How to Socially Chat

Find common ground. The common ground here doesn’t necessarily mean that you and the other person are passionate about a certain field, but it could simply be that you both had to go through a week of bad weather. Anything that can relate to the other person and help create a connection – however fragile – can also be considered common ground. You may not like talking about the weather, but remember that such “trivial” things can help uncover the things that are important to you. Here are a few ways to find common ground:

• “Teacher Tuan is really funny.”
• “Phan Anh’s party is the most fun”.
• “Why does it keep raining all the time?”
• “I usually love going to this cafe.”

Reveal something about yourself. Once you’ve established common ground, you can build on that and move on with something a little more personal. You shouldn’t say things that are too personal that might shock the other person, such as, “We’ve been together for five years now,” but reveal a little more about yourself. You can develop the stories above as follows: ^[2]

• “I think he is the best teacher ever. I chose to study literature because of him.”
• “Actually, I met Phan Anh last year when Kim Chi took me to his year-end party.”
• “It’s boring in this rain. I’ve been doing cross-country running and I’ve been working out on the treadmill for the past few days – that’s bad.”
• “Every time I come here I always feel at home. I think I could sit here all day working.”

Engage the other person in the conversation. Once you’ve found something in common and revealed a little about yourself, encourage the other person to talk by asking for information about them. Don’t ask about things that are too personal like health, religion, or political views. Keep the conversation light and fun, asking open-ended questions about their hobbies, work, or surroundings. You can involve the other person in the conversation with statements like:

• “What about you? Do you also study literature or come here to listen to the thrilling stories of Mr. Tuan?”
• “Have you been to parties like this before or is this your first? The party was fun, but I drank a bit too many cocktails.”
• “What about you? Has the rain prevented you from doing anything this week?”
• “Are you here to work or just read for fun?”

Follow up the story with a question or narrative. You can continue the story with a question, story or joke depending on the other person’s response. The rush of questions will make them feel like they are being interrogated, and the constant statements will leave the other person with no time to talk. Here are a few ways to keep the conversation going:

• The other : “I also study literature. I used to like to study literature, but Mr. Tuan made me love literature even more.”
  • You : “Oh really? What do you plan to do in this industry? It’s nice to meet people in the same field as you.”
• The other : “I couldn’t come at that time, but last month I attended the Halloween party he held. It was indescribable fun.”
  • You : “That’s right! No wonder you look familiar. Are you close to Phan Anh? Is he “crazy” too?”
• The other : “I don’t hate the rain either, but it’s impossible to walk the dog when it’s raining. It’s annoying.”
  • You : “Do you also have a dog? I have a poodle named Sao. Do you have a picture of your dog?”
• The other : “I just came here to read for fun. I don’t think I could sit that long without the book “Caught the Children in the Fields.”
  • You : “I love that story too! Some people think it’s overrated, but I don’t see it that way.”

Pay attention to your surroundings. When the conversation is pretty hectic with jokes on both sides, you should look around to find your next topic. You can notice anything from the person’s clothes or the things they hold in their hands to the sign on the wall that concerns both you and the other person. You can say things like:

• “You wear the shirt of the team that is loved by many people. This team has been established for a long time. How long have you been a fan?”
• “Are you also participating in the HCMC Marathon? What year is it? I also have a t-shirt like yours, but I can’t remember where it is.”
• “How was the acappella concert today? I saw ads all over the school and was wondering if I should go and see it.”
• “Ah, ‘America’s Cartoon.’ That book taught me everything I needed to know about American history. Is this subject as easy as it used to be?”

Take time to listen. Really listening to what the other person has to say can help you find common ground, which in turn leads the conversation towards more interesting and productive things. The other person may make comments that are close to your topics or issues, so you should listen to see if there’s anything that might spark another topic. Here are some examples of how two people can pick up on clues and steer the conversation in a new direction to connect on a deeper level:

• Friend : “Actually, I met Phan Anh during a summer vacation abroad. We went to Mexico with a group of friends.”
• The other : “Oh, he told me about that trip! I helped Phan Anh practice Spanish to prepare for the trip, but he probably didn’t use it much – except for the phrase piña cpada . “
• You : “Do you know Spanish? Then you could have helped me prepare for the course in Madrid. My Spanish is okay, but if only I had someone to tutor me it would be nice. than!”
• The other : “I love Madrid. Now my grandmother still lives there, so I visit her every summer. Every Sunday she takes me to the Prado museum.”
• You : “Madrid is my favorite city! I’d love to see El Greco’s paintings in Prado.”
• The other : “Do you like El Greco? I’m more of a Goya fan.”
• You : “Oh really? You know, there’s a new Goya movie coming out next week – probably with Ethan Hawke! Would you like to go see it?”
• The other : “Of course!”

Be open-minded (but not excessively). Near the end of the conversation, you can reveal a little more about yourself, whether it’s as small as your love for your cat, your passion for yoga, or just your thoughts on your new album. of your favorite band. You need to let the other person know something about you when you leave, and that can help you connect on a deeper level and let the other person know that you’re not just talking.

• Do not reveal your thoughts about the meaning of life, death or broken love in social conversations. Reveal something about yourself and only talk about private things as your bond with the other person develops to a deeper level.

If all goes well, you can make an appointment with the other person next time. If you really enjoy talking to the person, whether you’re planning a date or want to be friends with the other person, say that you’d love to talk to them about a certain topic and ask to meet up next time, or ask for phone number. You can also mention the place you are both going to. Such as:

• “I really want to go see that new movie with you. Could you give me your phone number to talk more later?”
• “I haven’t met anyone who likes Single Guy as much as I do. My roommate and I watch it every week – can you give me a phone number so I can send you information?”
• “Can I see you at Phan Anh’s next party? I heard that everyone who goes to that party has to wear a real robe, there must be something interesting to see.”