How to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Don’t Know

Maybe you’re nervous when you want to start a conversation with a stranger, but with a few pointers, you’ll be more confident to start the conversation. When you’re approaching a girl, give her a warm smile and read her body language to see if she’s ready to talk. Then you’ll talk about where you live, ask friendly questions, be funny, and ask for contact information to get her to expect more from you. If you’re talking online or on a dating app, start off with a friendly, personal message to show you’re thinking about her.

Table of Contents

Approach a girl directly

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Take a deep breath and tell yourself why you are such a great person. It’s normal to feel nervous when talking to strangers, so try to stay calm by taking deep breaths and remembering your good qualities. Remember, you have nothing to lose! If she doesn’t want to talk, you’ll be fine, but if you don’t try, you’ll never know. ^{[1] X Research Source}

Tell yourself, “I’m a nice, funny person, and the shirt I’m wearing is amazing. She will be happy to talk to me.”

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Take care of your appearance to increase confidence. Make sure you look your best and feel your most confident by showering, spraying deodorant, and wearing clothes you like. You don’t have to make yourself too different from the usual, just pay more attention to your body odor and take care of your appearance, then you will be confident to approach any girl. ^{[2] X Research Source}

The main attraction comes from the way you present yourself, not the appearance. If you act like someone who takes care of yourself, is always friendly and smiling, you’ll be much more attractive.

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Make eye contact with her. As you walk towards the girl, look her in the eye so she knows you’re coming and isn’t surprised. For maximum friendliness, approach from the side or front so she can see you, rather than from behind. Eye contact can boost her confidence and show you want to talk to her. ^{[3] X Research Sources}

If you have to approach her from behind, say “Hello” instead of touching their shoulder. Some girls feel panic when someone suddenly touches them.

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Smile warmly when approached. A smile shows that you are a friendly and approachable person. It makes the girl feel safe, because you’re simple, not like a conqueror. ^{[4] X Research Sources}

You appear to be a funny person if you always smile instead of scowling.

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Read her body language to see if she’s ready to talk. Upbeat body language includes smiling, leaning towards you, making eye contact, and stroking your hair or shirt. Signs that she’s not interested in talking include crossing her arms, looking at the ground, keeping a distance from you, or looking at her phone. ^{[5] X Research Sources}

If you know she’s shy, don’t take the lack of eye contact as a bad sign.

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Leave respectfully if she doesn’t seem interested. Don’t mind this. Maybe she just had a rough day, is too shy, or already likes someone and doesn’t want to flirt with you. ^{[6] X Research Sources}

You can try approaching her on another occasion to see if her attitude improves. However, if she’s still not in the mood to talk, it’s best to stop. She will find it weird or annoyed that you keep trying to reach out. Instead, you should think about other girls you can talk to.

Start chatting

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Make up stories to talk about based on where you are. For example, if you meet the girl at the bus stop, talk about the weather. If you’re at a coffee shop, ask her for suggestions on what to order. If you’re at school, ask her how the class was. ^{[7] X Research Sources}

Making up stories based on where you are is a great way to start a conversation with someone you don’t know, because it’s casual and friendly.

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Introduce yourself and ask her name. After talking for about a minute, you should introduce yourself and ask her name. You only need to say your name without giving your last name if you want to maintain the naturalness. Knowing each other’s names is a great way to establish a relationship. ^{[8] X Research Sources}

Say, “My name is Nam. What is your name?”

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Try to make her laugh. Many girls find funny boys very attractive. If you like to joke, don’t be afraid to be silly. You can make an eccentric comment on what you see, or say something that is a little self-deprecating. You can tease her in moderation, avoiding going too far or hurting them. ^{[9] X Research Source}

If you find it difficult to joke with strangers, don’t try. Instead, seduce her with other aspects of you, such as your optimism or beautiful smile.

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Ask open-ended questions and listen. The best way to keep a conversation going is to give and receive ideas. If you’re nervous, you’re more likely to rambling, but you’ll have a better chance of getting to know her if you ask open-ended questions and really listen. ^{[10] X Research Source}

Don’t be in a hurry to ask questions that are too personal. You might ask, “What do you like about this coffee shop?” or “I like your Hogwarts shirt. Which Harry Potter book do you like?”
If the two of you are in school, you might ask, “Who taught you history?” or “Are you on the basketball team? Looks like I saw you playing last week.”

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Maintain a positive atmosphere during the talk. No matter what you say, say it with a positive attitude. As the two of you get to know each other better, you can discuss deeper, heavier things, but now is the time to talk about things and people that you like. This shows that you are a caring and optimistic person. ^{[11] X Research Source}

For example, if she tells you her favorite band and asks if you like it, don’t say, “I hate those guys. They sing badly.” Instead, steer the conversation in a positive direction: “I don’t know much about them. But I really like outdoor concerts. Have you ever listened to it?”

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Subtle compliments on her personality. Focus on her inner beauty, such as “You’re funny,” or “You’re so sweet.” If you want to compliment her looks, focus on complimenting her smile, hair, eyes, and clothes, avoiding mentioning her personality. Be honest and use words like pretty and cute, instead of hot or hot, to avoid scaring her. ^{[12] X Research Source}

Try to naturally incorporate compliments into the conversation. If she says something that makes you laugh, when you’re done, say, “You’re funny.” If she says something nice, say, “You’re so sweet.” If there’s a pause in the conversation and she’s smiling, you can say, “You have a beautiful smile.”
See how she reacts to your compliments. If she blushes, smiles, giggles, or compliments you back, that’s a good sign. If she gets angry and backs off, then she’s probably not interested in you.

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Please contact information before goodbye. Don’t let the conversation go to waste by never seeing her again! Have the courage to ask for her phone number, or ask her to be friends on Facebook or Instagram. If you find her reluctant to give her number, give her your number, and let her act first as she pleases. ^{[13] X Research Source}

You might say, “I have to go now, but I want to talk to you later. Can I have your phone number?”
Or you say, “I’d love to see you again. Can I have your phone number?” Then you give her the phone to get her number.

Texting with a dating app

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Text her for advice if you have her number. This is a great reason to text someone you just met. You can ask for advice on just about anything: what class to take, where the best ice cream is in town, or what book to read. ^{[14] X Research Source}

Incorporate compliments into the conversation to flirt with her. Text her like this: “I don’t know which subject to choose for next semester, you are the smartest here. Can you give me some advice?” Or, “You sang so well at the concert yesterday! Any other good songs? I want to hear some more songs.”
Joking around by pretending to have an urgent business, “I have a quick question to ask you: which is the best ice cream parlor in town?”

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Ask your girlfriend for suggestions to start the conversation. Even if you don’t know the girl, you can assume that she likes to listen to music, watch TV, or read books. You can say that you just finished watching a TV show or are looking for a good channel to watch. ^{[15] X Research Source}

Text something like, “I just finished watching ‘Want to date’. Very good program! Do you know any other good programs?”

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Send her a text that says “thinking of you” to show how sweet you are. This is really sweet and shows that she’s on your mind, even if you don’t know her well yet. If you like a cute girl in class, then this is the right way to send a surprise text. ^{[16] X Research Source}

You can text, “Just finished listening to the song “I’m not coming back this spring”, I suddenly remembered you at the spring music performance that day. What you are doing?”
Mention something in common between the two of you. For example, “I just met Mr. Trung at the supermarket. Hihi, I’m afraid to die. I don’t know how I could have passed that subject without your funny comments.”

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Date a girl to go to school together to make an excuse to date. If you have a girlfriend’s number in your class, or are texting her on social media, invite her to class with you as an excuse to date. If you want to be more flirty, use the word “dating”. ^{[17] X Research Source}

Text like this, “Teacher L gives a mountain of homework… Dating to do homework this weekend?”
Make her a hero by texting, “I’m dying of school. Save me!”

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Mention a detail on her profile while texting on a dating app. When sending your first text to the girl you just matched on a dating app, don’t just say “Hi” or tell her she looks good. Prove that you took the time to read her resume by mentioning a detail in it. ^{[18] X Research Sources}

Feel free to text funny and demean yourself a little. For example, if her resume says she likes karaoke, say, “I see you could be a karaoke star. Is singing out of tune a disaster for you? Ask for a friend.”
For example, if your resume says she likes to watch the movie Friends, say, “So do you feel like Rachel, Phoebe, or Monica?” If her resume says she likes to read, ask her what her favorite book is.
If she doesn’t include anything specific on her resume, you question one of her photos. For example, “The scene looks great! Where did you take the picture?”

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Ask her out on a date after chatting for a while online. Remember, the purpose of a dating app is not to talk in a virtual environment forever, but to schedule a time to meet in person. Once you’ve established a friendship, ask her out. You won’t be able to tell if two people are compatible without meeting face-to-face. ^{[19] X Research Source}

Be straightforward and ask her out. Say, “Can I invite you out for coffee this week? There’s a new coffee shop that has really good cakes.”
Or say, “I’d like to meet up to talk further. Would you like a drink at Benni’s on Fridays?”
If she’s not available at the time you mentioned, ask her when she’s free.

Steps

Approach a girl directly

Start chatting

Texting with a dating app

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