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How to See Yourself Like Others See You

February 7, 2024 by admin Category: How To

You are viewing the article How to See Yourself Like Others See You  at Tnhelearning.edu.vn you can quickly access the necessary information in the table of contents of the article below.

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This article was co-written by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a mindset and action coach, based in Los Angeles, California. She helps successful people overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in helping clients boost their confidence and self-understanding by combining tools in the fields of psychology, habit change, and self-regulation. She is an expert in using the HeartMath technique, trained in stress management, anxiety, smart energy, along with emotional intelligence and the science of self-acceptance. She holds a master’s degree from the Yale School of Drama in theater management.

There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 6,947 times.

There are many reasons why our self-perceptions don’t match the perceptions of others. Maybe we lack a sense of self, as we often form habits without noticing. We can fool ourselves to suppress useless thoughts and emotions. [1] X Sources of Research Or we have only limited vision, as a particular behavior can be the result of multiple motivations. [2] X Source of Research You can totally judge yourself the way others see you; However, this takes courage and insight.

Table of Contents

  • Steps
    • Increase understanding by giving feedback
    • Understanding reflection
    • Acknowledgment of projection
  • Advice
  • Warning

Steps

Increase understanding by giving feedback

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Image titled See Yourself As Others See You Step 1

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Ask a friend to join in to listen for feedback. Responsive listening is a method first developed by Carl Rogers. It involves conveying the speaker’s implicit feelings or intentions. The purpose of expressing or restating what the listener thinks the speaker is communicating is to provide an opportunity for clarification. This benefits both the listener and the speaker. Hearing the message repeated over and over gives us the opportunity to listen to ourselves and decide if we are happy with the message we are sharing with others. [3] X Research Sources

  • Your friends don’t need to be trained by a Rogerian therapist; you simply ask them to listen, interpret the message, and identify the underlying emotion, without being judgmental or having their own opinion on certain topics.
  • If they don’t seem to have grasped the feelings, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make your point clear. Keep talking until you’re satisfied you’ve helped them understand. You will be surprised how much more you understand yourself by the end of this activity.
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Engage in systematic feedback to analyze behavioral outcomes. Narrate behavior in a particular situation, then note some consequences or results. Making a list of behaviors and outcomes will help you organize your thoughts. Are the outcomes or consequences beneficial? If not, define the behavior to achieve the desired result. [4] X Research Sources

  • This will help you better understand your own behavior patterns and create a framework for changing harmful behavior.
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Taking a personality test is a fun way to discover yourself. You will find a lot of such activities online. While they are rarely grounded or reliable, they do help guide your inner intentions. Doing this activity with a friend is fun and provides an opportunity to get feedback on how others see you.

  • Taking the quiz with your friends allows you to check if your self-perception really matches the way others perceive you. Have a friend answer a few questions that may apply to you, while you take the quiz for yourself. You can then compare answers and discuss cases where your answers do not match.
  • Reflection and reflection require only inner focus, but some people find this difficult. Quiet contemplation alone can really improve your sense of self and your perceived understanding of others. [5] X Trusted Source Association for Psychpogical Science Go to the source If you’re not in the habit of reflecting on your behavior, you may find this inefficient and frustrating. Participating in organized exercise will help you feel better.
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Ask for candid feedback and take notes. People often refrain from criticizing or highlighting responses without regard to the feelings of others. That’s why it’s so difficult to understand how others perceive you. This means that you must allow others to share the truth without regard to your feelings. You could try explaining to them that you’re on a journey of self-discovery, and that you want to know the truth no matter how painful it may be. Tell them this is part of the process to get to know yourself better. Notes will allow you to compare answers from different friends over time. This will give you a deeper understanding of your behavior and help you track change.

  • If the person giving the feedback is still hesitant, guide him/her to respond. Ask them to identify your strengths. Then ask them about your weakness. Follow the direction constructively by asking for advice on how to fix the weakness.
  • It’s best to practice with someone who knows you well and you trust they won’t use this as an opportunity just to be mean.
  • Be prepared to hear some nasty things before asking questions. If you become defensive, the exercise won’t help. If you feel you are turning on the defensive, remember that this is your opportunity to grow.

Understanding reflection

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Appreciate the value of reflection. We are actually biologically linked to mirror another person. Mirror neurons become agitated when we engage with others. This sometimes leads to mimicry of bodily expressions and allows us to experience the inner emotional state of others. [6] X Trusted Source American Psychpogical Association Go to the source This is the biological basis for empathy. We understand the feelings of others by feeling them ourselves. [7] X Research Sources This is due to the connection we feel when we share our personal stories with each other. Empathy helps us develop compassion and establish relationships.

  • The inner experience of mirroring is often automatic and out of control. This means it happens all the time whether you like it or not, and can influence behavior outside of you without you being aware of it.
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Be aware of how reflection is affecting your behavior. As you get to know yourself better, you’ll realize how reflection affects posture, mannerisms, speech, emotions, and even breathing. This is generally fine, but in some cases you may find yourself applying other people’s negative emotions and experience emotions becoming intense as those around you become increasingly agitated. [8] X Research Source If you find your thoughts or feelings about a particular person or issue suddenly become more negative after interacting with others, consider whether a change has taken place in those cases, or you may be taking on too much negativity from that person.

  • While the inner experience of reflection is often automatic, you can still control outward manifestations. You can choose to react to the opposite of what is mirrored.
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Ask a friend to watch you interact with others and note reflexive expressions that are exaggerated or forced. These important notes will help you and your friends become more aware of the specific behavior you’re looking to change. Then create some cues, like ear tugging, so your friends can alert you and make you more aware when you’re inappropriately mimicking. You can then proactively change your behavior.

  • Identify when reflection is reinforcing specific responses or masking perceptions. Since reflection takes place largely out of awareness, changes in the manifestations of reflection inadvertently influence other people’s impressions of us. Those who fail to show the signs of reflectiveness may be seen as cold and emotionless, while those who reflect actively may be seen as overly vivacious, aggressive, or unstable. determined or uncomfortable. [9] X Research Source
  • If you find your impressions of yourself skewed because of incorrect reflection patterns, you will either have to accept other people’s descriptions of you, or consciously change your reflection patterns. Perhaps you need to be active to increase or decrease your imitation of others. You can practice increasing or decreasing imitation with close friends.
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Reduce backlash patterns. Reflection can become a cycle for face-to-face interaction. When one person becomes agitated, so does the other. Then the interaction becomes increasingly intense, typically with increased volume, more pressing speech, more aggressive language, and more exaggerated hand gestures and facial expressions. If you easily get caught up in intense interactions, you should consider whether such interactions can express your true feelings. Whether others witness your strong feelings or run away to match the reflection. When you know your engagement is no longer showing true emotion, you can lower the tone of your conversation. The great thing about realizing a time when reflection represents lousy thoughts and feelings is this: you can then use the cyclical nature of reflection to change the way you interact. This is a method to control impressions and make sure others judge you correctly.

  • If the discussion turns out to be more negative than you would like, you can start off with positive words. Smiling gently every now and then, will produce the same response behavior.
  • Gradually lower the volume and speak softly to reduce the intensity of emotions.
  • Laughing spreads humor to others to lighten the mood.

Acknowledgment of projection

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Engage in reactive listening as a listener to make sure your perception of the speaker is correct. Tell the speaker you want to listen with feedback to make sure you’re understanding them. This will create many opportunities for you to clarify and verify your perception with others.

  • Your responses to others may be distorted because of some personal biases or projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism and was later extended by Anna Freud. To avoid dealing with our own unacceptable or undesirable thoughts and feelings, we attribute them to others. [10] X Research Sources This then paints our impressions of other people’s behavior and shapes how we react to them. This also affects how others perceive you. To make sure you’re feeling the right way about others and responding appropriately, you should find ways to verify your perceptions.
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Be honest with yourself. We deceive ourselves to protect our sense of self. We all possess qualities and display behaviors that we are not proud of. [11] X Research source Carl Jung calls this set of unpleasant qualities and unacceptable thoughts and feelings darkness . Attributing our darkness to others gives us relief from the guilt and shame we experience when we admit it [12] X Research Source . Others will not intentionally ignore parts of your personality. So denying them will only limit your ability to see yourself as others see you. If others criticize jealousy, intolerance, or any other trait that most of you would rather deny, find out if you really possess them and accept it.

  • If something about your personality makes you tired enough to choose to lie or hide it, you should take action to change it. You must first acknowledge the traits in order to change them.
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    Image titled See Yourself As Others See You Step 11

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    Ask others to help you understand yourself better. As with any habit, projection usually happens subconsciously. Once you’ve admitted it, ask someone else to help you understand yourself better by talking when you’re behaving.

    • In addition to attributing our thoughts and feelings to others, we sometimes incorporate other people’s projections into our perception of ourselves. Maybe someone in your life puts negative feelings and emotions on you, so you react to that negativity. And then that person uses your reaction to test their feelings about you [13] X Source of Research Ask an outsider to observe your interactions with that person and share their opinion on motivation.
  • Advice

    • Invite trusted friends to join the discovery. They can help identify traits and habits you didn’t recognize.
    • Keep a diary to analyze behavior over time.
    • Accept feedback and criticism without becoming defensive.
    • Get the help of a consultant to get the best out of your explorations.

    Warning

    • We don’t always like what we find when we honestly and objectively explore ourselves. Avoid procrastinating too long on an undesirable trait, and instead focus on opportunities for growth.
    • Past traumatic events can make self-discovery difficult or painful. A mental health professional can help you get over your trauma.
    X

    This article was co-written by Kirsten Parker, MFA. Kirsten Parker is a mindset and action coach, based in Los Angeles, California. She helps successful people overcome stress and self-doubt. She specializes in helping clients boost their confidence and self-understanding by combining tools in the fields of psychology, habit change, and self-regulation. She is an expert in using the HeartMath technique, trained in stress management, anxiety, smart energy, along with emotional intelligence and the science of self-acceptance. She holds a master’s degree from the Yale School of Drama in theater management.

    There are 12 references cited in this article that you can view at the bottom of the page.

    This article has been viewed 6,947 times.

    There are many reasons why our self-perceptions don’t match the perceptions of others. Maybe we lack a sense of self, as we often form habits without noticing. We can fool ourselves to suppress useless thoughts and emotions. [1] X Sources of Research Or we have only limited vision, as a particular behavior can be the result of multiple motivations. [2] X Source of Research You can totally judge yourself the way others see you; However, this takes courage and insight.

    Thank you for reading this post How to See Yourself Like Others See You at Tnhelearning.edu.vn You can comment, see more related articles below and hope to help you with interesting information.

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