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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,867 times.
Death, addiction, money problems, mental illness, separation/divorce, and the transitional adjustment between generations all have a powerful impact on every member of a family. During times of stress or when family resources become a serious burden, the problem cannot be easily resolved. This can lead to hostile disagreements, tension, and hatred. Family conflict can affect everyone’s functioning. Take good care of family problems by learning some effective problem-solving skills.
Steps
Developing Healthy Problem Solving
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Schedule group chat times. Facing and overcoming family problems seems impossible. However, when everyone works together, it becomes easier to resolve disagreements between family members. The first step towards a solution is to agree that the problem existed in the first place. Then, when the mood has calmed down a bit, everyone needs to make a plan to sit together and come up with a strategy to solve the problem.
- Schedule an appointment at a time that is most convenient for everyone. Inform everyone clearly about the purpose of the family meeting and you expect them to attend with a few suggestions and solutions ready.
- Note that young children can be a hindrance in family meetings. Ask the kids to gather in a separate room in case you’re subtly paying attention to moods or discussing sensitive information.
- The therapist always suggests that we hold regular family meetings. [1] X Research Sources This gives all family members the opportunity to discuss issues frankly before resentment runs high. Talking to your family regularly can help improve communication and strengthen the bonds you share.
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Focus on the current issue. When disagreements arise, people tend to drag on all the unresolved issues, every eyeball they’ve had with others. This interferes with conflict resolution and obscures the main point of the conversation. [2] X Research Source
- Try to discover what is really important to the current problem. Making a case or repeating past mistakes will not help you solve this problem.
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Ask people to confirm what they really want to say. Direct communication is essential for effective conflict resolution. Each party should use sentences that begin with “I” to clearly state their needs, wants, and concerns. [3] X Research Sources
- Remember that you are aiming to defuse the conflict and work towards a solution. Sentences beginning with “I” allow everyone to express themselves while showing respect for the listener. Using sentences that begin with “I” helps people take ownership of what they are feeling, and suggest solutions to the problem at the same time.
- Some examples of sentences that begin with “I” include: “I am worried that our family is on the verge of falling apart. I want us to work it out together.” Or “I freaked out when my dad drank a lot of alcohol because he started screaming. I wish he could quit drinking.” [4] X Research Sources
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Listen without interrupting the other person. To reach consensus during family conflict, listening is a must. Only by actively listening to each side can you understand what the other party is trying to convey. Active listening involves understanding the cues in the other person’s tone of voice and body language, allowing them to speak without interrupting or giving criticism, and finally summarizing what has been said. Speak out to make sure you get it right.
- Effective listening helps the other person feel that someone is listening, motivates them to want to listen to you, reduces arguments and strong emotions, and rebuilds relationships over time. conflict. [5] X Research Sources
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Acknowledge and show respect for each person’s point of view. Recognition goes hand in hand with showing the other person that you understand, appreciate, and accept their thoughts, opinions, or beliefs. [6] X Research Sources Of course, your own opinions can vary greatly, but applying recognition demonstrates that you see others as equal, completely trustworthy and respectful. important. [7] X Research Sources
- Acknowledge the value of family members by saying something like “I’m really glad you’re willing to feel free to share this with me” or “I appreciate your enthusiasm when you try to try to find a solution”.
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Together decide on a solution. Once everyone has shared needs, wants, and concerns, try to compromise. Consider all proposals that each side has made and view a neutral solution. Everyone present needs to feel satisfied with the proposed solution. If necessary, draft a written contract or agreement that outlines how you will control the matter. [8] X Research Sources
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Get advice from experts. If you are not able to solve the problem on your own, it is advisable to consult a GP, who will give you helpful advice on how to manage family problems. [9] X Research Source
Recognizing Communication Impediments
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Recognize how family members react to problems differently. One potential obstacle to family conflict resolution is differences in how each member responds to stress or pressure. Differences need to be considered and each person will need to consciously choose to face the problem in order to actually find a solution. [10] X Research Source
- For some people, conflict makes them hostile and defensive. This is the “fight” aspect of the physiological “fight or flight” response. These individuals may argue incessantly to deny responsibility, or refuse to listen to the views of others.
- Others point to the “run away” aspect. These people can stay away from conflict at all costs. Maybe they deny the problem, or believe they can’t do anything about it. It’s possible that these members pretend they don’t recognize all the stress in the family, or downplay the effect the stress has on themselves.
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Acknowledge but control emotions. Emotional recognition helps to recognize the unique experience of self and others. If you have difficulty identifying feelings, it will be difficult for you to control emotions, or express needs during a conflict. [11] X Research Source[12] X Research Source
- First continue to try to identify your feelings. [13] X Research Source Consider what thoughts you are having, what you feel in your body, and what action do you want to take? For example, you might be thinking, “I hate this family”. You clenched your fist and wanted to punch something. Such strong emotion could be seen as anger or contempt.
- Next, try to control and calm this strong emotion so that you can deal with the problem effectively. Depending on what you’re feeling, do a favorite activity to ease your discomfort. For example, if you feel sad, you can watch a comedy. If you feel angry, talk to a friend or engage in intense physical activity.
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Resist your motivation to criticize others. Accusing someone of being the cause of the problem will only cause the opponent to go on the defensive and, on the other hand, prevent a favorable response. Always aim to criticize the problem, not the person. You can love, respect, or admire someone and not like everything they do. However, if you believe that your partner is responsible for the problem, then the ability to handle things beyond that thought is difficult. [14] X Research Source[15] X Research Source
- Using sentences that begin with “I” is one of the best methods to minimize error or responsibility and the defensive thinking that comes with it. Say, “I’m afraid your addiction will hurt someone” rather than, “Addicts are dangerous to those around them.”
Advice
- Family includes some of the most important relationships in your life. Facing conflict on a regular basis can be extremely damaging to life satisfaction. If you can’t solve the family problem, then seek professional help.
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This article was co-written by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker in Missouri. She received her MSW degree from the University of Missouri in 2014.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,867 times.
Death, addiction, money problems, mental illness, separation/divorce, and the transitional adjustment between generations all have a powerful impact on every member of a family. During times of stress or when family resources become a serious burden, the problem cannot be easily resolved. This can lead to hostile disagreements, tension, and hatred. Family conflict can affect everyone’s functioning. Take good care of family problems by learning some effective problem-solving skills.
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