How to Start Talking to a Stranger

Talking to a stranger can be stressful, but it’s also fun when you strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know. Whether you’re ready to make some new friends or just want to talk to the people around you, start by talking about an interesting topic and develop the story from there. You can try starting a conversation in many different situations so that you can get to know many people. Hone your skills and you’ll be able to chat with new people in no time!

Table of Contents

Actively get to know and chat

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Make eye contact before you approach someone. Eye contact shows interest and connection. If the person also looks at you, this is a sign of a good start. Smile sincerely and walk towards the person. If they look away or don’t seem interested, try making eye contact with the other person. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Look the person in the eye, but don’t look away too quickly or stare into their eyes. Maintain eye contact for less than 2 seconds.

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Learn other people’s body language. You should approach the person without crossing your arms or legs and without being busy or distracted by something else (or anyone else). ^{[2] X Trusted Source HelpGuide Go to Source} Once you’ve started a conversation, notice if the person is leaning toward you and actively chatting with you. You need to continue to observe their body language as you talk.

You’ll find that perhaps you’re so focused on how you’re feeling and trying to impress that you’re ignoring hints about how other people are feeling. You need to change and start paying attention to other people’s expressions and see if they are comfortable. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Have a nice chat if you want to grow the conversation. You will embarrass others if you start a conversation with a very personal question or investigate a private matter. Let’s start slowly with social stories. Comment on the weather, ask about their weekend (or plans for next weekend), and be genuinely interested in their answers. You can comment on the simplest thing and build a conversation from there. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say something like, “I didn’t think it was raining so hard! If this goes on, I’ll probably buy a good umbrella!”

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Ask open-ended questions to get to know the person better. Whether you’re starting a conversation with a stranger at the clinic, the cashier at the grocery store, or the cute girl/guy on the plane, one of the best ways to start a conversation is is to use open-ended questions. You want to get to know them, but don’t ask personal questions. Let’s talk about light and casual topics. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

For example, if you’re talking to a grocery store clerk, ask something like, “Have you eaten this? Do you think it’s delicious?”

READ More: How to Build Self-Control

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Compliment the person if you like something about them. Most people love to receive compliments, so this is a great way to strike up a conversation with someone. Notice and compliment something you like about a person. Compliments make people feel happier and easier to talk to. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

Say something like, “I like your bag. It goes well with what I’m wearing.”
If you want to flirt a bit, comment on their eyes, smile, or hair. Say something like, “You have a really beautiful smile” or, “I like the color of your hair.”

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Reveal a little bit about yourself if you want to put others at ease. Don’t talk too much about your ex or a boring day at work. Instead, reveal a little about yourself to start a conversation. Talking about yourself will show that you are open and this will encourage others to be open to conversation as well. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

For example, you could say something like, “I just adopted a dog today so I’m very happy. Do you have any pets?”

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Find something familiar to you. One of the fastest ways to get to know someone is to find a common interest. You might notice something immediately (say, they’re wearing the school hat you attended) or you can ask about their preferences if you notice a pair of boxing gloves or a gym bag. Let’s start a conversation based on your experience. ^{[8] X Trusted Source Kansas University Center for Community Health and Development Go to source}

For example, say something like, “I love your bike! He also has the same car. What year is this car?”
You could also say something like, “How old is your dog? I also have a dog at home – they are always full of energy!”

Respect physical contact limits. Avoid touching someone you’ve just met unless it’s a necessary situation. For example, if you have just been introduced to someone, a friendly handshake is normal. However, hugging is not common. Others may also feel uncomfortable if you stand too close or jostle with them. ^{[9] X Research Source}

Even if you’re trying to help someone, ask before you touch them. For example, if you see someone fall, ask something like, “Do you need me to pick you up? Can you hold my hand?”

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Leave if your efforts don’t work. Some strangers will happily talk to you while others don’t. If someone makes it clear that they’re not interested in talking, walks away from you, or responds curtly, you should probably leave. Instead, try starting a conversation with someone else.

You can thank the person for their time and leave.

Talking at a social event

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Try mingling with people to see where you feel most comfortable. Most people who attend a social event have a good time. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to talk to people who are mostly willing to talk to each other. Try mingling and finding someone you want to talk to face-to-face.

You will easily find many communication opportunities. Start a conversation with someone who also notices you and puts you at ease.

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Ask the event organizer or mutual friend to introduce you to the world. Having a mutual friend will help you feel more confident at a party or event. If you know someone, ask them to introduce you to a stranger and tell you a little bit about them. This can dissolve the initial apprehension and help you ‘reach out’ to other partygoers. You can ask the person how they know and meet your friend. ^{[10] X Research Source}

For example, a mutual friend might say something like, “Hey Lan, this is Huong. You both love mountain biking, so I thought you two should meet.”

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Ask questions related to the event. The social event itself provides a good start to conversations. Ask someone how they found out about the event and if they know anyone there. You can also ask event-related questions like, “Do you know what time the event starts?” or, “When will the speaker appear? This is my first time here.”

Walk up to someone and ask, “How did you know about this party?” or, “It’s not easy to get invited to this party. Who do you know here?”

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Stand near food and drink storage. The reason people meet to eat is because food easily brings people together. ^{[11] X Source of Research} If you’re at a social event and want to talk to someone, get to know them near the food area or ask to sit (or stand) close to them when you’re with them. enjoy the food together. You will easily comment on the dish and start a conversation about the topic. Ask someone if they’d like something to drink and go get them some water or stand near them at the table and start talking about the food.

For example, you could say something like, “I really like this drink. How do you think it is?”
You could also say something like, “Well, have you eaten bread? I think you should take a piece. What seasoning do you think they use?”

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Join the activity that others are doing. If you see a few people starting to play a game or an activity, please join. Joining a smaller group of people can feel good and make it easier for you to talk to someone. ^{[12] X Research Source}

For example, if people are watching TV or a video clip together, join them. Then you could ask someone like, “What TV shows do you usually watch?” and find common ground to talk.

Talking in public

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Actively helping. If someone seems to be lost and you know the area well, proactively show them the way. Helping others is not only a kind act, but it can also open up opportunities for conversation. Perhaps you and the person are on the same street and can walk together.

Whether someone is lost or needs your help with groceries, be ready to help. This can create an opportunity to make new friends.

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Ask where they come from. If you live in a big city or somewhere with a lot of tourists, a great way to start a conversation is to ask where they’re from. Knowing the story of someone coming to settle down or travel is always fun and a good idea to start a conversation. ^{[13] X Research Source}

For example, if you’re at a concert, ask the person next to you where they’re from. Maybe they went a long way to get there or they just happened to be there.

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Use humor to make them laugh. Humor is one of the easiest ways to connect with people, especially with strangers. People tend to feel more comfortable and at ease when they smile. ^{[14] X Research Source} Point out something interesting happening around you and share the experience with someone you don’t know. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Tell them a joke, make a comment, or show them something interesting you’ve discovered.

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Join an activity. If you are in a public place with a lot of people, participate in an activity or join with a group of people. For example, if there is a group that is drumming, join and play music together. If you meet a performer on the street, stop and watch with the others. Not only is this an enjoyable experience, but it also brings you and your viewers closer together. Let’s start talking about that shared experience. ^{[16] X Research Source}

Attend free concerts and festivals. Find out what’s happening in the community and be there to meet people.

Approach someone in a professional environment

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Comment on something work-related. When meeting someone in a professional setting, try to talk about the job and qualifications first. Don’t get too close to them first because that will make you look unprofessional, especially in a work environment. Talk about work and whatever is familiar to you.

For example, you could say something like, “We’re working on the same project. Hi, I’m Nam.”

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Give positive feedback about someone. If you notice someone being productive, compliment them. If you agree with someone, say it out loud. If you’re attending a meeting, chat with the person after the meeting to show your agreement or discuss the topic further. ^{[17] X Research Source}

For example, say something like, “I appreciated your presentation. I get bored easily, but your presentation is very interesting and informative. Where did you find the source of the video?”

Asking for advice. If you know the person is an expert in an area, ask them for helpful information or advice. Most people enjoy sharing knowledge with others, and are pleased that others are interested in their work.

For example, you could say something like, “Wow, I really know a lot about image editing. Can you suggest me some suitable software for beginners?”

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Stay away from unprofessional topics that make the person uninterested. There are certain topics that are considered rude or offensive to talk to a stranger, especially in a professional setting. For example, don’t approach a woman and comment on her pregnancy. Stay away from topics of political affiliation, religion, physical appearance (including weight), or excessive disclosure of personal information (for example, you recently got divorced or your great-uncle has passed away). Maintain a neutral conversation and do not argue. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Choose neutral topics, like work-related events, conferences, and mutual friends.

Steps

Actively get to know and chat

Talking at a social event

Talking in public

Approach someone in a professional environment

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