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This article was co-written by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a mindset and action coach, based in Los Angeles, California. She helps successful people overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in helping clients boost their confidence and self-understanding by combining tools in the fields of psychology, habit change, and self-regulation. She is an expert in using the HeartMath technique, trained in stress management, anxiety, smart energy, along with emotional intelligence and the science of self-acceptance. She holds a master’s degree from the Yale School of Drama in theater management.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,947 times.
There are many reasons why our self-perceptions don’t match the perceptions of others. Maybe we lack a sense of self, as we often form habits without noticing. We can fool ourselves to suppress useless thoughts and emotions. [1] X Sources of Research Or we have only limited vision, as a particular behavior can be the result of multiple motivations. [2] X Source of Research You can totally judge yourself the way others see you; However, this takes courage and insight.
Steps
Increase understanding by giving feedback
- Your friends don’t need to be trained by a Rogerian therapist; you simply ask them to listen, interpret the message, and identify the underlying emotion, without being judgmental or having their own opinion on certain topics.
- If they don’t seem to have grasped the feelings, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make your point clear. Keep talking until you’re satisfied you’ve helped them understand. You will be surprised how much more you understand yourself by the end of this activity.
- This will help you better understand your own behavior patterns and create a framework for changing harmful behavior.
- Taking the quiz with your friends allows you to check if your self-perception really matches the way others perceive you. Have a friend answer a few questions that may apply to you, while you take the quiz for yourself. You can then compare answers and discuss cases where your answers do not match.
- Reflection and reflection require only inner focus, but some people find this difficult. Quiet contemplation alone can really improve your sense of self and your perceived understanding of others. [5] X Trusted Source Association for Psychpogical Science Go to the source If you’re not in the habit of reflecting on your behavior, you may find this inefficient and frustrating. Participating in organized exercise will help you feel better.
- If the person giving the feedback is still hesitant, guide him/her to respond. Ask them to identify your strengths. Then ask them about your weakness. Follow the direction constructively by asking for advice on how to fix the weakness.
- It’s best to practice with someone who knows you well and you trust they won’t use this as an opportunity just to be mean.
- Be prepared to hear some nasty things before asking questions. If you become defensive, the exercise won’t help. If you feel you are turning on the defensive, remember that this is your opportunity to grow.
Understanding reflection
- The inner experience of mirroring is often automatic and out of control. This means it happens all the time whether you like it or not, and can influence behavior outside of you without you being aware of it.
- While the inner experience of reflection is often automatic, you can still control outward manifestations. You can choose to react to the opposite of what is mirrored.
- Identify when reflection is reinforcing specific responses or masking perceptions. Since reflection takes place largely out of awareness, changes in the manifestations of reflection inadvertently influence other people’s impressions of us. Those who fail to show the signs of reflectiveness may be seen as cold and emotionless, while those who reflect actively may be seen as overly vivacious, aggressive, or unstable. determined or uncomfortable. [9] X Research Source
- If you find your impressions of yourself skewed because of incorrect reflection patterns, you will either have to accept other people’s descriptions of you, or consciously change your reflection patterns. Perhaps you need to be active to increase or decrease your imitation of others. You can practice increasing or decreasing imitation with close friends.
- If the discussion turns out to be more negative than you would like, you can start off with positive words. Smiling gently every now and then, will produce the same response behavior.
- Gradually lower the volume and speak softly to reduce the intensity of emotions.
- Laughing spreads humor to others to lighten the mood.
Acknowledgment of projection
- Your responses to others may be distorted because of some personal biases or projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism and was later extended by Anna Freud. To avoid dealing with our own unacceptable or undesirable thoughts and feelings, we attribute them to others. [10] X Research Sources This then paints our impressions of other people’s behavior and shapes how we react to them. This also affects how others perceive you. To make sure you’re feeling the right way about others and responding appropriately, you should find ways to verify your perceptions.
- If something about your personality makes you tired enough to choose to lie or hide it, you should take action to change it. You must first acknowledge the traits in order to change them.
- In addition to attributing our thoughts and feelings to others, we sometimes incorporate other people’s projections into our perception of ourselves. Maybe someone in your life puts negative feelings and emotions on you, so you react to that negativity. And then that person uses your reaction to test their feelings about you [13] X Source of Research Ask an outsider to observe your interactions with that person and share their opinion on motivation.
Advice
- Invite trusted friends to join the discovery. They can help identify traits and habits you didn’t recognize.
- Keep a diary to analyze behavior over time.
- Accept feedback and criticism without becoming defensive.
- Get the help of a consultant to get the best out of your explorations.
Warning
- We don’t always like what we find when we honestly and objectively explore ourselves. Avoid procrastinating too long on an undesirable trait, and instead focus on opportunities for growth.
- Past traumatic events can make self-discovery difficult or painful. A mental health professional can help you get over your trauma.
This article was co-written by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a mindset and action coach, based in Los Angeles, California. She helps successful people overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in helping clients boost their confidence and self-understanding by combining tools in the fields of psychology, habit change, and self-regulation. She is an expert in using the HeartMath technique, trained in stress management, anxiety, smart energy, along with emotional intelligence and the science of self-acceptance. She holds a master’s degree from the Yale School of Drama in theater management.
There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 6,947 times.
There are many reasons why our self-perceptions don’t match the perceptions of others. Maybe we lack a sense of self, as we often form habits without noticing. We can fool ourselves to suppress useless thoughts and emotions. [1] X Sources of Research Or we have only limited vision, as a particular behavior can be the result of multiple motivations. [2] X Source of Research You can totally judge yourself the way others see you; However, this takes courage and insight.
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