way to learn how to stay calm is to identify and deal with the root of your anger problems. A therapist can teach you relaxation techniques to use in situations that make you angry. They can help you develop emotional management and communication skills. [21] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
- In addition, a therapist will also help deal with issues from your past (such as childhood neglect or abuse), which are also triggers of anger. [22] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to Source
Live Slower
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Create a positive living environment for yourself. Bring happiness into your life. Scented candles, potted plants, or photos of friends and family that make you happy will also help you become calmer. [23] X Research Source Keeping your workspace or home neat, comfortable, and sunny can make you feel more positive and less stressed in your daily life.
- Try to be as neat as possible. You’re less likely to get angry if you can easily find everything you need.
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Make time for the things you love. Part of the reason you feel angry may be because you feel like you hardly ever have time for yourself and are always stuck in a mess of things you don’t want to do. [24] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source So if you enjoy drawing, reading, or running, make time in your daily or weekly schedule to do those things. You will be less angry because you spend more time doing the things you want to do.
- If you’re really not passionate or inspired by anything then you should find whatever makes you feel at peace.
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Remember to eat a balanced diet. Many people are quite familiar with the feeling of “hangry” (a combination of hunger and anger). Avoid this feeling by eating healthy: eat foods high in protein, fruits and vegetables. This will help calm your hunger and keep your blood sugar from getting low. Make sure you start your day with a healthy breakfast – one that will fuel you for the day. [25] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
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Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. Getting enough sleep every night will help you develop healthy both physically and mentally. [26] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the Source Sleep deprivation causes a host of health problems, including loss of emotional control. [27] X Research Source Getting enough sleep can help you stay calm in stressful situations.
- If you have trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about changes in your diet or lifestyle to improve sleep. You can also try sleeping pills.
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Try to smile as much as you can. While you’re really upset, smiling can be difficult. But smiling and laughing has been shown to make you more balanced, even when you’re feeling angry, and laughing can metabolize the hormones that make you feel angry. [28] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source Spending more time laughing every day can make you less serious and will make it easier to be funny even when the situation bad happens. [29] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source
- Read jokes or find some friends to cheer you up once you’re in the mood. You can also try watching a comedy clip.
Advice
- Read a book. Reading can quickly calm you down, especially when you’re focused on understanding what you’re reading.
- Try taking a nap. A short nap can help clear your anger quickly.
Warning
- If you feel like you can’t control your anger, or if you have a tendency to think or act violently, seek advice immediately.
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This article was co-written by Chloe Carmichael, PhD. Chloe Carmichael, PhD in clinical psychology and has a private practice in New York City. Chloe received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York. She teaches undergraduate courses at Long Island University and is an adjunct professor at New York University. She specializes in relationship issues, stress management, and career counseling. Chloe has also taught at Long Island University and was an adjunct faculty member at the City University of New York. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nerve Energy: Harnessing the Power of Anxiety.”
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Do you often get angry? Have you ever yelled, kicked a basket and cursed when you felt helpless with the people around you? Is there a time when your blood boils when you’re stuck in traffic, when you receive an unimportant piece of bad news, or simply when you hear something you don’t want to hear? If so, then you need to learn to control it before anger takes over your life. It is not easy to master the deeply ingrained anger nature in each person, so it is necessary to have a method to control yourself now and in the future.
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