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This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 27 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,076 times.
If you haven’t had sex in a long time, you may feel apprehensive or overwhelmed at the prospect of going back to the bedroom. If you’re ready for sex again, work on building your confidence and physical health to feel positive about yourself. Find a potential partner or reconnect with your spouse, and get ready for sex.
Steps
Build confidence
- Don’t think harshly about yourself for the sake of being single. Ignore other people’s chatter about how you should live, or whether you need to have a sex life, date, get married, or have kids. Your opinion of yourself is the most important. The depression that comes from being single can prevent you from moving forward. [2] X Research Resources Donnelly, D., Burgess, E., Anderson, S., Davis, R., & Dillard, J. (2001). Invpuntary celibacy: A life course analysis. Journal of Sex Research, 38(2), 159-169.
- Develop nonverbal communication skills. Body language has the ability to communicate messages to others. If you avoid crowds or stoop, that behavior tells others that they should stay away from you. Try standing up straight and holding your head high. Stand close to others and listen attentively to their conversations. [5] X Research Sources
- Be prepared with social topics in mind. If you often find yourself at a loss for words, it’s a good idea to prepare some general opinions on certain topics in advance. You can talk about the weather, work or school, a new movie or a picnic, etc. [6] X Research Source
- Practice social skills with all subjects. You don’t have to leave those skills to potential partners. Put them to use with the postman or the grocer.
- Sign up to join the gym to work out. You don’t have to set a goal to lose 10kg, but the very act of working out will help boost your confidence. [7] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to the source This can also improve your sex life by having more energy in your body.
- Treat yourself to a new hairstyle or new underwear. The sexy body will help you remember what you like about sex and bring a sense of excitement to the activity.
- You may consider renting your own home if your living situation doesn’t provide enough privacy for you.
Make sure your body is healthy
- If you’ve just had a baby, you should have a gynecological exam to make sure you can have sex. Many women after giving birth experience discomfort or pain during sex. [10] X Trusted Source Mayo Clinic Go to Source Your doctor can determine if there are any medical problems arising from the delivery.
- Be proactive in dealing with the disorders you are suffering from. Make an appointment to see a doctor. They will help you figure out a course of treatment.
- It may be embarrassing to talk to your doctor about sex-related issues, but your doctor’s role is to help you live a better life and they really want to help you. If you’re female, you should probably talk to a female doctor, or vice versa.
- Loss of appetite or weight loss.
- Sleep disturbance (insomnia or sleeping too much).
- Fatigue or lack of energy.
- Visibly agitated or lethargic.
- Feeling worthless or redundant.
- Difficulty concentrating or feeling.
- Frequent thoughts of death or suicide, suicide, or suicide plans.
- Talk to your doctor about medication. Depression and anxiety can be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Medicines can correct this imbalance. However, some medications can decrease sex drive or pleasure. Talk to your doctor to find the best option for you.
Find a potential partner
- Revive happy memories. Revisit the places you used to go on dates when you first met. Eat at old restaurants or go to the beaches where the two of you once had passionate kisses.
- Overcome relationship disagreements by talking to each other. Relationships can become suffocating because one or both of you are angry about something. The two of you need time to get back together, but the first step is to talk about it. Maybe you should see a relationship counselor.
- Prioritize sex in a relationship. You may have to schedule this, especially if you have young children. Plan dates, send your kids to your grandparents’ house, and have fun with that person.
- Physical flirting is when a person shows interest in a physical act, like touching another person’s shoulder.
- Flirting with sincerity depends on whether you make an emotional connection or not, requires you to express yourself more than other types, but does not have a sexual orientation. [15] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, S., Cody, MJ, & Albright, JM (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.
- Courtesy flirts are uncomfortable with blatant sexual desire, and they rigidly follow the traditional rules of courtship. [16] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, S., Cody, MJ, & Albright, JM (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.
- With traditional flirting, men take the lead and take the initiative in the conversation. [17] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, S., Cody, MJ, & Albright, JM (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.
- Playful flirts see it as a game, showing affection and concern for others in an open and permissive manner. [18] X Research Sources Hall, JA, Carter, S., Cody, MJ, & Albright, JM (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.
- If you have a long-term partner and want to reactivate sexual activity, try flirting with them again. Recall the passion in the relationship you both had in the past.
- When talking face-to-face, make sure you both take turns speaking. [20] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press. Give the other person a chance to talk by creating short silences (usually a few seconds). [21] X Research Sources Greene, JO, & Burleson, BR (Eds.). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychpogy Press.
- If you are not confident about your social skills then there are some goals you need to achieve in communication. You must convey the message you want to say, avoid rambling, be honest, polite and humble. [22] X Research Sources Grice, Cpe, & Morgan, 1975
Prepare before sex
- Incorporating sex aids like vibrator and lubricant into your sex life can enhance your satisfaction. [25] X Research Sources Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419. You can use these devices on your own or with a partner. If you’re afraid to use a vibrator or other sex toy with your partner, try it out for yourself first.
- Remember that just because one party doesn’t “reject” doesn’t mean they’re comfortable with the situation. Consensus is an ongoing process.
- Conceive: Keep in mind that hormonal birth control pills will only prevent conception, not STIs. Ideally, you should have two ways to protect yourself, like using both birth control pills and condoms. Use condoms as directed; Condoms are only 82% effective against conception with typical use (equivalent to 18 conceptions out of 100 people per year). Birth control pills are only 91% effective, with 9 conceptions out of every 100 women per year. [26] X Credible Sources Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to source The most effective method of birth control is the implant, with less than one conception in every 100 women.
- Sexually Transmitted Diseases: Always use condoms correctly during sex. [27] X Credible Sources Centers for Disease Contrp and Prevention Go to the source In addition, HPV vaccines such as Gardasil and Cervarix can prevent infection with HPV, the virus that causes genital warts and cervical cancer. uterine cancer, anal cancer, penile cancer, vulvar cancer, and oral cancer. Talk to your doctor and counseling system about vaccination options.
- Mouth Diaphragm: A diaphragm is a thin rubber membrane that is placed in the mouth for protection during oral sex. You can buy it online or at a sex toy store. Some drugstores sell this, but it’s not as popular as other protective gear. [30] X Research Source
- Lubricants: There are three types of lubricants, including water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based lubricants, and they have their own characteristics.
- Water-based lubricant: It is convenient to use because it can be easily washed off with water and is widely available. [31] X Source of Research You can put on condoms to help prevent them from tearing. [32] X Research Sources This type of lubricant is also less allergenic than silicone-based lubricants. [34] X Research Sources Herbenick., Reece, Hensel, Sanders, Jozkowski., & Fortenberry. (2011). Association of lubricant use with women’s sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: a prospective daily diary study. J Sex Med. 2011 Jan;8(1):202-12.[35] X Research Sources Haavio-Mannila, E., & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419.
- Silicone-based lubricants: This type of lubricant lasts longer than others. They are best suited for anal sex. [35] X Research Source
- Oil-based lubricants: Never use this lubricant with latex condoms. Oil-based or oil-based lubricants can tear condoms. [36] X Research Source
- This communication is also important if you are talking to friends. People who are not afraid to talk about sex can often talk about safe sex with their partners. [42 ] X Research Sources Boyer, CB, Shafer, MA, Wibbelsman, CJ, Seeberg, D., Teitle, E., & Loveil, N. (2000). Associations of sociodemographic, psychosocial, and behavioral factors with sexual risk and sexually transmitted diseases in teen clinic patients. Journal of Advanced Health, 27, 102-111
- Don’t be afraid to let your partner know about your attitudes and feelings towards sex. [43] X Research Sources Byers, ES, & Demmons, S. (1999). Sexual satisfaction and sexual self-disclosure within dating relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 36, 180-189. Let them know what makes you happy. [42] X Research Source You can make suggestions in a positive way, such as “I love being touched there”. Don’t be afraid to ask what the person likes and wants.
- Try massaging each other, kissing and hugging even when not having sex.
- Send erotic messages to each other.
Warning
- If you feel unsafe before or during sex, ask your partner to stop.
This article was co-written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a psychotherapist, author, and TV/radio presenter based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in family relationships, love marriage, depression, anxiety, gender, parenting and so on. Kelli also runs groups at The Villa. The Treatment Center is for people who are recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. As an author, she received the Next Generation Indie Book Award for “Living with ADHD: A True Book for Children” and she is also the author of “Profess Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband” “. Kelli is the host of “The Dr. Debra and Therapist Kelli Show” on LA Talk Radio, you can see her work on Instagram @kellimillertherapy. She received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania and a diploma. Bachelor of Science in Sociology/Medical from the University of Florida.
There are 27 references cited in this article that you can see at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,076 times.
If you haven’t had sex in a long time, you may feel apprehensive or overwhelmed at the prospect of going back to the bedroom. If you’re ready for sex again, work on building your confidence and physical health to feel positive about yourself. Find a potential partner or reconnect with your spouse, and get ready for sex.
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