How to Start a New Life with a Negative Past

Leaving the past behind can be difficult because we are used to that life and change can be scary. ^{[1] X Research Sources} When the pain of living in the past overcomes your fear of change, you can make an effort to start a new life. Your change won’t happen overnight, but by being accountable to yourself and with effort, you can improve your reputation and your life.

Table of Contents

Live Towards a Better Future

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Set goals for yourself. Thinking about what you want to achieve will make your future better than your present and past circumstances. Write down a clear, concise goal that you can accomplish. Make sure your goals are realistic, clear, moderate, time-appropriate, and achievable.

Also consider the things you do NOT want in life.
Start working on each goal.
Break your goal down into small steps that are easy to handle. They will help you to complete the goal within a certain time.

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Assemble a support team. Think of people who will have a good influence on you and help you achieve your goals. If you’re going to a new place without a lot of friends around, consider keeping in touch with a few close friends and making lots of new ones. Get in touch with your family who loved and supported you in the past. Maintain relationships with them; Be honest, trustworthy, and kind, this will show them you want a fresh start.

The support group can be people who are like your teachers. Seek advice and follow through, if you believe you can confide in them. Such relationships can also help you in the future when your life is more stable and you need someone to write a good review about you, like for a job application or an admission application.

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Stay away from negative people. Keep your distance from friends who have a negative influence on your life. If these people still don’t try to remake your life, they may draw you into the habits, attitudes, or actions that made your past worse. ^{[2] X Research Sources} These friends may also mock and tease you for giving up your old ways. Ignore them and focus on improving your life.

Make sure you have someone to talk to and support your thoughts during this change.

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Set goals for the day. Make sure the goals you set are focused on your daily activities. At the beginning of the day, think about your plans for that day and what you have to overcome, what you need to do to prepare. At the end of the day, think about how your day went and what you accomplished. If it’s not as much as you want, that’s okay too. The important thing is that you keep trying.

Your bad past can persist for a long time. No matter how hard you try to give up your old ways or avoid negative situations created by others (for example, an abusive relationship), things may not be completely perfect overnight. Negative habits, attitudes, and ways of handling stressful situations all take time to form and time to replace them with positive ones. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

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Responsible for yourself. You have direct control over your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and life. ^{[4] X Research Resources} Make decisions to pursue your goals and improve your life. Actively choose what to do next. Every morning, look in the mirror and say confidently, ‘I have control over my life. My choices today make tomorrow better.’ ^{[5] X Research Sources}

No matter who is responsible for your past events, it is still your responsibility to make your present and future better. Remember that you can only control yourself and your actions but also remember that your actions affect others and the future. ^{[6] X Trusted Source Mind Go to Source}
It’s easy to sit back and blame others for what you are, don’t use it as an excuse to move on with a life you’re not happy with.

Accepting and Resolving the Past

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Look for treatments. The therapist will give you a private and non-judgmental space to work through your thoughts, concerns, and problems and help you better define and work towards your goals. ^{[7] X Trusted Source National Health Service (UK) Go to a} Specialist Specialist with the necessary skills and competencies to help you assess your life objectively and see things from different angles edge that shouldn’t have happened to you or someone else.

Treatment isn’t just for people with mental health problems. Anyone in need can get help from talking to a counselor or therapist. ^{[8] X Source of Research} If you feel uncomfortable seeing a therapist/counselor because you are afraid they will laugh at you, talk about your fears with someone you trust, someone you know. have had treatment or research online to better understand the treatment process.

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Face the consequences. Try to separate yourself from your past lifestyle as much as you can. It can be difficult if you’re trying to change your life but still intend to live in your old place and go to your old school or get your old job. You may have to face the consequences of your past behavior before your reputation improves.

You will have to continue to do your best to show others that you have changed: let your actions speak for themselves.
Accept any punishment given by those in power (like the principal or boss) and try to do the best you can. This will be a way to show that you can take responsibility for your actions.

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Compensate for someone you love. You may have grievances with others and this makes your present difficult and miserable. Maybe you had a heated battle with your brother and he stopped talking to you. Moving towards a better relationship can improve your situation and help you feel relieved. ^{[9] X Research Source} Accept if you are blamed for things that make the situation worse.

Apologize and indicate that you want to make things better. Tell your loved one that you’re sorry about what happened, explain how you think you hurt him and why this is wrong. Then tell him you can make it better. One of these simple statements:
- I apologize for…
- This is wrong because…
- Next time, I will…
- Will you forgive yourself? ^{[10] X Research Source}
The person you love may not forgive you right away. Let’s keep trying.

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Forgive yourself. When you take responsibility for your life, you may feel guilty about the negative things you did (or thought you did) the first time around. ^{[11] X Research Source} Consider telling this to a trusted friend. Explain how you feel and why you feel that way.

Your friend can show you different sides. If you don’t want to talk about this, try writing your thoughts down, then rewrite your responses as you would with someone you love. Be honest and forthright.
Making mistakes doesn’t detract from you and doesn’t make you a bad person. ^{[12] X Research Sources} Everyone makes mistakes.

Avoid Going Back to the Old Way

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Understand the problem. It can take a long time to reach your life goals when you decide to start over. Alternatively, you may have been born into a poor family and you have decided that you need to make your life better. Whatever your situation, try to identify the factors that contributed to it.

Think about what others say and do, how you behave (yours and others’), the tone of your voice, and the way you think.
Make a list of negative things that you can repeat to yourself. Find evidence for and against this thinking. Find facts, instead of opinions. Ask yourself what makes you think that way.

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Take precautions to avoid making mistakes. Using the right method will ensure that you don’t repeat the negative things that happened in the past. Make a plan to follow through in case you notice emotions causing behavior that you regret. For example, you may find that when you are sad, you often drink alcohol: making a plan to deal with your sadness will help you stay away from alcohol.

Talk to a friend and ask him to help you with this. When you’re feeling down, you can call him and ask him to come over to your house. The two of you can play a sport or do something different. You can even try to talk about what makes you sad to help you deal with the situation.
Try to come up with more than one plan to implement in these situations in case something goes wrong that prevents you from following through with the original plan.

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Learn from your past. If you understand why things in the past happened, try to think of solutions that will prevent the past from happening again. If other people are the reason your life is negative, it can be harder to change the situation. For example, if you are a teenager and your parents make family life difficult, you can encourage them to seek help with their lives.

You know the people you love best. It can be difficult to convince others to seek the help they need for their lives. Think of ways you can help him on your own, consult others about the best way to approach the situation, or read psychological articles related to your problem.

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Form new habits and lifestyles. You can’t simply stop doing things — you have to start other things to take their place. ^{[13] X Research Source} For example, if you get into the habit of smoking in your room when you come home from school, instead form a habit that will help you achieve your goals. When you get home, wash the dishes, have lunch, then immediately head to the public library to study.

New habits can be harder to form than new lifestyles. Start by voluntarily implementing the behavior you want to become a habit. Take, for example, when you try to maintain personal hygiene. Always consciously try to brush your teeth before going to bed and after waking up in the morning. Set a daily reminder in your phone to help you do it, or ask your parents to check if you’ve brushed your teeth. When this becomes a habit, you will feel uncomfortable not brushing at these hours.

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Make better decisions. One day in your life series or in the long run, keep your goals in mind as you make decisions. Think about how your decision will affect your day and your future. Remember the bad decisions you made in the past. Choose which one is better for you.

Sometimes, you can make decisions that worked in the past but no longer work today. Maybe in the past playing video games helped you relax your mind, but now it doesn’t give you that relaxation anymore. This is normal. You can give up anything. ^{[14] X Research Source} Don’t force yourself to do things that are no longer useful to you.

Advice

Be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself. If you continue to criticize yourself for not getting what you want, when you want it to, you will underestimate yourself and lower your motivation to change your life. ^{[15] X Research Source}
Consider joining a support group if you don’t like the idea of having one-on-one treatment with your doctor.
Habits take time to break and form because they are ingrained in neural pathways in the brain and you do it without even realizing that you are deciding to do it. Don’t give up your efforts in breaking old habits and forming new ones. ^{[16] X Research Source}
Remember that you can only deal with the present to change the future. You cannot change what happened in the past. ^{[17] X Research Source} Try to think of lessons you can learn from the past and avoid repeating those mistakes again.
One of the consequences of your past may be that you run into someone you no longer want to be friends with. If you can, learn to be polite but keep your distance every time you see them. If they are intentionally causing trouble by teasing or provoking you, either you ignore them or firmly ask them to stop.

Warning

You do NOT have to endure any violence in your life. If someone you love or someone in power (like a teacher) abuses you, report the matter to someone else. A list of international domestic violence agencies can be found at the Domestic Violence Agency International Directory.

Steps

Live Towards a Better Future

Accepting and Resolving the Past

Avoid Going Back to the Old Way

Advice

Warning

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